Proper

By: Lara

Alex

“So…we’re going out to Dallas next weekend, right?” I asked. Kevin stared at me, and Nick stopped doodling long enough to give me a quizzical look.

“What’s in Dallas?” Nick asked. Kevin frowned and looked at me.

“No,” Kevin answered before I could reply.

“You’re rude,” I told him, then turned to Nick. “NSYNC’s charity…that challenge thing…they’re having another one of their little events in Dallas next weekend.”

“We weren’t asked,” Brian said softly.

“Of course we weren’t…because we didn’t act like we wanted to go, now did we?” I retorted. I turned to Kevin. “And you look like you’re quite happy we didn’t want to go.”

“Well…” Kevin began, then thought for a moment. It drives me crazy when he gets into the slow, I-need-to-think-hard-so-I-say-the-smart-thing mode. “It’s not that we don’t want to, hell, who doesn’t want to help a kids’ charity? But…”

“Because they’re NSYNC?” I asked, rolling my eyes. I desperately wished for a cigarette, but the offices we were meeting in were totally non-smoking.

“No…not really. We need to work on picking tunes for this greatest hits thing, Aje. If we go to this thing, it looks like we have nothing better to do,” Kevin said in his best condescending tone. I sighed.

“Kevin, we DON’T have anything to do…am I right? We’re stuck doing this kinda shit because of me, am I right?”

“We didn’t say that, Bone,” Howie said quickly.

“You don’t have to.” I stood. “I’m going for a cigarette, and then we will talk about this some more. I was on the phone with Mark…you know…the Jive guy, and he told me that they had two cancellations at this thing. I think we should go.” I headed for the door.

“We’re not going,” Kevin said. I turned to glare at him.

“Maybe YOU’RE not going. Nick?” I looked at Junior, who blushed and looked at Kevin.

“Well…I actually am gonna be working on some stuff with Aaron starting next week,” he admitted. So…we were breaking up before we officially broke up.

“Howie?”

“It’s a sports thing, right? You know I’m not really an athlete,” he reminded me, smiling.

I sighed. “Fine. I’ll just go on my own…and I’ll come out smelling like roses…the kind, charitable Backstreet Boy. Maybe everyone will stop treating me like a damn freak.” I bolted out of the conference room and headed for the door.

“Hey, Aje…” I heard Brian running up behind him. He put a hand on my shoulder and stopped me at the door.

“Yeah?”

“You didn’t ask if I wanted to go,” he said, smiling that sweet smile of his. I sighed.

“You’re Kevin’s cousin. I didn’t think you’d go against what he was saying.”

“Hello…am I like the biggest basketball freak on the planet or what? I bleed basketballs,” Brian said, laughing. “I’m also a grown up and an independent person. I do what I want…and I think this is a good idea. I had no clue there were openings, or I woulda said something to Nick, since he likes playing and all.”

“I suck at basketball,” I admitted.

“But it’s for a good cause. See if you can’t get a hold of someone and fit us in. Leigh’s off on location for her movie, so I’ll be around.”

I looked at Brian and finally smiled. Ever since I had become “the one in rehab,” Brian had been bending over backward to do things for me. I was willing to bet all my cars that he would have gone against Kevin vocally, if Kevin had said that none of us should go, just because it was me asking. “Cool. I’ll get in touch with them and get back to you.”

“AJ…” Brian looked me in the eye. “You okay?”

“Not really…I’m not sure if I will be again,” I told him. I went out the door and gratefully lit up a cigarette.

Brian knew better then to follow me, thank God. If there was one thing I wanted more than ever now, it was peace, quiet, and privacy. Of course, being AJ McLean, I got very little of any of those three things, but it was nice to dream about. Now, however, I was hounded by family and friends just as much as I was hounded by the fans.

Intentions are well and good and all…but sometimes you just want to be left alone. And when you DON’T want to be alone, you would much rather spend time with someone who doesn’t know every little fucking thing about you.

Josh

“You’re running late,” Lance said as I arrived at the gym.

“Yeah, I know. Hey, J,” I said to Justin, grabbing the basketball he tossed my way.

“JC…you’re late!” Chris said in surprise as he wandered over.

“I KNOW, Chris,” I snapped. God…late once in my life…

“JC, weren’t you supposed to be here ten minutes ago?” Joey asked. I growled at him and he took a step back.

“We really need this practice,” Lance said, frowning at me.

“No, Lance, YOU need the practice,” Justin said, stepping in for me. “JC plays almost as well as I do. I wouldn’t exactly sign YOU up for the Lakers yet, Poofu.”

Lance glared at Justin, then started to dribble. He dribbled the ball onto his foot, and it went skipping across the court. I grinned, Justin grinned, and finally even Lance had to smile. “Yeah…guess you’re right,” he said, jogging after the ball.

“You okay?” Justin asked me, putting a hand on my shoulder. I nodded.

“Yeah…I got in the middle of writing and lost track of time.”

“I definitely know what that’s like,” he said, nodding. I went to the other end of the court and began shooting free throws. We weren’t the ONLY people that would be playing in this celebrity game, but we would be the featured celebrities, so to speak, and I wanted to look at least halfway decent.

“Hey, Justin…think we could get Britney to show up in like a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader’s outfit?” Joey yelled.

“Hey, Joey…think we could get your brain to show up?” Justin countered.

I rolled my eyes. Joey loved to tease Justin about Britney. I had to admit, she was beautiful, but, God, couldn’t she keep something for the imagination? We couldn’t get Justin to admit if she really WAS a virgin until marriage, but we all had our doubts. If she wasn’t giving it to Justin, he was sure as hell getting it somewhere else. And I would love to be the one giving it to him.

I blushed at the thought. Yeah, I was gay. Yeah, Justin was damn hot…but he was out of my league. Namely, he was batting for the STRAIGHT team. But he was fun to lust after, mainly because he was so available for lusting. I twirled the ball in my hands, daydreaming. I hadn’t had a real relationship in SO long…all I seemed to do lately was lust after Justin or some random guy I saw in a restaurant or in a bar. There was no way I could act on it; only the guys knew about my “preference.” I had hooked up with male fans once or twice, but the threat of the story leaking it was too scary. I had been lucky that they had kept their mouths shut about me.

“Jayce, look out!” I heard Chris shout as a ball plunked me in the back of the head. I fell to the ground, more from the surprise of being hit then the actual impact.

“Dude, are you okay? God, I’m sorry!” Joey was by my side, instantly concerned. “I meant to throw it near you, not AT you!”

I looked up, a bit dazed and confused. I saw Justin’s blue eyes focused on me, full of concern. I blinked once or twice, then grinned. “Hey…J…did you know I can see up your shorts?” I asked innocently, tugging on the leg of his baggy shorts. He laughed, as did everyone else.

“Yeah, he’s fine.” My best friend pulled me to my feet and ruffled my hair.

“Guys, a minute, please.” One of the whiny nerds from management started across the floor.

“Ya know, shoes like that can mark up a floor like this,” Chris said sweetly, pointing to the guy’s dress shoes. The guy blushed, nodded, and then pulled his shoes off. We all chuckled.

“Hey…two players need to drop out of the game.” He named the players and we groaned. It just HAD to be two of the NBA players. “We have replacements, though.” He checked a clipboard. “AJ McLean and Brian Littrell…I think this says…”

“Backstreet Boys?” Justin rolled his eyes and even Lance let out a groan.

“What?” I asked. “It’s cool they’re offering to help.”

“Yeah…it will be GREAT publicity for them,” Lance pointed out. “While they’re not in rehab, they’re out raising money for charity.”

I stared at him. “Lance, what the fuck is your problem?”

“Nothing,” he muttered, bending down to tie his shoe. “We picked those players out to keep the teams even. This will mess it all up.”

“What you said about rehab is cold, Lance,” I snapped. “I know you like YOUR liquor…maybe you should check into rehab yourself.” I tossed the ball back at Joey. “I’ve had enough practice.”

I stomped off to the shower, wondering when my brothers had turned into assholes. “Jayce…wait.” I heard Lance running up behind me and I stopped. “I didn’t mean that like it sounded. You know me…I hate when plans are messed up. We DID pick the players carefully…and this could mess up things.”

I put a hand on his shoulder. “Things get messed up, Lance. Take the stick out of your ass once in a while and you’d see it’s okay when they DO get messed up.”

“Yeah,” he said, but the smile didn’t quite meet his eyes.

I sighed and went back to the locker room. “I gotta get me some new friends,” I muttered to myself.

Josh

I had to admit that I was a bit surprised that the Backstreet Boys were sending AJ and Brian. Brian, yeah, he was into basketball, from what I had heard, but AJ? He didn’t seem like the world’s biggest athlete. But then again…we had Lance, didn’t we, and we were letting HIM play. The calls were made and AJ and Brian were confirmed. Lance was still being kinda growly about it…but he gets that way when his plans are thwarted. I thought I was anal about things, but Lance took the cake.

I wasn’t around when they arrived in Dallas. I was back in the hotel, taking a nap. There would be a big party at one of the clubs in town for all the celebrities involved in the game, and then the game would be the next day. I had wanted to go to the airport to say hey and thanks for coming, but security would have NONE of that. So they sent Joey. Lovely. I mean, Joey’s great and all, and he’d be nice to them, but me and Justin liked to think of this thing as our pet charity, and we tried to get out and be ambassadors for it as much as possible. And I’m sure it didn’t make Joey feel all that great…I mean, I wasn’t allowed to go because I would get mobbed. And he wouldn’t? But I didn’t hear anything about on the news, so I assumed that everyone got back to the hotel safely.

I thought about the whole AJ situation as I got dressed. AJ seemed like a good enough guy. You heard about the tattoos, the anxiety attacks, the drinking…but you never heard about him abusing a fan or burning up a hotel room or anything like that. And the fact that he was doing this charity thing, no matter WHAT the reason, was pretty damn cool in my book.

“Yo, Jayce, are you coming or what?” I heard Justin yell as he banged on the door. “Let’s go find you a man.”

I opened the door so quick he almost fell open. “Do you really need to blare that up and down the hallway?” I growled. He smiled sweetly.

“I’m just trying to get you some, Jayce. I think it’s been too long.” He threw an arm around my shoulder as we headed to the elevator.

“I think you don’t know when I get what, Justin,” I told him. He grinned.

“Yeah…okay, Jayce. I see you leave clubs alone. I never see anyone coming out of your room at first light.”

“Since when are you like Columbo, dude? All scoping out my room and shit.” I jabbed at the down button.

“Who’s Columbo?” Justin asked.

“Oh, GOD, I feel old,” Chris sighed as he walked up. “Columbo is this bumbling TV detective.”

“I’m bumbling?” Justin looked at me. I sighed as well.

“No…Justin…you’re just nosy. The simile is lost on you.” I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes. I wanted to be back in my room, watching TV, maybe even finding a Columbo movie on cable. Tonight I was NOT in the mood to hang out.

The private room they had prepared for us was huge…but a lot of people were there. Not only were there celebrities and athletes, but there were wives and girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, plus a million security guys. The value of that room was in the billions. I walked through the room, talking and laughing. I was content to simply lean against a wall and watch, but after Lance gave me a glare and ordered me to mingle, I meekly obeyed. He could be such a dom when it came to social situations.

Lonnie put a finger against his earpiece to hear better. “Okay,” he said into his small walkie-talkie. “Those Backstreet guys are here,” he said to me. I smiled.

“Cool. I wanna go greet them.” I needed to get out of the crowded room. I picked up my glass of mineral water and got ready to follow him. He raised an eyebrow.

“Um, no.”

“For God’s sake, Lonnie, I’m not a damn prisoner in here. I wanna go out there. What if I wanted to dance?”

“That’d be different. I would send one of the guys out with you.”

“Dammit, I’m going out there.” I was so damned tired of being told where I could and couldn’t go. I headed out of the room and he followed me, alarmed.

“Jesus, JC, don’t DO that, man.” He broke a path for me, moving to walk in front of me.

We reached the doorway and sure enough, there were AJ McLean and Brian Littrell. I shook Brian’s hand and said hello. We had met on a few occasions. AJ looked at me over his sunglasses. His hair was a shocking platinum blond, a contrast to his dark soulful eyes. I smiled my most sincere smile.

“Hey, AJ, glad you could make it.” I held out my hand, which he stared at for a moment. “JC Chasez.”

“I know who you are,” he said, rolling his eyes. I could have kicked myself. God, I sounded like an idiot.

“Yeah, of course you do. Sorry. Want anything before we go back up there?” I asked, motioning to the bar. Brian glared at me. “I mean, like soda or mineral water or something. That’s what I have.” I raised my glass slightly.

“Nah, I’m cool,” AJ said, though I saw his eyes hungrily wander over the bottles behind the bar.

“So…uh…let’s go before we get mobbed,” I said quickly, moving aside so they could follow Lonnie. AJ could only follow, and Brian gave me a quick grateful smile. I sighed. And I thought I had problems.

Alex

We arrived at the Dallas-Ft. Worth airport and were met in a private room by Joey Fatone of NSYNC. I had met him before, and he was pretty cool. He was so laid back…nothing bothered him. And that was exactly what I needed after a plane ride with Brian.

B-Rok darted off to the bathroom before we left for the hotel, and I lightly pounded my head against a wall. “God, I wish I could have a drink right now,” I said, moaning. Joey looked alarmed. “No…nothing like that. That plane ride was the longest damn thing in my life. I love Brian…he’s my brother…but he is worse than my mother. Was I okay? Did I need anything? Was the plane ride freaking me out? Was I sure it was a good idea to go to this party tonight, because, you know, it would be in a club and all.”

Joey smiled. “That sounds like JC. He’s the big brother, even to Chris, and Chris is like five years older than him. He’s the responsible one…making sure we know what we should and shouldn’t do. Him and Lance.”

“Well, normally this is Kevin’s job…telling us what to do…but he’s not here so apparently Brian has taken over. I mean, I’ve been to clubs since…well…you know, and he knows that. He just has this bossy vibe going on.”

“Are we ready to go?” Brian asked as he returned. “We should check in as soon as possible.” Joey and I rolled our eyes at each other at the same time and laughed. Brian looked confused as he followed us to the baggage claim.

The hotel they were putting us up at was nice but understated. Just what I wanted. There was the usual group of teenyboppers out front, but because of the other celebrities, the crowd was quite mixed. I smiled and waved, and signed more autographs then usual. I was hoping this would get me off scot free later. Brian had to practically drag me into the hotel.

I flopped onto my bed with a sigh, finally removing my sunglasses. What I wouldn’t do for a six day nap. My cellphone rang and I groaned. “Let me guess…it’s either my mom, my therapist, or Brian. My guess is Brian.”

“Um…yeah…I was just reminding you that…”

“We have to be ready to go by eight. Yeah, Bri, I know. Thanks, though.” I hung up and stared at the ceiling. This was gonna be one LONG weekend if things continued the way they had gone so far.

The club was packed. Lots of good looking men and beautiful women. Just enough to make any sane person feel inadequate. Of course, I felt inadequate, since I was on my way back to sane again. But I made sure that no one knew I felt inadequate. I slid my sunglasses down slightly and looked at Brian before we went in. “You look very nice,” I said loyally. He wore one of Howie’s Indian-style shirts and a pair of baggy khakis. “The responsible loyal husband.”

“You’re so funny, Aje,” he said, frowning. I clapped him on the back.

“Just kidding. I promise you, not one woman will hit on you with you looking like that.”

“Hey!”

“Kidding again, you look fine, Bri.” I took the last drag of my cigarette and flicked it out into the street. I looked down at myself. Red shirt, unbuttoned just enough, baggy black pants. The usual club wear. “Let’s roll and get this over with.”

I led the way inside and was almost bowled over by a large bodyguard-type person. He stepped aside and one of the NSYNC boys was behind him. JC, I remembered. He smiled at Brian, said hello, and shook his hand. He looked at me, smiling a beautiful smile that went up into his blue eyes. “Hey, AJ, I’m glad you could make it,” he said. I just looked at him, sizing him up. He frowned slightly, then held out his hand. “JC Chasez,” he prompted, like I had just crawled out of some Mongolian hole. I rolled my eyes.

“I know who you are,” I said. He blushed.

“Yeah, of course you do. Sorry. Want something to drink before we go back up there?” He motioned to the bar and I felt Brian stiffen behind me. JC looked embarrassed. “I mean, like soda or mineral water or something. That’s what I have.” He raised his glass and swirled the clear water around a bit. It was obvious that he had meant that all along, and I knew it. My eyes still wandered over to the bar. The lights were hitting the bottles and they looked SO inviting.

“Nah, I’m cool,” I said instead.

“So, uh, let’s go before we get mobbed.” JC moved away so his huge bodyguard could lead us to the back room. I obediently followed, and felt Brian and JC fall into line behind me.

A few girls squealed at the sight of us; I waved, Brian waved, JC waved. Perfect little soldiers. We went into the back room and were greeted by the people we knew. JC’s little bandmates came over and said their hellos, thanking us for giving up our time to help them out. I could tell immediately they could have cared less who filled those positions, but that they would have rather seen any other two people. I didn’t care. Fuck them, anyway.

“I hear you guys are working on a greatest hits album?” I turned to see JC behind me, still holding that water. His tone was polite, yet truly interested.

“Yeah…supposedly.” I was dying for something to drink. Anything. It all sounded good right about then. Talking about how my group was slowly dying while his was riding the crest of fame was NOT a thing I wanted to do.

“That’s cool…God…it must be hard to pull the songs and put them in order. We’ve talked about it once or twice, and it’s impossible for us all to agree.” JC smiled. “Sometimes I think it’s impossible for us to agree about anything lately.”

“Because someone always needs to be first,” I said without thinking.

“Yeah,” he said, nodding slowly. His blue eyes met mine. “And all I want to do is just get back to the music, ya know? Pick the damn things…put them in order and let me get back to writing new ones.”

“You got a lot ready for another album?” I asked, truly interested. Something about this guy intrigued me. He was a few years older than me, but any mention of the actual composition of the music seemed to mature and age him in an instant. I knew that Justin Timberlake wrote a lot for them, but JC seemed to view it differently.

“Me personally? Two or three songs, yeah…but nothing I’m ready to show anyone,” he said almost bashfully. “How about you? You write?”

“Lyrics, mostly,” I admitted. “I’m not too good at the music part, though I know what sounds right with my words.”

“Right,” he said, nodding again. I took the chance to look him over. He wore tight brown pants, tighter then I thought would be comfortable, yet his long legs seemed to flow in them. I’d kill for legs like those; being one of the short ones sucked royally. His brown hair stood up all over, yet it seemed to work for him that way. I self-consciously ran a hand over my short yellow hair…if I let MY hair grow out like that it curled wickedly and I hated it. His blue eyes were intelligent, and truly interested in anything I had to say. I hadn’t felt this comfortable with someone in a long time. Here was someone who understood at least PART of my life.

“So…I suck at basketball,” I said suddenly. He laughed.

“So does Lance. So do a lot of the celebrities. I mean, Britney…do you really think she’s gonna chance breaking a nail?”

I laughed out loud and Brian looked over at me. I gave him a wave and he rolled his eyes. “Is she wearing a real uniform, or just a sports bra and bikini bottoms.”

JC laughed now. “A uniform, though I’m sure it will be…Britney-appropriate, let’s just say.” He smiled at me. “I wonder sometimes, what Justin sees in her.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Do you really have to wonder that much?”

“Not that…besides all that. She’s nice enough…but there’s not much there. I mean, in the person I’M dating, I want more then just a pretty face, ya know?”

“You dating anyone?” I asked curiously. He seemed to shut down.

“Um…no…not right now…”

I also realized that he had said “the person” and not “the girl.” Hmmm. “Me either,” I said quickly. “It’s too damn hard to find someone…and my therapist says the last thing I need right now is a relationship.”

“Maybe I should get one of those…” JC mused.

“A relationship?”

“A therapist,” he said, smiling slightly. “I could use the help.”

“JC, EVERYONE in our business could use the help.” I glanced at my watch. “Would it be incredibly rude if I rolled out of here now? I’m really tired and could use some sleep.”

“It wouldn’t be incredibly rude if one of the hosts snuck out with you,” he said nervously. I grinned. He was so…proper. He didn’t want to say that he wanted to leave as well, but he could hint about it.

“Well, then, host, sneak me out!” I told him. He smiled and wandered over to Lance. It was amazing how quickly JC suddenly looked ill. He pointed to me, waved his hands a bit, and Lance sighed. Then Lance nodded, frowned, and gave JC what seemed to be a warning. JC came back.

“I told him I didn’t feel so good, and that you were gonna take me back to the hotel.”

“And he told you not to let me attack you or anything, right? Not to let me suck your blood or anything, right?” I asked, annoyed. Heaven forbid people see past the damn tattoos.

“Well…he told me some things, but it’s not what you think,” JC said softly. I looked at him curiously, but he said nothing more.

“Okay, lemme tell Rok.” I wandered over to Brian. “Brian, I’m going back to the hotel. I’m gonna catch a ride with Chasez.”

“Okay…call me later,” he ordered. I frowned.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Brian, I’m not lying to you. God…you’re worse than my mother.” I stomped out of the room, not even caring if JC was behind me or not.

“Hey…” I felt his hand on my arm but I continued to push through the crowd. “You okay?” JC asked when we hit the sidewalk.

“Fine…just sick of being fucking babied every five minutes. I am NOT gonna drink and I’m NOT gonna freak. Jesus.” I lit up a cigarette and puffed hard. I glared at him. “You worried about something? Gonna tell me smoking’s bad for my voice?”

“No.” His voice was calm and soothing. “I’m just looking to hit my bed and sleep for a while.”

“Me, too,” I said. He flagged down a taxi and we rolled back to the hotel.

It ended up our rooms were in the same wing of the hotel but different floors. The NSYNC battalion had the eighteenth floor all to themselves, while Brian and I were tucked away on the fourteenth floor. “Thanks…for talking to me,” I said finally as the elevator stopped at the fourteenth floor. “It’s hard…you know…people like to treat me like I’m made of glass.”

“Being a showpiece is hard,” he said, and I agreed with him. “Especially if you’re known to actually break every now and then.”

“Yeah,” I said softly, nodding.

“Well, I’m in eighteen ten, if you need anything…if you wanna talk or whatever. I won’t sleep right away…probably flip channels,” he said. I stared at him for a moment.

“I woulda took you for a dancer…party animal,” I said. He smiled.

“Sometimes. Not tonight. Not in the mood for people.”

“Exactly,” I said. I held out my hand this time, and he took it. “Thanks, JC.”

“You can call me Josh,” he said, then blushed. “My friends, outside the group, they call me Josh.”

“And you can call me Alex,” I told him. “AJ goes on stage. Alex is the normal one.”

He rolled his eyes. “Somehow I think that even Alex is bigger then what I consider normal.”

I laughed out loud. “You’re probably right. ‘Night, Josh.” I stepped off the elevator and watched the doors close.

“’Night, Alex.” The doors closed and he was gone. I sighed and plodded down the hall to my room.

Josh

Alex McLean did not lie. He royally sucked at basketball. He tried, though, and he really hammed it up for the fans, which was good. He wasn’t on my team, thank God, or I woulda seriously wanted to make excuses for him. He was adorable.

Thank God I was on the bench when that thought struck my mind, or I would have dropped the basketball on my foot or something. AJ McLean? Adorable? But he was. If you looked past the tattoos and almost white hair, you would find a pair of gorgeous brown eyes that were soulful and deep. You’d see a Cheshire Cat grin that promised a lot more than it delivered. People had told me I moved like a cat, graceful and effortless…but it was nothing compared to Alex. It was like his body moved to this secret grooving melody that only he could hear. His voice was low and seductive, and even when he was happy, which he did seem to be during the game, everything about him seemed to slightly droop with depression. He’d probably smack me if I told him, but I felt sorry for him.

At one point I was stuck guarding him. Since he was small and relatively fast, he was chosen as a guard for the second quarter. He brought the ball down and I just stood, arms crossed. “You don’t think you have a chance of actually getting that in the basket, do you?”

He stood and dribbled, smiling that smile at me. “You don’t think you have a chance of actually getting the ball away from me, do you?” He passed the ball to a teammate without even looking away from me. I was impressed. It was, however, the only impressive thing he did in the short time that he was on the court. But he had a good time, as we all did.

“Good game,” Justin said, coming over to shake my hand. I gave him a hug, and watched as he went over to Brian and Alex. “Great game, guys. Brian, you’re really good for someone so short.”

Brian looked at Justin to see if he was being insulted, then saw that Justin was trying to offer a genuine compliment. “Thanks,” he said finally, smiling his kind smile. “I love the game.”

“We should play sometime,” Justin continued. “You know, if we’re ever in the same place at the same time.”

“Cool,” Brian said, and he and Justin continued to chat. I couldn’t help but watch Alex as he got changed. He had a towel slung low around his slender hips, and I could see the droplets of water running off the back of his head and down his back. I swallowed deeply, wondering if he would feel as thin and bony as he looked. He didn’t look at all comfortable to hug, and…

I blushed crimson as he looked up and caught me watching him. The dark eyes were unreadable as his gaze met mine. I looked down at my sneaker, quickly putting it on my foot. I needed out of there and I needed out NOW. I hurried out to the car that would take us back to the hotel. We had a black-tie dinner to attend that evening, something different from the usual events. The companies and individuals who had contributed large sums of money would be at the dinner, and we had to do a snobby type of meet and greet. I tumbled into the backseat, the first one in the car. Lance and Joey soon wandered up.

“You okay, Jayce? You look flushed,” Joey remarked. I nodded and stared out the window.

Chris soon ambled up, and we were stuck waiting for Justin, as usual. I saw him walk out a few minutes later with Alex and Brian. They stood and talked for a moment longer, waving to a few screaming fans. Alex looked bored, staring at his shoes, staring at the sky, then looking over at our van. The windows were tinted, but I felt like he was looking right through me. A smirk tugged at his mouth, then his hand raised in a half-wave. He tugged on Brian’s shirt, said something, then they went to their own car.

“God, Justin, I need to go get ready,” Joey snapped. “What were you talking about?”

“You,” Justin said, climbing in next to me. “Brian thought you were hot and wanted to know if he should leave his wife for you.”

“Fuck off,” Joey said, but he blushed anyway, glancing at me. “Am I that hot?”

“Definitely,” I told him, ever the token gay man. Everyone laughed, and Joey faked a punch at my head. Justin looked at me.

“I’m glad they signed up,” he said. “You’re right. It was cool of them. They’re cool.”

A nod of approval from Justin Timberlake is worth its weight in gold, I thought wryly. Instead, I said, “They’re just people. This whole feud thing is ridiculous. It’s all media hype, anyway.”

“If they’d quit saying we stole their act, I’d like them a lot better,” Lance grumbled.

“And if you’d quit whining about it, I’m sure EVERYONE would like you better,” I snapped before I thought. Everyone stared at me, but I didn’t care. He didn’t know them and had no right talking shit about them.

“Jeez, JC, since when are Brian and AJ your new best friends?” Chris asked. I looked at him calmly.

“Since my own best friends have decided to get petty and rude,” I said. He turned around in his seat, sulking. Justin looked at me but didn’t say anything.

I thought about wearing a tie, then decided just to leave my shirt unbuttoned. I wore a black suit with a white dress shirt. A bit of burgundy piping went along the lapel, and I was almost satisfied with the way I looked. I tugged at my hair a bit, then went out into the hallway to wait.

Chris was out in the hallway, and he glared at me. I sighed. “I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have said that…but you all are so grumpy lately,” I said finally.

“Whatever…” Chris replied, but he slapped me on the shoulder. “We’re all stressed…we need a break.”

“And we need to get laid, right, JC?” Justin slapped me on the back as he exited his room. I frowned.

“Are you saying you need to get laid, too, Justin?”

“Is this Brit gossip? Cool.” Joey hurried into the hallway to listen.

“I’m not saying shit, Jayce,” Justin said, glaring at me. I grinned and the others laughed.

“Justin’s not getting any…Justin’s not getting any…” Chris sang as Lance joined us.

“Oh, God, this discussion AGAIN?” Lance moaned as we headed for the elevator.

The guests were having cocktails when we arrived. We immediately were divided up and introduced to important people. I noticed the others pasting on their “game faces” even as I listened to an old man talk about why his company was the greatest contributor we had. I nodded and smiled pleasantly, jealously looking at Lance, who was surrounded by young, wealthy looking women. At least he had someone his own age to talk to.

“Excuse me, sir.” A polite voice at the man’s elbow forced him to turn away from me. “Can I borrow this young man for a moment? His dedication alone has helped me to turn from my wicked ways, and I would like to give him my thanks.”

“Of course, young man,” the man said, smiling at Alex. “I would be glad to.” The man drifted off into the crowd. Alex smiled at me over the top of his glass.

“Thank you from the bottom of my heart,” he said coyly, then laughed. He saw my eyes wander to his glass. “Coke. I swear.”

“Thank YOU from the bottom of MY heart, and I don’t care what you’re drinking,” I told him. I corrected myself. “Well, I DO care, but not in the way you think. It’s your life…you know your limits.”

“My limit is Coke,” he said softly. His eyes wandered over me. “You clean up nice, Chasez.”

“So do you, McLean,” I said, and meant it. He wore a dark blue suit with a grey shirt underneath. The shirt was unbuttoned just enough to be scandalous at the ritzy affair. “Trying to go for the lounge lizard look?”

He laughed. “Nah…couldn’t find all my gold chains.” We heard a bell ringing. “Sounds like it’s chow time.” He looked at me. “Josh…I know I won’t get much time to talk to you tonight, and we’re leaving early tomorrow morning.” He handed me a piece of paper, and actually looked uncomfortable. “If you’re ever back in Orlando soon…give me a call. We could hang out or something…I’d like to show you some of my songs…see what you think.”

I was surprised but deliriously happy. “Wow…Alex. Okay…yeah…I’d like that. Hold on.” I hurried over to a waiter and came back with a pen. I tore up a napkin and wrote on it. “Call me anytime…you know…if your bandmates are threatening to drive you insane and you need someone to talk to…someone on the outside but who still understands what you’re going through.”

“Better keep this line open then…because that happens a lot lately,” he said, and I laughed.

“Thanks for coming out for all this.” I held out my hand and he took it, but at the last moment we hugged each other.

“I’ll call,” he whispered, and I nodded. He went to his table, and I went up front to join my bandmates, with Alex McLean’s cologne lingering on my suit jacket.

Alex

I had argued with myself all day about giving Josh my number, but when he smiled so big and seemed so happy, I guessed it was an okay thing to do. He was sure quick to give me his number, too. Those NSYNC boys…so damned proper and polite.

I actually didn’t even think he’d call, and I wasn’t about to call him. No, I was way too cool for that. So what if he was obviously bi or gay and I was definitely bi? So what if he had eyes like a Crayola cornflower blue crayon and a smile as bright as the sun? So what if he had legs for years and a nice ass and fingers that just begged to touch me? I didn’t care.

Sure I didn’t.

To this day I will still say that the boy has ESP. I swear it. It was about three weeks after the whole basketball thing and I was moping around my big empty house. Even the dogs were enough to piss me off, and the dogs are my babies. I shouted at them, locked them in the laundry room, and went to find a drink. Only problem was, I didn’t have anything to drink. I was in recovery…and recovered people don’t keep alcohol in their house. I always seemed to forget that when I’m in my worst moods.

And, God, was I in a shitty mood that day. Kevin had called to bitch about something…I think it was that I hadn’t given him my choices for what songs I wanted on the greatest hits album. We had time…the record company still didn’t need the list for another week. But apparently Kevin was going through PMS, and he called to take it out on me. I told him to fuck off and hung up. Then Howie called, canceling the plans we had made to go out to eat and hit a club. Apparently he had a date. Apparently friends don’t come before women. So I was pissed. Pissed and lonely. My mom wasn’t even around; I had finally convinced her to take a well-needed vacation. It figured that she decided to go when I hit one of my all time lows.

So I slunk around my house, throwing pillows and crumpling up magazines and newspapers. I hated when I behaved this way; it wasn’t me and I knew it, but at the moment it was the only way I could get over the way I was feeling. My therapist had told me that I needed to find a positive way to release negative energy, but at the moment the only release I could think of was sex or drinking…and neither was available.

My phone rang around six in the evening, and I almost didn’t answer it. Hoping it was Howie calling to grovel, I picked it up. “Yes?”

“Um…is this Alex?” An unfamiliar male voice asked.

“Depends,” I said slowly. “Who is this?”

“It’s…it’s Josh. Josh Chasez.”

“Hey!” I immediately smiled as I flopped down onto the sofa. “How the hell are ya?”

“Good.” Josh sounded relieved that I recognized him. “How are you?”

“You SO don’t want to know,” I griped. “This has been the fucking week from hell.”

“Tell me about it,” Josh replied. “I was supposed to be back here a week ago, and management kept conveniently finding things to do. It ends up that Britney was in the same city we were for some stuff, so Justin requested, and was granted, extra time in that city. When we found out, we went ballistic. I think Lance actually threatened to pull out Justin’s pubic hair and glue it to his head.”

I roared with laughter. This was SO what I needed. “Oh, man, Josh, that’s funny. I’m sorry it happened, but I’m glad you’re back.”

“Really?” There was an unmistakable glimmer of hope in his voice and I sighed. I liked hearing that directed at me.

“Yeah, really. It’s been a hellish few days…I actually was tearing around my house when you called, looking for booze.”

“Whoa,” Josh said softly, and I knew he wasn’t sure what to say. He didn’t want to preach but he wanted to be supportive.

“But, it’s cool, because, number one, I don’t have any booze, and number two, you called and cheered me up,” I told him. “So no worries.”

“Good.” Once again, Josh sounded relieved.

“And then I was supposed to have plans tonight with Howie, and he blew me off, and Kevin called and decided to play Backstreet Dictator, and here I am,” I finished.

“You know, I love my bandmates, they’re my brothers, but some days I want to pick them off, one by one,” Josh confided, and I laughed again.

“I SO understand that. So, wanna get together?” Suddenly I was nervous. Josh on the phone was one thing, but I didn’t know how I felt about seeing him again.

“I was kinda hoping you’d want to,” he said shyly. I grinned.

“I sure do…wanna come here? You could grab Chinese or something.”

“Okay,” he said. I gave him directions to my house. “I can find that,” he said.

“Josh, man…thanks for calling. I needed someone tonight,” I confided softly. He paused for a moment.

“Then I’m even more glad I called than I already was.” He hung up.

Josh arrived around an hour later, looking as good as I remembered. He wore a pair of baggy khaki pants, and a red tshirt with a battered jean jacket overtop. “Ya know, it’s good I don’t have a photographer from Bop hidden behind the bushes,” I said with a grin. “You look like shit.”

“I knew it would mesh well with your outfit,” Josh shot back, eying up my white wifebeater and baggy jeans. “I hear the bum look is in this year.”

“Get in here, you weirdo,” I said, moving aside so he could come in. “Just go down to the TV room…second door on the left. I have some trays and stuff in there.” I hurried to the kitchen to grab us something to drink, then joined Josh in the TV room. We quickly and quietly divided up the Chinese food and began to chow.

“So…what was Kevin harping about?” Josh asked, carefully chewing and swallowing before he spoke.

“Well,” I said, gulping down some water. “We have this due date for getting the songs in for the GH thing, you know? And apparently I haven’t decided quick enough.”

“I think you should definitely put “Larger Than Life” on there,” Josh said. “I like the way you cackle at the beginning. It’s so AJ.”

I was surprised. “You paid that much attention?”

“I…uh…well…” Josh’s face got bright red and I was concerned. “I bought all your CDs while we were stuck last week…I know a lot of your songs.”

“Cool!” I said, flattered. “Is that your favorite song?”

“No…I kinda like the harshness of “Don’t Want You Back”…and I like “Get Another Boyfriend” also.”

“I like those, too,” I said, nodding. “But anyway, Kevin just called to bitch. God, he’s enough to drive a man to drink. I don’t know how Kristin puts up with him.”

“The same way the rest of us put up with Lance,” he told me. “He’s great…smart, talented…but he’s so driven to prove himself outside the group, you know?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I do.” I scraped out the pork fried rice container.

“So…are you feeling better now?” He asked gently, and I looked at him. He looked concerned, as well as curious. I nodded slowly.

“Yeah. I mean, it’s childish. I don’t get my way today so I throw a tantrum. I’m supposed to let that energy out, but fuck me if I can find a way to do it without hurting someone or myself.” I sighed. “When my grandmother died, man, I went ballistic. I broke a mirror by throwing an award at it…then I drank for two days straight. I drank, then I passed out, then I drank again until I passed out.”

“Jesus,” Josh whispered. I watched him carefully. He looked sympathetic, but horrified at the same time.

“I just…there’s so little I have left to myself, you know? The fans, the media, they know everything about me…but my family and my life with them has been pretty private. They didn’t even know her name until she died.” I angrily poked at my plate with my fork. “I change my hair, get a tattoo…the world knows. But my family, man, they’re MINE. People don’t know shit about that…but they act like they do. She helped raise me. It was me and my mom and my grandfather…so damn tight.”

I was shocked when Josh’s hand came up and he gently wiped a tear from my cheek. I hadn’t even known I was crying. That as well as his action surprised me. “I’m sorry, Alex,” he said softly, his blue eyes sad. “I know what part of that’s like, the need for privacy, the need for understanding…but I can’t possibly understand how YOU personally felt…but I’m sorry. That just sucks.”

I sniffled and rubbed at my eyes. “God, what a baby I am.”

“You needed a positive way to let it go, right?” He asked gently. “What’s wrong with crying?”

“When’s the last time YOU cried?” I asked, not meaning to sound as angry as I did. But I was embarrassed.

“The last time I cried? Last week,” Josh said quietly, and I stared at him. “Last week when Britney and Justin snuck out for this big romantic date. The other guys were busy doing this and that, and I was gonna go down to the gym in the hotel. I come out into the hallway and out of Justin’s room step him and Britney. They didn’t see me. They just stopped, and he leaned her against the door…and he cups her face in his hands and he kisses her. She giggles, you know, and they put their foreheads together and just look at each other for a long moment before they go on down the hall, him holding her hand.” Josh closed his eyes. His voice got tight. “I want that, you know? I want someone to share secret kisses with…I want someone to look at me the way they looked at each other. She can call him from the other side of the world…it can be four in the morning where we are…and he takes the call and is damn happy to hear her voice.” Josh blinked hard. “I hate it.”

“Plus you hate the fact that it’s Britney with him and not you, right?” I asked as gently as I could. Josh started to say something, then looked in my eyes. He must’ve seen the understanding there, because he slowly nodded.

“Yeah,” he said with a sigh. “Yeah. I mean, there’s not a chance there…not for me and Justin…but sometimes I think about it.”

“You love him.”

“Yes.”

“You IN love with him?”

“Not the way I used to be.”

Relief flooded through me like I couldn’t believe. “You can do better then him,” I told Josh. “You’re kinda nerdy…but cute. You could do better.”

“I’m nerdy?” Josh asked, and I laughed. He blushed and laughed as well. “You think I’m nerdy now, you shoulda seen me ten years ago.”

“I bet,” I joked, trying to lighten the moment. He tilted his head.

“You think I could do better?” I nodded. “Like who? You?” He meant to say it as a joke, but I could tell that he was partially serious. His voice held an urgency, an eagerness, a prayer for me to say yes.

“I don’t know if I’m all that, but I’d say I’m better then Curly Timberlake,” I said just as lightly. “At least I’m not straight.”

Josh’s eyes bored into me. “Don’t play with me, Alex.”

“I’m not playing with you, Josh. The last fucking thing I need right now is a relationship…but you make me more comfortable and more secure then I’ve been in a while.”

Josh blushed pink with pleasure. “Yeah…I feel that, too.”

We stared at each other for a long moment. I could see he was still uncertain. Oh, hell. I’m the aggressive one…at least everyone thinks so…I needed to make the first move. I leaned forward, almost knocking over my glass of water, and lightly pressed my lips to his.

Josh

When Alex started to cry, it broke my heart. His eyes were so huge, so sad…I wanted to kiss and hug away any problem he had, wanted to stroke the short hair and tell him it was okay, that I was here for him. But, of course, I didn’t do that. I simply reached up and wiped the tears away and said something stupid.

And then I started to babble about Justin and Britney. I didn’t know WHERE that came from, but everything I told him was true. After I saw them in the hallway, I slowly went back into my room, all thoughts of working out forgotten. I fell onto my bed and cried for over an hour, full of loneliness and just plain self-pity. I thought my life sucked. I thought no one had it worse than I did…and then Alex told me HIS story.

But he thought I could do better, he said. He understood about my feelings for Justin and didn’t judge me…and then he admitted that he was gay. Well, at least that he wasn’t straight. And suddenly those big brown eyes were focused on me and suddenly he was leaning forward and suddenly he was kissing me. I froze for a moment, not knowing what to think, then I realized that one of the sexiest men I had ever met was kissing me, kissing ME, and I was giving him dead lips. So I kissed him back.

To look at Alex McLean, you’d think he’d be all aggressive and forceful, taking advantage of your lips and your tongue, taking control of your mouth. Maybe he WAS that way, but he wasn’t like that with this first kiss. It was slow and tantalizing and evil and sweet and wonderful and it basically pushed every bit of blood in my body down to my dick and held it there.

He started to lose his balance and I felt him fall towards me. I also felt his water hit my leg as he knocked over the glass. I let him fall, catching him with my body as I fell back also. Our legs became tangled, and his body was then pressed over mine, his face even with mine. He broke the kiss to look at me, as if he were questioning me. Whatever he was looking for he obviously saw in my eyes, because he smiled that sly grin and began to kiss me again. I rolled slightly so his body was more beside me, kinda under me, so he wasn’t so tight against me. It didn’t help though; his hands were wandering over my back and into my hair as his tongue sought entrance into my mouth. I parted my lips slightly, and Alex actually moaned as his tongue flickered inside. I sighed, my hand running down his arm to settle at his slender waist. I couldn’t help but roll my body against him, the erection that would not go away now rubbing insistently against his body.

“Oh…Jesus…Josh…” Alex finally pushed me away and sat up, gasping for breath. I blushed, cursing my stupid body. Like he said, the last thing he needed was a relationship, and here I was practically molesting him on his floor.

“I…I’m sorry…” I managed to stammer, jumping to my feet. I adjusted myself quickly, then dug in my pocket for my keys. “I’m gonna go…yeah…I should go.” I turned to walk away.

“Why?” I felt Alex’s hand on my arm. “Are you mad? Maybe I shouldn’t have kissed you. God, Josh, I’m sorry. I…I’m sorry.”

I turned to look at him. He had one hand on my arm, the other hand scratching the back of his neck nervously. I would learn that this was something he always did when he was incredibly anxious or worried. His brown eyes darted around the room, looking everywhere but at me. I played with my keys, swinging them around on one finger. “No, I’m not mad, Alex. Why would I be? I just…you said that you don’t need a relationship and I practically JUMPED you on your floor, and…”

Alex grinned, and I read relief in his smile. “If you were gonna “jump” me, as you put it, I hope you’d do it better then that.” He took my keys and twirled them on his own finger. “I just needed to breathe…it was too good…going too fast.” His eyes fixed on mine. “Do you really want to leave?”

“Not if you don’t want me to,” I said quietly, swallowing deeply as he took a step towards me.

“Fuck, Josh, don’t look so scared. I’m not gonna bite you,” he said with that smirk.

“Maybe that’s what I’m afraid of,” I said before I thought. He laughed and put a hand on my hip. With the other hand he slipped my keys back into my pocket, making sure to take his good old time bringing that hand back out. I moaned and closed my eyes, biting down on my bottom lip. Suddenly he was pressed against me once more, his mouth more ferocious this time. I grabbed his arms, my fingers biting down into his biceps as I eagerly returned the kiss. This time I pulled away first, and his eyes were large with wonder.

“God…Josh…like you weren’t sexy enough BEFORE you got all dom on me.”

I couldn’t help but giggle as I blushed. “I’m no dom.”

“We’ll work on it.” He looked down at the puddle of water on his floor. “Ah, shit. I’m gonna clean this up.” He wandered out to the kitchen for a towel as I picked up the remains of our dinner, trying to calm down my aching body. It had been so long…not since I’d had sex…but since I’d had someone look at me, someone kiss me, someone TREAT me, the way Alex was.

Josh

The phone rang at noon the next day. I pulled myself out of a deep sleep and answered it. “’Lo?”

“Josh? Is it too early? It IS too early, isn’t it? God, I’m sorry. I’ll call later.”

“Who is this?” I rubbed my eyes and stretched.

“It’s Alex.”

I froze in mid-stretch, my cock getting rock hard in seconds. “Oh…uh…hi,” I said embarrassedly, as if he could see the little good morning soldier. I had had a terrible time falling asleep the night before. I kept reliving the kiss, and I fell asleep with Alex on my mind.

“I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“It’s okay…I’d sleep the day away if I could.” I yawned and finished my stretching. “What’s up?”

“You really wanna know?” I could hear the smirk in his voice and I giggled. Giggled. I was such a girl. “What do you have planned for today?”

“Nothing,” I said immediately, then tried to remember. Actually, it was true. I had a free day.

“Wanna get together?”

“Duh,” I couldn’t help but say in a smartass tone. He chuckled.

“I didn’t know if I had scared you away last night.”

“McLean, it takes a lot more then a kiss to scare me away,” I said boldly. He chuckled again, his voice low and scratchy.

“We’ll just have to test that theory,” he said softly, and I moaned, rolling over onto my stomach. He laughed out loud. “Anyway…I thought we could hang on the beach or something.”

“The beach?” I couldn’t even REMEMBER the last time I had been to a Florida beach. It was too hard, with all the people.

“Yeah…I have a pool and all but I also have a private beach,” Alex said softly. “If you wanted to.”

“Sure…that would be great,” I said, smiling. “I love the beach.”

“I could make us lunch on the grill,” he said enthusiastically. “I do a killer steak.”

“I’ll bring dessert,” I said before I thought. The chuckle again.

“I hope you do.” He hung up before I could reply.

ALEX

Josh was so cute. He got flustered so easily, yet I know he was no virgin. It was just so fun to play with him and know it was okay. Josh may have been Mr. Proper, but he was so sexy that I could’ve just eaten him for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

He showed up about ninety minutes after I called him, carrying a bag in one hand and a box in the other. “It’s one of those ice cream log things,” he said shyly.

“Oh, GOD, that sounds good,” I almost drooled. I was having weird cravings lately, but they were all good for me so it was okay. I led the way into the kitchen and put the ice cream in the freezer. “Hungry?”

“Yeah,” he said, putting his small duffel on the table. “I brought along my computer…the one with some of my ideas and lyrics in it.” He looked up at me, blue eyes nervous. “I thought I could show them to you.”

“That would be so cool,” I said. “I only have a few ideas myself right now, but I’d love your feedback on them.”

“Really?” He looked pleased and I sighed. “Josh…come here.” He looked at me strangely, but did as I asked. I reached up, cupped his face in my hand, and puckered his lips. I stood tall and kissed his cute face, then pulled back. “Do you feel better now?”

“Yeah,” he said, smiling that great smile. “I was just…I didn’t know…”

“Josh. Listen to me. How do you feel about me?”

He stared. “That’s a loaded question.”

“Do you like me?”

“Yes.”

“Do you enjoy spending time with me?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want me?”

He gulped, then answered a definite, “Yes.”

“Vice versa that and you’ve got how I feel, babe.” I reached up to run a hand through his hair. “We have all the time in the world. I want to get to know you…and I want a lot more. But we won’t move any faster then you want.”

“We don’t have all the time in the world,” he said sullenly, staring at his feet. “Before we know it, one or both of us is gonna have to go work. I hate this fucking job sometimes.”

“But if you didn’t have “this fucking job,” we never would have met,” I reminded him. “Let’s not even think about it. No NSYNC, no Backstreet Boys. Just us.”

“Okay,” Josh said, smiling again.

JOSH

That afternoon was amazing. Alex did some incredible steaks on the grill, and we stuffed ourselves, saving the ice cream for later. As we waited for the food to settle, I got out my computer and played him some of my ideas. They were mostly just snippets of melodies, or phrases of lyrics, but he seemed impressed. He also gave me some really good feedback, which I took note of carefully.

“God, Josh, you don’t have to quote me word for word,” Alex said, chuckling. He seemed embarrassed.

“But you were right. This would sound MUCH better in a lower key,” I said earnestly. He took my hand.

“You really take this shit seriously, don’t you?”

I shrugged. “It’s all I know how to do.”

“I’m sure you have a lot of hidden talents,” he said, smiling lazily. Of course I blushed. “But you just…damn…I know how to perform. That’s my best talent. But you can perform, you can create…truly amazing.”

“You’re amazing,” I said softly, and meant it. Our eyes met.

“Okay, let’s swim,” Alex said suddenly, standing up. I blushed. He grabbed a handful of my hair and yanked.

“OW!”

“Quit blushing. It’s too cute. Go get into that swimsuit. Is it a Speedo?” Alex asked hopefully and I laughed.

“No…those things are nasty.”

“I think so too…but in your case…” Alex’s brown eyes ran over me and I shivered…in a good way. “Go ahead and change in that bathroom by the kitchen. I’ll go upstairs.”

I thought I was skinny. I KNEW I was skinny. Chris pointed it out all the time, and Joey was CONSTANTLY trying to get me to eat some of his mother’s greasiest, fattiest recipes. But I was a sumo wrestler compared to Alex. He was…scrawny! But adorable. His little chicken legs stuck out from under his black swim trunks, and I could practically count his ribs. I couldn’t help but laugh. He frowned. “What? It’s the trunks, isn’t it? I knew these fucking things were ugly, but they were all I could find…I think I left my red ones at the rehab place and…” his voice trailed off as I pulled off my tank top and tossed it on a chair. I wouldn’t need it down at the beach.

“What?” I asked, picking up my towel.

“I…uh…yeah…let’s go…” Alex said faintly, and I frowned.

“What’s wrong?”

“You just…Jesus, Josh, how the hell am I supposed to keep my hands off of you when you’re all hot and that?” Alex said desperately. I blushed, but grinned.

“Maybe the point is for you NOT to keep your hands off me,” I said lightly as I headed down his steps to the beach.

“Fucking tease,” he griped behind me, but I didn’t think he was really complaining.

ALEX

Maybe my little Josh wasn’t as innocent and proper as I thought. First that line about keeping my hands off of him, and then I SWEAR he did about sixteen stretches ON PURPOSE before jumping into the waves. “I always stretch before I swim,” he said. Bullshit.

Okay…Swimsuit Josh was hot. All half-naked and shit. WET Swimsuit Josh…no words. Did I want to just yank his trunks off and fuck him? Hell yes. Would he have let me? Probably. But I didn’t. I behaved. Damn me, I behaved.

So we fucked around in the water for a while, getting the crap beat out of us by the waves, and then we pulled ourselves out and onto the blanket I had brought down. Josh toweled off his hair and looked at me. “Guess you never have this problem,” he said, laughing as he tried to smooth down his hair.

“No, I don’t,” I admitted, running my hands over my short blond do. “But yours is good…better than that Julius Caesar thing you had once.”

“Okay, Mr. I Get My Hair Dye From Crayola,” Josh shot back, and I laughed.

“Jealous much?”

“Let’s just say I’m glad we have Joey and Chris to do the bad hair thing…then I don’t have to do it,” he said, and I laughed again. He flopped down next to me on the blanket and we just looked at each other for a long moment.

“I’m having a great time today,” I said. He tentatively reached over and ran a finger up my arm.

“Me too…I just feel so relaxed, you know?”

“Relaxed is good,” I said. I tilted my head back, wondering if he’d take the bait. After a moment, he did. I felt Josh’s soft lips on my throat, and I thanked God for private beaches. I moaned slightly, turning my body to his. My hand slid down to cup his ass, and I liked how firm and strong it felt in my hand. He whimpered, bringing his mouth up to my earlobe.

“You know, it’s probably good if we don’t take this too far too fast,” he mumbled as his hand slid down my chest to lightly rub over a nipple. I shuddered.

“Well, we ARE on the beach, I mean, we don’t just wanna fuck right here, do we?” I replied, running my tongue across his red lips.

“It’s a private beach…isn’t that what you said?” Josh whispered before sliding his tongue into my mouth. I moaned and pulled him closer to me, grinding my body against his.

“Josh…oh GOD…” I moaned. “I want…this…so bad…but I know it’s too soon and…”

“Christ…yes…” Josh growled as our erections rubbed together through our swimtrunks. “Alex…”

“Oh…baby…Josh…” I moaned as I slowly slid my hand under the waistband of his trunks.

“Aje?”

“I told you to call me Alex,” I moaned, my hand running along his lower back.

“That wasn’t me,” Josh said, freezing. We looked at each other, then looked up the cliff. We couldn’t hear anyone, but someone was definitely calling my name.

“Shit.” I sat up quickly, and Josh immediately moved away. “You don’t have to…” I began.

“Aje? You down there? It’s Nick and Howie…” Howie called. Josh frowned, his eyes sad.

“Yeah, I do have to,” he said softly, running a hand through his hair.

Alex

I frowned. Dammit. “Yeah, I’m down here!” I screamed. I looked at Josh, who was playing with a thread of the blanket. “Josh…they know I’m bi. It’s no big deal.”

His blue eyes were big as he stood up. “It’s a big deal if they know you’re with me, Alex.” I didn’t get a chance to ask what he meant before Howie and Nick were clambering down the wooden steps to the beach. Nick tromped right up in his sneakers, but Howie carefully removed his sneakers and socks before picking his way over. He was so anal sometimes.

“Hey, Aje,” Nick said, smiling down at me. His eyes flickered over to Josh. “Hi there,” he said.

“Hey, Nick, Howie,” Josh said politely.

“Hello, JC.” Howie looked at Josh curiously, then looked over at me. “What’s going on? We’ve been trying to call you for over an hour.”

“Well…maybe me not answering was a hint that I didn’t want to be disturbed,” I growled. Nick looked at Josh again, this time with more interest. Josh blushed and looked out at the water. “WHAT do you want, guys?”

“We…um…management called us.” Nick finally pulled his gaze away from Josh. “We have some stuff to tell you.”

“Yeah…group stuff,” Howie hedged, looking at Josh.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” I said, exasperated. “He’s not a Russian spy. He doesn’t give a flying fuck what we talk about.”

“It’s okay, AJ,” Josh said, and my heart sank. AJ? “I should go check in and find out what’s going on with the guys, anyway. I’m gonna go up and use my cell. Bye, guys.” Josh waved in their direction and slowly climbed the steps. I could see the depressed arch of his spine and I frowned.

“What’s really going on here, Aje?” Nick asked. His tone was pure curiosity. I knew he could care less what I did with who.

“Nothing. We were having a nice leisurely day on the beach until you dickheads showed up,” I snapped. Nick frowned and Howie glared at me.

“Look, AJ, we need to talk to you about this shit. Don’t get all asshole on us.”

“Fine. Talk, then leave.”

JOSH

My heart sank as I walked up the steps. I knew Alex was out to his friends, just like I was out to mine. But I wasn’t out to them…and I didn’t think they’d appreciate the fact that AJ was hanging with me. After all, we were the sworn enemy. And I could tell by the look on Howie’s face that he didn’t really approve. Nick…he was hard to read. Maybe it was that vapid look behind the blue eyes that I so often saw on Justin’s face. They liked everyone to think they were clueless…but they caught on to more then you thought.

I checked my voicemail, and sure enough, there was a message from Lance. I called him back on his cell. “Hey, Jayce, where the hell are ya, man?”

“I’m…” I decided to lie a bit. “I’m at a friend’s…just chilling…what’s up?”

“They’re talking about maybe cutting our vacation short.”

“WHAT?” I almost screamed. We only had three precious weeks. “By how much?”

“A week…some charity thing in Canada.”

“Oh for God’s sake…no offense to them but can’t they find someone ELSE to make them money?” I groaned. I loved Canada, but at that moment I just wanted to stay in Florida. With Alex.

“I know…but I guess we’ll bring in the money…it’s for a children’s hospital.”

“No fucking fair,” I moaned. How could we say no to that?

Lance laughed. “Language, there, angel. Language.” I smiled. Everyone thought Lance was the pure Christian boy, but he had the worst potty mouth of all of us. I was the one who usually found better adjectives than four letter words.

“Can we get out of it?”

“Probably not…but we’re working on it. Just wanted to warn you.”

“Thanks, Lance.” I ran my hand through my hair and sighed as I saw Nick and Howie come back up into the yard and head around to the front of the house. Nick shot me one more quizzical look, but Howie ignored me. “Hey, I gotta go. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Hey…I’m back in town tomorrow…wanna have dinner?”

“Let me get back to you,” I said as AJ stomped towards me. “I’ll page you.” I hung up and looked at Alex. He was pissed. “Hi.”

“Hi.” He flopped into a deck chair and glared at the pool. Then he glared at the sidewalk, glared at the sky, then glared at me. That glare quickly faded, however. “Fucking Howie. Asshole.”

“Can you tell me what happened?”

“They interrupted some of the best making out I’ve done in a while, that’s what happened!” Alex yelled, and I couldn’t help but laugh. He smiled. “Better. You had frown lines on your forehead.” He sighed. “We gotta go to some meeting tomorrow night…some dinner thing. And it pisses me off, you know? I thought we were on vacation.”

Well, that solved my problem about meeting Lance for dinner. “Lance asked me if I wanted to get together tomorrow night…so I guess you’ll be busy, right?”

“Yeah,” Alex said. “But what about the next day?”

“I’m free,” I said immediately, knowing that if I wasn’t, I would make myself available.

“Good.” Alex grinned. “So…how long are YOU on vacation?”

My smile faltered. “Well, it was SUPPOSED to be three weeks…however, Lance just informed me that we need to go to Canada for some bullshit charity thing…and we probably can’t get out of it.”

“Damn,” Alex said unhappily. I hated the sorrow that floated in his brown eyes. I slowly reached over and took his hand.

“Remember what you said? If it wasn’t for the job, I never woulda met you…and we need to make the most of the time we have, right?”

“Yeah,” Alex sighed, but he still looked very unhappy. I tugged on his hand.

“C’mere,” I said. I lay back in the long lounge chair and opened my legs slightly. “C’MERE,” I said again, pulling. He sighed and stood up. Alex walked over to the chair and lay down between my knees, his head resting on my chest. “Better?”

“Much,” he said, taking my hand and kissing the palm. And that’s where we stayed for the next three hours, just talking and occasionally kissing.

Support comes in the oddest forms.

Nick called AJ two days later. “I’m running late, Nick, what’s up?” AJ asked, tugging on his sneakers. He was on his way to meet JC for a movie. They had big hats and too-large clothes and they were HOPING to just blend in with the normal crowd.

“I need to talk to you about something,” Nick said hesitantly. AJ sighed.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Junior, spit it out. I have a life to get on with.”

“Are you sleeping with JC Chasez?”

AJ’s sneaker dropped. He ignored the fact that it dropped on his little toe. “What?”

“Are you and JC bed buddies?”

“Not yet,” AJ couldn’t help but say cockily, grinning.

“Is there something more than that?”

AJ paused, then decided to be honest. At least Nick had the decency to ask him instead of just bitching about it behind his back the way Kevin and Howie probably were. “Yes, there is. There’s a LOT more than that.”

“Good,” Nick said. “I’m glad. He’s pretty cool…I sure don’t have a problem with him, not that you cared at all. I was just wondering.”

“Actually, Junior, I DO care what you think,” AJ said, and he realized it was true. “It means a lot to me that you even bothered to ask. I like him…like him a lot.”

“Good…and he feels the same way?”

“I think so,” AJ said, remembering the last time JC had kissed him goodbye. Love was in his eyes, even if he hadn’t said the words. And AJ felt the same way, though he couldn’t bring himself to say it.

“Good. I didn’t know he was gay, or bi, or whatever…but it doesn’t matter. I’ll let you go…and if you need anything, you know you can call.”

“Yeah, I know. Thanks, Nick.” AJ hung up, smiling. Suddenly he was GLAD that someone knew…and he couldn’t wait to tell JC.

JC flew to the door as someone rang the bell. “I thought we were meeting downtown!” He said with a smile. The smile froze on his face. “Oh…Lance…hey.”

“Well, hey,” Lance said, smiling. “That wasn’t a very gracious hello.”

“Sorry…I’m kinda meeting someone,” JC hedged, shifting his weight. “What’s up?”

“I was gonna see if you were busy, but I guess you are,” Lance said. “Can I come in for a second?”

“Um, sure, if you don’t mind talking to me as I finish getting ready,” JC said, going to the downstairs bathroom to brush his hair.

“Nope, don’t mind.” Lance followed JC down the hall. “Who’re you meeting?”

“Just a friend,” JC said lightly, turning his head this way and that.

“You’re getting pretty gussied up for “just a friend,” Jayce,” Lance teased. JC blushed, surprising Lance. “God, Jayce, I was just kidding. Are you going on a date?”

“Kinda…” JC admitted, tired of lying. AJ made him so happy, and it took everything he could not to shout it from the rooftops.

“Really? Anyone I know?” Lance asked devilishly.

“Yeah,” JC said. He turned to look at Lance, daring him to say anything bad about AJ. “AJ McLean.”

Lance froze, but quickly composed himself. “Really? From the Backstreet Boys? Hmm…how long has it been going on?”

“Well…we’ve been getting to know each other since the game,” JC said softly. Lance took one look at his face and sighed.

“Dude, you are smitten. It’s ALL over your face.” His tone was kind, and JC couldn’t help but grin.

“Yeah…I am…he’s amazing.”

“He’s different,” Lance said, nodding. “I don’t want you to get hurt, Jayce.”

“I won’t, Lance. He’s not what everyone thinks,” JC insisted. “He’s really sweet…a good guy…you’d like him if you’d get the chance to get to know him.”

“I bet I would,” Lance said, and JC knew he was being sincere. “Well, I’ll let you get going…and if you’re happy, Jayce, then so am I.”

“Thanks, Lance,” JC said gratefully, giving Lance a big hug. Lance ruffled JC’s hair. “Dammit, Lance!” JC yelled, turning back to the mirror. Lance chuckled and let himself out of JC’s house.

JOSH

I paced anxiously in front of the movie theater. I didn’t have ANY clue why I had cared about my hair; I had only smashed a hat onto it as soon as I left the house. But it was like I needed to know that I looked my absolute best for Alex. I wanted him to be proud to be seen with me. I peered out into the crowds. The movie started in ten minutes and I didn’t see him. My heart started to sink. Maybe his friends told him he shouldn’t be with an NSYNC guy…that it wasn’t proper…maybe they talked him into ditching me and he couldn’t tell me.

“Hey, sexy…how much for the night?” A gravelly voice I knew too well said behind me. I slouched in my posture, jutting a hip out. I slowly slid my hands down my sides, sliding them into the back pockets of my jeans.

“Depends…how much you willing to pay?” I said in what I hoped was a sultry tone. I heard him groan as he pressed as close to me as he could in public.

“For what’s underneath those clothes? Damn, I’d give every last penny I have,” he said. I felt his tongue briefly lick my ear under the hat. I turned around, a big smile on my face.

“Hey.”

“Hey, yourself,” Alex said, his grin wide. He wore a large hat as well, and his sweatshirt was ten times too big for him. “Let’s roll in there.”

We paid and went into the theater, choosing seats in a back corner. We were disguised, and the lights would be down, but there was always the chance of being recognized. “Um, Lance stopped by,” I said. “He…uh…I told him. About us.” I bit my lip. “I hope that was okay.”

“Of course it was,” he said. “Unless you’re ashamed to be with me.”

“Hell, no!” I said quickly.

“Nick called. He guessed. About us,” Alex said. I froze. “But he’s cool with it.”

“So’s Lance,” I said, grinning. “Thank God.”

“What about the others?” Alex said. I thought for a moment.

“Justin won’t care. I love him, but if it’s not about him, he doesn’t really notice. Chris will tease the hell out of me, and Joey will worry.”

“Brian will worry, Howie will mumble but he’ll get over it. Kevin…well…I don’t give a fuck,” Alex said bitterly. “His days of fathering me are over.”

“I hope he’s okay with it,” I said softly as the lights went down. As soon as the previews started, Alex grabbed my hand.

“It doesn’t matter if he is or not. We’re together, right?” I nodded. “That’s all that matters. That and how we feel.”

“How do we feel?” I asked before I thought. “I…mean…I just…you…when I’m with you…” I stammered like a four year old.

“Yeah…I feel that way, too,” Alex said, and I could feel his smile in the darkness.

ALEX

The next few weeks passed all too quickly. We all but lived together; two or three nights in a row, I’d stay at Josh’s house, then he’d come crash at mine. More often than not, one or two of the other guys from NSYNC would drop in at his place. At first it bothered me; I felt like they were checking up on me. Josh soon convinced me that it happened all the time, regardless of whether he was alone or not. They were just that tight. Justin was missing Britney and he’d drop by for some affection from JC. I knew how Josh felt about me, so I wasn’t too threatened. Josh was affectionate by nature, and from him Justin could get all the cuddling and flattery that Britney wasn’t around to give him. I found myself liking the kid; he was a spoiled diva, but he was funny and pretty damn adorable.

Lance would stop in to run some business ideas by Josh, respecting his opinion immensely. I soon grew to respect Lance. For someone who had been immersed in the business since he was like sixteen, he had an amazing head on his shoulders. Sometimes he would even ask ME for advice. I couldn’t remember the last time THAT had happened. That alone made me love Lance second only to Josh. I knew he hadn’t approved of me at first, but as we got to know each other, we became good friends.

Joey strolled in and out, sometimes bringing his baby along. That little girl was adorable. I fell in love with her instantly. She took a liking to me, for some reason, and she would always reach for me as soon as Joey got her out of her car seat. That made me laugh. I seemed to always laugh more when I was at Josh’s house.

Chris? He was crazy. Crazy like me. And because of that we got along really well. We only had one confrontation, and that was one of the first times he had stopped by. Josh was in the kitchen making us something to snack on. Chris was watching TV, but he soon turned the volume up a bit.

“God, Chris…deafen me,” I joked. His eyes weren’t smiling.

“If you hurt him, McLean, I will so kick your ass.” I frowned. “JC isn’t the youngest…but he’s the most sensitive. He’s quick to fall, and if you drop him I will fucking kill you.”

I started to get mad, then I realized that he was only protecting his brother. “I won’t let him drop, Chris,” I promised, meaning every word. “Please believe me. He’s…Josh is amazing.”

“Damn skippy he is…so you just be careful,” Chris said, then grinned. I grinned back, and he turned the volume down again. Josh returned with the snacks, and he snuggled next to me on the sofa. I sighed, wondering if my friends would ever be this supportive.

JOSH

I had to admit. The Backstreet Boys intimidated me. Well, not Brian, really, and Nick couldn’t intimidate a fly, but Kevin and Howie…I knew they didn’t like the idea of Alex and I, and they were pretty happy letting me know that. That is, until Alex let them have it.

All four of the Boys stopped by one day to drop off some proofs for a magazine shoot, or something, and I was there. Actually, I was napping on the sofa, my head in Alex’s lap. They talked quietly, but I still woke up.

“Hey there,” I said groggily, sitting up.

“Don’t you have your own house?” Nick asked. It was an innocent question, said in a joking manner, but Kevin took it a step further.

“Anyway…why don’t you just move in here, or something?”

Alex exploded. “Kevin, you guys are my brothers, and I love you…but you need to just leave Josh the fuck alone, okay? I’m HAPPY. Happier than I’ve been in months. Isn’t that what you said you wanted when I went into rehab?”

“Of COURSE, Aje, but…”

“But what? It might get out? It might tarnish our image? I hate to tell you, Kevin, but I tarnished our image MONTHS ago.”

“It’s not like that, AJ,” Howie insisted.

“It IS like that. No…Howie…let me tell you how it IS. Nick is the ONLY one who has asked me what’s going on. He’s the ONLY one who has said that no matter what, he wants me to be happy. Josh makes me happy.” Alex glared at them in turn. “If you have a problem with that, with HIM, get it out NOW.”

“I don’t have a problem,” Nick said quickly. “I never did.”

“I know that, Nick,” AJ said.

“Me either,” Brian said hurriedly. “I like JC…I mean, Josh.”

“I just…I worry, Aje,” Howie said gently. His eyes finally looked at me as if he really saw me. “But if this is what you want.”

“It is. And you’d better get used to seeing him…because whenever we can, we’re gonna get together,” AJ informed them.

“Fine,” Kevin said, throwing up his hands. “I love you, Aje, and I DO want you happy. If you have to settle for someone from NSYNC…” But his green eyes were twinkling.

“Hey,” I said, pretending to be insulted. “Let’s talk about who’s on top now.”

“Don’t start that,” Alex snapped, but smiled.

ALEX

It got closer and closer to the day that Josh had to leave, and I started to get miserable. I would miss him so damn bad. We would stay up until two some nights, just talking. I found out that it had KILLED him to come out to his family. They hadn’t accepted it at first, but then they slowly realized that it wasn’t worth losing him over…so they accepted it. I was so lucky. My mom was amazing. She took it all in stride. We talked about hitting it big in Europe, first, and how quickly we had both been thrown into the lifestyle. We laughed, and we cried. I was gonna miss him.

“I don’t think we should get together the night before I leave,” Josh said one night a few days before he had to leave. “I think we should stay at our own houses alone.”

“Why?” I almost whined, pulling out of his embrace.

“I just…it will kill me to leave you in the first place,” he whispered. “If I have to leave you and get on that plane, it will hurt even more. I’d rather have that day to get used to missing you.”

His blue eyes were so sad. I kissed anywhere I could reach on his face. “Stay with me the night before that, then,” I said. “I’ll make a romantic dinner…” I trailed off, saddened by the mere thought of him leaving.

“And you can make love to me,” Josh suggested. My eyes widened. We had gotten so close, jacked each other off a few times, but we had always pulled back. I slowly nodded, snuggling back into his embrace.

JOSH

I was supposed to be at Alex’s at five that evening, but I arrived about twenty minutes early. I sat in the driveway, memorizing every square inch of his house. It wasn’t the house, really, but all of the times we had shared inside. We had opened up to each other about everything. I still worried about him; who knew if my absence might make him drink again? He promised me it wouldn’t, but I had Nick’s solemn vow to keep a careful eye on him. And I knew he’d do it, too.

ALEX

I peeked out the window at four forty-five and saw Josh sitting in his car. I wondered why he didn’t come in, but I wasn’t going to ask him. I sat and looked at him for a long while. He had his chin cupped in a hand, and that arm was leaning on the steering wheel. Once or twice I swore I saw him wipe a tear away. My sweet little NSYNCr. Fuck, I was gonna miss him.

He finally came to the door right at five. “Hi,” I said, acting as if I didn’t know he had been camping out in my driveway. “Come on in.”

Josh sniffed. “Something smells good.”

“I lied to you,” I told him, and he froze. “I ordered in…I didn’t cook.”

He laughed. “Somehow I knew something like that was gonna happen,” he said with a smile. “I’m sure you’re very good at ordering, though,” Josh said loyally. I laughed.

“Are you hungry?” I asked. I watched his eyes run over me quickly, then dart back up to my face.

“Um, I could eat,” he said. Suddenly I was ravenous…but only for him.

“Wait here…no…go on upstairs,” I told him. He looked at me, confused, but did as I asked. I hurried to the kitchen and turned the oven on warm. I flipped the food into pans and slid them into the oven, then practically ran upstairs. Josh was standing in my bedroom.

“I’m assuming this is where you wanted me,” he said nervously.

“I want you wherever I can get you,” I teased. He didn’t smile. “Josh, what’s wrong?”

“I’m…I guess I’m nervous,” he admitted. “I mean…I can just imagine the kind of guys YOU’VE had in your bed…and I don’t have all that much experience.”

“God…Josh…who cares about that shit?” I asked him, frustrated. “All that matters is that you’re here with me now. You’ve seen what your touch can do to me,” I reminded him. “Don’t worry about that.”

JOSH

I couldn’t help but believe him. And when he pushed me gently until I fell back onto his bed, I forgot that I had ever had doubts. His hands were gentle as they peeled my clothes away, and his caresses soon drove me so crazy that I didn’t even notice Alex take his own clothes off.

“Josh…” he whispered as he ran a hand down my chest. “I don’t want to make love to you.”

“But…” I began. He shushed me with a finger over my lips. I drew the finger in and sucked on the tip. Alex groaned, rubbing his dick against my leg.

“I want you to make love to me…please…Josh…” Alex was begging. AJ McLean was begging for ME. “I want it so bad…I want you to give that to me before I go…please…”

“I wasn’t sure,” I said hesitantly. Alex had seemed like a top to me since I first realized he was bisexual. He understood me.

“Usually I’m not…but with you I am. I’m anything you want me to be,” he said quietly, then bit down on my shoulder. “Please…for God’s sake, Josh. Do I need to just ask you to fuck me or what?” I started to laugh, totally ruining the mood. “I mean, really, a guy tries to set up a romantic scene, gets dinner, has candles lit…asking you to fuck me just doesn’t fit into the equation.”

I couldn’t stop laughing. “Alex…stop it…please…” Tears ran down my face.

“That’s better,” he said, smiling softly. “Now…are you gonna do it or not?”

I sobered instantly. “Yes,” I whispered, kissing him slowly. I barely kissed him, teasingly touching my lips to his until he whimpered. I worked my way across his torso, tracing each and every tattoo with my tongue.

“Fuck, Josh,” Alex gasped. “No one’s ever done that to me before…shit…” His lithe body squirmed beneath my touch. I finally reached his midsection and began to lick his length. I wouldn’t suck him, I just licked.

ALEX

Here’s a secret. Joshua Chasez is a fucking tease. He licked over my entire body TWICE, I swear, before going down to my dick. But it was well worth the wait. He licked me for an eternity it seemed before he finally started to suck. I yelled, grabbing his beautiful hair with both hands. “Josh…oh FUCK yes!”

One of his slender pianist’s fingers slid down beneath me, and I eagerly arched into his touch. It had been way to long. His finger was cautious, making sure I was enjoying the feeling before a second finger joined in. “You’re tight…Alex…I can’t wait to be there…” I heard him murmur as he kissed the inside of my thighs.

“Oh, sweet Jesus…” I moaned. “When…you’re ready…in the drawer…” I vaguely waved towards my nightstand. I think he was up to three fingers before he took pity on me and withdrew. He reached over and pulled out a condom and lubricant. I sat up to help sheath him, my fingers deftly stroking him as I slid the condom on. He slapped my hands away.

“Stop teasing me,” he snapped, but he smiled. He laid me back down, pulling my legs to wrap around his waist. He frowned slightly as he worked to get inside of me; I knew he was trying not to hurt me.

“Fuck, Josh, just do it!” I almost yelled. “Please!”

He slid inside and I sighed. He moaned, and I watched his face as he started to move. His eyes were closed, face turned up slightly. I ran my hands over his arms and reached out to pinch his nipples. Josh hissed, his blue eyes fluttering open. He looked down at me and our gaze never broke after that. “You feel so good…” he whispered. I cupped his face and he kissed my palm.

“I love you,” I told him, and the blue eyes widened. He didn’t reply, and my heart sank slightly. Oh well, I told myself. You’ve fucked without love before…why shouldn’t he?

“Alex…oh Alex…I’m gonna cum soon…” Josh panted. He reached down to stroke me, but I shoved his hand away. I wanted to do it…wanted him to watch. And as he watched, I felt him push harder. “Yes…Alex…”

“Josh…” I whimpered as I came up on my own chest. He grunted and pushed inside me once more, falling onto me. Our chests were covered in my cum, but we didn’t care. He buried his face in my shoulder, and I felt him kiss my neck.

“I love you, too, Alex,” he whispered. “I wanted to wait to say it…after…I love you, too.”

I hugged him fiercely, kissing his sweaty neck behind his ears. The words rang inside my mind. He loved me, too.

JOSH

I got out of the van at the airport and we were immediately shuffled to a private waiting room to wait for the plane to hook up to the gate. I flopped into a chair and stared at the floor.

“New jewelry?” Lance asked, sitting down beside me. He motioned to the ring on my right hand.

“Yeah,” I sighed, twirling the band of gold and onyx around my finger. “Alex gave it to me the other night…said I’m the gold and he’s the black, but that we compliment each other perfectly.”

“It’s nice,” he said. “You know, Jayce, I…”

“Lance, I love you but I’m not in the mood to be cheered up right now,” I said. “Thanks though.”

“Okay.” He slapped my knee then got up. Chris took his place.

“I heard the FUNNIEST joke you need to tell AJ, Jayce. This guy, okay…”

“Chris, don’t, okay? Not now. I don’t want to even think about him,” I said, glaring. Chris sighed.

“Fine. I’ll tell Lance…not that he’ll remember the punchline anyway.” Chris stomped off. Joey came next.

“I got those pictures of AJ and Brianna developed. I thought you might want one for your wallet or something.” Joey handed me a snapshot.

“Thanks,” I said without looking at it. I slid it into my jacket pocket. He sighed and got up.

“Justin, don’t,” I said as he took one step towards me. “Not if you don’t want to be singing as high as Chris.” Justin frowned but turned away. I buried my face in my hands, willing the tears to stay back. This was why I hated relationships, I thought to myself. Goodbyes suck.

I felt someone sit down next to me. “Jesus fucking CHRIST!” I yelled. “Didn’t I tell you guys to…” I froze as I saw Alex smiling at me.

“Joshua Scott Chasez…language!”

“What…I told you…I said not to come here!” I said, but I couldn’t help smiling.

“I know. I’m shitty at taking direction.” He ran a hand through my hair. “I wanted to say goodbye…and tell you I loved you…and that no matter where we are in the world…I’ll still feel that way.”

“Me, too,” I whispered. I glanced at the guys, who were conspicuously looking everywhere but at us. I leaned forward and kissed Alex. “I love you.”

“Love you, too.” He rubbed my nose with his and stood. “I’m gonna bail before someone starts crying.” He glared at me pointedly but I saw his own eyes were wet. “Call when you get there.”

“I will.” I hugged him tight and he finally pulled back. “Bye, Alex.”

“Bye.” He turned and I watched him walk away, his body drooping slightly. He turned and waved, but continued to walk. I sighed.

“He’s not bad,” Chris admitted, slinging an arm around my shoulder. “I’d do him.”

“You’d do anything,” I said, turning and grinning.

“No…that’s Joey.”

“What about me?” Joey wanted to know.

“JC said you’re group slut.”

“I did not!”

“That’s JUSTIN,” Joey said patiently.

“WHAT?” Justin yelled as the stewardess told us to board.

My friends continued to fight as we walked down the tunnel. I sighed, looking at the ring on my finger. Even when you think your world is ending, it still seems to go on the same as always.

The End

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