No Second Chances

By: Lara

“Sweetie, I’m home!” Lisa announced, struggling through the door with three bags of groceries. “Sweetie?” Silence. “Kevin?” No answer. She sighed and trudged through the narrow hallway of their New York apartment, making her way to the tiny kitchen. She put away the frozen and refrigerated foods before searching for her boyfriend. She didn’t have to search long; the apartment was tiny and she also knew exactly where he would be. She went into the bedroom and saw her handsome boyfriend banging his head on the top of the piano. “Stuck again?”

“These damn lyrics…why the hell can’t they write themselves? I’m shit for lyrics,” Kevin snapped.

Lisa sat down next to him on the bench. “It’ll come, honey…it always does. Can I hear the melody?”

Kevin sighed and said nothing, but he began to play a flowing melody. Lisa got shivers down her back…she always did when she heard one of Kevin’s newest creations. “That came to me in like twenty minutes. The lyrics, however, are being a pain in the ass.” He shoved a piece of notebook paper in her direction.

“You are the princess of my dreams…a miracle so it seems…one day this world will go away but by your side I’ll always stay…off we’ll fly on the wings of love…born on the wings of a snow-white dove…” Lisa wrinkled her nose. “Honey, why can’t you just write basic love song lyrics? I mean, this stuff is good for romance novels or something, but not a good ballad. Why not say something like, your love makes me whole, lifts me up to a whole new place, blah blah blah?”

Kevin tore the paper from her hands. “I should have known you wouldn’t understand.”

Lisa sighed and stood, used to his temper tantrums when he was writing. “Ready for lunch.”

“Yes, please.” Kevin turned back to his lyrics while Lisa went to the kitchen to make sandwiches.

Twenty minutes later Kevin wandered into the kitchen. He picked up the grocery receipt that Lisa had left on the counter. “You spent forty dollars on groceries? Lisa, I still haven’t finished all the songs in my contract. We can’t be blowing money on this stuff.”

“Blowing money? This is life, Kevin, not a song. We need to eat.”

“We can eat peanut butter and jelly,” Kevin argued. Lisa slapped a plate down in front of him.

“Fine. Make yourself peanut butter and jelly then. I’m eating ham and cheese.” She grabbed her sandwich and headed for the living room. She knew Kevin would return to the bedroom to continue working.

She flopped onto the sofa, munching on her sandwich as she hit play on the answering machine. “Yo…guys…it’s Alex. How are you? I’m gonna be in the area next week and thought I’d stop by. How’s Tuesday at seven? Call me.”

Lisa deleted the message and sighed. Kevin’s friend AJ was one of her favorite friends of his, and she loved when he would visit. AJ always made things seem better…even when they were at their worst. She lay back on the sofa and studied the ceiling. AJ had been one of Kevin’s bandmates in the Backstreet Boys, and after they had disbanded AJ had gone on to a very lucrative solo career. Due to some bad investments, both Kevin and Nick had gone through most of their savings rather quickly, and AJ had quickly offered to help them out. Nick accepted eagerly and was now working for AJ in his management company. Kevin had refused. He didn’t need charity and was going to make it on his own. Lisa had met up with him soon after, and they had taken this tiny apartment in New York so Kevin could be close to the publishers. He wanted to write his own songs…even if he didn’t get to perform them. Money was tight, but she didn’t want him for his money. She wanted Kevin for Kevin…except lately she wasn’t even getting Kevin. All she got was a shell of a man who expected her to clean up and take care of him, and not spend any money doing it. She wandered back to the bedroom.

“AJ called,” she said, leaning in the doorway. She knew Kevin hadn’t heard the phone call. “He’ll be in town next week and wants to see us.”

“Wants to gloat, probably.” Kevin didn’t look up from the keyboard of the piano. Lisa sighed.

“Kevin, would it kill us to have fun for once? I’d like to get out of the apartment every now and then.”

“Go then…no one’ s stopping you.”

Lisa bit back tears and turned to head back to the living room. “I’m sorry I bothered you.”

In an instant Kevin was at her side. “Oh…baby…wait…” He put his arms around her and pulled her to him. “I’m sorry…I am just really frustrated with this writer’s block. Can you forgive me?” Kevin tilted her face up to his and gently kissed her. “I love you, you know that, right?”

“Yes,” she sighed. She did know it…at least she THOUGHT she did.

“It’s great that AJ’s coming into town…maybe we’ll even get a free dinner.” Lisa looked up at him and saw that he was teasing. “What’s the weather like?”

“Warm…for March.”

“Excellent. Grab your jacket and we’ll go for a walk. Maybe I'll get some inspiration.” Kevin went to find his shoes as Lisa grabbed a sweater. She studied a tiny hole in the sleeve, wondering why the love she gave him wasn’t inspiration enough.

“Hey!” AJ picked Lisa up and swung her around, giving her a smacking kiss on the cheek. “How’s my favorite girl?”

“Good,” Lisa said simply, kissing AJ on his cheek as well.

“You losing weight?” AJ looked at her critically.

“Not that I’m aware of.”

“This loser mustn’t be feeding you right. Hey, Kevin.” AJ hugged his old friend.

“Hello, Alex,” Kevin said, trying to look as if he was enjoying his friend’s visit. It had been a bad day of writing after a few good days, so he was not in the best of moods.

“Okay.” AJ rubbed his hands together. “Where to for dinner? Lisa, you choose.”

Lisa looked worriedly at Kevin. She knew he felt as if AJ pitied them, and any choice she made would be a bad choice. There was no way she could let AJ know how bad things were. “Oh, Aje, you decide,” she told him. “We live here. We eat in this city every day.”

“Okay…Tavern on the Green all the way. I’ve been salivating for their food ever since you called to tell me we could get together tonight.” AJ smacked his black fedora back on his head. “Let’s go.”

Kevin sighed as he saw the limo downstairs waiting for him. He missed that kind of life but did his best not to show it. He slid across the seat and stared moodily out the window. Lisa sat beside him and AJ across from them. “How are things going, AJ?” Lisa asked. It was obvious that Kevin was not going to offer much to the conversation that evening, and she would do her best to cover it up.

“Good…some interesting developments have come up, which is one reason I wanted to see you guys. I’ll tell you about it at dinner, but I could really use your help on something, Kev.”

“If I can,” Kevin said, never taking his eyes from the street outside the limo. Lisa and AJ exchanged glances. She apologized with her brown eyes. There was nothing more she could do.

“So, AJ, what’s this big news?” Lisa asked as their salads were served. AJ leaned his elbows on the table and locked his fingers together.

“I’ve been asked to look at a movie script.”

“A movie?” Lisa squealed. Kevin raised an eyebrow.

“A movie? What do you know about acting, Bone?”

“I did it when I was younger,” AJ said a bit defensively. “If this thing works out, I’ll most definitely start up with lessons again, but it’s a part I can really identify with. Kinda like a modern James Bond but not as suave…you know…just like me.” Lisa laughed and Kevin gave her a dirty look. She sobered instantly and stared at her plate. “Anyway, Kev…they asked me if I would be interested in writing the score for the movie as well. As you know, I don’t know shit about writing the instrumental stuff…and I wondered if you’d be interested in showing some of them your stuff. Your music has such feeling in it…I know you’d have no problem capturing the emotion and stuff for each scene.”

“Oh, wow…AJ…” Lisa looked over at Kevin, her eyes sparkling. “This is just the breakthrough you’ve been looking for, honey!”

“I don’t know…I’d have to think about it,” Kevin said slowly. He said the words as if the whole idea tasted bad or something. “I’m not used to writing for something else. I write what I feel...I don’t know if I could write something like that.”

“They’d show you a few scenes and have you take a week or so to write for them…kinda like an audition,” AJ told him. “I thought of you as soon as they mentioned it.”

“Yes…couldn’t wait to jump at another opportunity to offer your friend some charity,” Kevin snapped. “I’m doing fine on my own.” He stood and threw his napkin down on the table. “I see my agent. Excuse me.” He stalked away from the table.

“I’m sorry,” Lisa said softly, her cheeks flaming with embarrassment. “He’s been having a hard time writing lately.”

“How about you?”

“Me? Oh, I’m fine. It’s just that Kevin…”

AJ took one of Lisa’s hands in his. “I didn’t ask about Kevin. I asked about you, Angel. How are you?”

“Hanging in there.”

“Not that it’s my business, but why aren’t YOU working?”

“Well…um…I do some part-time counseling, but Kevin said he writes better when I’m at home. That I…”

“He wants you around to take care of him,” AJ snapped. “If he’d swallow that dumbass pride for five minutes he’d see that HE’S the one keeping you guys in the poorhouse!”

“We’re not in the poorhouse!” Lisa snapped back. “Kevin and I love each other.”

“Love doesn’t put food on the table,” AJ pointed out and Lisa glared at him.

“He’s right…we don’t need your charity, AJ McLean.”

AJ looked at her, his eyes full of tenderness. He brought Lisa’s hand up to his mouth and kissed it. “If he would just write about the love you have for him, Lees, he’d have a number one hit in an instant. You’re one in a million.”

He never wrote a song for Lisa/he wrote as though he lived alone/he wrote of dreams that end, that of sad brave men/inventing worlds he’d never know…but he never wrote a song for Lisa/and she was right there all along/Loved him back to life when his luck ran low/But he never wrote a Lisa song…

“Kevin…Kevin…you need to come out of there,” Lisa called through the bathroom door. “You’ve been in there for, what, twenty hours now? Maybe I have to go…”

“You can go down to Mrs. Rockwell. She loves you to pieces anyway,” Kevin called back.

Lisa sighed. She HAD used the bathroom at the Rockwell’s…three times. She had explained that something was wrong with their plumbing, and Mrs. Rockwell had immediately let her in. She couldn’t tell the truth, that her wacko artistic boyfriend had locked himself in the bathroom until lyrics would flow correctly. “I’ve done that already, Kevin. Please come out…you’re beginning to worry me.”

“You don’t understand, Lisa…no one does.”

“I bet Brian or Howie would…why don’t you call them?”

“Are you kidding?” The bathroom door opened so quickly it scared her. “Howie’s never experienced writer’s block in his entire life. And Brian…well…we’re not talking.” The door shut again.

“NOW what?”

“He keeps bugging me to come home…says my Mom misses me. Well, I can’t come home. Not until this is done.”

Lisa stomped off to the bedroom and slammed the door. She was getting SO sick of this…she loved Kevin desperately, and knew how talented he really was, but she couldn’t handle these odd mood swings. She fumed and stared at the ceiling, then reached for the phone.

“Yo, this is Alex.”

“Alex? It’s Lisa?”

“Lisa? Hi, girlie, how are you? How’s Kev?”

“Well…um…” Tears started to stream down Lisa’s face. “I…I shouldn’t have called. Bye.”

“No…Lisa…wait,” AJ said in a soothing voice. “You don’t have to tell me…lemme guess…locked himself in the bathroom?”

“Yes,” she said, sighing. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Ignore him,” AJ said simply.

“WHAT?”

“He wants attention. He LOVES playing the part of the starving musician. He thinks it gives him depth. Trust me, Lees. Who knows him better than me besides you?”

“True,” Lisa said, sniffling.

“Do you have any extra money?”

“A little…I’ve been doing more work at the Youth Center so it’s quiet for Kevin to write.”

AJ sighed on the other end of the line but didn’t say anything about that. “Go out and do something for YOU. Go to a movie, buy some perfume, do SOMETHING for just you, okay? I guarantee you that he’ll be kissing your toes when you come back.”

“Okay…thanks, AJ.”

“Anytime, sweetheart.”

“Um…where are you? This is your cell, right?”

“Yes, it is. I’m on the way to acting classes. No big deal.”

“How is all that?”

“Fantastic, Lees. I forgot how much I really enjoy it.”

“I’m glad, Alex. I can’t wait to see you up on the silver screen. I’m just sorry Kevin turned down that offer.”

“Oh, well.” Lisa could almost see AJ shrug. “I didn’t figure he’d take it anyway. Go out and get some fresh air, okay?”

“I will. Love you, AJ.”

“Love you, too, girlie. Later.”

Lisa hung up and dug under the bed for her favorite sneakers. She slipped them on and then changed her shirt from an old sweatshirt to a decent blouse. She grabbed her purse and jacket, and knocked on the bathroom door. “Kevin, I’m going out for a few hours. I’ll be back later.” She didn’t wait for an answer.

He nearly broke his heart at writing/Lisa kept him from despair/Standing by his side through the hungry days/But he hardly seemed to see her there/And he never wrote a song for Lisa/And she was right there all along/The one real thing/In his crazy world/And he never wrote a Lisa song…

Lisa returned to the apartment three hours later feeling better than she had in days. She had gone to the movies and then treated herself to a huge gooey hot fudge sundae at the diner on the corner. Alex was right, she told herself. She deserved to do something for herself every now and then.

She whistled as she took the steps two at a time. Lisa paused outside the door of their apartment. For the first time in ages she heard piano music. She smiled. The inspiration must have arrived. She let herself in and tossed the keys on a coffee table. She desperately wanted to go in to Kevin, then decided she would wait and see.

Lisa was busy washing dishes when Kevin slowly walked into the kitchen. “Hey,” he said softly, leaning against the doorframe. His dark hair was tousled, and his green eyes were dark.

“Hey,” Lisa replied simply.

“Have a nice time?”

“Yes…went to a movie and then for something to eat.”

“That’s good.” Kevin scuffed his bare foot across the floor. “I finished the song.”

“That’s wonderful,” Lisa replied quietly, though her eyes were sparkling with pride. “Good?”

“Great.” Kevin took a step towards her. “I want you to hear it, Lees…I wanna play it for you and then I want us to fall into bed and snuggle for hours.”

“Okay…on one condition.” Lisa rinsed the last dish and turned to look at him. “Take a shower. You look like shit.”

Kevin smiled her favorite smile, the one where his nose scrunched into little wrinkles. “Deal.” He walked over and hugged her. “I’m sorry, Lisa. I’m sorry you’re living like this. Maybe you should find someone else.”

“No. Oh, no, Kevin.” As Lisa hugged him, her worries and concerns faded away. “I love you, Kevin…and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“I’ve been waiting and waiting for you to come back and hear this,” he told her, kissing her forehead. “It’s the best work I’ve done for a while. Go wait in the bedroom, okay? I’ll be five minutes.”

As Lisa practically skipped back to the bedroom, she made herself ignore the fact that Kevin hadn’t said he loved her in return.

Lisa stumbled in the door, almost falling over the pile of mail that lay on the floor inside the apartment. She stared at it as she put her purse on the hall table. Kevin was usually home during the day and opened all the mail. She picked up the stack of envelopes and quickly discarded the junk mail. Three of the envelopes were bills. Overdue electric, overdue rent, and overdue payments on the piano.

Lisa pulled off her shoes as she went down the hall towards the bedroom. She stared at the notices in her hand. Why hadn’t he told her? She let out a short scream as she saw Kevin lying on the bed, hands behind his head, staring at the ceiling.

“God…Kevin…you scared me! I didn’t know you were home!”

“Where else would I be?” He asked in a dull voice. “Good day at the Center?”

“The kids were a bit rowdy today, but otherwise good.” Lisa sat on the edge of the bed. “How about you?”

“Okay, I guess. Didn’t feel much like writing today.”

Lisa tapped the envelopes on her leg, looking for the right words to say. “We got some bills today.”

“Uh-huh.”

“They’re second notices, Kevin. When were you going to tell me? I thought you said we were okay.”

“We WERE okay…if I had these songs done on time.” Kevin blinked, his eyes never leaving the ceiling. “The cutoff day was last Tuesday. I couldn’t get it done.”

“Kevin, your writing is wonderful, but you’re such a perfectionist,” Lisa said gently. “You could have turned in those songs you had and…”

“Don’t fucking tell me what I could have done, okay?” Kevin sat up, glaring at her. His voice was like ice. “You don’t know shit about writing or music or anything.”

“Kevin, I…” Lisa’s fingers clenched and unclenched the envelopes nervously. “I just…”

“You just wanted to help…yes…I know…well…help pay those bills then.” Kevin snatched them out of her hand and tore them up before she could stop him.

“That’s not going to solve anything, Kevin,” she snapped angrily. “In about a week, we will have no power and no place to stay.”

Kevin picked up one of the shredded envelopes. “And no piano, apparently.”

“Fuck the piano, Kevin!” Lisa screamed. Kevin stared at her. “You can write without a piano. We’ll get a keyboard, for God’s sakes.” Lisa put a hand on his arm. “Kevin, please…we’re about to get kicked out of our home. Let me call someone…AJ…Brian…your mom.”

“NO!” Kevin shouted, punching the wall. Lisa stared at the dent in the plaster. “I’m not gonna let them see me like this. I’m not gonna let them give me fucking charity.” He began to pace. “I’m not a fucking accountant…I’m a musician…I’m supposed to write not add, dammit.” He ran a hand through his dark hair, kicking shoes and books out of his way. “I’ve got all those awards…maybe I could pawn or sell them. Wonder if those things are really gold or whatever? If I could get at least five hundred, I could save the piano.”

The piano? “Kevin, what about our home? What about electricity? How will you be able to write in the dark?” Lisa looked at him miserably. He was totally avoiding the point. “And even if we suddenly come into some sort of windfall…how long until this happens again?” Kevin stared at her and said nothing. “Look…Kevin…I can start working full-time at the Center. They need me. I can pick up a second job, too. We can work this out.”

Kevin looked at her for a long time. He slowly walked over to her and put his hands on her shoulders. “You are way too good for me, Lees.” He kissed her forehead. “Don’t get a second job. It’s not necessary. If you want to get more hours at the Center, that’s fine. I know you enjoy your work there.” Kevin pulled out his wallet. “How much cash do you have?”

“About thirty,” Lisa said warily.

“I have about fifty here. Let’s go out and blow it on a nice dinner, okay? If we’re gonna go down, might as well go down in style.”

Or flames, Lisa mentally added, silently handing over the thirty dollars.

Lisa smiled as she walked the few blocks from the Youth Center to the apartment. The night before had been amazing. They had splurged on an expensive dinner, then made love for hours once they got back to the apartment. Kevin was once more the attentive man she had fallen in love with, and she was filled with hope for their future. If worst came to worst, she could call AJ, bum some money, and get them an even smaller apartment. They could probably survive in one room, if they could fit the piano in it.

“Honey?” Lisa called as she unlocked the door. Her voice seemed to strangely echo. “Kevin?” She wandered through the apartment. It looked cleaner than usual. Kevin must’ve gotten into some sort of Mr. Clean mode and…she gasped as she looked in the bedroom. Her clothing scattered the floor as usual, but she saw nothing of Kevin’s. For a moment she thought they had been robbed, then she noticed the emptiness of the room. The piano was gone.

Lisa blindly wandered through the apartment, tears streaming down her face. Kevin had left most of his things, but anything regarding his music was definitely gone. As she walked into the hallway, something on the wall by the front door caught her eye. Lisa read it out loud to fill the stillness of the apartment.

“Lisa…I know this is the coward’s way out, but I can’t do it. I can’t handle the failure. I was born to write and dream, not to worry about things like this. I am sure you will be able to find somewhere to go…sell the things I left if you need money. As soon as I am back on my feet I’ll call you. I caught a ride with a friend out and we’re headed out west. Thank you for everything, and I’m sorry. Kevin.”

Sorry? He was sorry? Lisa leaned back against the front door and slowly slid to the floor, tucking herself into a little ball.

When the bills piled up, couldn’t pay/He couldn’t dream no more/So he hitched a ride and he rode away/And he left a note for Lisa by the door…by the door…

One month later

“Alex, I don’t know how to repay you,” Lisa said as she flopped onto her sofa. She looked around the apartment and smiled happily. It was small, it was in a less than beautiful section of town, and at that moment it looked like a hurricane had hit it, but it was all hers.

“Well, I take check or money order, in easy monthly installments,” AJ said, shoving some books off of a chair before sitting down. “I wish you would have allowed me to get you something nicer, though. This is...”

“Perfect,” Lisa told him. “Perfect for me. It’s a ten-minute subway ride to the Center, and it’s easy to get to the grocery and the laundromat. It’s just what I wanted, AJ. And as soon as I’m back on my feet, I’ll pay you back the money you loaned me.”

“Sugar, you don’t have to worry about that, okay? You just get settled in here and then worry about paying me back.” AJ moved over to sit next to her on the sofa. “Lisa…about Kevin…”

“I don’t want to talk about him,” she said, stiffening. He put an arm around her and forced her to relax against him.

“Too bad. He wasn’t always like that, Lees. He wasn’t always such a fucking coward.” AJ’s eyes turned almost black. “I would love to break both his legs and each one of his fingers for hurting you like that. I want to…”

“Alex, I get the idea,” Lisa said with a wan smile. “It’s probably for the best. I’m sure that…” The phone rang and cut her off. “That’s weird. I’ve only had this number for a week, and very few people have it.” Lisa reached over the back of the sofa for the phone. “Hello?”

“Lisa…it’s me…it’s Kevin.”

“Kevin,” Lisa whispered. AJ got up and went to inspect her view, scowling in the general direction of the phone before looking out the window.

“How are you, baby?”

“I’m…um…I’m fine. You?”

“Great. Just great. There are a lot of opportunities for me out here, ya know, with movies and everything and…”

“You’re in California?”

“Yes, and it’s fabulous. You’d love it.”

“AJ offered you work in a movie and you turned it down,” Lisa snapped, surprising herself. “What’s the difference?”

“Well, for starters, it’s ME getting the work, not someone offering it to me,” he snapped back. “Look, I don’t need this attitude right now, Lisa.”

“Then why the hell did you call, Kevin?” Lisa’s voice rose to an almost-shriek as she stood.

“I missed you, baby.” Lisa fell back onto the sofa again. “I missed you and it’s lonely…it’s not any easier out here…and I was having a rough day. You were always able to make the rough days a bit sunnier, ya know?”

“Oh, Kevin…” Lisa whispered, tears filling her eyes.

“You changed the number,” he said. “I had to call information.”

“I had to get a different apartment. A friend loaned me money,” Lisa told him, looking towards AJ. She could see he was angry by the line of his body as he stared out the window.

“Look…I gotta go. Long distance bills are a bitch, you know? I’ll call again when I have the time. It was great talking to you.”

“Bye, Kevin,” she said, hanging up before he could say more. She stared at the phone in her hand. No mention of having her join him. No mention of him loving her.

“No. No. Don’t let him do it.” In an instant AJ was at her side, holding her in his arms. “Don’t let him make you cry. Don’t let him get to you.”

“He sounded so lonely…so alone,” she said sorrowfully. AJ leaned back to look her in the eye.

“Are you a fucking idiot or something? Excuse my French, Lees, but why in the world are you wasting your emotions on how HE feels? HE left YOU. HE left YOU with all the bills. HE chickened out and ran. Cry for you, do NOT cry for him.” AJ’s harsh tone only made her cry harder. “God…what the hell kind of friend am I?” AJ rocked her for a while, kissing the top of her head occasionally. When her crying had wound down to sniffles, he stopped rocking. “You have dust bunnies in your hair and smudges on your face. Go clean up, then we’ll go back to my hotel so I can also clean up, and then we’ll go out for a fantastic dinner and a night on the town. Okay?”

“I don’t think I’m up to a night on the town, Alex,” she sniffled.

“The hell you aren’t. This is an order from Uncle AJ. GO!” He pointed to the bathroom door. She giggled and stood. On her way to the bathroom she stopped and kissed his cheek.

“You’re wonderful, AJ.”

“That’s what’s on my business cards. AJ “Wonderful” McLean,” he told her. She giggled again and headed for the bathroom to shower.

When times got rough he’d phone her/Once or twice she took the call…

Two Months Later

“I love summer,” AJ said with a sigh as he flopped down onto the blanket. Sand flew everywhere, and Lisa made a big deal of choking and flapping her arms. “You’re funny. Very funny. Maybe I can find you a spot on my new show.”

“Thanks but no thanks,” Lisa said, smiling at him. She pushed her sunglasses up on her nose. “You love summer? Every day is summer in this oven you call Florida.”

“Hey, it’s better then that filthy city YOU live in, girlie,” AJ shot back. He put on his own sunglasses quickly. He wanted a quiet day on the beach without fans…just for five minutes. He had just signed on to do a television sitcom and more and more people were beginning to recognize him. They could have spent the day on his private beach, but he liked to get out into the ‘real world’ every now and then.

“I like New York…it’s big enough to lose yourself in…and then the memories don’t follow you,” she said slowly. Lisa leaned back in her sunchair and closed her eyes, but AJ continued to look at her.

“Have you heard from him?”

“Since I’ve changed my number? No. I was getting sick of him calling whenever he was down and lonely…it ended up making ME down and lonely, and I don’t need that shit anymore.”

“Good for you.” AJ clapped his hands and people looked at them.

“Stop it!” Lisa snapped with a smile. “People are looking.”

“Let them look. I’m used to it.” AJ looked at her over his sunglasses. “You really okay?”

“Better then I’ve been in ages,” she said truthfully. “I’m thinking of moving, though. I’ve been doing really well at saving some money, and I think I can afford something else. I’m ready to move on out of the Youth Center…maybe out of New York all together.”

“I know someplace you can go,” AJ said quietly.

“Really? Where?”

“Florida?”

“What’s in Florida?”

“Me,” AJ answered simply.

“You are the most egotistical…” Lisa started to tease him before she realized that he was totally serious. “Alex, what are you saying?”

AJ sat up and took her hand. “Lisa, I’ve loved you since the second Kevin introduced you to me. You were pretty and intelligent and fun, and you didn’t put up with any of my crap. I saw him using you and it just KILLED me. But I told myself that what you needed was a friend, so I was that friend. Now…I can’t stand it anymore. I want more. I mean…I don’t want to threaten our friendship, but…I couldn’t hold back any longer.” Lisa’s mouth fell open and she was unable to speak. AJ continued, “I would love it if you would move down here. I’ll be in California for the next few months, and you could watch my house for me…take care of my dogs…go through the junk mail…” AJ smiled at her. “Then, when I come back on breaks, we could see if we might have something else besides friendship.”

“Oh, Alex,” Lisa said softly, staring at his hand as he played with her fingers.

“Are you mad?”

“NO, I’m not mad, ya damn troll,” Lisa giggled through tears. “I just…do you realize that all the time you were falling IN love with me, Kevin was falling out of love with me? That is, if he ever really DID love me.” Lisa looked at him shyly. “I could fall in love with you, AJ…very easily. I’m afraid, though. I can’t handle another heartbreak like that.”

“We would take it slow,” AJ said earnestly. “Slow and patient. I can be that. I have been that. I’ll be gone most of the time anyway.” He brought her hand up to his mouth and kissed her palm. “But it will make coming home so much more special knowing you’re there waiting for me.”

Lisa turned her hand so her fingers traced his cheek. “Okay, Alex. I’ll move to Florida. I’ll stay in your house, weed out the junk mail, take care of your dogs…and who knows…maybe I’ll even fall in love with you.”

“Oh, you will…I’m irresistible,” he said with a smirk. Lisa slapped at him playfully but he caught her hand, gently pulling her towards him. Before she knew it, their lips were meeting, and she fell into the kiss wholeheartedly. When he finally released her, she sighed.

“You’re not gonna make it easy to resist you, are you?”

“Hell, no,” he said with a cocky grin. He jumped up, brushing off sand. “I’m gonna go in the water. Coming?”

“In a bit,” Lisa said. She needed to think and he understood. He bent down and kissed her forehead.

“Don’t take too long,” he said, and he meant it in more ways then one.

“I won’t,” she promised, and she meant it.

Six Months Later

“Bah, humbug,” Kevin thought to himself as he strolled down Rodeo Drive one afternoon in early December. The stores weren’t as tacky as the ones in New York, but they still tried everything they could to shove Christmas and Season’s Greetings and BuyBuyBuy down your throat as much as possible. He kicked a stone, actually missing the crispness of the northeast in the winter…the way the cold burned your lungs when you inhaled…the way taxis would cover your feet and legs with slush as they sped through the busy streets. Kevin sighed, glancing into the one of the stores as he strode by. He froze and backtracked when he saw a petite woman with long dark hair. No…it couldn’t…

No…it wasn’t. The woman turned around and she wasn’t her. Wasn’t Lisa. No matter how bad he wished and how hard he tried, all the women in all the world could never be Lisa. He did his normal mental asskicking as he grabbed a cab back to his apartment. It was all his fault. All his fault that he was alone with no one to take care of him…to understand him…to love him. He went out every now and then; new friends loved to introduce him to single women. They weren’t her…they didn’t get what his music meant to him, how it was his life. All along Lisa had loved him and supported him no matter what, and all he had done was push her away.

When Kevin got to his apartment, he went to the fridge and grabbed a beer, then flopped onto the sofa. He turned on the TV and began to aimlessly flip channels. He stopped at some awards thing being covered by Entertainment Tonight. They were at the Arena downtown, and he looked to see if anyone he knew was there.

The bottle hit the ground, beer pooling around Kevin’s bare toes. He didn’t care. His eyes were glued to the television screen where AJ McLean stopped to talk to the reporter. “AJ! How does it feel to be nominated tonight?”

“Well, as you can imagine, Elaine, it’s just incredible. The competition I’m up against is unreal, and this is something I never expected.”

“I understand you got engaged recently.”

“Yes…this is Lisa. Lees, quit shying away from the camera,” AJ said, yanking on Lisa’s arm until she moved into view. She blushed prettily and had a hard time keeping her eyes up on the reporter’s face.

“Lisa, how does it feel to be here on the arm of one of the hottest tickets in Hollywood?”

“I don’t know about that…I’ve known Alex for a few years now, before he was a hot ticket. I know him as the one who leaves his dirty socks on the floor and dirty dishes in the sink.”

The reporter laughed. “Good luck, AJ, on your nomination tonight and the upcoming nuptials.”

“Thank you, Elaine.” AJ blew a kiss to the camera then kissed Lisa’s cheek. She glared at him affectionately then took his arm as they moved down the red carpet.

Kevin turned off the TV, his mouth hanging open. This was why he hadn’t been able to find her. This was why New York information had no number for her. She was probably living in Florida now…with AJ. His supposed friend. Kevin stopped himself from getting any angrier at AJ or Lisa. It wasn’t their fault. It was his fault. He knew that AJ was in town on a regular basis for his show, but he never tried to get in touch with him. He was too ashamed of how he had acted, and he knew that AJ would probably be in contact with Lisa. They had always been close. He just hadn’t figured on them getting THIS close.

Kevin silently toasted the blank TV screen, mentally wishing them luck in everything. He gulped down the rest of his beer, then stood. He walked to the piano with a sigh, preparing to immerse himself in the one thing that would never leave him and never disappoint him.

When times got rough he’d phone her/Once or twice she took the call/Then she changed her number and she turned her head/And Lisa never looked back at all/He’ll never write a song for Lisa/And she was right there all along/Oh, all he knows/Is no one understand/And he never wrote a Lisa song…no he never wrote a Lisa song…

The End

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