My All

By: Lara

I am thinking of you/In my sleepless solitude tonight/If it’s wrong to love you/Then my heart just won’t let me be right/’Cause I’ve drowned in you/And I won’t pull through/Without you by my side…

“Dammit!” AJ yelled, shoving the puppy aside. “Soda all over the white carpet, JD. Really great.” AJ got up and headed for the kitchen. He got a wet dishcloth and came back to mop up the mess. He had finally gotten comfortable in front of the TV, watching infomercials, when Jack Daniels had decided he wanted to play. AJ didn’t want to play. He wanted to mope and feel sorry for himself.

“Were you dropped on your head as a child?” Justin yelled, flying out of the dressing room. “I can NOT change in there!”

“Well, if it isn’t NDIVA,” AJ smirked, leaning against the wall in the hallway. They were preparing for another version of VH-1’s “Men Strike Back.” Backstreet was performing, as were NSYNC, Incubus, and Enrique Iglesias.

“Shut up,” Justin sulked.

Lance soon appeared in the doorway. He smiled shyly at AJ. “Hey,” he said, then turned to Justin. “I swear to you that I killed them all,” he promised. “Now get back in there and change. The quicker you’re in, the quicker you’re back out.”

“Right.” Justin took a deep breath and hurried back into the dressing room.

Lance looked at AJ and blushed, his green eyes wide and beautiful. “He, uh, is afraid of spiders. Arachnophobic.”

“Good. For a minute there I thought you meant you killed all the other NSYNC guys,” AJ said, and Lance laughed. The low rumble gave AJ a weird, shivery feeling.

“Sometimes I WANT to kill them, but I didn’t. Not this time,” Lance replied.

“So…are you going to Enrique’s party after the show?” AJ asked.

Lance nodded and leaned in close. “Justin has the BIGGEST crush on him,” he confided.

It was AJ’s turn to laugh, and Lance realized that maybe he shouldn’t have told AJ this. “It sounds like your group is as sexually dysfunctional as ours,” AJ said, and Lance relaxed. “Two straight, two bi, one gay,” AJ informed him, but didn’t elaborate.

“Two gay and involved with each other, one straight, one very confused, and one bi,” Lance replied. He also did not elaborate. Let AJ figure it out for himself.

“AJ, get your scrawny ass down here!” Kevin yelled down the hall. AJ sighed and rolled his eyes.

“I'll look for you at the party,” AJ said. Lance looked pleased.

“Good.”

And that was the beginning of everything.

I’d give my all to have/Just one more night with you/I’d risk my life to feel/Your body next to mine/’Cause I can’t go on/Living in the memory of your song/I’d give my all for your love tonight…

TV soon bored AJ, and he began walking aimlessly around his house. He was watching an ant on his kitchen counter when the phone rang. “Hello?” AJ said eagerly.

“Heya, Bone.”

“Oh, hi, Nick,” AJ said dejectedly.

“Jeez, don’t sound so happy to hear from me,” Nick said. “What’s up your butt?”

“Nothing,” AJ sighed.

“Liar. Do you miss your little Space Cowboy?” Nick cooed.

“Shut up, Carter,” AJ growled. “He’s not MINE.”

“But I thought…”

“You thought wrong. Leave me alone.” AJ hung up on Nick and went out onto the deck to sit by his pool.

He sighed, visualizing Lance’s wet body splashing around in the sparkling water. “I coulda been an Olympic swimmer,” Lance had boasted, laughing. AJ had dunked him then, telling Lance he was simply testing Lance’s Olympic ability to hold his breath.

“Been sitting here…can’t get you off my mind…I try my best to be a man and be strong…” AJ sang quietly. He sighed again and went back into his house.

Baby can you feel me/Imagining I’m looking in your eyes/I can see you clearly/Vividly emblazoned in my mind/And yet you’re so far, like a distant star/I’m wishing on tonight…

“I know why YOU’RE here,” Lance said to JC, tightening his seat belt as the plane began its descent. “You want to go to the Louvre and look at the art. Then you’ll go onto Rome when I leave for Moscow. But why is HE here?” Lance looked at Chris, who was trying to play cat’s cradle by himself.

JC smiled fondly at Chris. “It’s like a little field trip for him. He led a deprived childhood.”

“He couldn’t bear to be away from me for a whole three weeks, could you, Kitten?” Chris asked. JC blushed.

“You let him call you KITTEN?” Lance asked. JC shrugged.

“He picked it up online somewhere. It’s his new pet name for me.”

Lance flinched as the landing gear hit the runway. “I’m glad you came. Both of you. I need to relax before I start this training.”

“I thought you woulda brought your pet Backstreet Boy along,” Chris said.

Lance frowned. “We broke up.”

“What?” JC gasped. “Lance, you were only together for two months!”

“I told him I didn’t want him to come over here because he’d distract me. He took it very personally and told me I was only ever a quick lay to him, anyway.”

“That scrawny little shit!” Chris screamed. JC put a hand on his knee.

“No, he’s not,” Lance said softly. “I told him that and it hurt his feelings. I just knew it would be impossible to say goodbye here…in this city…I needed him to get pissed off.”

“And now you miss him,” JC said.

“Like crazy,” Lance answered.

Lance sighed as he walked out onto his balcony. He could see the Eiffel Tower, and he supposed he should have been impressed. This hotel was the best Paris had to offer. But he was miserable. He knew that he had hurt AJ’s feelings, and he hated himself for it. But he couldn’t bear saying goodbye to AJ in someplace as romantic as Europe. The two months that they had been involved were the best Lance could remember. AJ was sexy and interesting, and just being around him made Lance feel sexy and interesting, too. AJ was totally supportive of Lance’s dreams about space, and he promised that he’d wait for Lance, no matter how long it took. But Lance thought that wasn’t fair to AJ, so he gave him an out.

Now he regretted that decision. Lance looked up at the sky, amazed by all the stars that twinkled down at him. But instead of thinking about space, he could only think of AJ’s sparkling brown eyes.

I’d give my all to have/Just one more night with you/I’d risk my life to feel/Your body next to mine/’Cause I can’t go on/Living in the memory of your song/I’d give my all for your love tonight…

“This better be so fucking important,” AJ growled into the phone. “It’s five in the fucking morning!”

“Oh, shit…I forgot the time difference! I’m sorry, AJ!”

“Who is this?”

“It’s JC Chasez.”

“What?” AJ sat up. He knew that JC and Chris were with Lance in Paris. “Is something wrong?”

“Yes. It’s Lance.”

“Oh…God…” AJ whispered.

“Not physically, AJ. Physically he’s fine,” JC said quickly. “But before I say anything more, I need an honest answer from you.”

“Okay.”

“Did you mean it when you told him he was only ever a quick lay to you?”

JC was AJ’s favorite NSYNC member after Lance, so he told the truth. “No. He has ALWAYS been more to me than that.”

JC heard the emotion in AJ’s gruff voice. “He didn’t mean it either, AJ. He doesn’t think you’re a distraction. He was just afraid that it would be too hard to say goodbye to you this close to his training.”

“That dumbass,” AJ said tenderly.

“Get your booty over here, McLean. Lance needs you.”

“But Lance…JC wants to CULTURE me!’ Chris whined, making “culture” sound like “mutilate.”

“Sorry, Chris. I have a conference call with FreeLance at one,” Lance said. He gently shoved Chris out of the suite. “Have fun!”

“But Lance…” Chris whined again as Lance closed the door.

Lance set up his laptop and paperwork and waited. One o’clock came and went and Lance began to worry. He was just picking up his cellphone to call the office when someone knocked on his door.

“Surprise. There’s no conference call…just me…” AJ said sheepishly.

Lance’s mouth fell open. “Oh, my God.”

“No, just an exhausted little white boy from Florida,” AJ said, dropping his suitcases as soon as he was in the door.

“But you’re in the States.” Lance rubbed his eyes.

“No, I’m here with you…where I should have been all along,” AJ said softly. “I’m so sorry for what I said, Lance. I didn’t mean it. I…well, I love you.”

“Alex…I love you, too,” Lance said. He hugged AJ, kissing him sweetly. “I’m sorry, too.”

AJ pulled away. “I’m gonna shower, then I’m gonna sleep. And then, you and I are gonna stay in bed until you have to leave.”

“Okay,” Lance agreed, smiling as he watched AJ wearily make his way to the bathroom.

The End

Please tell Lara what you thought of this story!