Ten

Lance woke up very early the next morning. In fact, he hadn't really slept at all. Everything kept running through his mind, especially the things he had told Justin. Why? Why in the HELL had he opened himself like that? It was the LAST thing he had wanted to say. Justin was doing better in the “acting like a decent human being” department, but he was, and always had been, slightly cocky. Lance's admissions would be seen as flattery, and Lance would be filed away with all the other admirers. And that would be that.

Justin wasn't the only one suffering during this “Justin is deaf” phase…Lance was walking through a living nightmare. Every feeling, every skip of the heartbeat, had been carefully pushed down into the deepest corners of his being way back when he was sixteen and Justin was fourteen. Lance was girlie and gay. Justin was macho and straight (even at fourteen). And that was all there was to it. But now…now with Justin pretty much coming out to Lance, things had changed. Now Lance's idiotic heart could hope, and its encouraged pulse thumped right below the surface of Lance's skin. He felt everyone would know it, or sense it. And that was embarrassing.

Justin was so vulnerable now, so needy. Lance had quickly made excuses for him in the past, tried to be a good friend even when he wanted to be so much more, but now Justin NEEDED him. He chose Lance over everyone else, because he knew Lance cared. Lance hated that he cared.

Lance sighed and got out of bed at six o'clock. He went downstairs, and was startled to find Justin in the living room, watching television. The TV was muted, and Justin was watching the closed-captioning on the bottom of the screen. “Oh!” Justin said, just as surprised to see him. “Did I waken you?”

“No,” Lance said. “I didn't sleep well.”

“Me, either,” Justin said. He turned on a light, and Lance noticed bags under Justin's red eyes. He wondered if his eyes were just as puffy. “I'm sorry…you know, about throwing the fit yesterday.”

Lance smiled and shook his head. “It's okay, J. I promise.”

Justin yawned and stretched, his eyes never leaving Lance's face. “Are you okay?” Justin asked him.

“Huh? Oh, yeah.” Lance nodded. “Just a bit tired.”

“Hungry?”

“Uh, well, yeah,” Lance admitted.

“C'mon. Let's go out for breakfast,” Justin said with a grin. “We never do that anymore.”

“Okay,” Lance said, unable to keep from smiling back.

They dressed in ratty old sweatshirts and jeans, and hopped into Lance's car. They drove to an all night diner near Lance's house, and happily settled into a booth. The seat was torn and the table squeaked whenever you leaned on it, but they didn't care. It was rare they got do something like this.

Lance put the notepad on the table by his coffee cup, ready to have a conversation. Justin looked at the paper and frowned. “I wonder if we'll ever get to TALK again.”

“Hey, if we don't, we can have fun teaching each other how to swear in sign language,” Lance wrote. Justin didn't smile.

“I lose my hearing, and you get writer's cramp. Lovely.” Justin stirred sugar into his coffee.

Lance put his hand over Justin's. “Stop it. You never know. You could wake up one morning and, bam, you'll be fine.”

“Maybe,” Justin said, scowling at the paper. “I hope so. I promise to be a perfect freaking ANGEL if that happens.”

“No.” Lance shook his head as he wrote. “That wouldn't be you. And we want JUSTIN…not some reformed dork.” Justin finally smiled.

They went for a short drive after breakfast, and they got back to Lance's house around nine. “I cannot believe we are up and awake at nine in the morning!” Justin said as they went back into the house.

Lance sighed and shook his head. Justin was turning his world around in more ways than one, it seemed. He went to the answering machine and pushed the button. He had left his cellphone at home when they left for breakfast, wanting at least a few hours of uninterrupted peace. “Hey, Lance, it's Joey. I tried your cell, but you didn't answer. Where the hell are you at eight in the morning on a vacation day? Anyway…I just remembered that one of my sister's friends is a doctor…an ear guy. Maybe J would want to see him as a second opinion or something. Let me know. Later.”

“Who was that?” Justin asked.

“Joey,” Lance said. He pulled out the tablet and wrote down Joey's message. Justin frowned.

“No. I'm sick of doctors.”

“You've seen two doctors!” Lance exclaimed.

“I don't care. You don't understand, Lance. I don't want rejection again…I don't want to hear that they have no clue what's going on,” Justin snapped.

“You don't know shit about rejection,” Lance said, then regretted it. He was grateful that Justin couldn't understand him, but Justin had read part of it on his lips.

“I don't know shit about what?” Justin asked.

“Nothing. I need a shower.” Lance headed for the steps. Justin grabbed his sweatshirt and held him back.

“What did you say, Lance? Tell me,” Justin said, pouting.

“No. Never mind,” Lance carefully enunciated.

“For fuck's sake…” Justin began.

“I SAID you don't know about REJECTION,” Lance almost shouted in aggravation. He grabbed the tablet. “R-E-J-E-C-T-I-O-N. There.” Lance shoved the tablet at Justin's chest and started up the steps.

“Oh, no, you don't,” Justin said, grabbing Lance once more. “Who rejected you? Who? I'll beat the shit out of their dumb asses.”

“You, Justin, okay? You didn't know it, but you.”

Justin stared at him, understanding everything Lance had said, as well as what he hadn't. “Me?” Justin whispered.

“Nevermind. It's over and…”

“You…you liked me?”

“Ages and eons ago, Justin. Forget it.”

“No.” Justin stared at Lance, and Lance was shocked to see tears in Justin's eyes. “I…I never knew.” Lance shrugged. “I'm sorry. I wish you would have said something.”

“Well…you were straight…not gay.”

Justin smiled. “I'm sorry you thought that. But I'm not…you know that now.”

“I know.” Lance nodded and shrugged again. “It's over.”

“Really?” Justin whispered, and Lance wanted to lie with all his heart. He couldn't. He slowly shook his head, and frowned at Justin's delighted smile. “Good,” Justin said softly. “Because now I know the feelings I've been having for you over the last few months weren't in vain.” He leaned forward, and before Lance could breathe, Justin kissed him.

Eleven