Chapter 25

Lance sat in the drafty stairwell holding Justin close to his body in an effort to comfort him. Thirty minutes earlier, he and Joey had found Justin sitting on the cold, concrete steps, sobbing uncontrollably and there seemed to be no end to their friend’s tears any time soon. Joey had spent the first 20 minutes or more sitting on the landing above, not wanting to make Justin feel crowded…not wanting to interfere…not really knowing what to do to help the situation. Finally, Joey realized that Justin needed more than just Lance’s help. Joey cleared his throat, causing Lance to turn around and look up at him. Joey then mouthed that he was going to get Dr. Shannon and bring him back since Justin’s sobbing was not showing any signs of lessening. Lance nodded his head in understanding and then brought his gaze back down to the figure that was clinging tightly to his chest. He tightened his grip somewhat around Justin’s shoulders and then allowed his jumbled thoughts to wander as he continued to feel his friend’s body shake against his own.

‘Justin did not need to explain why he had run out of JC’s hospital room…I know why…deep down, we all know why. It’s going to take time for all of us to recover from “the accident.” I wish I could let go of my fears like Justin. He’s being so honest right now about his feelings. I wish I could do that. I know iIt’s not right for me to keep everything all bottled up inside, but what if I really did let go of my tears and they never stopped? I cried some when Jan talked to me the other night, but I didn’t let go of all my fears. What if the fears never go away…even with time? I guess what scares me the most is that I don’t know exactly how much time will be needed. Will there ever be enough time for all of us to recover or do we just learn to cope like Jan did when Mike died? Can I be as strong as Jan…can I…’

Lance’s thoughts were interrupted when finally, out of sheer exhaustion, Justin wearily laid his head across Lance’s lap, his tears still flowing freely, his body still wracked with quiet sobs. Lance rested his right arm over Justin’s shoulders, while gently running his left hand slowly over Justin’s unruly curls, all the while struggling to maintain control over his own emotions that were suddenly beginning to rise to the surface. Lance took a deep breath and closed his eyes in an effort to clear those thoughts from his mind so that he could hold onto that thin thread of control. He could feel the limits to that thin thread gradually being stretched to the point of breaking, but now was not the time, nor the place for him to give in to them...to let go of what little control he had remaining. With another deep breath, Lance opened his eyes and looked down at Justin.

“How are you doing, J?” Lance asked softly, as he gave Justin’s shoulder a gentle squeeze.

Justin responded by barely lifting his head long enough to shake his head no before lowering it again...his sobs beginning to diminish in their intensity.

“It’s okay JuJu…sh…sh…it’s okay,” Lance murmured understandingly, as he continued to run his hand over the soft curls.

“Take as long as you need…” Lance leaned his head and left shoulder against the stair rail and briefly closed his eyes.

Moments later, Lance heard a slight noise behind him and slowly lifted his head before turning it to find Joey and Dr. Shannon standing on the landing above.

Dr. Shannon put his hand in his coat pocket and pulled out a syringe. Lance closed his eyes and nodded his head in understanding, before returning his attention to Justin. There was no way that Justin would get the rest that he needed after this…not without Dr. Shannon’s help.

“J…Dr. Shannon is here,” Lance softly whispered in Justin’s ear. “So is Joe,” he added as he felt Justin stirring under his arm.

Justin quickly wiped at his tears as he lifted his head from Lance’s lap then, sat up.

Dr. Shannon walked down the stairs and sat down a step or two below Justin and Lance. Looking over Lance’s shoulder, he saw that Joey had sat down on the landing above and placed his head in his hands while moving his fingers through his hair in a tired fashion. The doctor looked back down at the two young men in front of him, noting Lance’s features etched with worry and fatigue, as well as the strained _expression on Justin’s face. Immediately, Dr. Shannon knew what he had to do. He had planned to keep Justin for the night after administering the tranquilizer, but now those plans were going to change. Although his decision would probably mean trouble the next morning if word were to get out to his superiors, the health and safety of four young men and one woman needed to be considered paramount for the time being.

Dr. Shannon reached into his other coat pocket and pulled out a small cell phone, then quickly dialed a familiar number.

“Sam…this is Dr. Shannon…how are you doing? Fine…fine…hey, the reason I’m calling is that I need 5 cots in ICU step down, room 24 within the next 10 minutes…I know it’s short notice, but I’m having to deal with an unexpected problem…you can? That’s great…yeah…could you do this quietly for me…no…your name won’t be mentioned at my hanging…ha, ha…okay…thanks for doing this Sam…same to you…okay…bye.” Dr. Shannon placed the phone back in his coat pocket and motioned for Lance and Justin to stand up, as well as Joey.

“Come on guys…let’s go back to JC’s room,” the doctor said as he stood up. “You won’t be going home tonight. Everyone will be staying in JC’s room.”

“But what about the limit?” Justin quietly asked in a voice thick with emotion.

“Let me worry about that boys,” the doctor answered.

“As much as I would like to stay doc, I have a meeting at 8:00 tomorrow morning with the Freelance lawyers,” Lance said as he struggled to fight back a yawn. “Sorry about that,” Lance apologized sheepishly as he looked wearily at the doctor.

“I just want to see JC and then go home to sleep.”

“No, Lance…like I said, no one is going home tonight,” Dr. Shannon reiterated. “And, you aren’t going to that meeting tomorrow morning either…doctor’s orders. You need the rest. If I need to make any phone calls for you explaining why, I’ll make them in the morning.”

Lance lifted his eyebrows at the doctor, but decided not to argue with him. Besides, the thought of sleeping in was very appealing to him.

“Yes sir,” Lance answered with a slight grin.

“Aren’t you going to get in trouble or something Dr. Shannon if we stay?” Joey questioned in protest.

“That’s a possibility that I would rather face than finding out that anyone of you wrapped your car around a tree on the way home because you were too tired and upset to drive,” Dr. Shannon answered in a firm voice that left no room for further argument.

“But we don’t want…” Justin quietly began but the look that he was given by the doctor quickly caused him to close his mouth, knowing that further argument would only aggravate the situation.

“But nothing. No more arguing with me…it’s not polite to talk back to your elders and besides, it won’t get you anywhere with me,” the doctor added as he looked directly at each of the young men.

All three saw the determined look on the doctor’s face and decided that arguing would be futile. Joey came down the stairs to stand beside Justin and Lance. He and Lance then stood on either side of Justin and helped him to slowly stand up. He swayed slightly but steadied himself with Lance and Joey supporting him by the elbows.

“Thanks guys,” Justin whispered.

“Sure J,” Joey answered as he held Justin’s left elbow with one hand and wrapped his right arm around Justin’s waist.

“Let’s get you up these stairs,” Lance murmured. He firmly grasped Justin’s right elbow and put his left hand on the small of Justin’s back as he remained a step behind the pair to ensure that neither he nor Joey would end up falling backwards down the stairs.

Dr. Shannon spoke as he watched the slow, but steady progress that the trio was making in climbing the stairs. “Justin, when we get back to JC’s room, I’m going to give you a shot to help you rest tonight.”

Justin nodded numbly at the doctor, knowing that whatever the doctor decided to do would be the best thing for him.

Dr. Shannon allowed the boys to pass by him when they reached the landing and followed them out into the hallway. Once out in the hallway, the doctor had the group stop long enough to check on Justin’s condition before they continued walking.

“Why did I have to pick such a long hallway to run down?” Justin tiredly murmured at about the halfway mark. Joey and Lance chuckled, as did Dr. Shannon.

“Good question, Baby J,” Joey answered between chuckles. It felt good to laugh…even if for a second.

Moments later, the group entered through the doors leading into the ICU area, and passed the nurses station that was located directly across from JC’s room. Dr. Shannon casually glanced over at the station, looked away, and then, stopped dead in his tracks to look back at the sight behind the workstation. In amazement, he saw that all four of the nurses in the workstation were sitting in their chairs, with their backs turned to what was going on in the rooms behind them. What the doctor found to be so amazing was that the nurses were violating an unwritten policy that was unique to this particular floor. It was understood among those working in this area that, due to the seriousness of some of the patient’s conditions, you did not turn your chairs so that your back faced the windows that gave full view to those inside the rooms. You always wanted to be able to see through the windows to continually monitor the conditions of the patients. Dr. Shannon then turned his gaze toward the window in JC’s room and saw that the blinds had been drawn…another violation to the unwritten code of the floor. Absent-mindedly, he waved at the boys to go into the room ahead of him.

As the doctor continued to contemplate the confusing scene before him, two men dressed in maintenance worker’s uniforms, exited JC’s room. As one of the workers slowly walked down the corridor toward the elevators, the remaining man walked up to Dr. Shannon and placed his hand on his shoulder.

“All done doc,” he whispered before turning to the nurses to speak. “Just a couple of loose wires Charlotte…that’s all,” he said with a wave and then walked down the hall to the elevators where his partner was waiting for him.

“Thank you Sam for coming so quickly,” Charlotte said before returning her gaze to the papers on the desk in front of her.

“Good old Sam,” another one of the nurses commented in a tone of conspiracy, her back still turned to the doctor.

“You can always count on him to take care of you when you’re in a bind…can’t you Dr. Shannon.” Charlotte turned around at that remark and gave Dr. Shannon a knowing glance.

“Yes…you sure can,” the doctor agreed in a quiet voice as he turned to walk into JC’s room.

“Oh…and by the way doctor,” Charlotte said, causing the doctor to stop and turn to look at her. “We didn’t see anything being taken into Mr. Chasez’s room at all. We were all very busy taking care of these charts,” she added as she waved her hand toward the items on the desks behind her.

“Thank you Charlotte,” Dr. Shannon whispered with a grin, thankful that his plans were not being questioned, but understandingly being trusted by the staff.

“No problem doctor,” she said with a wink as she sat down in her chair and turned it around to face the rooms once again, as did the other nurses. The doctor shook his head and laughed lightly before making his way to JC’s room.

When Dr. Shannon walked into the now crowded hospital room, he saw that Justin had already made good use of one of the cots and had fallen asleep. That sight brought a brief sigh of relief to the doctor. Justin’s reaction had been unexpected, but Lance and Joey had done a good job in comforting their young friend. Dr. Shannon walked over to the cot and slowly sat down, not wanting to wake the sleeping young man. After a quick swipe of an alcohol pad over Justin’s bare arm, Dr. Shannon quickly administered the tranquilizer without Justin even stirring in his sleep. He sat there a minute longer and looked across the room to see that Lance and Chris were seated on another cot, facing away from the door. Chris had his arm draped around Lance’s shoulder, speaking to him in hushed tones, while Lance was slowly nodding his head to whatever was being said. He looked across the room and saw that Jan and Joey were standing side by side at JC’s bed. As Dr. Shannon looked at the pair, Jan glanced up and gave him a look that spoke volumes of the emotions that were flying erratically about the room…fear…sorrow…weariness. It was at that point that he realized that his decision to keep everyone here for the night had been a good one. Before getting up from Justin’s bed, the doctor reached for Justin’s wrist and checked his pulse then, pulled out his stethoscope and listened to Justin’s heart sounds. Everything checked out fine and he made a mental note of Justin’s condition. He gingerly pulled the covers up over Justin’s lax body then, stood up, then walked over to JC’s bed, glancing down at the young man before speaking to the Jan and Joey.

“Let me check JC’s vitals, then everyone can say their goodnights to him.”

Dr. Shannon pulled down the blankets covering JC’s chest, then untied the string holding his hospital gown together at the shoulder. As he slid the garment down to reveal JC’s upper body, the doctor held cool stethoscope in his warm hand before placing it on JC’s chest to check his heart and lung sounds. Pleased with what he was hearing, Dr. Shannon smiled while he pulled the gown back up, retied the thin strapping and replaced the blankets. As he worked, Dr. Shannon could feel four sets of eyes watching his every move as he next checked JC’s blood pressure and pulse. Once finished with the tasks, the doctor reached above JC’s head to a bag on the wall, which contained plastic tubing that he removed and unwound.

“Everything is looking good,” he commented as he gently replaced JC’s oxygen mask with a nasal cannula.

“Will he be waking up soon?” Joey asked.

Dr. Shannon shook his head no. “Not for several more hours, Joey. Like I said earlier, the sedative that we gave Josh downstairs was strong on its own. But, add to it the fact that he hasn’t eaten or slept well, plus the emotional roller coaster that he’s been on for the past month, it wouldn’t surprise me in the least if he didn’t wake up for another 10 to 12 hours.”

There was disappointment written on the faces around him, but Dr. Shannon knew that they all needed to rest. Having the group understand that JC would not be waking up for an extended period was, in a sense, giving the group permission to get some much needed sleep of their own.

“I need to make some rounds and I should be back in about 30 minutes or so. That will give everyone a chance to say goodnight to JC.”

“Does he know we’re here?” Chris asked, as he and Lance joined Jan and Joey on the opposite side of JC’s bed. He carefully picked up JC’s right hand that was lying limply upon the bedcovers and held it gently in his hands.

Dr. Shannon shook his head. “Probably not Chris. Remember, this is a drug-induced condition, not like the first time that he was in the hospital.”

Chris cocked his head for a moment, lost in his thoughts before speaking again. “Oh…I think I remember you saying the same thing about Justin then…that he wouldn’t know that we were there until he started coming to,” Chris said, the disappointment evident on his face, as well as in his voice. He looked down at JC’s lax features, wishing desperately that Dr. Shannon was wrong with his diagnosis.

“Well, I’m going to go make those rounds now on the next floor. If you need anything at all, ask one of the nurses outside at the workstation. I’ll be back soon.”

“Thank you,” Jan said for the group as they watched the doctor quietly leave the room.

“I’m glad that Dr. Shannon is letting us stay here tonight,” Lance said, after a few moments of silence.

“Me too. I just don’t want him to get into trouble with anyone,” Joey added

“Now listen guys,” Jan said. “Dr. Shannon will handle that end of the deal. What we need to do is get that rest so he won’t regret having made his decision.”

Three heads nodded in agreement.

“You’re right Jan,” Chris said. “We’re all tired and we probably wouldn’t have slept much at home knowing with JC being up here.”

“Yeah,” added Lance as he stifled a yawn. “Did Joey tell you that Dr. Shannon has even ordered me not to go to my meeting in the morning?”

“Yes…he’s a pretty amazing doctor that cares a lot about all of you,” she answered.

“Yeah. Well, we need to say our goodnights before that good doctor comes back,” Joey said with a grin that slowly disappeared when he looked down at JC.

“He’s going to be okay Joe,” Chris said as he put his arm around Joey’s shoulders.

“I know. I just hate to see him like this. Just as soon as we think everything is going okay, something happens.”

No one said anything for a moment. They just stood quietly allowing Joey’s words to sink in.

Jan looked at the faces around her. They all looked so lost…so unsure of everything. Somehow, she was going to help them…somehow.

“Well, I’ll go first,” Jan said as she bent over the bedrails and smoothed JC’s hair back, all the while whispering so quietly in his ear that none of the boys could understand what she was saying. After a few moments, she stood up and smoothed JC’s sheets over his chest then bent over one last time and kissed his forehead. When she stood up, Jan reached for each of the boys, one at a time, and gave them a brief hug and kiss on the cheek.

“Good night guys. Everything will be different in the morning…promise,” she said quietly before going to the cot closest to the door.

“Thank God for Jan,” Chris whispered soft enough that only Joey and Lance could hear.

“Yeah…” Joey said as he reached over the rails and picked up JC’s limp right hand.

“Dr. Shannon said that you would be awake in the morning Jace,” Joey whispered to his friend. “I can’t wait for that to happen. The doctor has really gone out on a limb for us…he’s letting us all stay here with you tonight.” Joey suddenly had a slightly evil grin on his face with his next words. “And I thought I was the only one who liked to break the rules.” Chris and Lance had to work hard to stifle their laughter with that remark, but their laughter quickly subsided when they saw a single tear track its way down Joey’s face.

“It’s going to be okay Joey,” Chris said as he wrapped an arm around his friend’s shoulder.

Joey shook his head in understanding. He quickly brought JC’s hand up to his lips and gave it a gentle kiss.  

”Good night JC…see you in the morning.” Joey placed JC’s hand back down on the bed and quickly walked over to the cot that was by Jan’s. Lance and Chris saw Jan get up from her own cot to sit down beside Joey, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. They both slowly turned around and looked back down at JC, neither speaking for a moment or two.

Finally, Chris cleared his throat before taking his turn to say goodnight to JC. He suddenly felt the need to be closer to JC, so he carefully lowered one side of the bedrails then sat down on the edge of JC’s bed.

“Hey C…this is getting to be a habit that we need to break…me up here…you down there,” Chris said with a slight smile on his face. “I’m with Joe…I can’t wait to see you awake tomorrow.” Chris reached down and gently smoothed JC’s hair back and then bent over and brushed his lips over JC’s forehead.

“Good night Jace,” Chris whispered as he stood up and returned the rails to their upright position.

“Good night Lance…try not to take too long. We don’t want to disappoint the doc.”

“Night Chris.”

Lance watched Chris pull a cot closer to Justin’s before lying down on it. Lance knew that Chris wanted to be close to Justin in case he happened to wake up during the night. Chris looked up and gave Lance a small wave before pulling the covers over his body and lying back down. He turned on the cot until he was facing Justin’s cot.

Lance turned back to look down at JC. He wanted to say so many things to JC, but was afraid that if he did, he would lose control…but if he didn’t at least try, he might never be able to let go of some of his fears. Lance took in a deep breath and slowly let it out. He looked behind him and saw a chair sitting in the corner. He quickly grabbed it and pulled it over to JC’s bedside. Before sitting down, he carefully lowered the bedrails so that he could see JC’s better and with a heavy sigh he sat down in the chair. He placed his arms on the bed and rested his head on them and for several minutes, he simply watched JC’s chest rise and fall with each breath. Unconsciously, Lance could feel his own chest rising and falling in the same rhythm as JC’s. He then raised his head and gently picked up JC’s right hand, grasping it lightly as he began to softly whisper.

“I have so much that I want to say Josh, but it’s all bottled up inside and I don’t know if I can figure out how to let it all out without losing control.” Lance looked down at JC’s hand for a moment as he gathered his thoughts together. “I’m so scared that I won’t be strong enough to control myself if I do open up…I mean…no…I…” Lance took a shaky deep breath and lowered his head back onto his arms. “I’m so confused Jace…I just want everything to be back to the way it was before the accident, but I don’t know how to do that. I’m so tired of trying to be the strong one…the one that is trying to hold everything together. I need your help Jace. You’re better at this than I am…I need your help.”

Lance’s tired eyes slowly began to droop shut as he continued to whisper to JC. “I’m so scared JC that we won’t be the same…that nothing will be normal again…I just want…us to…be…back…to…normal…” Lance’s voice fell away as he drifted off to sleep and in its place were deep, even breaths.

An emotionally and physically exhausted Lance had fallen into a deep sleep not knowing that he had had an audience of one…not knowing that his heartfelt words had been very vaguely heard through a haze of heavy medication. He had fallen asleep and missed the single tear that tracked its way down JC’s slack features.

Twenty-Six