Chapter 36

It had been a couple of hours since Justin, Chris and Jan had left for the Jive Studios in the hopes of finding out what project JC had been keeping himself busy with for the last week or so. At the same time, Lance had left for numerous, short meetings with the Freelance lawyers which would hopefully end sometime early in the afternoon. They had all decided to let Joey and JC sleep in before leaving that morning…Joey, because of the strength of the medications that Dr. Shannon had prescribed for him to take for the next few days and JC, due to the fact that he and Lance had drug themselves through the front door at almost 2:00 in the morning…JC just simply didn’t need to go anywhere.

It was nearly noon when Joey finally awakened, slightly confused, to find that he was not in his own bedroom. Without changing positions, Joey slowly turned his head to the left to see that JC was still asleep in the bed next his…well, he guessed it had to be JC since all he could actually see were the tips of dark hair peeking out from under the covers his figure was buried under. The last thing Joey remembered was telling Lance that he would wait with JC, giving Lance the chance to finish his shower. ‘That had been at around 2:30 that morning then,’ he hazily remembered. ‘Let’s see…I was lying down on Lance’s bed waiting for him...humph…Lance was supposed to have come in to stay with JC…not him.’ The realization of the situation then hit him and, with a small grin, Joey turned over from his stomach to his back under the blanket that had been spread over him, probably by Lance.

“Guess I must have fallen asleep,” he said aloud in a voice scratchy with sleep. Wiping his hands over his face, a snoring sound from the next bed caused Joey to turn over to his back before glancing back over at the lump on the next bed.

“Sounds like you’re sleeping good Jace,” Joey said then, with a slight groan, Joey sat up, pushed away his covers before standing and stretching. The moment that he thrust his hands in the air over head was one that he regretted. Instantly, his left hand began to painfully throb and he pulled it down to cradle it against his chest as he let a small hiss from the pain escape his lips.

“Geez…that didn’t feel good,” he whispered to himself as he gently rubbed his right hand over the thick bandages. “Guess I need to take something for it…later…after I eat.”

Still cradling his hand against his chest, Joey walked a few short steps over to the bed next to his and gently pulled down his friend’s covers to reveal his peacefully sleeping form. Joey found that JC’s face was lax…no lines of worry that were becoming familiar to them all in their waking hours…but there were dark circles that spoke of far more wakeful hours than hours of sleep. With that thought in mind, Joey gave JC a small pat on the shoulder then walked away, deciding to let his friend sleep in for a while longer…he definitely needed it. And, if JC became angry over his decision, he would deal with that too.

With a shake of his head, Joey quietly walked out of the room and gently shut the door behind him. He crossed the hall to the bedroom that he and Lance had been sharing, pulled some clothes out of a drawer and headed into the hall bath for a much needed shower.

“Wow…listen to this,” Justin said with awe in his voice as he passed a set of headphones over to Chris who promptly put them on then settled back into the chair that he was sitting on. Seconds later, Justin quietly chuckled when he saw the same _expression of amazement that he must have had on his face, pass over Chris’s.

“When…how?” Chris stammered as he listened to JC’s voice seeping into his ears through the headphones. He immediately ripped the headgear from his head, pushed a few buttons and the sounds that he had been listening to instantly flooded the small control booth that he and Justin were seated in.

Justin slowly pulled his headphones from his head and let them rest against the back of his neck as he closed his eyes and let the haunting tones of JC’s voice float about him…wash over his senses.  

At that same moment, Jan happened to walk into the room and Chris swiveled in his chair to see her tear filled eyes.

“Is…is that JC?” she quietly asked, looking up at the ceiling at the speakers above them as his voice flowed about her. “The words are so sad…almost eerie.”

“We really need to come up with someway to help him…this,” Chris said as he gestured up in the air at the sounds that surrounded them. “This sound is not Jace.”

Jan and Justin nodded their heads then flipped through the multitude of tracks that were lying about. Somehow they would come up with something.

After showering and wandering downstairs to the living room, Joey heard a door open then close upstairs signaling that JC was now up. Joey looked down at his hands in his lap and winced as he slowly flexed the swollen, sore fingers of his wrapped left hand as he thought of how he might be able to help JC. He already knew that Lance’s plans had not gone as well as they had all hoped they would and now he was ready to give things a try, but he wanted to take a different approach than Lance. Unfortunately, for right now, he had no earthly idea what kind of approach would work best for his friend. After mulling over several options, Joey finally threw his hands up in the air. ‘Just talk to him…that’s all…just talk to him,’ he reasoned with himself, rolling his eyes in frustration before getting up from the couch to walk into the kitchen and start on lunch.

Upstairs in the hall bath, the sounds of JC’s quiet sobs had been hidden by the sound of the water in the shower. Just minutes earlier, he had allowed himself to relive the nightmare that he had had no more than thirty minutes ago, but he found that that was not the answer in ridding himself of his fears...if anything, it had only made matters somewhat worse. Somehow he was going to have to get himself together soon…very soon before he needed even more help.

“What is the matter with you? You’re supposed to be in control…the one with his head on his shoulders…the ‘dad’ of the group,” JC moaned angrily into the steamy air. “I feel more like the baby…gotta get control…gotta get control,” he said quietly before another sob had the opportunity to escape his lips. With a sigh of exasperation, JC harshly rubbed a nearby towel quickly over his shaking body.

In his mind he was ready to move on…to put his accident far behind him…put it in the past, but he wasn’t sure exactly how. Nightmares were plaguing his nights while hazy memories of them were plaguing his days. And, although he had been pushing himself to the limit in the studio, he was still reminded daily of what happened. Just looking at his friends would do it for him…everyday…seeing the results of his latest trip to hospital when looking at Joey’s bandaged hand or the dark red scar peaking out from under Lance’s bangs. He didn’t even really know for sure whom he could ask besides Dr. Shannon or the Lewis family, but would either one of those options even help? JC was sure that Dr. Shannon had a list as long as his arm of doctors that he could go to for help, but the possibility of someone with the press finding out that he was going to see a shrink was enough to take that option out of the realm of possibilities. The thought of seeing David and Sharon Lewis seemed to be his only reasonable option. They had apparently done a very good job with their daughter. Emilianne Lewis seemed to be a very well adjusted six year old…a young child who was dealing much better with the fact that she had nearly drowned in her family’s pool than he was with his own accident. ‘If a little girl could deal with that type of situation so well, certainly then, a 25 year old man could do the same…couldn’t he?’ he thought to himself.

“Humph…yeah right,” JC said mournfully as he grabbed his boxers and slipped them on before leaving the bathroom to head back down the hallway to his bedroom.

With those thoughts still in mind, JC entered his bedroom and glanced down at the piece of paper that had been left for him by Justin on the nightstand. He quickly dressed in a t-shirt and jeans before heading down the stairs into the living room with the paper in hand. He sat down on one of the couches and pulled the phone from an end table into his lap and for several minutes he stared at the inanimate object before him as if it were something that could reach out and possibly bite him. With a nervous laugh, he pulled his hands through his hair as he realized that one of his fears lay in the fact that he dreaded having to explain to someone else what had happened in Dr. Shannon’s office…how a little six year old girl’s question put him into such a tailspin that he ended up spending the night in the hospital along with three of his friends who also suffered right along with him. With a shake of his head, JC recounted waking up to see 5 occupied beds surrounding his own hospital bed nearly 2 weeks ago.

A small beeping noise and the quiet hiss of moving air were the sounds that brought JC back to consciousness. For a few brief moments he combed his memory for anything that would explain the sounds that he was hearing…the medicinal smells surrounding him…the so called “lofty-softy” feeling that he was experiencing, but nothing was coming to mind. As his senses further awakened he realized that the hissing sound that he was hearing went along with the air that he now realized was moving over his face…he was being given oxygen through a mask and that was what was giving off the strong odor of plastic that he was now also smelling.

JC decided to try to move a little on the hard, uncomfortable surface that he was finding himself to be on only to end up groaning in discomfort as his muscles protested his minute attempts at movement.

His low groan brought a new noise to his senses…the sounds of shuffling feet, then feel of a warm hand carefully grasping his left hand and the sensation of fingers gently running through his hair.

“JC…Jace,” a quiet, male voice whispered in his ear.

JC started at the sound and turned away from it in near fright. Unknown to him, Chris took one look at the distressed _expression on JC’s face and inwardly kicked himself for scaring his friend. ‘Geez…I should have known better,’ Chris inwardly berated himself. He quickly took a deep breath to calm himself…to make sure that his next words would not further startle JC in his semi-state of awareness.

“Hey JC…sh…it’s okay…it’s me…Chris,” the voice stated in quiet, reassuring tones. Seeing that JC visibly seemed to relax, Chris knew that it was probably okay to urge JC into further wakefulness.

“I want you to open your eyes for me, okay? Chris gently encouraged JC. “Go ahead and open those baby blues for me…please,” JC noted that the voice was speaking in almost pleading tones and somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that this was not right…not with this voice…this voice was always happy…always upbeat, but for the life of him, JC couldn’t place the voice with a face…not yet at least…only a name, but even the name didn’t mean much to him for the moment.

With the pleading tones continuing to speak into his ear, JC slowly allowed his eyelids to begin to flutter then finally open. His vision was blurred…and blindingly white…painfully white. JC then blinked heavily in an effort to bring everything into focus all the while feeling fingers continuing to run gently through his hair.

“Yeah…that’s it…come on Jace…you can do it,” the voice continued to encourage him as he struggled to comprehend his blurred surroundings.

Minutes later, it seemed, when everything finally came into focus, JC decided to turn his head toward the voice that had quietly spoken to him and was surprised to see that it had been Chris leaning over him.

Evidently, his surprised _expression showed and Chris gave JC a tentative smile before speaking. “Surprise…it’s just me…the elf man.”

JC gave a tired grin and looked about him. He cleared his throat and instantly found a cup of water and straw being brought to his face.

“Here…I’m going to lift your mask out of the way so you can get a drink,” Chris said as he gently lifted the plastic mask from JC’s face. He lowered the straw to JC’s lips and waited patiently while JC sipped his fill of water from the shallow cup. When he had finished, Chris lowered the mask back to his face then placed the cup back on the tray at the end of JC’s hospital bed. Earlier in the evening Dr. Shannon had traded the mask for a nasal canula but had returned to the mask when JC was not resting as well as before.

“What happened?” JC asked in a muffled voice as he lifted his head and looked about him at the maze of beds surrounding his own. He could see that they were all occupied, but he had no idea why, other than the fact that it had to do with him some how.

“I take it that you don’t remember Jan and Dr. Shannon explaining what happened to you last night,” Chris stated as he kept his steady gaze on JC’s face in an effort to gauge his reaction to his words.

JC looked as if he was in deep concentration for several moments then Chris could tell the exact moment when JC began to recall the previous evening’s events. There was a look of surprise on his face…a brief dawning of realization then the hard hit of reality when tears began to fill his friend’s blue eyes before tracking their way down his pale face.

“Are they okay?” JC whispered, as he looked from one bed to the next…Justin’s against the far wall then Joey’s and finally, Lance’s.

“Yeah…they’re okay…last night was pretty eventful, but everyone is all right,” Chris said with a tired smile that barely reached his eyes. With a small smile in return, JC knew that if Chris was still smiling after everything that had happened last night, then they were all going to be okay…wouldn’t they?

‘Yeah…right…we’re all okay,’ JC thought to himself.

A pot banging in the kitchen brought JC out of his thoughts and he glanced one more time at the message that Justin had scrawled across the sticky note before taking a deep, shaky breath then dialing the number written on the paper.

“Hello?” a pleasant voice answered on the other end.

“Mrs. Lewis? This is Joshua Chasez…I met you and your family in Dr. Shannon’s office last week…” he said quietly, not really knowing what kind of reaction his call was going to get.

“Oh…hello there Josh…I’m so glad to hear from you and please call me Sharon…how are you doing?” the woman said with a happy tone of voice. To JC, her voice seemed to be light and airy…carefree…something that he hadn’t felt in the last two months…something that he wished would return.

“I’m doing fine Mrs., I mean Sharon,” JC stammered. ‘Good one Chasez,’ he berated himself. ‘Let her know how nervous you are.’ After clearing his throat, JC spoke again. “Um…how is Emilianne doing?” he quickly asked, trying to regain his bearings.

“She’s doing very well…she’s been anxious to see you and that’s why David called yesterday. We were hoping that you wouldn’t be so busy that you couldn’t meet us at a local park tomorrow afternoon maybe,” she said quickly. “I’d understand if you weren’t able to…with your line of work and all,” she added.

“My line of work isn’t much different from what everyone else does Sharon and I’d be more than happy to meet you tomorrow afternoon,” JC answered with a smile on his face. “Um…would you mind if I brought a friend along with me…um…Joey Fatone…he’s a member of the group or one of the others?”

“Oh…that would be great…I think Lance mentioned Joey during your visit and Emilianne has said that she would love to see Joey’s eyes…I think they’re different than Lance’s…at least that’s what Emilianne relayed to me,” Sharon said with an easy laugh.

JC chuckled as he replied. “I don’t think anyone has eyes like Lance’s…they’re pretty unique.”

“Yes…they were,” Sharon admitted with a smile. “Um…do you have anything to do at around 3:00 that afternoon? Emilianne’s naptime is usually over by about 2:30 and we visit Herman Park on Pershing and Feagan…do you know where that is?”

“Um…I think so…if not, I bet Joey does,” JC answered.

“Well…then we’ll see you there,” Sharon replied.

“Okay…tell Emilianne that I’m looking forward to it.”

“I will…see you then…bye.”

“Bye.”

JC slowly hung up the phone and for the first time in a long time felt somewhat at ease. With a smile, he left the living room and entered into the kitchen where he could hear someone busily making something. At the same time, Sharon placed the phone’s receiver back in its cradle and glanced over to see that her husband’s eyebrows were raised in a questioning manner. He cleared his throat then spoke. “Well? What’s going to happen next?” before raising his newspaper back up, concealing his features.

“He said he’d be there and he’s bringing a friend of his…another member of his music group. Um…I think he said a Joey Fatone,” Sharon answered peering over the paper.

“Good,” David answered with a smile as he gazed up at his wife. “But remember what we talked about Sharon,” David added as he once again returned his attention to the sport’s section.

“Yes…I know,” she replied with a smile as she turned around to walk toward the kitchen. Before leaving the room, Sharon made a detour to the back of the couch that her husband was sitting on, bent over it to rest her chin on his shoulder and wrap her arms around his neck as she whispered into his ear.

“Let Joshua or Emilianne bring up last week’s events…them alone…not us. That is something they can discuss,” she said in a singsong manner that implied a well-rehearsed answer.

“You got it,” he said as he grinned up at his wife and tweaked her nose causing her to quietly giggle.

“I’m going to go get lunch started,” Sharon said as she stood up to leave the room. “Why don’t you go get Emilianne cleaned up for lunch. She’ll be excited to hear about tomorrow.”

“Sure,” he replied before standing up to kiss his wife quickly on the cheek. With a grin, Sharon watched her husband leave the room.

Joey was busily creating one of his “world famous Fatone specialty sandwiches,” when he heard JC’s light footsteps entering the room. Joey turned around and smiled at the approaching figure.

“Hey C…glad to see you’re finally up,” he said before popping a pickle into his mouth and holding the jar out to the approaching young man. JC shook his head no with a smile and watched Joey shrug before reaching into the jar for another slice then popping it into his mouth.

“Lunchtime…huh?” JC asked, chuckling as he reached for the loaf of bread to make a sandwich.

“Yeah…I have to take this new medicine and I have to eat before I take it,” Joey replied while waving another pickle slice in the air. “Man…I’ll be glad when I finish taking all this stuff,” Joey said gesturing toward two, small pill bottles on the counter before him before taking his plate to the island. He then pulled out a stool and sat down.

“What did Dr. Shannon have to say yesterday?” JC asked as he finished making his sandwich. “Drink?” he quickly asked as he opened up the refrigerator and grabbed a couple of sodas.

“Thanks,” Joey said as JC opened his for him and set it on the island before grabbing his plate and joining him.

“Well…my left hand has a spot on it that just won’t heal up,” he quietly commented as he carefully ran his other hand over the bandages, not noticing JC wincing at the action. “Dr. Shannon said that I needed to take some new antibiotics and to continue with the pain meds for another day or two since it’s pretty painful.”

JC looked at Joey’s left hand and saw that his fingers were still slightly swollen and that a thicker than usual bandage had been wrapped around it. A wave of guilt washed over him as he was looked at his friend’s hand…it had been because of him that Justin had fallen apart, which caused Lance to react with a nightmare, which led to his fall that ultimately sent Joey into such a strange state of shock that he rubbed his hands raw…rubbed them to the point of bleeding.

Joey looked up from his hands to reach for his drink and happened to glance over at JC…he didn’t like what he saw. JC’s gaze seemed fixed on his hands…mainly his bandaged left hand.

“Um…Jace,” Joey said, trying to get JC’s attention, but JC was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn’t hear Joey speak until he was lightly slapped on the head.

“Hey…earth to Chasez…come in…” Joey said with a small laugh at the confused _expression of JC’s face after he had hit him.

“What? Did you say something?” JC asked feeling his cheeks redden in slight embarrassment as he rubbed his head where Joey had popped him.

“How are things going with you?” Joey asked again with a slight grin on his face before taking a bite of his sandwich.

JC moved his head in a “so-so” fashion before looking down at his meal then pulling a small piece of crust off his sandwich. Without taking his eyes off his plate JC then slowly put it in his mouth while Joey waited patiently for his answer. He was determined to help JC open up and in order for this to work he was going to have to have the patience of Job. While he waited for JC’s reply, Joey picked up his sandwich and took a bite.

“When you had your nightmares, how did you handle them?” JC asked slowly without looking at Joey, as he tore off another small piece of his sandwich and put it in his mouth.

Joey raised his eyebrows at the question and quickly finished chewing and swallowed what was in his mouth. This was not going in the direction that he thought their conversation would take them, but with a quick, deep breath, Joey jumped in with both feet.

“At first…not very well,” Joey admitted as he ran a chip through some dip on his plate before popping it in his mouth. “But…you already knew that,” he added with a chuckle after swallowing. Joey looked over at JC and saw that he had a troubled look on his face, so he decided to plow onward into somewhat unchartered territory.

“Um…really, it was Jan who helped me out the most,” Joey quietly admitted as he tore off a piece of lettuce from his sandwich and began to nibble it.

“How?” JC quietly asked looking up to see Joey’s _expression…he had to know whether or not his friend was taking this seriously. Much to his relief, he saw that Joey had an understanding…a knowing look on his face…there were no hints of amusement at all…Joey might possibly help him out.

Joey looked JC in the eye, knowing what the older man was doing and he met his gaze straight on before answering in a steady, quiet voice.

“She told me about her nightmares…then told me how telling your nightmares are the best way for them to be released.”

JC tore another piece of crust from his sandwich then popped it into his mouth. He was keeping his gaze on his sandwich…not on Joey…he was too afraid that Joey would be able to read into his fears…his troubles. But…would that be a bad thing…really? Maybe, if Joey could do that…was actually capable of reading his thoughts he would be able to tell him exactly what the problems were because, frankly, he had no clues.

“What are you afraid of C?” Joey asked in a voice that was barely above a whisper.

JC nervously shrugging his shoulders in response to his question caused Joey to decide to go in a different direction with his line of questioning. He looked down at his plate and took a deep breath before speaking. He knew that what he was going to say next could either hurt or help JC…he was hoping against all hopes that JC would somehow be helped.

“What would happen, JC if one of us really needed you in the pool…or if Jan or Lynn needed you…or a complete stranger…even Emilianne or her parents?” Joey asked quietly, hoping to get his friend to think…to react.

“I don’t know Joey…I don’t know?” JC whispered, as he shook his head, not really wanting to consider the possibility. He stood up and walked over to the cookie jar on the counter and pulled out a handful of cookies and brought them back over to the island and put some on both their plates.

Joey looked up at JC and put his hand on his friend’s shoulder causing JC to look down at him. In an even quieter voice Joey spoke again. “Would you let them drown…what about me…Lance, J, or Chris…what would happen to us if we got into trouble in the pool?”

“NO!” JC yelled in anger...not anger at Joey’s words, but at the realization that he wasn’t sure of what he would be capable of doing if the need ever did arise. Joey slightly flinched at JC’s shout but did not shout back at him.

JC sat down heavily on the stool beside Joey and felt him put an arm around his shaking shoulders. “I don’t know what I would do Joe…this is just so hard…so hard,” JC said in a whisper as he rested his elbows on the counter then placed his head in his hands.

Joey put his other arm around JC’s shoulder and half way expected JC to resist him because of what he had said, but instead of pulling away, JC allowed Joey to pull him unresistingly against his chest in an awkward hug.

“I feel so out of control, Joe…nothing is the same,” JC said into Joey’s shoulder. “I can’t control my nightmares…my fears…I’m so tired of it…I’m ready for things to be back to normal, but I don’t know how to do it.”

Joey nodded his head then dropped his chin to rest on top of JC’s head as he continued to keep a steady grasp on JC’s trembling form all the while running one of his hands back and forth over JC’s back.

Joey cleared his throat to push down the emotions that he felt welling up, then spoke. “I’ve got an idea, but I don’t know how much you’re going to like it,” he quietly admitted as he lifted his arms from around JC when he felt him pull away.

“By the tone of your voice, Joe, I don’t think you like it too much either,” JC said with a small smile as he wiped away a few stray tears.

Joey gave JC a slight smile then nodded his head in agreement as he began explaining it to him.

Several minutes later, Joey and JC stood at the pool’s edge, watching the water as it lapped against the walls of the pool.

“Now tell me one more time why I’m out here,” JC said, his voice full of uncertainty.

“Several summers ago, Steve took a lifesaving course at the local YMCA. He practiced for his test by rescuing me and Janine from the bottom of the pool,” Joey explained.

“And how do you plan on doing this?” JC asked skeptically as he shielded his eyes from the bright sunlight reflecting off the surface of the blue water.

“I jump in…sink to the bottom…you jump in and rescue me,” Joey answered in a matter of fact tone of voice, as if what he was asking JC to do was a normal, everyday occurrence. He turned his head and squinting his eyes against the bright sunlight. Much to his alarm, JC’s face was now a pale shade of gray…his eyes closed as if he were in pain. Joey instantly grabbed JC’s shoulders and turned his body to face him.

“Jace…JC…Josh,” Joey said quietly as he lightly shook JC’s shoulders to regain his attention. For several seconds Joey listened to JC’s shallow, panicked breaths knowing that JC was going through some sort of flashback…he was reliving a nightmare. With one more shake, one a little harder than the others, JC’s eyes flew open and he grabbed at Joey’s arms as he blinked his eyes rapidly while focusing in on Joey’s concerned face.

“Flashback?” Joey asked in a worried voice. JC nodded his head as he slowly brought his breathing back to normal.

“You need to face them, Jace,” Joey said quietly, yet forcefully as he kept his brown eyes locked in on JC’s blue. “Let me help you like you helped me when I was having problems…please.”

JC swallowed then answered, “Okay.”

Before JC could even have the chance to back down from his decision, Joey quickly pulled off his shoes and socks then pulled his shirt over his head.

“Now?” JC asked incredulously as he watched Joey toss the items at one of the many poolside chairs. “But I’m not dressed to get into the pool.”

“So…if I happened to be drowning and you weren’t dressed for the pool, you’d say…’excuse me…don’t drown for a few minutes…I need to go put on my swim trunks?” Joey said in an amused voice. “Um…I don’t think so Jace,” he added before plunging headfirst into the deep end of the pool. Joey came to the surface and saw that JC was shaking his head no.

“I’m not so sure about this Joey,” he said. “I mean…no one else is here…what if…” he started but was cut off by a new voice from behind him.

“You’re not alone.”

Joey waved at Lance and smiled at JC’s surprised _expression as they both watched Lance start peeling off his clothes until he was only wearing his khakis and his shirt, tie, jacket, shoes and socks were tossed in a pile not far from Joey’s clothes.

“I’m still not sure about this guys,” JC said nervously as he took a step or two back away from the pool. He knew what Joey and Lance were trying to do, but he just didn’t feel ready…not yet.

“Listen…we won’t make you do anything you don’t feel ready to do,” Lance said looking intently at JC as he slowly sank into a chair, while, with a heavy sigh, Joey swam to the side of the pool to begin climbing the ladder.

“I’m sorry guys,” JC said as he walked toward the patio door. Just as JC was opening the door, Lance happened to glance over at Joey.

“Wait…Joey…no!” Lance called out as he stood up from his chair. JC quickly turned to see what Lance was so alarmed about only to see the ladder shift causing Joey to lose his footing as he reached the top of the ladder and slam, face first into the concrete surrounding the pool.

Before either young man could react, Joey called out in a small voice, “Jace…Lan…” then sank back into the water with a dull splash.

Thirty-Seven