Chapter 19

Jan looked at the bright red numbers shining before her…mocking her. “Ugh…it’s 2:00 in the morning and I’m wide awake,” she groaned in frustration. “I need my sleep…I’m older than they are…not by much, but still…okay…I’m talking to myself and that is definitely not a good sign…” Jan rubbed her face with her hands, giving up on the idea of sleep. There were too many things going on in her mind for her relax. She needed the chance to speak with the guys…forget her earlier plans of letting them come to her. She was going to meddle no matter what. It was just a matter of finding the right time to meddle in their lives. With a sigh, she got out of bed, changed into some of her most comfortable sloppy clothes and headed out the bedroom door.

Jan had been sitting at the kitchen table reading a magazine for almost an hour when she heard footsteps approaching. She looked up to see Lance walking into the room.

“Couldn’t sleep either?”

Jan watched as Lance jumped back and grabbed at his chest.

“Sweetie…I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to startle you.” Jan could barely contain her giggles at the _expression on the young man’s face.

“Jan…jees…don’t do that to me,” he croaked, breathlessly with a slight grin.

Jan stood up and made her way across the room to stand in front of the refrigerator.

“Hungry? I hear you didn’t even eat one of Pete’s famous roast beef sandwiches.” Jan opened the refrigerator door and began pulling items out and placing them on the nearby counter.

“Huh…I mean ma’am?” Lance asked with slight shock in his voice.

“Don’t look so surprised Lance. Haven’t you heard…mothers and teachers know and hear about everything…can’t keep secrets from us. Now, why don’t you let me fix you something to eat and we can talk.” Jan looked over at Lance and saw that he was sporting a look that was mixed with confusion and concern as he looked down at the kitchen counter, pretending to wipe at some stray crumbs.

“Lance…Lance…”

“Ma’am?”

“Lance…honey…look at me. I know I’m a disaster right now in the looks department, but you can take a chance with your survival and look at me.”

Her remark got a slight chuckle from the young man and he met Jan’s gaze with a grin.

“Let’s fix us something to eat and we can visit. I didn’t have a chance to visit with my Missy tonight and I missed it.”

Jan watched as Lance ducked his head with that remark and came around the counter to fix a roast beef sandwich for himself while Jan popped a bowl full of mashed potatoes in the microwave.

It was several minutes later when the pair finally sat at the kitchen table.

“How was you day with the lawyers?” Jan watched as Lance rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“The kid had 5 lawyers with him. That should have thrown up some red flags, but he has so much talent…I don’t know if I need to worry about that or not.” He shrugged and continued speaking. “I guess I’ll hear about the outcome this morning or tomorrow from my lawyers.”

They continued to make small talk as they ate their meal, but Lance knew what Jan wanted to talk about. It was the same thing that he had wanted to talk about for some time, but just hadn’t been able to. He wasn’t even sure if he would be able to now. Jan would be the perfect person to talk to…she was close, but not as close as his parents or the guys. He needed someone he could…. His thoughts were interrupted by Jan.

“Have something that you want to talk about Lance?”

He glanced up from his plate at Jan with a surprised look on his face. “How did you know?”

Jan pushed her bowl aside and leaned both elbows on the table before looking directly at the young man across from her.

“You have the same look on your face that Mike used to have when things were bothering him.”

“Oh.” Lance picked up his plate and Jan’s bowl and took them into the kitchen. Jan remained at the table and sat there, watching Lance as he rinsed the items off in the sink before putting them in the dishwasher.

“Want something else to drink while I’m in here Aunt Jan?”

“No. I’m fine, thanks.” Jan continued to watch him. He seemed to be lost in his in his own world, maybe even preparing his thoughts so that he could talk about them with her.

Lance poured himself another glass of milk before returning to the table.

“Can we talk Aunt Jan?” Lance’s voice held uncertainty in it, as did the _expression on his face causing Jan’s heart to nearly break in two.

“Sure sweetheart. Would you like to talk in here?”

“No. Can we go outside?”

“Sounds like a good idea to me.”

Jan and Lance left the kitchen area and headed into the living room where they could go outside onto the patio. Jan turned on the outside lights and opened the door. She stepped through the door first, expecting Lance to follow her, but when she didn’t hear his footsteps behind her, she stopped and turned around to look at him. What she saw alarmed her. The _expression on his face was pure fear.

“Lance? What’s the matter?” Jan quietly asked as she slowly approached him.

“I can’t…I thought I could but, I can’t go out there,” he whispered and quickly turned around and headed back into the house.

“The pool…it’s the pool,” Jan whispered to herself as she rushed to catch up with the distraught young man.

After a few moments of frantic searching throughout the house, Jan saw that the front door was wide open. She walked out the door found Lance sitting hunched over on the steps. She cautiously approached him and laid a hand on his shoulder before sitting down beside him.

“You want to talk about it?” she asked. Lance nodded his head and took a deep breath before speaking.

“I can’t go out there because of the pool Jan,” he whispered.

“I know you’re scared Lance, but you can’t avoid the pool forever honey.” Jan reached up and began to stroke his hair. Lance let out a shudder and laid his head on Jan’s shoulder.

“You don’t really understand though Jan. I just can’t go out there. I see JC at the bottom of the pool every time I look out there.” Lance’s voice was almost a whisper as he continued. “Every time I go to sleep, I see the accident. I haven’t had a full night’s sleep in almost a month now. I’m just so tired Aunt Jan…so tired.” Lance sat back up, dropped his head into his hands and sat there silently. Jan could tell that Lance was close to tears by the way his voice had trembled as he spoke. She knew that he had been tired, but she hadn’t known the reasons why until now. And, now that she did, she knew she could take steps in helping Lance. She just needed to first let him know that she completely understood exactly how he felt and she needed to do that now while the time was right.

“Lance…look at me.” Jan spoke in a tone of voice that was meant to get his attention and she succeeded.

Lance lifted his head from her shoulder and looked at her with surprise in his eyes.

“I want you to listen to me very carefully.” 

”Okay.”

“I do know exactly how you feel.” 

”But how?” Lance was very confused with Jan’s statement, but Jan did not expect any other reaction from him. She had not shared any part of her late husband’s death with any one except Joey and he had promised not to tell anyone what she had confessed to him almost a year ago.

“Do you know how Mike died and where he died?” Lance looked a little confused with Jan’s question, but answered anyway.

“I know that he died in a car accident, but that’s really it,” he replied quietly, not knowing if what he was saying was the right or wrong thing to say. He didn’t want to Jan to have to drag up any bad memories. He didn’t want her to be upset.

“There’s more to it than that sweetie. I was following Mike on I 10 on our way to his parent’s house. He had some business to attend to and had planned to stay the night with his parents. I needed to be able to come back home that evening and took my car. Mike became distracted trying to call me with his cell phone and didn’t see a log truck merging onto the freeway until it was too late. The truck hit Mike’s vehicle and he died instantly in the wreck with me witnessing the whole thing.”

Jan stopped long enough in her explanation to wipe the tears that fell down her cheeks, but her voice did not break with the emotion that she was feeling. She could also see that Lance was losing his own battle with his tears and she reached up and carefully wiped at them.

“I never…I never knew Jan. I am so sorry,” Lance whispered. Jan reached for Lance’s hands and held them tightly as she continued to speak to the young man.

“My point is Lance is that every time I happen to come out here to visit you and the guys or Mike’s family or do any other kind of running around, I pass the small white cross that Mike’s family placed by the highway in his memory. As I drive by the cross, in my mind I can see Mike’s mangled vehicle resting in the median…I pass through where the log truck stopped…I drive by the various cars that stopped to help.” Jan stopped speaking and lifted Lance’s chin up so that she could look him straight in the eye as she said her next statement. “Lance, I even pass by the very spot…where I stood all alone…and heard an EMT…a stranger…tell me that there was nothing…absolutely noting…that they could do for my husband…he was gone.”

With that last statement, Lance’s face crumbled as he began to quietly weep the tears that he had been holding on to for so long. Jan reached for him and pulled him against her and in a very quiet voice, she finished speaking to the young man.

“So, sweetheart, I know how you feel about the pool, because I feel it every time I drive down I 10. If I can do all of that, you can go out that back door and swim in that pool. I’ll even get in there with you too if you want.”

“Can we at least wait until it’s daylight?” Lance quietly asked, his voice muffled against Jan’s shoulder.

Jan gave a small laugh before answering. “Yes honey. We can wait until then.”

‘Okay Jan…one down and 4 more to go…’ she thought to herself.

Twenty