- why I'm a big ol' x-men freak now -

In order to understand how I first came to love Wolverine, you must understand that I was not what people might call a "normal" child. I mean, I was sane and I never had to take behavior-modifying drugs, but I was a little different. I didn't have a lot of friends, and spent most of my time in a fantasy world. I was sad most of the time, for no reason whatsoever, but when I could turn to my imaginary world, and all my favorite superheroes were they to cheer me up, I felt OK again.

That probably either sounds really psychotic, or maybe that's the norm for all children. I really don't know. Anyway, my point is that I liked the X-Men a lot.

Like many children around the world, I liked (and still do like) Saturday Morning Cartoons. But I never liked loud, noisy, brainless ones. I liked shows like the X-Men. It made you think, and plus it was really freaky and violent. I was a pretty morbid kid, you know.

I don't recall the exact date of the first time that I watched the show (and I'm sure you don't expect me to), but I do remember watching the show a lot. Eventually, the X-Men became my exclusive imaginary friends. I would wish with all my heart that I, too, would someday find out I was a mutant and be permitted to join the X-Men. The women of the X-Men like Storm, Rogue, Jean Grey and Jubilee were role models for me. Strong, smart, and impossibly beautiful.

My favorite, however, was Wolverine. I'm not sure what it was about him. Maybe the fact that we both shared a healthy disrespect for authority; we were both cynical, angry outcasts; and we both had awful tempers. And obviously, even kids can recognize something that's pretty pleasing to the eyes... Wolverine was one of those things.

I used to pretend that I had joined the X-Men and that he was my "boyfriend." The voice of Cal Dodd frequently echoed in my head, whispering gruff-but-sweet nothings, or exploding in a violent rage, only to apologize sweetly later. I was a pretty stupid kid, but I didn't care. I loved Wolverine, and I was creative enough to create good stories. So I was happy.

I even found old X-Men comic books in my garage and read them over and over again. They were all different issues, none of them in order, but I could piece together the basis of a story from them, and of course, put myself into that story as well. When I went shopping with my mom, I'd zero in on the magazine/comic books section and read an issue before she made me shop with her.

After awhile, I made real friends (who weren't as cool as the X-Men, by the way) and stopped being quite so withdrawn. But I always rememered how freakin' rad the X-Men were.

When I went to go see X-Men: The Movie, that obsession came rushing back. Even at the ripe old age of 15-almost-16, I still wanted to be a member of the X-Men. I wanted to date Wolverine, and go on missions with my heroes to protect the world. And even better than the cartoon was that this time, the X-Men were REAL PEOPLE.

I visted a Hugh Jackman site and read the guestbook. Much to my delight, it was full of comments from people just like me: people who were in love with a fictional character.
That was when I was inspired to make this site... and look, here it is. I hope this non-sensical rambling somehow helped you make sense of my obsession. Enjoy the rest of the site!