One More Time

By: Lara

Lara hummed as she sat at her sewing machine. She desperately wanted this to come out right. She lay the white trim against the soft fabric, then sighed. She picked up the fabric, studying the Precious Moments figures that dotted its length. She smiled happily and sighed again. “Katherine McLean…Katherine Denise McLean…Katherine Jane McLean.” She put the fabric back under the needle. “Alexandra Lynne McLean…oh, I like that.” She froze. “A boy. Euw. Didn’t think of that one…James Howard McLean…sounds like a president.” She giggled, then slowly started the needle moving. She was stitching together the fabric for the top of the changing table and she wanted it to be perfect.

She slowly and carefully added the trim, then turned off the machine triumphantly. She reverently folded the fabric, then put it in a drawer. There were still five months to go, and she wanted to have something to look forward to. She looked at the clock and gasped. Alex would be back from his errands before she knew it, and she still needed to shower and get dressed.

She dreamily rubbed her stomach as she stood in the shower. AJ’s baby. They had been married for two years, and although Brian and Kevin were both fathers, it was a shock to everyone when AJ had announced her pregnancy. No one had expected him to want children so soon, but his devotion and care amused everyone. He didn’t want her to do anything but sit around for nine months, and she finally screamed bloody murder when he tried to keep her from washing dishes. After the first two months, AJ had finally began to calm down, and now he kept a silent careful eye on her.

She was towel-drying her hair when the phone rang. “Hello?”

“Lara?”

“Alex! Where are you? I’m running late…I’m sorry.”

“Look…we can’t do dinner, but you need to get dressed anyway.”

“What’s going on?” Lara sat down on the bed. His tone was strange.

“I’m…I’m at the hospital.”

“What?” Lara shrieked, standing back up again.

“Calm down, baby…don’t hurt yourself. I’m fine.” AJ’s voice broke on the words. “It’s Nick…he’s been stabbed…murdered.”

Lara hurried up to the nurse at the Emergency Room desk. “Carter?”

“Yes, Mrs. Carter?”

“No.” Lara shook her head. “I’m Mrs. McLean…I’m here for Nick Carter. He was brought earlier…stabbing victim.” She choked on the words.

The nurse looked her over. “I’m sorry, Mrs. McLean…I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Look, I know you’re not supposed to let anyone in where he is, but I’m a friend. My husband’s already in there.” She started to get frustrated. “Isn’t there some sort of list you can check?”

“Evelyn, hold on.” Another nurse walked over with a clipboard. “What’s your name?”

“Lara. Lara McLean.”

“Yes…she’s here.” Lara gave the first nurse an evil but triumphant look. “Through those double doors, second door on the left. Private lobby.”

“Thank you,” she said, practically running down the hallway. She burst through the door of the private lobby. AJ walked over and hugged her, his hand unconsciously rubbing her stomach.

“Hi, baby.” He hugged her for a long time, and soon she felt his shoulders shake.

“Shhh…Alex…it’s okay…you can cry…” she whispered.

“I just talked to him this morning…just talked to him…” he whispered miserably. He finally pulled himself together and stepped back. “How are you?”

“Fine…” Lara said softly. “I did my crying at home. I needed to be strong here.” She looked around the room. Lisa, Brian, Kevin and Brian’s wife Melissa were in a corner. Howie and his wife Kelley were talking quietly on a sofa. Lara walked over an put a hand on the shoulder of the woman by the window. “Shell.”

“Lara, hi.” A smile framed Shelley’s tear-stained face. “I was hoping you’d get here soon.”

“How are you, Honey?” Lara’s hand traced the bruise on Shelley’s cheekbone.

“I’m okay…you didn’t need to come.”

“Of course I did!” Lara said angrily. “You’re my friend. Nick was my boyfriend once. I needed to be here for you.”

“I went out for groceries, Lara,” Shelley said, sobs in her voice. “I went out for groceries. I was going to cook him dinner. We were going to have an indoor date. I was gonna make dinner and we were gonna have a romantic evening. I was only gone for about an hour or so!”

“It’s not your fault, Shelley. It never was your fault, and this definitely isn’t your fault.” Lara lightly pressed her lips to the bruise on Shelley’s cheek and held her friend tight.

AJ walked over and hugged Lara from behind. “Shelley…you have a receipt for the groceries, right?”

Lara looked at her husband and read his mind. “Alex, this isn’t a good idea right now.”

“It needs to be asked…she needs to be ready.” He turned his brown eyes on Shelley. “You have one, right? With the time on the bottom?”

“I suppose so. Why?”

“Just to prove you were at the store at the time Nick was…at the time…at the time it happened.” Lara felt AJ tighten against her. “With your history…with Nick…um…well…” his eyes flickered to the bruise on Shelley’s cheek. “They might suspect you or something.”

“ME?”

“But,” AJ tried to smile, “You have a receipt proving you were at the store, so it’s all good. No worries.”

“I could never stab Nicky. I love him! We were working it out.”

“Of course you were.” Lara hugged Shelley once more. “Dumbass,” she muttered in the direction of her husband. He sighed and walked over to Brian, who was beside himself with grief.

“Frack…gone…I can’t believe it…” He openly wept on Melissa’s shoulder. “I want to FUCKING KILL whoever did this!” Brian shouted.

“Rok, quiet down, dude…it’s okay…” AJ squeezed his shoulder helplessly.

A doctor walked into the room and there was immediate silence. “Miss Zepeda, may I speak with you?”

“Anything you have to say can be said in front of these people. They are our closest friends,” Shelley said bravely.

“Very well.” The doctor sighed. “Mr. Carter died from multiple stab wounds to the chest…” he continued on but Lara and Shelley seemed to drift away. They had both loved him, Lara a long time ago, Shelley ever since she had met him. They knew his body, knew his soul, knew the chest that had been damaged by a knife’s blade. Lara had moved on, but Shelley had never been able to. She would always love him…no matter what.

“Just don’t listen,” Lara whispered. “You can get by if you don’t hear it.”

“He’s not coming back,” Shelley said sadly.

“You still love him? After everything?”

“We’re not discussing this now,” Shelley snapped, turning around. The doctor stopped talking, startled.

“Yeah, well, how do you explain that one?” Lara said just as angrily, motioning to Shelley’s face. “What did you trip over this time?”

“Lara, look…”

“I AM looking. I’m looking at how stupid you are to even stay with him…after all this…” Lara stopped suddenly, realizing that everyone in the room was watching her. No one knew this…no one but Shelley and Lara and Alex. She also realized that she was talking about Nick in the present tense. “I’m sorry…Shell…” Lara broke down into sobs as well.

“No…shh…it’s okay…I’m sorry, too. He’s gone…” The girls cried on each other’s shoulders.

“Hundreds of crying fans gathered around this church in Orlando, Florida, today, to pay their last respects to Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys. Twenty-five year old Nickolas Gene Carter, born in New York State but considered one of Florida’s own, was stabbed three days ago by a still unknown assailant. Friends, family and the rest of the Backstreet Boys are still in shock, and no one has given any interviews to the press. Though the group had essentially broken up, one or more of the Boys have been involved in various projects together, whether it be investing in nightclubs, co-writing songs and movie scores, and even starring in movies. Nick Carter will be missed by everyone his talents and life has touched. Back to you in the studio.”

“I’m out in the crowd of fans, trying to get some opinions on why everyone loved Nick Carter. What’s your name, young lady?”

“Caroline.”

“Caroline, why did you love Nick Carter?”

“He was…so…so beautiful…and he could sing…and he was just wonderful…and now he’s gone. I can’t believe someone would do this!”

“What’s your name?”

“Erika?”

“Erika, why are you here?”

“Nick Carter gave so much of himself. Even after the Backstreet Boys broke up…he was still a part of our lives, and I love him! We all do!”

“Thank you, ladies. Now, back to you, Rich.”

And so it continued. The media was at a frenzy pitch, and they were EVERYWHERE. Outside everyone’s home, outside the church, outside the funeral home. Bodyguards had to escort Shelley, the remaining Boys, and their wives to their cars just to go to the church. Thankfully the Orlando police force had expected something like this, and they were well prepared.

Shelley sat between Lara and Nick’s brother Aaron in the front pew of the church. Aaron, a seventeen-year-old replica of Nick, sat in stormy silence. He was closer to Nick than he was to anyone else, and this shock had almost killed him. He held Shelley’s hand tightly. The other Carter siblings were on his other side, with his mother and father on the end. Jane and Nick had not been close the last few years, and she made a great show of the grieving mother.

A choir sang, and Brian got up to speak. It was obvious how difficult this was, and Melissa attempted to give him supportive looks whenever she caught his eye. “Nick Carter was the baby brother I never had…and I don’t remember ever really wanting. Once he was in my life, though…I could never have imagined it without him. He was my very best friend, and I loved him like family.” Tears spilled down his face, but he didn’t seem to notice. “Life without Nick in it will definitely be boring…quiet, even.” A small smile crossed his face. “I can only imagine the way he is tearing up heaven…and for all the angels’ sakes, I hope there’s a basketball court up there. Love you, Frack.”

“My name is Kevin Richardson…and I guess I was Nick’s biggest brothers. We clashed as much as two human beings could, and loved each other as much as two men could. We were as different as night and day…but in all honesty I was jealous of all the things that made Nick different than me…I just wish I could have brought myself to tell him that.” Kevin looked at the ceiling for a moment. “He was spontaneous, crazy, fun-loving…and a caring wonderful person. He’ll be sorely missed.”

“I’m Howie Dorough. Nick and I seemed to bicker more than we got along…but when you needed someone, Nick was there. He was kind and considerate, and always knew what to do when you were down and needed cheering up. I worked a lot with Nick over the past year, writing and producing for other performers. None of that will be the same now. I love you, man.”

Lara poked AJ. “It’s your turn.”

“I can’t do this.” His brown eyes were more serious than she had ever seen them. “I can’t say that shit.”

“Alexander McLean, do it! You know why you have to…” Lara’s eyes filled with tears as she spoke so Shelley wouldn’t hear. “Please.”

AJ sighed and went to the podium. Everyone expected him to say the right thing, so he said it. “Nick Carter was a unique guy…no one quite got what made him go…or what made him do the things he did. He was crazy and wild and full of energy…and he’ll be missed.”

The motorcade was huge. Car upon car slowly puttered to the cemetery. Aaron helped Shelley through the grass to the gravesite and kept an arm around her as they laid Nick to rest. Lara soon walked away from the others, looking down the hillside at nothing. This Nick, the one that everyone spoke so well of…that was Nick Carter, true, but she knew why Alex couldn’t say what the others had said. He knew what only other person knew about Nick…and that person was Shelley.

It was three days after the funeral and Shelley still wasn’t answering the phone. Lara gave up calling; she knew that if Shelley needed her, she’d call. AJ was worried about her, and practically ordered her to go back to bed and rest. That turned into one of their rare fights, the kind where Lara called AJ a whore and AJ called her a ball and chain around his neck. He slammed doors, she threw books, and it all ended in a massive makeup sex session that lasted for three hours.

“I just worry,” AJ said as Lara snuggled back next to him, their bodies slick with sweat. His hand drew lazy patterns across her slightly chubby belly. “I don’t want this thing with Nick to stress you out.”

“YOU’RE the only thing that’s stressing me out right now, Alex McLean,” she teased, closing her eyes. “I’m just worried about Shelley.”

“She’ll call if she needs us,” AJ reminded her. He sighed. “I can’t believe he’s gone. I mean, sixty percent of the time I hated him lately, but he’s gone. Nicky. Gone.”

“Yeah,” Lara said sadly.

The next morning Lara answered the phone and was surprised to hear Aaron Carter on the other end. “Aaron, hey…” she couldn’t help but smile. For the short time that she and Nick had been an item, she and Aaron had gotten along very well. “How are you, Baby Bear?”

“Hanging in there, Mama Bear,” he replied, answering her nickname for him with his for her. “Guess that’s true now, huh?” Aaron laughed.

“Yeah.” AJ walked into the kitchen and looked at her questioningly. “Aaron,” she mouthed.

“Hey, Little Carter!” AJ screamed, and she heard Aaron chuckle.

“Tell AJ hi for me, too.” Aaron took a deep breath. “Lara, I have something for you. Would it be okay if I stopped by?”

“Of course, Aaron, you’re always welcome here,” Lara told him.

“I’ll stop by in about an hour, then. See you.”

Lara hung up. “Odd.”

“What’s up?” AJ came behind her and kissed her neck.

“Aaron is coming over in an hour…says he has something for me.”

“Hmmm…I don’t know about that. He’s turning into quite the heartthrob…and you’re sexy…” AJ pretended to be jealous.

“Yeah, okay. I’m like halfway to heifer and he’s a heartthrob. I’m SURE he wants to come over and get it on with me,” she said, rolling her eyes as she pulled things from the fridge to make AJ a sandwich.

“Okay…maybe he’s coming over to get it on with ME,” AJ suggested, and Lara giggled. He was hopeless.

“Can I watch?”

“Pervert,” he said, kissing her cheek.

“I learned from the best, Pervert Number One,” she said, giggling as he pretended to be offended.

AJ let Aaron into the house, then discreetly disappeared upstairs. Lara and Aaron sat on the back deck. “Do you want anything to drink?” Lara asked, and he shook his head.

“I can’t stay long. I’m gonna go hang with Shelley today. She finally answered the phone.”

“Thank God,” Lara said. “I’m worried about her.”

“I think she’s getting a BIT better…though I know how she feels,” Aaron said with a sad sigh. He pulled something from the pocket of his shorts. “We read the will yesterday.”

“Oh,” Lara said softly. All five of the Backstreet Boys had made wills when Kevin had gotten married a few years back. They had changed them a few times when they got married and started having children, but Kevin had convinced them it was a good idea. You never knew what might happen.

“I have a box of stuff by the door that Nick wanted AJ to have…Backstreet stuff…but this was for you.” He held out something that shimmered in the sun.

“Aaron, I can’t…oh, holy fuck.” Tears brimmed in Lara’s eyes as she took the gold bracelet. “But I thought he never…”

“He said in the will that he wanted it to be removed if humanly possible and given to you. I know he never took it off…but I know you gave it to him.” Aaron looked at her carefully. “Are you okay?”

Lara was absolutely pale. “Yeah…I’m fine…just hit me hard, that’s all.”

“Well…um…I guess I’m gonna go…you sure you don’t need me to get AJ?” Aaron looked at Lara worriedly.

“No…I’m fine,” she whispered.

He kissed her cheek. “I’ll show myself out.”

“Give Shelley a hug for me,” she said, and he nodded. Aaron turned and went back to the house. Lara stared at the chain in her hand for a long moment. She ran her fingers over the inscription. She knew it by heart, for she had given the bracelet to him.

“Happy anniversary, Nick,” Lara said shyly, handing him a small box. His face lit up.

“For me?” He unwrapped the box eagerly. “Oh, wow…babygirl…it’s gorgeous. I’m never ever gonna take it off.” He started to clasp it around his wrist.

“No, wait…there’s something inside…” she said quickly, and he turned the bracelet over.

“I promise you…from the bottom of my heart…I will love you ‘til death do us part…” he read. “Oh, Lara, this is wonderful. I can’t believe it’s been a year already.” He hugged her tight and kissed her forehead. He lightly traced the bruise on her cheek with his lips. “You know how much I love you, right?”

“Of course,” she said, nodding obediently.

“And you know I just want things to always be perfect between us…and sometimes I need to correct the things that are wrong, right?” She nodded again. “Good. C’mere for your surprise.” He took her hand and led her to the bedroom. She shrieked when she saw the bed.

“Nick! You bought it! You bought the bed! I always wanted this bed!” She threw herself on it and began rolling around in delight. She stared up at the white gauze canopy and sighed. “It’s like a dream come true!”

“You really like it?”

“Yes, I do!” She sat up and grinned at him. “Thank you, Nick.”

He walked over, pulling off his shirt as he walked. “I always take care of my babygirl, don’t I?”

“Yes, Nicky,” she said as he pulled her to her feet. “Always.”

“Lara?”

“Don’t!” Lara yelled, jumping to her feet. She blinked a few times as she saw AJ in front of her. “Alex? I’m sorry…I dozed off.”

“What did Aaron want?”

“They read the will yesterday…and he dropped some stuff off for us. There’s a box for you by the door.”

“I don’t want any of his shit,” AJ growled, then sighed. “But I’ll take a look. You okay?”

“Yeah…I just think I need to lay down,” she admitted. AJ immediately shoved her into the house and up the stairs to their bedroom. He tucked her in, then went down to look through the box of things from Nick.

The next day Shelley called and asked Lara to come over for lunch. Lara hurriedly got dressed and zoomed over to the beach house that she had once shared with Nick, and that Shelley had shared with him for a little over two years. She found a lump growing in her throat as she walked to the door. It was inconceivable that Nick wasn’t going to be answering the door.

“Hey,” Shelley said, a tired smile on her face. Lara hugged her tight.

“Hi, Shel…how are you?”

“Okay.” She led the way back through the house to the sunny dining room area. “It’s hard sometimes…I think I hear his footsteps or smell his cologne…and there’s nothing there. Some nights I actually thought I was going crazy.”

“Living with him, I’m surprised you didn’t already,” Lara mumbled, but she heard her.

“Lara, that is done. I don’t know why…”

“You don’t know WHY? Shelley, I’m the one who picked you up in the middle of the night, gave you bandages and soaked your bruises with warm cloths. Who knew better than me?”

“It’s not what you thought…I messed up a lot and…”

“Let me guess, Shel. Nick said it was his job to make sure everything was right in the relationship, and that sometimes he had to correct you, right?” Lara could tell by the look on her face that she had heard those words before. “Maybe this was a Godsend, Shel. It got you out of something that…”

“Do NOT say that!” Shelley screamed. “Nick was gonna propose to me…I just know it! We were gonna leave next month for a trip to the Caribbean, and he was gonna propose! YOU messed up, and that’s why he never proposed to you!”

“He never proposed to me because I was smart enough to LEAVE his sorry ass!” Lara yelled back, then placed a protective hand on her stomach. Shelley gasped.

“God, Lara…I’m sorry…are you okay?”

“Yeah…too much stress makes the little one jumpy, that’s all.”

We were both startled by a knock at the front door. Shelley peeked through the peephole then opened the door. “Yes?”

“Miss Zepeda? I’m Detective Rodriguez.” The woman with long dark hair flashed her badge. “We spoke on the phone?”

“Yes, Detective, come in, please.” Shelley moved aside. The woman studied Lara.

“Is this a bad time?”

“No. We were just having lunch. Detective, this is Lara McLean, the wife of one of Nick’s best friends.”

“Ah, yes, AJ’s wife. I’m Dawn Rodriguez.” She held out her hand and Lara shook it. “I actually just finished speaking to him. Would you mind answering a few questions before I speak with Miss Zepeda?”

“No, of course not,” Lara replied. Shelley went for iced tea as Lara and the detective sat down at the table. She flipped open a notebook.

“Mrs. McLean…when was the last time you saw Nick Carter alive?”

Lara thought for a moment. “The night before he was…uh…the night before he died. I stopped by to pick something up from Shelley.”

“I see.” She scribbled furiously. “And did he seem normal to you?”

“As normal as Nick got,” Lara said with a smile. “Yes, he seemed fine. He and Shelley had been having troubles recently, but they really seemed happy and on the mend that night.”

“Yes…that’s what Miss Zepeda told me. I understand you were his girlfriend before Miss Zepeda?”

“Yes,” Lara replied. “We were together for a few years before I married Alex.”

“So you knew him pretty well.”

“I like to think so.”

“Can you think of ANYONE who might have had some kind of grudge against him?”

“Against Nick? No…not really. He didn’t have many close friends, and I don’t really know about his business life and any contacts there.”

“I see.” Shelley returned with iced tea. I took a few sips, then stood.

“I’m gonna go, Shel, so you can talk. It was nice meeting you, Detective Rodriguez.”

“You too, Mrs. McLean. Thank you for your time.”

Lara heaved a sigh of relief as she crawled behind the wheel of her car. It had taken everything she had not to tell the detective exactly what she thought of Nick Carter, and why she was almost glad that he was dead.

“You okay?” Alex asked a few hours later as they sat around by their swimming pool. “Baby bothering you?”

“Nope. Baby is fine. I talked to that detective over at Shelley’s.”

“Yeah. She was cute.”

Lara slapped him. “Oh really?”

“But you’re cuter,” he said quickly, and she smiled at him. He reached over to hold her hand. “What did she ask you?”

“When did I see him last, what did I think his mood was, did I know anyone who would want to hurt him…”

“Did you tell her about…you know…”

“No. I didn’t. It had nothing to do with now…and I didn’t want to think about it.”

Alex said nothing more, and she soon dozed off.

“Nick, where have you been? I’ve been worried sick!” Lara exclaimed as soon as Nick walked through the door. “It’s seven-thirty…you said you’d be home at four!”

“I got busy. Dinner ready?”

“Um…yeah…but it’s not gonna be good. It was good at five-thirty,” she snapped. Nick’s hand smacked across her face and she jumped.

“Make it good now. I’m gonna take a shower.” He stomped up the steps and she tried not to let tears fall into the casserole she had worked so hard to make.

Nick was back downstairs in twenty-five minutes. Lara had the table set and the casserole was steaming. “What would you like to drink, Nick?”

“Beer,” he said, and she sighed. When she came back to the dining room, he was shoveling food into his mouth like a starving man. “This tastes like shit.”

“I’m sorry, baby, but you weren’t here…and it’s just better fresh. Can I make you something else?”

“No,” he almost shouted, and she shivered. He tossed the plate across the table and food slopped onto the floor. She bent down to clean it up, figuring it was wisest just to stay out of his way. Obviously work at the studio had NOT gone well. “I’m not hungry anyway. C’mere.” He grabbed her by the arm and yanked her to my feet.

“Nick, I should clean this up and…”

“Fuck that. C’mon.” He started to drag her to the stairs.

“Nicky, stop, please…you’re hurting me.” Lara tried to twist her arm out of his grasp but he only held on tighter.

“I was wrong…I am hungry…hungry for you…” he gave her his sexiest grin, but she wasn’t interested.

“Nick…not now…I don’t feel like it and I need to clean that mess up.”

Nick stopped walking. “What mess?”

Lara started to say something, then thought better of it. “The mess I made…in the kitchen…dirty dishes…” she stammered.

“That’s what I thought. You can clean that up later. I want you.”

“Nicky, I don’t…”

He turned once more, his blue eyes like ice. “I don’t really care.”

Tears were streaming down Lara’s face by the time they reached their bedroom. When he released her, she looked down at the giant bruise that was already forming on her upper arm. “Nick…”

“My God…are you crying again? You’re always crying.” He pulled at her blouse, yanking until it tore.

“Nicky…please…don’t…baby…” she begged one more time. Another slap on the opposite cheek completely silenced her.

“Come here.” He sat her down on the bed hard. “Suck me.”

Trying her best to control her sobs, Lara did as he asked. She said nothing the entire time, and when he finally undressed himself and removed the rest of her clothes, she had her eyes fixated on a spot on the ceiling. She wasn’t ready for him when he entered her, but he didn’t care. When he had spent himself, Nick fell asleep. Lara slowly got up, got dressed, and went down to clean up the kitchen. She made a few phone calls, then slowly went back upstairs to get a shower and go to bed.

The next day Nick left at nine-thirty to spend the day with Brian, playing basketball and going out for lunch. As soon as his car was out of the driveway, Lara began pulling her things from the closets. She yanked clothes off hangers and shoved the clothes into her three suitcases and various empty boxes she had found in the attic. She grabbed her toiletries from the bathroom, and quickly emptied her CDs from the rack into her backpack.

She was lugging boxes downstairs when the front door opened. “Anyone home?” AJ sang out.

“Oh…Alex…I mean, AJ…hi…” she said, turning away. “What are you doing here?”

“Nick left some music at the studio, so I thought I’d bring it by.” AJ looked at her curiously as she bent over a box. “Yard sale?”

“No…I’m…uh…moving some things. I’m kinda busy, so…” Lara stood, but dipped her head so her long hair would frame her face.

“Okay…just give him this.” AJ held out the music. Lara took it, but a few pages fluttered to the floor. They both bent down and cracked heads. “Oh, shit, Lara, I’m sorry!”

“It’s okay, AJ. I have it.” Without thinking, she looked over at him.

“Oh, my good God. What the fuck is that?” AJ gasped as he reached over and touched her left cheekbone. “Lara, what…” Lara’s hair blew from a breeze coming in the open front door and her right cheekbone was revealed. Bruises covered in purples and blue framed her blue eyes. “Holy fucking hell…”

“Like I said, AJ, I’m busy.” Lara stood and turned to the steps, ashamed. AJ grabbed her arm and she screamed in pain. He shoved the sleeve of her tshirt aside and gasped at the purple mass on her arm.

“Were you in an accident?”

“No…go away. Leave, AJ, please, so I can!” She said before she thought. AJ’s mouth fell open.

“Nick did this?”

“Yes…no…oh, why won’t you just go away?” Lara asked, beginning to cry.

“Shhh…baby…don’t cry.” AJ gently pulled her into his arms and she sobbed on his thin shoulders. He asked no more questions. “You want to leave before he’s back?” She nodded. “C’mon. Where are the rest of the things you want to take?”

“In the bedroom,” she sniffled.

“You have someplace to go?”

She nodded. “I got one of those hotel rooms you can rent by the week. Just until I find another place.”

“Okay. Let’s load up your car first, then mine. That way you don’t have to come back for anything, okay?” She nodded and went up ahead of him, not noticing the absolute fury behind his sunglasses.

“Ah, Mr. McLean. Good evening. Mrs. McLean. How nice to see you again.” Lara smiled at the maitre’d as he led them to a secluded table at their favorite Italian restaurant. It was their wedding anniversary and they always went out to this restaurant for special occasions.

“Think Baby will mind some good pasta and sauce?” AJ asked Lara. She shook her head.

“Baby better not. I’ve been craving this all week.” She flipped her napkin into her lap and grabbed the menu eagerly. “Can I have mozzarella?”

“You’re not gonna eat them out of everything on the menu, are you?” AJ asked. Lara slapped his hand with the menu.

“Don’t be a smartass.”

“Being a smartass is definitely better…”

“…than being a dumbass. Yes, Alex, I know.” She smiled at him. “I love you.”

“Love you, too,” AJ replied, picking up her hand and kissing it.

They ordered appetizers and drinks. After the waiter took their dinner order, AJ saw someone he knew and excused himself. Lara played with the ice in her water glass, remembering.

“Lara.” She whirled around as someone touched her shoulder.

“Oh, God, Alex…I mean, AJ. Hi.” She made sure the baseball cap was firmly pushed down and that her sunglasses were all the way up.

“Why do you do that? Correct yourself.”

“I like Alex better than AJ…but I thought you preferred AJ, so…”

“You can call me Alex.” AJ gave her one of his rare grins. “What are you doing here?” AJ pointed to the shelves of tools. “You don’t seem like the Home Depot type.”

“I’m not. I wanted to buy some shelves and things for my new place.”

“You got a place? Great. I told you to call if you needed anything…you okay?”

“Yeah,” she said with a sigh. It had been two weeks since she had left Nick, and she had been doing everything in her power to stay out of sight.

“How’s your face?” AJ reached a hand out and she pulled away.

“Fine. Look, Alex, it was nice to see you, but I need to go.”

“Wait.” AJ put a firm hand on her shoulder. Before Lara could stop him, he whipped off the baseball cap and yanked off the sunglasses. Fresh bruises encircled her left eye. “That…those are new.”

“Um, yeah.” She grabbed back her hat and glasses. “Happy now? I have to go.” She quickly put the hat and glasses on.

“When did he do this?” AJ demanded in a voice like ice.

“I forgot a few things and went back to the house…” Lara said, her voice trembling. “Look, Alex, I need to go, okay?”

“Let me take you to lunch,” AJ said suddenly.

“I don’t think…”

“I’m taking you to lunch. You have no choice. Get your stuff and meet me in the parking lot,” he ordered. But his dark eyes were smiling to cover the harshness of his words. Lara sighed, knowing he would hound her until she gave in.

They drove their cars to a small deli not far from the store. Lara stood outside her car uncertainly. “Look, Alex, you don’t have to do this just because you feel sorry for me.”

“I don’t feel sorry for you. I mean, I do, but…goddammit, Lara, this is just wrong. I never knew…”

“No one does,” she said softly. “And it’s gonna stay that way.”

“Lara, you need to go to the police on his ass. I mean, he’s my little brother but you just DON’T HIT WOMEN,” AJ snarled. “I’m taking you in here for lunch, and then I’m gonna go kick his blond ghetto ass.”

“AJ, no! Please!” Lara begged, tears filling her eyes. “If you do that, he’ll come looking for me or something. I finally got the balls to leave…let it go. He doesn’t know where I live, and once he finds someone new, he’ll let me alone, okay? I don’t need this. You go to the police and it will cause publicity. You guys will probably have to break up or something.”

“We probably will anyway,” he told her as he took her hand and led her to the deli. “Things are pretty much falling apart…and I think we’ll be done before the month is out.”

“Really?” Lara gasped. They sat at a table in the corner. “Maybe that’s why he’s been in such a bad mood lately.”

“Lara…he’s done this before, hasn’t he?”

“Well…yeah…but I messed up…and he made sure…”

“He made sure no one could see it, right?” AJ asked, and she nodded, ashamed. “Baby, listen to me. You could do nothing so bad as to deserve this, okay? It’s NOT your fault.” Lara nodded, but he could see that she didn’t believe him. “You don’t know how hard it’s been for me to keep from kicking the blond shit out of him. I look at him and I don’t want to believe it…then I remembered how you looked when I saw you moving out, and it all flooded into reality. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” she said.

“It’s not yours either,” he said. “Hey…let’s stop talking about Nick. Obviously he’s a waste of breath. Tell me about your new place.”

Before she knew it, Lara had spent three hours sitting and talking with AJ McLean. She hadn’t known him all that well before that day, because Nick liked them to keep to themselves and spend time with non-Backstreet Boy friends. She found that AJ was sexy and charming, but also sweet and considerate. “Thank you, Alex,” she said as he walked her to her car. “That was really nice.”

“Yeah, it was.” AJ started to put on his sunglasses, then changed his mind. “Lara…can I call you sometime…just to see if you’re okay? I’d like to be your friend.”

“Well…sure, Alex, if you’d like.” Lara was surprised. She wrote down her number for him.

“Besides, talking to you is the ONLY thing that will keep me from kicking Nick’s butt. God, he fucking pisses me off.”

“Alex, it’s okay, I promise.” Lara put a hand on his arm.

“I just hate the thought of him doing this to you…no wonder you left.”

Lara refrained from telling him the REAL reason she had chosen that particular day to leave. “Look, Alex, I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Okay, baby.” He kissed her cheek and gave her hand a squeeze. “I’ll call you.”

And he did. Every other day. He told her that Nick was still furious that she had left him, and had told all kinds of stories to the other guys about how she had slept around on him and how her leaving was actually doing him a favor. Lara cried when she heard this…she had loved Nick so much, and these were his true colors, colors she had been too blind to see. She could tell from AJ’s tone of voice that he really wanted to confront the man he could barely call his friend, but she again convinced him not to. Two weeks after their lunch at the deli, AJ delivered an ultimatum.

“Lara, there is only one thing you can do to keep me from pulling every single blond hair from his body.”

“What, Alex?” She asked wearily.

“Go out to dinner with me tomorrow night.”

Lara froze in her kitchen, the bag of frozen vegetables in her hand forgotten. “Wh…what?”

“I would like to take you out tomorrow night. On a date. I will be a gentleman. I will wine and dine you. We will go dancing. And most importantly, I won’t hit you.”

She sat down hard. She and AJ had become incredibly close, but she hadn’t expected this. “Alex…I…”

“Say yes or the Ken Doll gets it,” AJ said in his best mobster voice. Lara couldn’t help but laugh.

“Okay…okay…yes.”

“Sweet! I’ll pick you up at seven.”

And so it began. They went out for dinner. They went to the beach. They went for long drives. AJ didn’t push her to do anything but spend time with him, and Lara slowly fell in love with him. Everyone was surprised at how mellow AJ was becoming, but no one guessed why. They tried to keep things undercover, until Nick calmed down some, but Howie found out almost immediately. He and AJ were best friends, and it was hard for AJ to hide something that made him so happy. Brian and Kevin found out by accident, when they stopped by AJ’s house for something and Lara was in the pool.

“Whoa…” Kevin had said. “You told us all about this great girl you were seeing…didn’t know it was this particular girl.”

“And everything I said was true, Train,” AJ said, pulling himself out of the pull. His dark eyes were like stone. “And what Nick said wasn’t.”

“Okay, Bone, calm down. We weren’t judging you,” Brian said hastily. He smiled at Lara over AJ’s shoulder. “Hi.”

“Hi,” she said shyly. And they all started talking and it was soon obvious that Lara and AJ were perfect for each other. What was left was for Nick to find out.

AJ finally decided to have a cookout to introduce all his friends to the girl he had talked about but refused to name. He invited all the Backstreet Boys and their wives, as well other friends. Nick came alone. AJ cornered him as soon as he entered the house. “Look, Nick…we have to talk, okay?”

“Sure, Bone, whatever. Hey…any hot girls at this shindig?” Nick grabbed a beer from a cooler nearby.

“You bet,” AJ said almost nervously. He led Nick into his study and told him he’d be right back. He went out to the pool, where Lara was sitting. Her friend Shelley from California was visiting, and he was glad Lara had some moral support. She was still petrified of seeing Nick, for obvious reasons. “Hey, baby, I need you a second, okay?”

“Sure.” Lara took one look at him and immediately knew what was going on. “You okay, Shel?”

“Hell, yes…I could live like this forever!” Shelley said, laughing.

“I’ll be back.” Lara stood and followed AJ into the house. “Alex, I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Baby, we need to.” AJ pulled Lara into his arms and held her. “We need to come clean about this. I’m sick of sneaking around just because Nick is an asshole. How am I supposed to marry you if we can’t even say we’re dating?”

“Marry me?” Lara stuttered.

“Oops. We’ll discuss that later. C’mon.” He took her hand and led her towards the study. “Wait a second.” He went in, leaving her in the hall. “Hey, Nicky.”

“Aje…you actually read all these?” Nick motioned to the large bookcases. AJ couldn’t help but smile. They were books that Lara had bought and didn’t have room for in her tiny apartment.

“Not exactly. Hey, I wanna introduce you to someone.”

“Finally…the secret love of your life is revealed,” Nick said with a grin. The grin froze on his face as AJ led Lara into the room. “No fucking way,” Nick whispered. Lara shrank back, pulling on AJ’s hand.

“Let me go,” Lara whispered to AJ, but he shook his head.

“No. Nick…Lara and I are dating now. It’s getting pretty serious. We thought you should know.”

“I knew it. I fucking KNEW it. I figured you were sleeping around on me…but I didn’t know about this.” Nick took a step towards Lara. She pulled away from AJ and flattened herself against the closed door.

“No…Nick…I wasn’t with anyone else when we were together. Just you. But after that night…I had to go.”

“You’ve made an ass out of me, Lara.”

“I think you did a pretty good job of that all by yourself,” AJ snapped.

“Shut the fuck up, Bone. This doesn’t concern you.” Nick turned back to Lara. “Just because I was a little aggressive, that’s a good reason to fucking leave me? I treated you good.”

“Aggressive? You RAPED me, Nick. I said no. I said I wasn’t interested, and you said you didn’t care,” Lara said angrily. AJ’s mouth fell open, both from her words and her tone. “I don’t need this shit. Nick, I’m with Alex. I love Alex. I love him in ways you NEVER let me love you. Deal with it or fuck off.” She stormed out of the study.

AJ found her up in his room, shaking as she cried. “Are you okay?” He asked, holding her close.

“Yes…I just didn’t know I was that angry at him,” she said, giggling through her tears. “That felt good.”

“Sounded good, too,” he told her, brushing the hair from her face. “You never told me…about the reason you left…I just assumed…”

“I didn’t like talking about it. I’m sorry.”

“No. I’m sorry.” AJ held her and rocked her for a while, then they finally got up. Lara walked to the window.

“I just hope you two can get along. I…” Lara’s voice trailed off as she looked out over the gathering in the backyard. “Oh, shit,” she whispered to herself, watching Nick sit down next to Shelley at the edge of the pool.

“Hey…baby…dinner…” AJ waved his fork in front of Lara’s face. She jumped and looked down, surprised to see a plate of chicken parmesan in front of her. She hadn’t even noticed AJ come back to the table.

“Sorry.” She sprinkled parmesan cheese over her pasta.

“Where were you just then?” AJ asked.

“Remembering…remembering how you were my knight in shining armor,” she said, giving him a smile. He smiled back.

“Yeah, I’m just that good.” She kicked him under the table and he laughed, unable to keep a straight face. “You made it so damn easy…the damsel in distress…escaping the evil dragon.”

“Yeah…he was evil all right…and it didn’t take him long to find a new damsel to distress, either.” Lara played with her pasta. AJ put his hand on hers.

“Baby, it’s not your fault, okay? You tried to warn her. So did I. I just wish you woulda let me tell EVERYONE about it.”

“It wasn’t our place to do that, Alex,” Lara insisted. “I mean, I thought it was obvious…but it’s amazing what people choose NOT to see.”

“Shel, what time does your plane leave?” Lara asked as she tossed the vegetables into the salad. “I know but I keep forgetting.”

“The plane takes off at six,” Shelley replied from her seat at the table. She was carefully shelling hard boiled eggs to place in the salad. “But I won’t be on it.”

Lara froze and slowly turned around. “You…you won’t?” She had been afraid this might happen.

“No.” Shelley looked at her with a beaming smile on her face. “Nick has asked me to move in with him and I’ve said yes.”

“Shel…wait.” Lara washed her hands and sat down beside her friend. “You’ve only known him two weeks. Are you sure about this? Maybe you should get to know each other a bit better.”

“How can we do that from opposite sides of the country, Lara? He’s interested in me and I like him. What better way to find things out then to move in together?” Shelley studied Lara carefully. “Wait…I get it. You’re jealous.”

“I’m what?” Lara jumped to her feet. “Trust me, Shelley, I’m NOT jealous. I’m getting ready to move in with Alex…why in the world would I be jealous?”

“See? You and AJ are moving in together.”

“We’ve been together for a few months, Shelley, plus we knew each other before that.” Lara knelt in front of her friend. “Shelley, I just want you to be careful. Sometimes it takes a while to know someone’s true colors…and I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“Nick wouldn’t hurt me. He’s wonderful,” Shelley said with a blissful sigh. “He’s been so sweet to me…buying me flowers, gifts…”

“Doesn’t that seem odd, Shel? He’s trying to buy you.”

“I think you’re crazy. I also think you’re jealous. You don’t want to let Nick go…you want to have Alex but keep Nick pining after you and it’s not gonna happen!” Shelley jumped up. Lara slowly stood.

“Trust me, Shel…I let Nick go a long time ago.” Lara turned and slowly left the room.

When AJ stopped by her apartment an hour later, Shelley was in front of the TV not really watching it. “She’s in the kitchen,” she told him before he could ask. He went to the kitchen, where Lara was leaning on the counter, twirling a knife around like she was playing Spin the Bottle.

“You okay?” AJ came over and kissed her nose. She sighed.

“No. Shelley’s moving in with Nick.”

AJ stared at her. “No way.”

“Way. He asked, and she said yes. Of course, he’s been pouring on the Carter charm, and trust me, that works wonders. I tried to point out the fact that she doesn’t know him, and she informed me that I’m jealous.”

“Jealous? Why would you be jealous? You have me.” AJ looked offended and Lara rewarded him with a tiny smile.

“Exactly. I couldn’t just come out and tell her about…you know…but…I’m worried, Alex.” Lara was miserable. AJ pulled her into a hug.

“You finish dinner. I’ll go talk to her. Maybe hearing it from someone outside the circle will help.” Lara nodded and kissed him before he wandered off to the living room.

Unfortunately, AJ wasn’t far enough outside the circle. Shelley accused him of hating Nick because he had been with Lara first, and nothing he could say would change her mind. He finally gave Shelley a friendly hug and said he hoped it would all work out.

At first, it did work out. Nick and Shelley were blissfully happy, and even Lara and AJ were surprised. Nick was chilly to them both, but when he saw that Shelley and Lara would be spending a lot of time together once Shelley moved in, he was at least civil if not friendly. Months passed and Shelley found her niche in Florida life. She got a job, spent free time with Lara when she could, and tried her best to make Nick happy.

It was at a cookout that Kevin and Lisa gave for Howie’s birthday that the all familiar signs appeared. It had been a few months since Shelley had moved, and the cookout was a mix of a birthday party and an engagement announcement party. Lara and AJ’s engagement.

Lara was all smiles that day, and she even gave Nick a hug when she saw him. “Congratulations,” he told her, lightly brushing her cheek with the back of his hand. “You deserve the best…and Aje is definitely getting the best in you.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, staring up into his eyes nervously. He bent his head as if to kiss her, and at the last minute she turned her head and he caught her cheek with his lips. “Alex,” she called in a trembling voice. “Nick and Shelley are here.”

“Hey, guys.” AJ came over and picked Shelley up, whirling her around.

“OW!” She yelled, and Nick glared at her. “Oh…sorry…AJ,” she said weakly. “I was doing sit-ups and pulled muscles I didn’t even know I had.”

“Sorry, girlie.” AJ gave her hand a squeeze, then turned to Nick. “Junior.”

“Bone.” Nick shook AJ’s hand formally. “Congratulations. You hooked a good one.”

“Yeah, I did.” AJ turned and linked his arm through Shelley’s leading her to the makeshift bar. Nick watched them with narrowed eyes as Lara watched him.

“Nothing changes, does it,” she asked softly. He looked at her.

“Hm?”

“You’re glaring at her the way you used to glare at me whenever I even said hello to another guy.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he snapped, then walked over to say hello to Howie and Kelley.

After lunch everyone piled into the pool. The men, anyway. They got into a noisy game of Keepaway while the girls chatted under a patio umbrella. “Okay…it’s too damn hot here.” Lara pulled off the large tshirt of AJ’s that she was wearing as a cover-up. “Shelley, you damn well better be planning on swimming today,” she ordered.

“Maybe…later…” Shelley said vaguely. She giggled as AJ attempted to dunk Nick. Lara frowned when AJ succeeded and held Nick under a tad longer than necessary.

“Nickolas. Make your woman get into the pool,” Lisa ordered. Nick smiled sweetly at the woman he affectionately called “Mom.”

“Sorry…she doesn’t wanna swim.” He turned to attack Howie.

“You sure about that? It IS hot out,” Lara said, laughing as AJ scooped up water and tried to splash the women.

“Yes, I’m sure. She isn’t gonna swim. Didn’t even bring her suit.” Nick winked at Shelley, who didn’t smile.

Lara looked at Shelley. “You didn’t? Tell me, did he decide you weren’t swimming or did you?”

“I need to go to the bathroom.” Shelley jumped up and ran into the house. Lara followed at her heels.

“What the hell is going on?” Lara demanded. “You LOVE to swim!”

“You heard Nick…I didn’t feel like swimming,” Shelley said softly. Lara grabbed her tshirt and yanked it up. Ugly black and purple bruises spotted Shelley’s flat stomach.

“You hurt your muscles doing sit-ups, huh?” Lara glared at her. “And I know you only have bikini swimming suits…so he wouldn’t let you swim today, right? He knew this would show.”

“You don’t know anything. Leave me the hell alone,” Shelley snapped. Before she could lower the shirt, AJ wandered into the house.

“Baby, do you know where…what the hell is that?” AJ stared at Shelley. She blushed and pulled her shirt down. “Not again.” His dark eyes flamed.

“Alex, no. Back off,” Lara said, putting a hand on her fiancé’s arm. He shrugged it off.

“I am so gonna kill that little blond shit!”

“AJ, this is nothing. Nick didn’t do anything!” Shelley insisted. “It was me…I fell and…”

“You fell. Bullshit,” AJ snapped. Lara pulled at him with all her might.

“Alex…if Shelley said it was her fault…we have to believe her.” AJ started to say something, but stopped when he saw the sadness in Lara’s blue eyes. “We can’t do anything.”

“Goddammit,” AJ growled, then turned to Shelley. “Any time…day or night…you call us. ANY TIME.” He stomped down the hall and they heard the front door slam.

“Oh…God…Alex…” Lara gasped for breath as AJ tasted her again and again. “Stop teasing me…please…” she writhed on the bed.

“You ain’t seen teasing yet,” he murmured, allowing one slender finger to slide in and out of her.

“Alex…” she moaned, arching towards him. The phone began to ring.

“Let it ring,” they said at the same time. AJ chuckled and continued to make her beg.

They heard the machine pick up and Lara paid attention with about one-tenth of her brain, until she heard Shelley’s voice. “Lara…AJ…I need you guys…um…I’m not at home…I’m…”

Lara sat up at the same time AJ dove for the phone. “Shel? Here I am…it’s AJ…what’s wrong?” He listened, nodding as he spoke. He pointed to the closet and Lara immediately yanked on some clothes, tossing him a shirt and a pair of jeans. “Yep. I know…I know exactly where that is. You don’t move one inch, Honey, okay?” By the time he hung up, Lara was running a brush through her hair.

“Do I want to know?” She asked, unable to look at him.

“No.” AJ yanked on some sneakers and they hurried out of the bedroom.

AJ wove Lara’s car through the city, barely stopping at stop signs and red lights. He finally pulled up to a pay phone on a dimly lit corner. “What’s she doing all the way out here?” Lara gasped. It was a good five miles from Nick’s house. She hopped out of the car.

“Just…stay here,” AJ told her, stopping her with a gentle hand. “Let me talk to her.”

“Alex…”

“She’ll think you’re gonna say I told you so.” AJ kissed her cheek. “Just wait.”

Lara frowned but sat on the front of the car. AJ slowly walked over to Shelley, who was shivering on a bench near the phone. “Hey there…how much for the night?” He asked with a kind smile. Shelley didn’t smile back. AJ bit down on his lip to keep from screaming bloody murder when he saw the bruise around her eye. Her cheek was also swollen, and she had a hard time speaking.

“I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have called…I…”

“Of course you should have.” He sat down and put an arm around her. “How long have you been sitting here?”

“Well…it took a while…to get here…and then I sat for about two hours before I called. I should go back…” Shelley started to stand, her eyes wide and confused.

“No. Not yet. Nick’s probably not even home, anyway…probably out looking for you. Why don’t you just come home with us…he’ll know to call Lara…and then you’ll at least be inside. Maybe you could even take a bath or something.”

“Um…okay.” Shelley allowed AJ to help her up. Lara slowly approached them.

“Hey,” she said.

“Hey,” Shelley repeated softly. Lara said nothing, just looked at her friend. Shelley began to sniffle, and by the time she and Lara climbed into the backseat, she was sobbing.

It wasn’t until she was in a tub full of bubbles and soothing warm water that she told Lara what had happened. “We…we were talking about the wedding,” Shelley said softly. AJ and Lara’s wedding was only six months away. “I said about how neat it was, how you and AJ were meant to be together…and Nick said he didn’t think so. He said he thought there were other people out there better for you than AJ.” Lara sighed. He was still jealous. He didn’t even really want her anymore…he just didn’t like losing her to AJ. “I laughed and said, like who, you? And he freaked. Lara…he was like a crazy man.” Shelley began to slowly rub a washcloth over her face. “He started screaming at me, saying what he thought about you was none of my business, and I should shut up about it. So I did…but he was still mad…and…”

“Shh…Shel, don’t talk about it anymore. You’re welcome to stay here as long as you want to…no matter what, okay? I love you, and Alex loves you.” Shelley nodded and sighed. “I’ll be out with AJ in the living room if you need me, okay?” Shelley nodded again, and Lara left the room.

She found AJ in the kitchen, where he was chopping ice with an ice pick. His sinewy arms flexed with muscle as he slammed the weapon into the ice again and again. “Alex?” Lara whispered.

“He is such a prick…I can’t believe this…I’m never gonna talk to him again…fucking asshole…piece of shit…” AJ’s voice was almost a hiss.

“Yes…you are gonna talk to him again…and he’s gonna be a groomsman in our wedding…” Lara said softly. AJ froze in mid stab and glared at her.

“You’re fucking crazy.”

Lara ignored the obscenity and continued. “She refuses to go to the police, Alex. She won’t press charges, and therefore no one is gonna know. If you don’t have him as a groomsman, then the media will start to wonder, fans will start to gossip…”

“It’s my own fucking wedding! I don’t need to hear this…”

“It’s my wedding, too, Alex…and I understand how you feel. I hate it, too…she’s my friend…she met him because of me…” Lara’s lower lip began to tremble and AJ forgot to be angry.

“I’m sorry I swore at you, baby.” He held her close. “It’s not your fault, okay? Not…your…fault. No one’s fault but his. Dammit.” AJ closed his eyes and made himself forget the reason Lara had come to him in the first place. “He didn’t…did he…”

“Like what he did to me? No…he was genuinely angry at her.” Lara decided that AJ didn’t need to know the reason why they had fault. “I…” They both jumped as the doorbell rang. AJ started for the front door. Lara made sure to reach it first. Sure enough…she saw Nick through the peephole. “Alex…don’t…say…a…word…” she said calmly, glaring at him. “Let me handle him. He won’t hit me.” AJ raised an eyebrow. “Not anymore. Not in front of you.” She slowly swung the door open.

Nick looked like death warmed over. “Lara…AJ…hey…is…is Shelley here? I’ve looked all over and I can’t find her.”

“Yes…she’s here…but she’s staying tonight. You can see her tomorrow.” Lara’s eyes were blue ice as she looked at her ex-boyfriend. “You need to go home and think about what happened.”

“Nothing happened. We had an argument and she bailed. I want to apologize.”

“You’d damn well better do more than apologize,” AJ mumbled behind Lara. She brought her leg back and connected with his shin.

“I don’t think…” Lara began.

“Nicky?” Shelley stood at the top of the steps, holding Lara’s robe around her. Nick’s face lit up.

“God…Shelley…I was so worried. Are you okay?” He took a step in the door and Lara finally moved aside.

“I’m…fine…I think…” Shelly looked at him uncertainly.

“Honey, you needed to let me know you were coming over here. I was worried sick about you. I thought something awful happened to you.”

“Something awful DID happen to her…you…” AJ couldn’t help but say. Lara shoved him into the kitchen.

“You need to stay out of this,” Lara snapped.

“How can I? Lara, he beat her. That’s just wrong!”

“It IS wrong…but you’re using it as an excuse to get back at him for what he did to me,” Lara told him, guessing correctly by the look on AJ’s face. “And I love you for it. But we can’t decide this for her. Hopefully Shelley will see that…”

“Hey,” Shelley said softly from the doorway. “Nick’s out in the car. I’m gonna change quick and then leave. Thanks for…”

“No…no, Shelley, please,” AJ begged. “Don’t go back to him.”

“He’s sorry…it was just a misunderstanding. It’s not gonna happen again,” Shelley said earnestly.

“But it will…Shelley…trust me,” Lara whispered sorrowfully. Shelley ignored her.

“Thanks for letting me come over here.” She turned and went back upstairs to get dressed.

Lara and AJ looked at each other. Lara sank onto a chair, burying her face in her hands.

It was three in the morning and Lara couldn’t sleep. Baby was beginning to make his or her presence known in little ways, and she was restless. She grabbed her robe and tiptoed out of the bedroom, closing the door behind her. She padded down to the den and picked up a photo album. She smiled as she saw the picture of the wedding cake on the front cover. She opened to the first page and sighed, her finger tracing the face of the handsome blond man in the black tux.

“You’re okay? You’re sure you’re okay?” Lisa asked anxiously.

“I didn’t look this green when Howie and I got married,” Kelley pointed out. Lara paced back and forth across the small room in the back of the church.

“You’re not helping!” She growled. Melissa came over and gave her a hug.

“Lara, you’ll be fine. You and AJ are perfect for each other and this is a perfect day.”

“What if I mess up? What if I’m a dumb wife? What if…”

“Lara, you’ll be a wonderful wife,” Shelley said softly, looking up from the bouquet she held. “You are a wonderful friend and a loving person. Nick says all the time how great you are…and he’s right.”

Lara frowned at the mention of Nick’s name but said nothing. “Thank you, Shelley.” She took a deep breath. “I think it’s time for us to go on.”

The ceremony went smoothly, and Lara was blissfully happy…until he looked at Nick. He was staring at her. She put it aside as someone interested in the ceremony, but it was still weird. As the wedding party congregated in the back of the church for the receiving line, Lara and AJ hugged everyone.

“I hope you know what you’re getting into,” Kevin said, smiling at her. “He’s a freak.”

“No. SHE’S the freak. She makes me look normal!” AJ protested, and Lara hit him with her bouquet.

Pictures were taken and they were finally at the reception hall. They ate a meal that Lara didn’t remember. All she could do was stare at her ring. She was married. Married to Alexander James McLean. She was Lara McLean now, something she had never expected. She hadn’t expected to fall so hard for him so quickly, but he was all she had ever dreamed of. They shared a dance, then they began to mingle. The DJ mixed up the music, playing silly songs as well as down and dirty grooves. As a slow song started to play, Lara watched AJ lead Melissa out on to the dance floor. “Can I dance with the bride?” A voice said behind her. Lara whirled around to see Nick. His tie was long gone, and his cheeks were flushed.

“Do you promise not to step on my feet?” She asked lightly.

“I swear on my mother’s grave,” Nick said solemnly. Lara laughed.

“Too bad she’s not dead yet,” they said together. It was an old joke they had once shared.

“Yes, Nick, I will dance with you.” She allowed him to lead her onto the dance floor. For the first time in a while, she felt comfortable with him. “You look very handsome.”

“And you, Lara, are the most beautiful woman in this room…perhaps in this whole city.” Nick pressed his lips to her forehead. “You look so happy.”

“I AM happy, Nick. Happier than I thought possible.”

“You and Aje are good together…though I still think you’d be better off with me.”

“Nicky, I…” Lara began to say something smart, then realized he was serious. “No, Nick…I’m not. I’m much better off without you.”

“Just because we had a few arguments and…”

Lara stopped dancing. “Nick, I’m not getting into this here. You have Shelley now…and you’d better start treating her right.”

“Has she been calling you or something?” Nick’s eyes grew icy.

“No…she says everything is fine,” Lara said with a sigh. Nick jerked her into his arms and they began to dance once more.

“That’s right…because it IS. I’m thinking of proposing, so we can have a wedding just like yours.” Lara stared at him in horror. The way he looked at her was frightening. “Even go to Europe on a honeymoon…just like you guys.”

AJ wandered over. “Can I steal my wife from you, Junior?”

“You already have,” Nick replied. He put his hands on Lara’s waist and kissed her mouth before she could pull away. “Congratulations.” He walked away before either Lara or AJ could reply.

“Hey…I woke up and you were gone…” AJ said sleepily from the top of the steps. “Come back to bed.”

“Okay.” Lara shut the album and walked towards him.

“What were you looking at?”

“Our wedding album,” Lara replied. AJ groaned.

“Damn…Lara…why do you look at that thing? I looked like a penguin in that tux.”

“You were incredibly sexy in that tux,” she said loyally, kissing his cheek. He gave her a passionate kiss.

“You’re incredibly sexy now. Baby wake you up?” Lara nodded. They walked back to the bedroom and climbed back under the covers.

“Alex…why didn’t we do anything to stop him? Why?” Lara began to sob. “He hurt her so bad…and I could have pressed charges or SOMETHING!”

“Lara, she begged you…remember? Underneath it all, Shelley still loved that little shit, and she didn’t want us to do anything. If you would have said anything, you would have lost your friend…and it’s not her who is gone. It’s HIM. And now she can move on.”

“But I still…”

“Shhh. Calm down.” AJ gently rocked her. “Sleep…just forget about him and sleep.”

Months passed and life slowly moved on. Lara got bigger and slower, but she still tried to see Shelley at least every other day. Shelley finally began to smile, and she would even laugh as Lara told her stories of AJ’s anxieties about the baby. But she was with Shelley when the baby finally came. Shelley rushed her to the hospital as Lara called AJ on the cellphone. “Honey…it’s me…where are you?”

“I’m at Brian’s. We almost have these new songs done…he writes like a miracle, Lara!”

“I need a miracle now. I need your scrawny ass at the…” Lara paused to breathe. “…hospital…Shelley is driving me now.”

“The HOSPITAL?” AJ screamed. “Oh…baby…I’ll love you…I’ll be right there!”

It ended up that AJ had ample time to get to the hospital. Kristina Denise McLean took her good old time coming into the world, not arriving until late the next afternoon. It hadn’t been easy, but when Lara held her baby and looked up into AJ’s weeping brown eyes, it was all worth it. He stared at the women in his life, wondering what he had done to deserve them.

Shelley was like a new member of the family once the baby was born, and neither Lara nor AJ minded. They still felt guilty about what had happened to her, and though the physical scars were long gone, the psychological ones still remained. She kept fairly quiet until spoken to, and the only time she really seemed happy was while helping to take care of the baby. She would sing to her, telling her stories about the uncle that she would never know. AJ heard this one day and almost went ballistic.

“Shelley, don’t mention him to her, okay? I know she’s only a month old, I know that she doesn’t understand shit, but I don’t want his bad vibes in my house, okay? He’s gone and that’s the end.”

Shelley had fled the house and tears and Lara couldn’t bring herself to run after her. She felt AJ was right. The mere thought of Nick still gave her the shivers, as if any day now he’d appear at her door, pointing a finger, yelling at her for taking sides against him. So she held baby Kristina and soothed her. The detectives had come around a few more times to ask questions, but it was obvious they had no real leads. Nick would apparently take the identity of his killer with him to the grave.

Two weeks later Lara finally called Shelley. “Kristina misses you,” Lara said. “You’re her Aunt Shelley.”

“I’m not welcome there,” Shelley said sadly.

“Shelley, that’s not true and you know it!” Lara insisted.

“Give me that.” AJ grabbed the phone. “Shel, get that sexy ass over here. We need to ask you something. No buts. NOW.” He hung up. “She’ll be right over.”

Lara shook her head and went to put Kristina to bed for her nap. By the time she was back downstairs, Shelley was in the living room with AJ. “What’s up?” Shelley said, standing slowly. Lara went over and hugged her for a long moment.

“I missed you,” she whispered. Shelley nodded and said nothing.

“We want to go out next Friday,” AJ told her as they all sat. “Our first real date since the baby was born.”

“Of course I’ll watch her!” Shelley exclaimed.

Lara and AJ exchanged glances. “No…Shel…we want you to come along,” Lara said softly. “We talked about it, and AJ has a friend he wants you to meet.”

“No. No way. A blind date?” Shelley jumped up and started to pace. “No, thank you.”

“Shelley, Nick’s been gone for a while now…you can at least go out and have fun. I thought we’d have dinner, then maybe go to a club. Lance doesn’t dance much either and…”

Shelley stared a hole through AJ, who stopped talking. “Lance? As in Lance Bass?”

“Yeah…I’m recording a duet with one of his girls, and we’ve gotten to be pretty good friends. As a manager he’s great, as a person he’s even better.”

“Lance Bass,” Shelley whispered. “I always thought he was cute.”

“He IS,” Lara agreed. AJ glared at her. She giggled. “Come on, Shel. It’s safer for you to meet someone this way. We’ll be there and you don’t have to be nervous.”

“You paying?” Shelley turned on AJ.

“Absolutely. Even dessert.”

“Wow, even dessert,” Shelley said, smiling slightly. “Okay…I’ll go.”

“Yes!” AJ cried, jumping up and swinging Shelley around.

As Shelley begged AJ to stop, Lara thought, There’s one more shovel of dirt on your grave, Nick Carter.

“Are you sure this looks okay?” Shelley twirled in front of the mirror.

“Yes,” Lara sighed. Eight month old Kristina crawled to Shelley and pulled herself up using Shelley’s legs.

“Sell,” she said firmly. Lara laughed as Shelley picked the baby up.

“See? Even Kristina thinks ‘Aunt Sell’ looks nice.” Lara smiled at her friend. “Shelley, I don’t see why you’re still so nervous. You and Lance have been an item for almost nine months now.”

“I know, but I just want to look good for him.”

Lara felt sadness wash over her as she took her daughter from Shelley. “Shel, Lance is a sweet guy. He’ll think you’re gorgeous no matter what.”

“I guess so.”

“Shelley, Lance IS NOT NICK, okay? We would never have introduced you to Lance if we had thought for one second that he was a loser like Nick Carter.”

“Lara…”

“No…Shelley…listen to me. Alex and I were wrong to allow it to go as far as it did. We should have pressed charges so Nick’s evil ass would rot in jail. But we didn’t…and in the end he got what he deserved anyway.” Kristina began to cry as her mother yelled, but the women ignored her. “Shelley, I loved Nick, too…he could be the sweetest, most romantic man in the world. But more often then not he was a selfish asshole who hated to lose face…hated to lose anything he considered a possession…such as a girlfriend. He was an abuser, and he was a rapist.” Lara was crying by then, as was Shelley. “Shel, none of this is your fault. You’re an amazing human being, and Lance is CRAZY about you.”

“I’m so sorry,” Shelley sobbed, hugging Lara. “I never should have put you two in the middle of it.”

“It’s okay, Shel…I understand…better than anyone. Just when you loved him, Nick would make you hate him. And just when you thought you hated him, he’d do something to make you fall in love with him all over again.”

Lara dropped Kristina at Denise McLean’s for the evening. She had errands to run, and AJ was in Fort Lauderdale doing an album signing. Lara went to the grocery store, stopped at the post office, then headed for home. AJ would pick up the baby at his mom’s on his way home.

Lara put away the groceries and wandered out into the backyard. It was a large plot of land, with one corner shaded by flowering trees. Under the trees sat a long bench, and it was one of Lara’s favorite places in the world. She would often sit there and think, or just relax there and nap. She sat on the bench, digging her toes into the dirt. She looked down at the dirt, wondering if she should move her bench and plant flowers here. No, she decided, this was safest. She lay down on the bench and closed her eyes.

“Yes, I’ll be here for a bit,” Shelley said. “I’m gonna run out to the supermarket in a little while. I’m making Nick a romantic dinner. But he’ll be here if I’m not. He knows where the fabric is.”

Lara frowned. She needed that fabric to finish her nursery project…yet she tried to avoid Nick whenever possible. “Okay,” she finally said, trying not to sigh. They chatted a moment longer and finally hung up.

When Lara arrived at Nick’s house an hour later, her heart sank. Gone was Shelley’s cute little car. Only Nick’s SUV sat in the driveway. She took a deep breath and went to the front door. “Hey,” Nick said, smiling broadly as he answered her ring. “I haven’t seen you in FOREVER.”

“I’ve been busy,” Lara said, walking into the house.

“I guess so,” Nick teased, rubbing her rounding stomach. His touch made Lara shiver. “Can I get you something to drink?” Nick walked to the kitchen and Lara had no choice but to follow.

“Um…no thanks…I’m just here for the fabric.”

“Right.” Nick got himself a bottle of beer from the fridge. “It’s around here somewhere.”

“Shelley said you’d know where it was.”

“Oh…yeah…” Nick said vaguely. He went to a cabinet and pulled out a canvas bag. “Here you go.”

“Thanks.” Lara took the bag and turned to leave. Nick put a hand on her arm.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay for a little bit?”

“No…Nick, I don’t.” Lara pulled away from him, but he grabbed her harder.

“Lara, I miss you so damn much. I miss just talking to you. There’s this…thing…between us, and…”

“It’s called a RAPE, Nick. Rape and the fact that you took pleasure in beating the hell out of me when I didn’t please you!” Lara’s eyes flashed as she pulled away.

“I never took pleasure in that, babygirl…I just wanted to teach you.” Nick looked at her, innocence in his eyes. She glared at him.

“You taught me, all right. Taught me all the wrong things about our relationship…and taught me what I wanted. And I have everything I want in Alex. I’m leaving now.”

“Lara…wait…” Nick’s grip wasn’t very tight this time, but she still couldn’t pull away. “I just…I wish this was MY baby.” Nick ran his free hand over her stomach again and she tried to move out of his reach. “I look at you sometimes and I daydream about it…I dream it’s mine, and you’re just staying with AJ for the weekend, and soon you’ll be back here.”

“Nick, you’re insane. You have Shelley, and I’m married, for God’s sake.”

“Shelley is nice, sweet…but she’s not you, Lara. I love you. Why did you leave?”

“I left because I hate you!” Lara screamed, finally yanking away. Before she could take two steps, Nick had his hand wrapped in her long ponytail. She whimpered as he pulled her back against him. Lara’s stomach turned as she felt his erection.

“You were so wrong to leave…I could have treated you so good. You see how I treat Shelley.”

“Yeah, I see that, all right.” Nick’s hand grasped Lara’s face.

“Don’t talk back to me, please.” He gave her head a shake and released it. “I love you…can’t we try again? I’d be more than happy to help you raise this baby…you belong to me…and it can belong to me too…”

“No, Nick…” Lara almost felt sorry for him. “I can’t do that. I love Alex, and this is HIS baby. I’m sorry.”

Lara put her hands out just in time to protect her stomach as Nick shoved her against the counter. “I’m sorry too…” Nick breathed in her ear as he yanked her head back by her hair. “But I want to have you one last time, if I can’t have you for always.”

“Nick, no…” Lara willed back tears as he pushed her chest down onto the counter. She felt him reach for the front of her shorts, and that was when she saw the cutlery set on the counter. “Nick, if you don’t stop right now, I’m going to kill you.”

Nick laughed. “Can’t you just be nice about this? One last time and I’ll let you alone.”

“Bullshit.” Lara grabbed the biggest knife she could reach before he could stop her. “Let me go, or I will kill you. And if you don’t die, I’ll tell EVERYONE how you are a crazy dickhead who tried to rape a pregnant woman.”

“Lara…I love you…you’ll always belong to me…” Nick whispered in her ear. She whirled around.

“I warned you,” she mumbled, and drove the knife into his chest. Nick gasped and pulled back, his blue eyes huge and shocked. “And this is for Shelley.” She clawed at him again with the knife, and he was soon laying in a puddle of blood on the floor. In her anger, she couldn’t help but add a few thrusts for good measure.

Lara stared at the knife in her hand, then at the body on the floor. A rush of emotions flooded through her, but first and foremost she knew she had to leave. She grabbed the bag that held the fabric, she dumped the fabric to the floor, then put the knife inside the bag. She went to the kitchen sink and pushed the faucet on with her elbow, rinsing her hands as best she could. She picked up the bag and left the house.

When she got home, she removed her clothes and took a long hot shower. She stuffed the outfit she had been wearing into the canvas bag, and hurried out to the backyard. It only took her about twenty minutes to bury the bag as deeply as she could, but by the time she returned to the house, her heart was pounding. She sat down at her sewing machine and began to sew. She calmed down as she started to recite baby names in her head.

“Lara…baby…”

“Mama…”

Lara’s eyes fluttered open. The sun was practically setting as she sat up. Kristina reached out her arms and AJ handed her down to her mother. “Hey…I fell asleep out here I guess,” Lara said drowsily.

“I guess you did.” AJ smiled. “I knew if you weren’t in the house I’d find you here.”

“I love it out here,” Lara said, sighing. She stood up with the baby and AJ gave her a kiss.

“You’re always out here, writing in your journal…talking on the phone…how many secrets are buried out here that I don’t know about?” AJ interrogated her playfully.

“Just a few,” Lara said, pretending to stomp something down. Kristina giggled, and Lara proceeded to stomp across the lawn as the family went back into the house.

The End

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