Here With Me

By: Jennifer Holbrook

“Have you talked to him at all yet?” Justin asked as he pulled up in front of the house with Lance by his side.

“Not yet,” he replied, “He hasn’t answered the phone in days. I’m worried J. This just isn’t like him.” Lance said concerned.

“Not like we have a clue as to what he’s going through right now. How is Shanna doing?”

“She’s okay. She stopped crying yesterday for the first time since it happened. How about Madi?”

“Pretty much the same thing. She’s been worried more about Katie though.” Justin replied as he turned off the ignition of the car. “Well, here we go,” Justin said as he tried to brace himself for what he was going to find inside.

“I didn’t hear you leave. I wonder how am I still here. And I don’t want to move a thing. It might change my memory.”

I was inside the house walking around in silence. The giggles and laughter of my daughter and wife filled my mind as I walked from room to room. It was as if they were still there with me, but they weren’t. I could hear the car pulling up to the house and I knew that someone was coming to check up on me. I hadn’t called anyone in days. I walked into the nursery that was set up for the newborn that had yet to come home from the hospital and the scent of my wife filled the room. I sat in the rocking chair with the familiar stuffed dog in my arms and pressed the hand. “Love ya,” it said as I closed my eyes and my mind began to wander.

~~April 2002~~

I remember the first time I saw her, sitting with her friends at one of our concerts. She was the typical girl who came to the shows, smiling away and singing along with all of the songs we had to sing. She sat with Madi, Shanna, Chasity and Molly. The five of them laughing and joking through the concert. Lance had seen Shanna before at one of the other concerts and Dave had seen Molly several times before. I think they were dating at that point, but it’s hard to keep track of all the guys and their girls. But my eyes went straight to that girl in the third row. I was trying my hardest to smile that night after hearing the news from Dani that Busta had died. She kept smiling up at me, trying to make me smile. At one point I did and her eyes lit up as if I had given her the world. I vowed the next night that I would be happier.

“Dude, did you see the one in the third row?” Justin said as he came up to me after the concert.

“Man, you’d think that you’d never seen another girl in your life the way you looked at her. It’s not like you haven’t been dating one of the hottest pop stars in the country the last few years.” I said to my friend.

“Yeah, but she was different. You think she’s gonna be there tomorrow night?” he asked excitedly as he went up to Lance who clearly was going to be more excited about this than I was.

“I dunno, Shay said she was coming both nights to the concert and they were sitting together so my guess is yes.” Lance said as he tried to calm Justin down. We hadn’t seen Justin like this in a while, at least not since Brit broke his heart, so we were going to let him pretty much do whatever he wanted with this one.

“Wait, if she was with Shanna then maybe she knows her? What do you think?” Justin asked as we piled into the awaiting busses to take us back to the hotel downtown in Chicago.

“Maybe, I’ll ask her tonight, she’s supposed to come up to the room later, we’re just gonna hang out and eat pizza,” Lance said as he grinned at Joey.

“Yeah, pizza and talk, just like Kelly and I are going to go up to the room and play Monopoly.” Joey joked. I had made my way over to the other bus and hopped on where JC was already half asleep in the back.

“Hey man,” I said as I went up to him.

“What’s up? You okay?” he asked me with his eyes closed. I could never figure out how he could carry on a complete conversation with his eyes shut.

“Yeah, I guess, nothing I can do about it right? Just have to move on,” I said as I sat back and ran my fingers through my hair. I strangely found myself not thinking about Busta at all but about that girl at the concert. Maybe if she was friends with Shanna and the chick that Justin seemed to be all hot for then maybe I could find out who she was. We could chat online or something, give me something to do on the bus.

“Whatcha thinking about?” Jace asked me as he sat up in his bunk.

“Me?” I asked suddenly waking up, “Uh, nothing.” I lied although I should have known not to lie to him

“Whatever, I know you too well Kirkpatrick. What’s going on in that little brain of yours?” he asked as I looked out the window at the line of traffic and wondering if we were ever going to make it back to the hotel.

“Did you see that group of girls in the 3rd row tonight at the show?” I asked him. I knew that I had seen him eyeing one of the girls so he would know whom I was talking about.

“Yeah, they were cute. Justin has a thing for one of them doesn’t he?”

“Ya think?” I joked, “He wouldn’t shut up about her. Seems she might be a friend of Lance’s latest flame that he met back in Fargo or wherever the heck we were last week. You saw her didn’t you? Cute one with the long hair?” I asked.

“Yeah, Shanna isn’t it?”

“Yeah, that’s it. I guess she’s friends with Molly, Cooks girlfriend, and then there were a couple other ones there too.”

“I saw em, so who is Justin hot for?” JC asked as the two of us talked about the different girls at the concert. It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence for us to sit on the bus after a concert and talk about the different girls at a concert.

“She’s not your type Chris,” JC said as I began to describe the girl to him that I thought was cute.

“So if she’s not my type, Dani doesn’t want me, I broke up with Michele, then what is my type?” I asked him.

“I dunno man, but you’ll find her, she’s gotta be out there somewhere.” He said as we pulled up to the hotel. Lance quickly found Shanna and found out that she was friends with Madison so Lance, Shanna, Madison and Justin spent a night holed up in Lance’s room getting to know each other. I went out with Jace and we decided to go and have a couple of drinks and wind down a bit.

“Lets just get a drink down in the bar,” Jaclyn said to Chasity as the two girls grabbed some money and headed on out. “This whole thing is just kind of surreal to me,” she said to her friend as they got into the elevator. “I mean think about this, our friends are up in a hotel room hanging out with Justin and Lance from NSYNC!” she said a touch in shock and a touch jealous.

“No kidding, well, think of it this way, maybe we can get the hook up now?” Chasity said always looking at the brighter side of things. The girls made their way into the bar and ordered a couple drinks and sat down for some good girl talk.

“Chas,” Jaclyn said looking at the door of the bar. “Look over there,” she tried to whisper to her friend.

“What?” Chasity said looking towards the door and immediately turning 12 year old at the sight of Jace and I in the doorway.

“Let’s buy them a drink,” Jaclyn said to her friend as we made our way up to the bar. Chasity nodded her head and smiled as Jace took a seat next to her and I sat on the other side of Jace.

“Hey,” Chasity said as she turned towards JC. “Can I buy you a drink?” she asked.

“Sure, but what for?” he asked her with a smile that melted every girl’s heart and seemed to be working once again.

“Uh, well, to thank you for a great show tonight, you guys were outstanding,” she said with a bright smile.

“Why not,” he said as he ordered up drinks for the four of us. “I’m JC,” he said as he extended his hand to Chasity.

“Duh,” she smiled, “Like I didn’t know that already.” JC blushed as he looked at her and her smile grew. Chasity’s smile was contagious and it was all he could do from smiling right back at her. “I’m Chasity and this is my friend Jaclyn,” she introduced her friend as Jaclyn extended her hand to JC who kissed it and then to me.

I lifted my eyes to look at Jaclyn who had the most beautiful smile and brightest eyes I had ever seen. I smiled brightly at her for the first time that day. I couldn’t help myself, she was everything I had been looking for in a girl and I didn’t even know who she was other than to know her name and that she was a fan of the group. I picked up my drink and sat down next to her and the two of us settled quickly into conversation. By the time we looked at the clock it was already 4:30 in the morning. The bar long since closed and we were sure to catch crap from the two Mikes for staying out all night without them. We quickly excused ourselves and asked the girls if we would see them later. Jaclyn said she’d be at the concert but Chasity had to leave so she and Jace exchanged numbers and email addresses so that they could keep in touch.

I walked Jaclyn up to her room, which I came to find out she shared with Madi who was just getting back from Justin’s room at the same time. Jaclyn and I both smiled as Madi kissed Justin goodnight and I squeezed her hand. She had told me how her sister Madi had felt about Justin and after I told her what Justin thought of Madi we knew that our two best friends would be perfect for each other. She stood up on her tiptoes and kissed me on the cheek, “Goodnight Chris,” she simply said as she squeezed my hand and headed into her room. I watched her as she closed the door behind her and made my way to the elevator where Justin was waiting for me. He had seen us say goodbye but was determined to get the whole story.

“And what was that all about?” he asked.

“What are you talking about?” I asked innocently however knowing exactly what he was talking about.

“You know exactly who I’m talking about man, Madi’s friend, well, sister, best friend, whatever, you know what I mean. What’s up with the two of you?”

“Absolutely nothing,” I said as the door opened and we stepped out of the elevator. “She’s real sweet though, we’ll see what happens,” I said as I went to my door and put the key in to open it.

“We’ll talk about this later,” I said as I yawned and closed the door behind me not wanting to talk any more to Justin.

The girls were remarkably enough in the exact same seats the next night. I have no clue how she pulled it off but there she was. Her smile wasn’t as bright that night and she almost looked shy. Almost as if the night before had changed something. She was watching her friend up on the stage now instead of “Chris Kirkpatrick of NSYNC”. It changed it for her a bit, I couldn’t tell if she enjoyed the show more or less because of it but it was definitely a different experience for her.

Madi smiled widely up at Justin and he was in rare form that night as was Lance who blushed brightly when Shanna smiled up at him. We had lots of fun busting on him for that one. The girls seemed to all be having a wonderful time and we just enjoyed being ourselves up on the stage in front of them. We played the whole concert to the three of them and they could have been the only three in the whole place that night for the show was clearly for them. We had lots of plans to make fun of Dave as well because of Molly sitting next to the girls. When it came time for story time that night we brought Dave right up front and joked with him because he was clearly an audience favorite. He shrugged down at Molly who smiled back up at him and the girls watched the blush creep up on her face.

The concert ended along with the weekend as we all exchanged phone numbers and email addresses. I promised Jaclyn that I would stay in touch, although I don’t think she believed me at the time. Madison was in her glory and knew that she’d see Justin soon as she was planning on going to other concerts in Boston, Hartford and Philadelphia. Lance and Shanna already had a bond that wasn’t going to be broken anytime soon and they couldn’t have been happier. Although Shanna had to get back to teaching she knew she’d see him down in Florida for the final concerts.

The girls were all in the lobby as we left and I looked over and saw Jaclyn one more time. She smiled brightly at me, it was that smile that drew me to her that day and that smile that warmed my heart and haunted my dreams as we took the long drive to Albany for the next stop on the tour. When would I see her again? When would her heart be with mine? They were all questions I asked myself as I waved goodbye to her out the tour bus window and she vanished from my world.

*****************************

“Chris!” Justin hollered as he entered the house, which was unlocked. He probably figured I was home because it wasn’t like us to leave the house unlocked when no one was at home. We might not be the “hottest band in the world” any longer but we still had fans stalking us all the time.

“Chris!” Lance said as the two began searching the house. They both knew where they’d find me and headed up into the loft area of the house where the nursery was set up. Lance walked into the room and found me curled up in the rocking chair holding the stuffed dog in me hand. He remembered the day that Jaclyn had first shown it to me and he just smiled at the wonderful memory.

I opened my eyes as my friends walked into the room. I hadn’t invited anyone over yet and wasn’t even sure I was ready to talk to them quite yet. “Hey,” I said softly to the guys as Justin stood in the doorway as if afraid to even approach me. “You really didn’t have to come over you know,” I said.

“You are kidding right?” Lance asked, “Dude, you’ve been through the ringer and back, of course we’re gonna come and see you.”

“How you hanging in there anyway,” Justin asked as he came up to the chair where I was sitting.

“Okay I guess, I just, I dunno,” I said fighting to find the words to express how I felt. I leaned my head back and thought back again to happier times.

~~~May 2005~~~

“Oh I am what I am. I’ll do what I want. But I can’t hide. I won’t go. I won’t sleep. I can’t breathe. Until you’re resting here with me. I won’t leave. I can’t hide. I cannot be. Until you’re resting here with me.”

Jaclyn and I had been corresponding for over a year before we finally decided that we should start a relationship. Due to both of our busy schedules emails and phone calls were the only way that we were able to keep in touch. It had been three years since that first night that Jaclyn and I met in Chicago. Those years had been filled with much trouble and turmoil for the both of us. Neither Jaclyn nor I had been the best at relationships. Jaclyn came with lots of baggage from her former relationships and as far as I was concerned, the flame still burned for Dani, who was my first true love. We broke up and got back together more times than either of us could count. But for some reason the past year with watching our friends all getting married made the two of us sit back and think about the possibility of getting married and us settling down. We knew that we were perfect for each other; it was just a matter of making that commitment of forever to each other.

I had planned the night I was going to propose perfectly, and with the help of the girls, I had everything planned to perfection. The two of us were in New York to see Joey in his latest stint on Broadway in the middle of December. Instead of taking a cab home as we usually did or jump into a limo we decided to walk back to Central Park. It was a long walk but was a beautiful one for the both of us. Jaclyn couldn’t get enough of the city lights and looked up in amazement at how much the city could change each time she went to it. We walked hand in hand and it was the most remarkable thing. No one stopped us on the street and it almost felt like we were a normal couple. We didn’t talk much as we walked through the streets and finally reached Central Park. Jaclyn saw the horse and carriage rides and before she even said anything at all to me, I had made my way over to one of the drivers and gave him money and extended my hand to her. Jaclyn happily took it and the two of us snuggled close under the blanket.

The sky had begun to cloud over slightly as we made our way through the park and a light snow began to fall from the sky. It wasn’t a heavy snow; just enough to know that it was snowing. I turned to Jaclyn and held her face in my trembling hands. “Jaclyn,” I began, “I love you more than anything in this world. I think I knew that I loved you the first moment I saw you in the pit in Chicago.” As I continued to talk tears formed in my eyes as well as Jaclyn’s. “After watching each of our friends get married these past few years I’ve given a lot of thought to what I want in my life. I have realized that my life was so different without you. I don’t know if I could spend another day without you in my life baby. Jaclyn,” I said as I held her hands in mine, “would you do me the honor of being my wife.” The tears that were forming in Jaclyn’s eyes a few minutes prior were now streaming down her face. She looked at me and we kissed with every ounce of passion in us. “Yes,” she said simply, “I love you so much Christopher Kirkpatrick and yes, I will marry you,” she said as I slipped the diamond on her finger. Jaclyn looked at her left hand not being able to believe that she was actually going to get married. It had been her dream to marry me and now every dream she had was coming true.

“Are they here yet, are they here yet?” I asked as I paced around the VIP lounge of the Las Vegas Airport.

“Chill out dude, they land in 10 minutes, I just checked the board out front,” Mike said as he came back into the room where we were all waiting for the girls to arrive.

The next 10 minutes were what seemed like the longest of my life as I watched out the window for the plane that carried my fiancé and her four friends off the plane. Justin came up and put a reassuring hand on my shoulder. “I’m proud of you man,” he said to his me.

“Proud of me huh?” I asked.

“Hell yeah,” JC said as he came up next to us to look out the window for the plane. “Heck, we all expected you guys to take forever to come to this decision,” he said to me.

“Flight 2475 from Boston Massachusetts is now arriving at Gate 23,” the voice came over the intercom. I took a deep breath and headed on out the door. Following the rest of the guys who were all making a beeline to where their girls were arriving. I stayed to the back of the group more nervous than ever. ‘Am I doing the right thing’ I thought to myself. I could still run the other direction. At that same moment laughter was heard from the jet way and out came the five girls with huge smiles plastered on their faces. The guys each grabbed their respective fiancé or wife as Jaclyn searched the group for me. She saw me standing off to the back and immediately thought that I might be changing my mind about this whole idea. When I had called 2 days before and told her to get the earliest flight to Las Vegas that she could she was a little shocked. This wasn’t like me at all and she wasn’t sure what to think.

“Hey there,” she said as she approached me.

“Hey baby,” I said as I pulled her into his embrace. “Boy are you a sight for sore eyes,” I said as I buried my head in her chin length blonde hair. “How was your flight?” I asked as I took her bag from her and we made our way following the group down to the baggage claim area.

“Not too bad, uh, we need to talk Chris,” Jaclyn said tentatively. She wasn’t quite sure how she was going to tell me this but she knew that she had to and it had to be done soon before anything else happened that weekend.

“Can it wait until we get back to the hotel?” I asked as I grabbed for her small suitcase that was making its way around the carousel.

“I don’t know, can we take our own cab back?” she asked as she looked into my eyes pleading.

“Sure sweetie,” I said, “are you sure everything is okay?” I asked.

“Everything is fine baby, I promise, I just need to talk to you right away all right?” she asked.

“You got it,” I said as I went over to Mike and the rest of the guys and told them that we would meet up with them at the hotel.

We made our way outside where a cab was waiting for us and hopped inside. We drove down the strip and into downtown Las Vegas talking all the way. We didn’t even realize that we were outside of the city limits because of talking so in depth and had to tell the driver to turn around and go back to Mandalay Bay where we were all staying for the weekend. I held Jaclyn close as we made our way into the hotel, more in love than ever. I got her settled in her separate room that she was going to share with Chasity for the night and headed to my own room down the hall to get ready.

“You look beautiful,” Madison said as she put the finishing touches on Jaclyn’s hair.

“You really are just glowing,” Chasity said, “I can only hope I look as good as you on my day,” she smiled at her friend in the mirror.

“Oh don’t worry, you will,” Molly said with a smile. “You look ravishing Jaclyn,” she said as she kissed her friends cheek.

“Thank you all so much for being here with me,” Jaclyn said as she took one last look in the mirror and turned to her friends. The five girls all embraced as they heard both a knock at the door and a cell phone ringing.

“You get the door,” Shanna said to Madi, “I’ll get the phone,” she said as she looked for Jaclyn’s phone that was ringing uncontrollably. At the door stood Justin dressed handsomely and he pulled his wife into an embrace.

“Don’t you look beautiful tonight,” he said to Madison.

“Aww, you do know how to make me blush don’t you,” she said as she stood on her tiptoes to kiss him on the nose. Justin smiled and took her hand in his.

“Hang on a second,” Shanna said into the phone as she put her hand over the receiver and motioned to Jaclyn, “It’s your mom,” she whispered.

“Hey mom,” Jaclyn said into the phone, “No, I’m not in Boston, actually I came out to see Chris in Las Vegas with the girls. I don’t care mom, I really don’t. Mom, I love him and I’m going to do what I want,” she argued as the girls looked on. Justin motioned to the rest of them to leave and he said that he’d take care of things with Jaclyn. He sat on the bed next to her and held her hand as she gave the same speech that she’d given to her mother a hundred times. “Mom, Chris loves me, he loves me for the person I am, for the person I want to be, and I’m not giving that up. I don’t care that he’s a musician. Mom, this is the end of the story, I love Chris and I’m not giving him up, not for anyone and if you can’t accept that then…” her voice trailed off as she looked at the phone which had disconnected.

“You okay?” Justin asked as he held her hand. Tears were streaming down Jaclyn’s face, smearing the mascara that was put on so meticulously by the girls.

“Believe it or not, yeah, I actually am,” she said as she looked at the person who she had become such a good friend with in the past three years. “Let’s do this,” she said as Justin stood up and took her hand in his. The two rode down in the elevator hand in hand trying to avert the stares that they were clearly getting as they walked through the lobby to the limo that was outside waiting for them. As they drove down the strip to the outskirts of town, Jaclyn smiled. She was finally doing what she had always wanted to. They pulled up in front of the small building and Justin again held out his hand for her. She stepped out of the limo and into the small building where her friends were waiting for her. The music began as the girls walked down to meet with their respective partners and stood next to them in the front of the room. Justin held Jaclyn’s hand as the music began to play. She saw me standing in the front with tears in my eyes as the strains of her favorite song were being played. We wanted our day to be as special as it could be and to be all about us and the love we shared. I thought it cheesy that of all songs she wanted an NSYNC song to be played but then figured that this was what brought us together. As Justin handed Jaclyn off to me, he smiled at us and kissed her cheek and shook my hand.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride,” the priest said as I smiled down at Jaclyn and she smiled at me. We had done what we wanted the way that we wanted to and we couldn’t’ have been happier then we were at that moment. “Ladies and Gentlemen, It give me great pleasure to announce for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Christopher Alan Kirkpatrick,” he said as the newlyweds went to hug and kiss all of their friends.

“Well, we’d love to hang out with all of you but I’m taking this girl back with me and we’ll see you all later,” I said as we left the private dinner that was set up for the small group. I took Jaclyn’s hand in mine and led her up to our room. “So when do we get to tell everyone?” I asked her as we stepped into the elevator.

“How bout tomorrow?” she smiled, “I wanted to at least be married first before I told everyone that I was going to have your baby,” she smiled at me. “I love you so much,” she said to his eyes as tears formed.

“Baby, don’t cry, I love you too and I always will.” I smiled as we made our way hand in hand down to our suite. We made love until the wee hours of the morning enjoying every sensation and touch that we possibly could and spending endless hours just staring into each other eyes. Nothing had been as perfect and nothing would be as perfect again. We were in love that would last a lifetime. Our lives were complete as we held each other close and we knew that nothing could top this moment in our lives.

************************

“Hey guys!” Madi said as she came into the house holding the hand of her niece Katie and followed by Chasity, JC, Shanna, Joey and Kelly with Brianna close behind. “Go find your daddy Katie,” she said to her niece and Katie went running through the house. They all watched the little girl looking so happy not even really knowing everything that was going on.

“Daddy Daddy Daddy!” she screeched as she made her way carefully up the stairs that she recently had accomplished. She was proud of herself as she reached the top and checked each room for mer.

“Hey sweetness,” I said as I came out of the room with Justin and Lance close behind. I hadn’t seen my daughter in several days and missed her terribly. I scooped her up off the floor and she put her small arms around her my neck and held me tight. She had her mother’s beautiful smile and my eyes. It was all I could do not break down and cry with my daughter in my arms.

Justin reached for Madi’s hand as Lance did the same for Shanna. They watched the reunion between us and the girls tried their hardest not to break down and cry at the sight. “Have you been a good girl for your aunt Madi?” I asked her.

“Yup, I played with Brianna,” she said happily. She always enjoyed spending time with her cousin Brianna. Although they weren’t “officially” cousins we were like brothers and Brianna was like the big sister that Katie never had.

“You did?” I asked with a smile. It was a forced smile at best as I listened to her talk about all the fun things that she had been doing. Everyone was doing a great job occupying her time.

“Where’s mommy?” she asked as the friends all looked at each other not really sure what to say. I got tears in my eyes as I thought about what I was going to say to her.

“Why don’t you go up to your room and grab your teddy bear and I’m going to tell you a story okay?” I said as I looked at the group that had scattered around the room.

“Kay daddy, I be back, you don’t start the story without me kay?” she asked.

“You bet sweetie,” I said as I patted her bottom and she made her way back up the stairs, I knew this would buy me some time. “Why don’t you all go home, I think I’ve got it under control here. I’ll see you guys all tomorrow anyway,” I said as I got tears in my eyes.

“Are you sure you can do this Chris?” Justin asked me.

“Yeah, I’ll be alright, thanks for brining her back over here Madi, I really appreciate it. I don’t think I realized how much I needed her to be here,” I said as I hugged her.

“No problem, if you need anything call okay?” she asked.

“You bet,” I said as I opened the door for my friends. They each took turns hugging me goodbye and saying their blessings for us. I closed the door behind them as I saw my daughter come down the stairs with the two stuffed dogs in her arms. Each of them said the same thing but with different voices, one was mine and one was Jaclyn’s. They both said, “love ya” and the two stuffed dogs slept with Katie every night. Katie came running up to me at full force with a huge smile on her face.

“I love you daddy,” she said as the tears that had been threatening to fall began to trickle down my face. “Daddy sad? Do you have an owie?” she asked in her innocent voice.

“Yeah, I have an owie right here,” I said patting my heart.

“I give a kiss?” she asked as she bent her head down and kissed my heart. My broken heart began to mend as she did that and my mind wandered once again to the week prior when a part of my heart broke.

~~~September 2007~~~

The doorbell woke me from the quick nap that I was taking while Katie was asleep. It was my day to take care of Katie while Jaclyn was out going to the doctors and doing some last minute shopping. She was 8 ½ months pregnant with our new baby and was going to her weekly doctor’s appointments at this point. I told her that I’d take care of Katie for the day so that she could just relax. Jaclyn had planned on going to the spa with the girls before her doctor appointment and then heading back home.

I walked to the door while rubbing my eyes with one hand and scratching my stomach with the other. I didn’t even realize it was already 5:00 and I was going to have to wake up Katie and start dinner before Jaclyn got home. I opened the door and found two police officers standing at the door. What they said didn’t even register as they spoke to me.

“I’m sorry, you must have the wrong residence,” I heard myself say.

“Are you Mr. Christopher Kirkpatrick?” the officer asked.

“Yes, yes, I am,” I stammered still not believing what was going on.

“I think you are going to want to follow us then,” the officer said.

“Please, just tell me first, what happened.” I said as the officer began to tell me the story. There had been an accident that was the first thing I heard. Jaclyn was driving down the road on her way home from the doctor’s where she was given a clean bill of health an told that her new baby was doing just perfect and ready to be delivered in about 2 short weeks. The driver of the semi didn’t even see her crossing the intersection as he slammed the large truck full force into the driver’s side of the car. Jaclyn was quickly rushed to the hospital where she was being kept alive until I was able to get there.

I didn’t even know what to say. I was in a complete state of shock. I thought about our daughter sound asleep upstairs and what I was going to say to her as well as to Jaclyn’s family and to the group of friends that they considered their family in Orlando. I quickly called my mother who came rushing to the house to take care of Katie. She looked at me and noticed that I was showing no emotion at all.

“Christopher, go and be with Jaclyn, she needs you right now, I’ve got Katie as long as you need me to have her.” She said as she shooed me out the door. I kissed my daughter goodbye and made my way to the hospital. On the way there I called the rest of the guys and girls and told them where to meet.

“Mr. Kirkpatrick,” the doctor said as he came out of the examining room. I tried to stand but couldn’t. Justin and JC quickly came to my side and held me up as I went to speak to the doctor. “I’m sorry,” he said, “But we couldn’t save your wife. There was just entirely too much trauma that she received as a result of the accident.”

“What about my baby?” I asked thinking not only of Jaclyn but of his unborn child as well.

“Remarkably enough, we were able to save the baby,” he said as a nurse came out with a child wrapped up in a blue blanket.

“Mr. Kirkpatrick, this is your son,” the nurse said as she handed the small baby over to me and I held him tightly. I looked down at my son and smiled as tears streamed down my face.

“Can I,” I began, “Can I just see Jaclyn one last time?” I asked looking up at the doctor.

“Certainly, take all the time you need,” the doctor said as I handed our son off to the nurse who was bringing him down to the neo-natal unit just for precautionary reasons.

“I don’t want to call my friends. They might wake me from this dream. And I can’t leave this bed. Risk forgetting all that’s been.”

I walked into the room and saw my beautiful wife lying peacefully on the bed. I quietly walked up beside her and took her hand in mine. Her hand was so cold and I rubbed it trying to warm it up. It wasn’t like Jaclyn to have cold hands; her’s were always the warmest and most comforting. “Why,” I cried as I looked up at the sky, “Why couldn’t it have been me? Why did you take her from me?” I sobbed. I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder as I cried and turned to find Jaclyn standing behind me. I looked and still saw her lying on the bed and had to shake my head for I didn’t believe what I was seeing.

“Chris sweetie,” she said.

“Oh Jaclyn, baby, I’m so sorry,” I said.

“Don’t cry sweetie. I’m going to be okay and so are you.” She said to me as I pulled her close, I just had to hold her in my arms one last time.

“How? How am I ever going to live without you?” I asked.

“You will, you’re going to take care of our beautiful children and tell them all about their mother. Tell them about our love and how we fell in love. How I basically left my family just so that we could be together and how I loved you all more than anything in this world. You’re going to tell them how I’m always there with them watching over and being their guardian angel.” She said peacefully. Just the sound of her voice soothed him as it always seemed to be able to do and for the first time that evening a smile passed over my face. I knew that I was going to be okay.

“I love you Jaclyn Marie Kirkpatrick,” I said.

“I love you Christopher Alan Kirkpatrick, and I always will,” she said as she touched my face one last time.

“You okay Chris,” Justin said as he peaked his head into the room.

“Yeah,” I said as he looked down at Jaclyn, “believe it or not I think I’m going to be okay,” I said to my friend.

**********************************

I thought back on the last words that Jaclyn had said to me as I looked at my daughter. Matthew James was with my mother at the time so that I could have a little alone time with Katie. Someday I would have to explain to Matthew about his mother but for now the person who meant the most and who wanted answers was Katie. The little girl smiled up at me and I could see Jaclyn’s smile. I knew that everything was going to be all right.

“Daddy, where’s mommy?” the little girl asked again. I brought her over to the couch and began to explain to her what had happened.

“Mommy had an accident sweetie.” I began.

“Did she have an owie?” she asked.

“Yeah, she had a really bad owie,” I explained.

“When am I gonna see her?” she asked.

“Close your eyes sweetie,” I said; “I want you to look for your mommy right now.” I said as I watched my little girl squint her eyes shut, “Do you see her?” I asked.

“Yup, I see her, but she doesn’t have a big belly anymore,” she smiled.

“Whenever you want to see your mommy that’s what you are gonna do okay?” I said to her.

“Okay,” she said, “and if I wanna hear her talk I just do this,” she said as she pressed the dog’s hand.

“Love ya,” we heard Jaclyn’s voice through the stuffed animal.

“You bet sweetie, now do you want to go and get your little brother?” I asked as I picked up my little girl.

“Yeah! Let’s go get Matty!” she squealed as I grabbed the keys off the table and put Katie on the ground so I could grab our coats. I put Katie’s on her and went to open the door. Katie took off for the car as I looked back at the house. We would always have the memories of Jaclyn all through the house. “I love you baby,” I said, “always.” And with that I closed the door behind me and went to get my little girl and head to get my newborn son. Life would be difficult without her by my side to stand next to and help raise our children but I knew that a little piece of her was always going to be in all of us. I knew that she would always remain right here with me.

The End

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