Pretty Piece Of Flesh

By: Lara

“So…guess I’ll see you kids next Friday, right?” Chris asked as he yawned and stretched. The plane slowly rumbled to a stop, and they began to gather their things.

“Unfortunately,” Lance said, groaning. He lightly shook Justin, who had fallen asleep on his shoulder. “Baby…wake up. We’re home.”

“Hmmm?” Justin’s blue eyes fluttered open. He pouted sleepily. “Tired.”

“I know…but we’re gonna go back to our house now, and you can sleep in our bed,” Lance cooed. Justin smiled and snuggled closer, then stretched.

“Yeah, right…like you two will sleep once you hit that giant thing,” Joey remarked, laughing. Lance blushed and Justin gave him a glare.

“What we do in our bedroom is none of your business,” he growled, picking up Lance’s bag as well as his own. Lance zipped up the bag that held his laptop.

“At least their bedroom is GETTING business, Joey. You’re just jealous,” Chris put in, and Lance smiled at him gratefully. Justin giggled as Joey frowned.

“You don’t know shit,” he mumbled, and said nothing more. Justin turned in his seat and looked at JC, who was staring out the window.

“Wow…you’re actually awake.”

“Yeah…I didn’t sleep much,” JC said, looking over to smile at his best friend.

Justin got up and slipped into the seat next to JC, even though the seatbelt sign was still lit. “You okay, Jayce?”

“Yeah…just down a bit. I need some rest, I think,” JC told him. “I’m glad we have some time off.”

“I’m just sorry we have to go to that damn party next week.” Justin rolled his eyes. “A costume party? How immature can you get?”

“I think it will be fun,” Lance said over his shoulder. “Besides, wait until you see the costumes I’m having made for us.”

“Cool,” Justin said, smiling. “Are you gonna be naked?”

Chris groaned and put his hands over his ears. “My ears…stop the abuse.” He pretended to be offended, but he wasn’t. None of them were. Justin and Lance belonged together, and they all accepted that.

“I’m sorry that it didn’t work out with him,” Justin said quietly, so quiet that Lance couldn’t even hear him. Justin was the only one who knew that JC also was gay. “I thought you guys were good together.”

“Yeah,” JC said, looking out the window again. Yet another failed relationship with someone who couldn’t deal with the pressure of a celebrity boyfriend. He tried to smile at Justin. “You’re lucky to have someone who understands.”

“Yeah, but when we fight, working together is pure hell.” Justin put a hand on JC’s shoulder and smiled sympathetically. “You’ll find someone. Maybe even at that party next week.”

“Yeah…hide myself in a costume and maybe someone will find me attractive. Sounds great.”

“Hey, Jayce…if you need anything, just a friend or whatever, you call me, okay?” Justin told him. “I’ll be at home.”

“Of course you will…you have fuck time to make up for,” JC teased, and Justin blushed to the tips of his ears. JC laughed and gave his friend a hug. “I’m just jealous,” JC whispered in his ear. Justin watched Lance stand up and stretch.

“Yeah,” he said, sighing happily.

JC walked around his empty house, staring at things and not really seeing them. It had been forever since he had had a lot of time at home, and sometimes he felt it wasn’t even his house. He was more at home in a hotel room then in his own home. How wrong was that? He picked up a picture and stared at it. Five guys…five brothers…working their asses off to make it big. Now they were big, and he was alone anyway. Justin and Lance had each other. Chris had Julie. Joey…well…he wasn’t sure what Joey wanted, but he seemed to find it in the girls on the road. JC hadn’t found it yet…and he was sure as hell looking.

“C’mon…Jayce…tell me…” Chris begged. JC laughed as he tried to keep the phone on his shoulder and cook dinner at the same time. They had been home for about three days, and Chris had called twice. “I wanna know what you’re wearing. Wanna know our costumes?”

“No, Chris,” JC said patiently, turning the chicken breast carefully before putting it back in the oven. “I want it to be a surprise. Mine’s lame, anyway. Last minute thing I came up with.”

“Actually, what I want to know is what Lance and Justin are dressing as. I bet they’ll match. I bet it’s something cute like Jack and Jill. No…wait…I bet they’re Raggedy Ann and Andy,” Chris said, cracking himself up. “Can’t you see Justin with a red wig?”

“Which one’s Ann?” JC asked, and Chris howled again. They chatted for a few more minutes and then hung up.

JC poured himself a glass of wine, then sat down at the table to wait for dinner to finish cooking. He sighed as he looked at the empty chairs. He could easily have them filled. He could easily find some friends to have dinner with…but he realized that he’d rather have the room empty then filled with empty conversation.

“Okay, if this doesn’t scream “flaming queen” I don’t know what does,” JC muttered to himself, turning in front of the mirror. “Tights, for God’s sake.”

He had wanted to do something different, something artistic. He thought of all the usual things, hell, he even considered coming as the famous statue “David”, with an artistically placed fig leaf. This guy’s parties usually ended up as drunken orgies, it would have fit right in. But that wasn’t him. So he flipped through some books in his study and came upon a collection of Shakespeare he hadn’t even known he owned. Actually, he spent the better part of an evening reading through the poetry, drinking wine, and wishing he could write something that would last like that.

So here he was, in front of a mirror, wearing tights and a wifebeater. He sighed, running a hand over his ass. He supposed it was a nice ass, and his dancer’s legs made him look pretty damn good in the tights. But he just knew Chris was going to make fun of him. JC sighed again and walked away from the mirror to put on the rest of his costume.

“Hey, Jayce!” JC heard Chris’ voice as soon as he entered the huge house. They had agreed to meet in the foyer, to enter as a group. The party was being given by one of the odder record executives, and they felt there was safety in numbers. JC sighed and took a deep breath.

“Hi, Chris. Hey, Jules.” He bent and kissed Julie’s cheek. She wore a short purple dress with beads hanging from it, and a headband wove around her head, holding a purple feather. Chris wore a dark suit similar to the ones they wore in “Gone,” and he carried a toy tommygun.

“You’re wearing tights!” Chris dissolved into childish laughter. JC blushed and Julie sighed. “What the hell are you, anyway?”

“Dumbass, he’s Romeo,” Julie said, smacking her boyfriend. “I’m sorry, JC. He’s an idiot. I like it.” Her eyes ran over the dark blue tunic that seemed to intensify JC’s blue eyes. Her gaze lingered on his long legs. “Really…like it.”

“Hey.” Chris glared at her, then glared at JC. “Don’t be looking at his…hey! You get to have a sword?” Chris’ brown eyes jealousy looked at the sword that hung by JC’s side. “Julie told me I wasn’t allowed to have a sword!”

“That’s because I know better. You’ll end up hurting someone…or yourself,” she told him. JC laughed.

“Here come the girls,” Chris said, motioning to the door. JC took a glass of champagne from a passing waiter and froze as he looked at the door.

Justin and Lance paused to say hello to someone they knew, but Lance’s eyes were already wandering out over the room. His gaze met JC’s, and he grinned. “Jesus,” JC whispered. No one but Justin knew he was gay, but looking at the couple by the doorway was seriously threatening to make it obvious. “Damn these tights anyway,” JC muttered. “They show everything.”

JC knew that his friends were an item, but it still didn’t keep him from looking…and appreciating. Justin wore a pair of tight white jeans, and brown sandals. On top he wore an equally tight white wifebeater that accentuated the muscles in his abdomen, while allowing his smooth biceps to show. Over his arms, shoulder, neck and even his shorn head was gold glitter. Around the crown of his head was a thin circle of gold, and when he turned to say hello to someone, JC saw a small pair of feathery wings attached to the back of the wifebeater.

Lance was a dark contrast, a contrast that made JC swallow deeply. He also wore a wifebeater, but it was black. Embroidered on the wifebeater, over his heart, was a small pair of horns. The pants were black, also…black leather…with red flames licking up from the hem to the knees. A small pair of red horns was carefully placed in Lance’s blond hair, and when HE turned, JC saw a thin red tail hanging from a belt loop.

“Um…don’t they have that backwards?” Julie whispered. JC smiled.

“I think that was the purpose.”

“God, will you STOP lusting after all my friends?” Chris said, only half-annoyed, as Justin and Lance walked over.

“You look…damn…” JC said weakly as Justin gave him a hug. Justin chuckled.

“That good, huh?”

“I can’t decide where I wanna go first…heaven or hell,” JC said honestly, and Justin actually blushed.

“It was Lance’s idea,” he said quickly, then laughed.

“Look, JC is wearing tights. And he gets a sword!” Chris quickly pointed out, pouting.

“Romeo…classy,” Lance said with a grin.

“A sword…how cool is that!” Justin said admiringly. Julie laughed.

“Where’s Joe…I’m hungry,” Chris said. “There’s a buffet, and we could hit if he got his big ass in here.”

“He’ll be here…he probably had to stop and pick up his date or something,” Lance said.

“Where’s your date, JC?”

JC briefly met Justin’s gaze and looked away. “Don’t have one. I figured I was man enough to come alone.”

“Couldn’t find someone to put up with the tights,” Chris snickered.

“Chris, will you shut up!” Justin finally snapped. “You’re just jealous because you’re still too young to carry a sword around. And JC looks damn good in tights.”

“Yeah, he does,” Lance and Julie said together. Chris frowned, JC blushed, and Justin laughed.

“There’s Joe now,” JC said, eager to get the attention off of him.

“Hey…he may look even goofier than you,” Chris pointed out.

Joey wore sandals like Justin’s, but over the rest of his body he wore what could only be described as a furry toga. He carried a small club in his hand, and the caveman outfit made his shoulders look broad. His dark hair was spiked up, and he looked menacing as he pushed through the crowd, which quickly parted for him. “No…he doesn’t look goofy,” JC said quietly. It was amazing what a costume could do. “Hey, Joe…you look…mean.”

“Good.” Joey’s sunny smile contradicted all the meanness of his costume. “I felt like being mean and aggressive tonight.”

“Let’s be mean and aggressive on the buffet, okay?” Chris led the way to the dinning room, followed by everyone else. JC lagged behind, his eyes searching the room. Maybe Justin was right…maybe he’d find what he was looking for at this party.

“I thought Lance said you were bringing someone,” Chris said to Joey as they sat at a table large enough for the six of them.

“Nah…I said I was hoping to FIND someone tonight,” Joey said, glaring at Lance.

“Oh, sorry…I guess I wasn’t paying attention,” Lance said, blushing.

“You called him and it was after nine o’clock, didn’t you?” JC asked, laughing. Lance blushed deeper and even Joey had to smile.

“Yeah…I was telling him that these parties were always a good place to pick someone up…and I thought he probably wasn’t paying too much attention to me…” Josh looked at Justin.

“What? What did I do?” Justin’s face was pure innocence.

“Yeah…angel my ass,” Joey said, and everyone laughed. Justin pouted.

“It wasn’t my fault. Not my fault you called him right after he had gotten out of the shower and looked all yummy,” he insisted. Lance hid his face in his hands and everyone laughed again.

“I swear, I know more about your sex life then I do Joey’s, and I’ve known him forever,” Chris told them. Joey poked him.

“Hey, there, Al Capone, there’s a LOT I don’t tell you.”

“Name one thing.”

“If I told you, it would be one less thing I haven’t told you,” Joey said. Chris looked confused, shrugged, then went back to his salad.

“That one’s cute,” Justin whispered to JC, discreetly pointing with his fork. JC looked and frowned.

“He’s also married.”

“Really?” Justin looked shocked. “We saw him down at Stallions last week. Hmm…” His blue eyes darted around. “What about him…the one dressed like a banana?”

“His boyfriend is the gorilla over there.”

“Really? Shit…” Justin pointed again. “Over there…by the fountain. He’s nice.”

“Yeah,” JC said vaguely. The man WAS good looking…blond…tall…dressed as a knight. “Why don’t you just let me find someone on my own?”

“I want you to be happy, Jayce,” Justin said softly, and JC smiled.

“I know. You’re an awesome best friend. But what I want is what you and Lance have…and you can’t just randomly find that at some party.”

“I still don’t see why you didn’t just BRING someone,” Chris was saying to Joey. “Like casual. It would have made you look good. You coulda dumped her before you left with someone else.”

Julie smacked Chris before Joey could reply. “Excuse me, Pig? Joey’s better than that.”

“Not always,” he admitted with a smile. “But I look good all on my own…and I’m gonna find what I’m looking for, don’t you worry.”

“God…between you and JC…I feel like all I’m doing is looking for women for you,” Chris said with a sigh. JC met Justin’s gaze and they both bit back grins.

“Chris, you SCARE women away. I want to know how much you’re paying Julie to even date you,” Lance said seriously, folding his hands and resting his chin on them. His face was serious, but the horns made him look so adorable that Julie had to laugh.

“More money then I’m worth, I’m sure,” she said. Chris kissed her cheek.

“There’s not enough money in the world to make up for what you’re worth.”

“Now THAT almost made up for the piggish comment earlier,” Justin told him. Julie smiled and kissed Chris back.

The party progressed, and JC began to wander, bored out of his mind. Joey had disappeared somewhere, presumably with the person he had been looking for. Julie and Chris were deep in conversation with some industry people. Justin and Lance had also disappeared. JC had attempted to start a conversation with the knight that Justin had pointed out to him, but he found the man arrogant and boring, and way too quick to undress JC with his eyes.

JC sighed and slipped out of the large ballroom. He walked through the foyer and down one of the halls, not at all ashamed to be sneaking through a stranger’s house. He was sure he wasn’t the only one who had done it…except that he was probably the only one wandering alone. He poked his head into various rooms, looking at paintings and flipping through books. He headed down another hallway, quietly opening a door, then another. He opened the third door slowly, remaining silent and carefully poking his head in.

He bit back a gasp as he spotted two figures bending over the back of a sofa. He quickly pulled back, remembering at the last minute not to slam the door. As the door carefully closed, JC caught sight of a pair of black leather pants and a pair of white jeans piled on the floor. He couldn’t help but grin as he walked away, admiring their audacity. They didn’t care that they were at a practical stranger’s home…they wanted each other, so they found a way to get each other.

Then he sighed. Other couples were probably doing the same thing all over that large house, but it was different with Justin and Lance. They loved each other so much, and they had to hide that love ninety percent of the time. The other guys in the group knew, their families knew, a few people in management knew, but that was it. It was hard as hell for them, but they thought their love was worth it…KNEW their love was worth it. And that’s what JC was looking for.

He opened a set of double doors and gasped as he entered the room. It was a large room with a few comfortable-looking chairs and couches, but the main piece of furniture was a huge aquarium in the middle of the room. It was about eight feet high and about twenty feet long, but not very deep. It held an amazing array of tropical fish, and the tank was lit from the inside. It was the only light in the room, yet a few well placed mirrors on the walls lit the room with the light from the tank. JC slowly approached it, his footsteps echoing. He had never seen anything so peaceful and serene, and he decided then and there to redo one of his spare bedrooms into an area just like this one.

His eyes watched the fish dart about, playing their simple games, and he sighed, leaning his forehead against the glass. It wasn’t fair. He was a good person, he thought, full of compassion and love. He was talented, that he knew. Yet he was alone. He watched a large orange fish swim about. The fish would let himself float down, then at the last minute give a burst of speed to his fins, and he bobbed back up towards the surface. JC frowned at the fish, wondering if it would be that easy. If he jumped into a pool…the ocean…any body of water…would he find it in himself to push back to the top? Or would it be easier to just sink?

He surprised himself by letting out a sob that echoed as his footsteps had…and he reached up and felt tears on his face. That was okay though…no one was around to see him. He allowed himself to cry, glaring at the fish in the tank. A slow movement on the other side of the tank caught his eye, and he gasped and pulled back. A piece of paper slid up the glass on the other side of the tank, the letters facing him. He could read the large block letters through the aquarium, though they were a bit distorted.

“I hate it when you cry.”

JC stared at the paper. It was white, unlined paper, perhaps typing or computer paper. He didn’t recognize the handwriting, and the words were written in black ink. He swallowed slowly, afraid to try and see who was on the other side.

“I…I’m sorry,” he said softly, wiping away a final tear. “I didn’t know anyone was here.”

The paper came down and was quickly lifted back up with the first words scribbled out, and new words written above. “It’s okay…I don’t mind.”

“I just…needed to get away…be alone,” JC said softly, not believing he was talking to a piece of paper. The paper went down and up once more.

“I understand.”

“I don’t think you do. No one does,” JC mumbled, watching an angelfish dart in and out of some rocks in the aquarium. “That’s part of my problem, I think.”

“You don’t have any problems.”

JC laughed. “The hell I don’t. I mean, I’m a rich and famous popstar, right? We don’t have problems. We have little eccentricities that make us special, but we sure as hell don’t have problems.”

“I’m sorry…I didn’t mean it that way. I meant you’re perfect.”

JC froze, stunned. Who was this person that thought they knew him? Some crazed fan who had happened upon him in this sanctuary, who had found him crying and thought she could use the opportunity to get close? He shivered at the thought. “I’m not perfect,” he said finally. “I have lots of problems. I mean look at me.”

“I look at you all the time. You’re beautiful.”

“No one else thinks so.”

“Thousands of people think so. You hear them screaming.”

“Yeah…but that’s for what they see on the outside,” JC said, frowning.

A new, clean piece of paper came up. “I know the inside is beautiful, too.”

“Then why can’t I find someone?” JC burst out. All of the loneliness and self-pity came out in one sentence. “Why am I such a damn freak? God, I’d give it all up…in a heartbeat…if I could find what THEY have…Lance and Justin are so beautiful together. I want that. I want someone to wake me up with kisses…want someone to carry my bags, or let me sleep on their lap…I want to take care of someone.”

“You’re not a freak…” The paper went down and back up again. “And you could never give it all up…the music is part of your soul.”

“Yeah, it is,” JC admitted. “But all that doesn’t get me anywhere. I pour my fucking heart out on my sleeve for the world to see…”

“And the world’s a better place because you’re in it.” JC stared as the paper went down for a long moment.

“Thank you,” he said finally. “I do appreciate it…I just find it hard to believe, that’s all. All the screams and signs and compliments…it’s not the same. But thank you.”

“You’re welcome…I’ve been waiting a long time to say it.”

“God…who are you?” JC whispered. “You act like you know me.” He watched as a crumpled piece of paper came flying over the top of the aquarium, landing a few feet behind him. He bent down and picked it up. “That’s because I do,” he read aloud. He slowly turned around, peering through the aquarium. He looked around the fish, around the rocks, and into the solemn brown eyes of Joey Fatone.

The piece of paper fluttered to the floor as Joey slowly walked around the aquarium. “Jesus,” JC breathed.

“I was sitting on the floor when you came in…behind the aquarium,” Joey said quietly. “I saw you in the mirror and was about to say something when you started to cry.” JC didn’t respond. “I was…well…I was writing you a letter, actually.” Joey tried to smile, waving the small stack of paper in the air. “But you saved me the trouble.”

“This is just…weird.” JC took a step backwards and almost tripped over his own feet.

“Whoa…are you okay?” Joey reached out but JC backed away.

“Don’t…just…don’t, okay?” JC asked.

“Okay…Jayce…okay,” Joey said softly, his brown eyes sad.

“How long have you felt this way?”

“A while?”

“Please be a bit more specific.”

“About five or six months now.”

“You like girls!”

“Sure I do…but I like some guys, too. And I love you. Is that so unimaginable?”

“Apparently you don’t love me much, seeing how many girls you bring back to your room.” JC had no idea why he said that, but it seemed important to point out. Joey hung his head.

“I know…but I don’t bring half as many back as I say I do…or as Chris says I do.” Joey rolled his eyes. He looked up at JC sorrowfully. “It helps…since I can’t have you.”

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“Because I never thought you’d feel the same way…still don’t…and I didn’t think you were gay. Are you?” Joey tilted his head. JC paused, then nodded. “Oh. Lance thought you were. I mean, him and me…”

“You talked about me?” JC wondered how much Justin had told Lance.

“Yeah…he’s the only one who knows…about me being bi and all…and he promised me he wouldn’t tell anyone. Not even Justin,” Joey said, and JC realized his secret was safe with his best friend.

“You said you were looking for someone tonight,” JC said in an accusing tone. Joey looked at his sandals.

“What I meant was that I was looking for you…that I was gonna find a way to tell you how I felt. I mean, here we are, in costumes…being someone we’re not. This way I could actually be myself and tell the truth. Kinda twisted, but it made sense at the time.” Joey ran a hand through his hair. “Look, Jayce…I didn’t mean to scare you or disgust you or anything…I just…I needed to tell you. You’ve been so damn down…and I know you’ve been lonely…and I just wanted to tell you that there was someone out there, not just a fan, who thinks you’re sensational.”

JC looked Joey in the eye, not sure WHAT to think. “I should go. I mean, I need to go. Now.”

“Okay,” Joey said sadly, trying to smile.

“I’ll…um…I’ll talk to you later.” JC practically ran out of the room, his sword bumping against his leg.

“Hey, Jayce!” Chris stopped him, grabbing his arm. “Where is everyone?”

“Lance and Justin are around somewhere. Joey’s…” JC faltered. “Joey’s back there in that room. I gotta go.” He unstrapped the sword. “Here, Chris.” He pushed the sword into his friend’s arms and headed towards the front door.

JC sat on the floor in the hallway of his house, leaning back against the wall. He stared at the door, tilting his head. “That is one annoying doorbell,” he said to himself, his voice echoing against the silence. “Maybe I could get one that plays a tune…like maybe…oh…Beethoven’s Fifth…yeah…”

“JC, dammit, I know you’re in there!” He heard Justin shout. He moaned and buried his head in his hands.

“Go away, Justin,” he said quietly.

“JC…I will break down the fucking door!”

“Sure you will.”

“I’ll go get your neighbors!”

“They don’t even know me.”

“I’ll climb through a window.”

“That would be funny.” JC realized his was having a conversation with Justin when Justin couldn’t hear him. That was scary.

“JC, you big GIRL, come open this door!” Justin screamed. JC sighed and pulled himself to his feet. “Joshua Scott…oh…hey,” Justin said in surprise when JC threw the door open.

“Is there something you need?” JC snapped.

“Well, I…holy hell…JC, you’re still wearing your costume!”

“Yeah?”

“That party was three days ago. God…that’s nasty.” Justin shoved his way past JC and went into the house. He started for the steps, pulling JC with him. “You need a shower. Have you eaten?”

“Justin, why are you here?” JC sighed, letting Justin drag him up the steps.

“No one’s heard from you. Joey won’t answer his door, and Lance has been freaking out. Apparently Joey confided in him the way you confided in me.”

“Not exactly the same,” JC said sullenly. Justin turned to stare at him.

“Jayce, the man I love more then anything in the world is past hysterical because he thinks he ruined Joey’s life by telling him to talk to you. You’d better check that attitude at the shower because if, when you come out, you’re still acting this way, I will kick your gay ass.” He shoved JC towards the shower. “Shower.”

Justin had a quick lunch prepared when JC came down. JC had on a pair of shorts and a tshirt, and he was toweling his hair. “Thanks,” JC said quietly.

“No problem.” Justin put a glass of lemonade down by a plate. “Sit down and eat something. When you’re ready, talk.”

“Okay.” JC tentatively bit into the sandwich. “Hey…this is good.”

Justin glared at him. “Even I can’t mess up peanut butter and jelly, Jayce.” JC smiled and continued to eat.

He was almost finished before he could bring himself to ask the question that had been on his mind since he had left the party. “How did you know?”

“That you were gay? Hell, JC, it was so obvious. You…”

“Not me, dumbass. YOU.”

“Oh, me?” Justin thought for a moment. “I wonder about this myself, sometimes. Before Lance, I had never really gone after a guy. I had never thought it was what I wanted. I looked at guys, thought different ones were hot, but I thought I was just open…you know…able to see a good looking guy and appreciate it, and not feel all weird about it. Lance was so open with us about being gay, you know, and I asked him about a few things once or twice. Then one day I caught him looking at me…and I realized he thought I was hot. Me. That was cool, you know…and then remember that day in rehearsal when I caught my foot in the harness and almost cracked my head open?” JC nodded. “The look on his face…I’ve never seen pure terror before, JC, but I saw it that day on Lance’s face. He cradled my head on his lap while we waited for the ambulance. He stroked my face and forehead, was all calm, you know, like Lance is…but his eyes…JC…he was doing everything he could not to cry.”

“Whoa,” JC whispered. He hadn’t noticed that.

“When they finally let you guys visit, and he came in alone…he told me how thankful he was that I was gonna be okay, and I said thanks or something stupid, and then he held my hand. Actually held it. And he sang me to sleep. It was so cool. And as I was about to doze off…he thought I was asleep already…he leans up, kisses my forehead, and tells me he loves me. Then he left.” Justin smiled. “I took a few days to really rethink some things…and then I confronted him with it. He said yes, he said no, he stuttered, and then I kissed him to stop his ranting. And there you go.”

“So you never really knew you were gay exactly, you just knew you wanted Lance.”

“I knew I wanted to be WITH Lance,” Justin corrected. “I knew he was what I was looking for all along.”

“Oh.” JC played with his glass, swirling the glass around.

“Joey could be what you’re looking for,” Justin said gently. JC looked up sharply. “He’s had a thing for you for a while, apparently.”

“That’s creepy, though, Justin! I mean, he’s been watching me, paying all this attention to what I do or how I feel…”

“And it’s all because he thinks you’re special.”

“Sensational, actually,” JC interrupted. He smiled at Justin shyly. “He said I was sensational.”

“There you go.” Justin leaned forward. “JC, I can’t tell you what to do or how to feel. I just know you need to talk to him. If not for you and him, then for all of us. Trust me, I know what it’s like to be so unsure. I know what he’s feeling right now…except Lance didn’t freak on me the way you freaked on Joey.”

“I didn’t freak on him!” Justin raised an eyebrow. “Okay, I did. But not intentionally. I mean, it was just…weird.”

“Think about it, dude.” Justin stood and prepared to leave. “Think about who we’re talking about. Joey, man. Joey’s great.” Justin clapped JC on the shoulder, then left.

JC sighed as he flopped onto his bed. Joey. Think about Joey, Justin said. Okay. Joey. Joseph Anthony Fatone, Jr. A nice guy…very nice. Not as dumb as everyone thought, and twice as kind as he was smart. He was the one you could go to with a secret and be sure it would be kept. He was the one who would bail you out of embarrassing situations and not make you feel any more embarrassed. One of the best friends you could ask for.

Physically? Could you ever be down when faced with Joey’s grin? God, it lit up his whole face. And he had a nice body. He had been toning it a bit more, lately, and all of the hard work had shown under that caveman outfit. JC thought he liked Joey’s eyes best. They reflected everything Joey was feeling or thinking. JC frowned as he realized that the last time he had seen Joey, Joey’s eyes had only reflected pain…and he had put the pain there.

JC rolled onto his stomach, staring at his phone. He slowly reached over and grabbed the phone, holding it for a moment. Then he picked it up and dialed a familiar number. The machine picked up. “Joey? This is Josh…JC…um…yeah…I ran away like a wuss. I should have talked to you. If you’re screening this…um…it’s cool…I was doing the same thing. Anyway, we need to talk…figure this thing out…it’s better all around if we get it out. So…uh…yeah. I’ll be here. Call. I’ll be here waiting for your call.”

JC was fast asleep in front of the TV, a bowl of Fruit Loops precariously perched on his stomach, when the phone rang. He jumped up, sloshing milk and soggy cereal everywhere. “Huh…hello?”

“Jayce?”

“Joey.” JC sat straight up and ran a hand through his hair to straighten it…like Joey could see him through the phone. “Hey…dude…what’s up?”

“I got your message…sorry it took a few days to call…I…um…wasn’t up to talking to anyone.”

“Yeah…I understand.” JC said softly. “So…um…wanna get together and talk or something? What time is it?”

“About midnight,” Joey said. He sighed. “Yeah, I’d like to talk.”

“Wanna come over?”

Joey sighed again. “Um…actually…I AM already over. I’m in my car in front of your house.”

JC stumbled to his feet and peered through the blinds. A car sat in front of his house and blinked its lights. He couldn’t help but smile. “Then get the hell in here before my neighbors think you’re staking out houses to rob.”

“Okay.” Joey hung up.

JC looked down at himself in dismay. His ratty tshirt and sweatpants were now drenched in milk. He sighed and went to the door. “Hey,” he said when he opened it. “I…uh…had an accident. Can I run up and change?”

“Sure,” Joey said, smiling at the large wet spot on JC’s pants.

“And it’s NOT what you think,” JC called over his shoulder.

When he came back down in jeans and a sweatshirt, Joey was dabbing at the sofa cushions with a damp dishcloth. “Fruit Loops for dinner?”

“Yeah…I am following in Justin’s cereal footsteps. You didn’t have to do that…thanks.”

“No problem,” Joey said, and it wasn’t. It was just the kind of person Joey was. He handed JC the dishcloth and he took it to the kitchen to rinse it out. Joey followed him, leaning against the refrigerator.

“Want something?”

“Coffee?” Joey asked, and JC nodded, plugging in his coffeemaker. He spooned the grounds into a filter, and snapped it into place. “And the reason I was in front of your house…I was sitting outside…getting courage to call.”

“I’m sorry…for freaking like a dumbass,” JC said without turning around. He heard Joey scuff his shoe on the linoleum.

“It’s okay…I shouldn’t have told you.”

JC slowly turned around. “Yeah, you should have.” He turned back to grab two mugs from the cupboard. He put sugar on the table, and got a small carton of milk from the refrigerator. He motioned for Joey to sit. Joey sat.

“Well…maybe I went about it the wrong way,” Joey tried again.

“Is there any right way? The only wrong thing in that situation was the way I dealt with it. And I’m sorry. Hell…I have people telling me I’m great all the time…why did this freak me out so much?” JC tried to joke. Joey didn’t smile. “I just…damn, Joe. You sure are good at hiding your feelings.”

“I find that hard to believe,” Joey said, running a hand through his hair. JC poured the coffee and slid a mug towards Joey before sitting down. “I swear to God, I thought it was written all over my face every time I looked at you.”

“It wasn’t…honestly…at least not to me,” JC said softly. He took a sip of the steaming coffee before adding some sugar. “I just thought you were the same old Joey…my friend.”

“I still am…it’s just now you know that there’s more than friendship there.” Joey stirred milk into his coffee. “Jayce…this doesn’t have to change anything. I mean, if you don’t feel the same…that’s fine…I’m used to that. I just don’t want it to affect our friendship, or the way the group works, or anything like that.”

“The night I called, Justin came over and kicked my ass into gear. I was hermitting myself up in here…and he said you were doing the same thing.”

“Kinda,” Joey admitted.

“He said Lance was freaking…said he thought he pushed you to do something that ruined your life.”

“Lance…God…what a drama queen,” Joey said, finally grinning. JC grinned back.

“He and Justin are a perfect pair,” JC said. Joey nodded.

“Yeah, they are. I just…I blurted out my feelings one day, and Lance was so cool about it, giving me suggestions and just listening. He liked Justin for so long before they got together, so he could understand.”

“That’s what happened between me and Justin. Justin asked me one day if I was gay, and he talked to me about it…and then the other night he told me about what happened when he and Lance hooked up. See, I never thought about being bi…like I almost thought it was impossible, you know? You like one or the other…but Justin has told me lots of times how that’s not true…and I guess in his case, and yours, it isn’t true.”

“But Justin is with Lance now,” Joey pointed out.

“Yeah…but he still thinks girls are sexy and stuff. I think girls are pretty…beautiful…attractive…but I would never have sex with a woman.”

“Never?” Joey tilted his head and looked at JC, who shook his head.

“Nope. Tried it once when I was eighteen. Couldn’t get it up…mortifying, let me tell you.” JC smiled. “Never tried it again.”

“I like women…I mean…there are some things about them that are just so different from guys…but I’ve been with one or two guys, too…and that is incredible in its own way,” Joey said. JC smiled but said nothing. He had been curious about just how far Joey had gone with a man, and this had answered his unasked question. “But I think when it comes down to a relationship, it all has to fit, sex, love, everything. And what gender the person is shouldn’t matter.”

“Right.” JC nodded slowly, amazed at how open and easy this conversation was. He looked Joey in the eye. “Joe, I am really sorry I didn’t stay and listen to you that night. I was just so shocked because I didn’t see this coming. I had no clue you had such strong feelings about me…and I’m still not sure why you do.”

Joey’s mouth fell open. “Well, if that isn’t begging for compliments…”

“Joey, I’m not being like that. I’m serious. You’ve seen me drunk off my ass and acting like a dickhead. You’ve seen me hung over and miserable. You’ve seen me tired and miserable. You’ve seen me awake and miserable. You’ve seen me bitchy and sick with the flu and happy and confused and everything…I would think that would scare someone away.” JC stared down into his coffee.

“I’ve seen how young you look when you sleep,” Joey said softly. “I’ve seen how happy you look when you’re performing. I’ve seen how blissful you look when someone sings your lyrics and makes them sound good. I’ve seen how hurt you look when someone takes your lyrics and makes them sound like shit. I’ve seen how you feed off the energy of the music.” JC looked up sharply. “I’ve seen how hungry you look when Justin and Lance are all lovey-dovey, and you have to sit and just be happy for them. I’ve seen how lonely you look when you sit on a bus and stare out the window for an hour. I’ve seen how sad you look when Julie and Chris sit and giggle about some secret. And I’ve seen you cry.” Joey played with a fingernail. “God, I hate seeing your cry.”

“You said you still don’t think I could reciprocate your feelings,” JC said suddenly. “You said that, at the party. Why?”

Joey looked at JC like he was an idiot. “Jesus, JC, think about it. You are one of the pretty ones. You and Justin. This pretty…thing…this beautiful thing that is just…amazing. I’m one of the ones in the background, the one that gives depth to the music you create. You’re talented and sexy and gorgeous…I’m just one of the mortals in the back.”

JC frowned. “You shouldn’t think about yourself like that.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t.”

Joey’s mouth fell open. “You…I…you’re just saying that to make me feel better.”

“No, I’m not. You know me better than that. I’m just a mortal, too, Joe. And Justin told me the other night to sit and think about this…to think about you. And I have. And you’re pretty damn amazing, too…and I should have told you that sooner.”

“Shut up,” Joey said, but he blushed. JC rubbed a hand through his hair.

“It’s late. I’m tired. But this isn’t over, Joe. Not by a long shot. Now that you’ve woken me the hell up…I need to look into a few things…see what’s going on. If you’ll let me…” JC trailed off, looking into Joey’s eyes. “I’m sorry…and I want another chance.” He stood up and uncertainly stood by the table.

Joey stood as well, trying hard to keep his sunny smile from erupting, but he couldn’t hold it back. “Hell…yeah…of course. Nothing for you to apologize about.”

JC put a hand on Joey’s face, the soft hair of Joey’s beard lightly scratching his skin. “Thank you,” he whispered, then leaned forward to gently press his lips against Joey’s. Joey froze for an instant, then kissed him back. Joey was first to pull away.

“Okay…um…yeah…whoa…okay…” Joey stuttered. JC smiled and leaned his forehead against Joey’s.

“My sentiments exactly. You wanna crash here tonight?” Joey looked at JC, then nodded. “C’mon. I have a king-sized bed…and you’re a gentleman, right?” JC asked as they went up the stairs.

“You do remember who you’re asking, right?” Joey said.

“Yeah…true…how many girls did Chris say you had over last week?”

“Six, I think…but he keeps changing it…kinda like that rescue story he told on Leno,” Joey replied as JC closed his bedroom door behind them.

The End

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