Four

Lance ran a hand through his hair. Justin looked at him unhappily. “That didn’t go well,” Justin stated. “I can’t hear, but I could sure as hell feel it.”

“No, it didn’t.” Justin read that sentence easily. Lance picked up the notepad, then put it down. He held up a finger to make Justin wait, then went to his own room. He came back with his laptop. He could type much faster than he could write on paper.

Justin waited impatiently for the computer to boot up, and for Lance to open the notepad program. “They think you’re making it up to get attention,” Justin read out loud. He stared at Lance. “Making it up? Why the HELL would I make this up?” Lance typed again. “Because you wanted more attention…a new way to overshadow everyone else.” Justin placed a hand on Lance’s shoulder. “I swear, Lance, I’m not making this up. I can’t hear!”

“I know, Justin,” Lance said, nodding. He typed some more.

“You’ve been acting…different for the last couple of years, Justin. You’re snobbish, arrogant and egotistical. You only care about yourself.” Lance’s fingers shook slightly as he typed. He never thought he’d have the guts to tell Justin the truth, but it was easier now. He felt like he had a bit more control now.

“I do not!” Justin yelled. “Lance, you’re a jerk. Here I am, suffering, and you throw all these lies in my face!”

“Justin,” Lance said helplessly.

“Get out,” Justin said savagely. “You’re a sack of shit. Some friend YOU are.”

Lance silently packed up his laptop and left Justin’s room.

“Come in,” Lance said dully, staring at the ceiling. He had left Justin’s room three hours before, and all he could do was stare at the ceiling and think about Justin. He hadn’t told Justin what had bothered him most about the entire conversation with JC, Joey and Chris: the whole idea of him wanted Justin as more than a friend. That was something he hadn’t even thought about for almost four years.

“Hey, Lance? I can’t come in…it’s locked, man.”

Lance grumbled as he slowly got up and went to the door. “Hi, Joey.”

“Can I come in?” Joey looked almost guilty.

“Sure,” Lance said with a sigh. “What’s up?”

“I’m sorry…about what happened earlier,” Joey said finally. “We weren’t very supportive, but can you see our side of it?”

“Of course I can,” Lance snapped. “Justin’s been a real dickhead the last few years, and now he suddenly finds a new way to be the center of everyone’s attention. Why wouldn’t I see your side? That’s the first thing I thought…oh great, yet another reason for people to fawn all over him. But I’ve seen him, Joey. He doesn’t hear ANYTHING. Fans came up and he couldn’t even hear what they were asking for. He didn’t hear the waiter at breakfast. Justin’s a decent actor, but even he wouldn’t carry it this far. And then there’s the look in his eyes…he’s petrified.”

“Jesus.” Joey took a deep breath. “So, now what?”

“I need to call Johnny, but I’m gonna suggest we say Justin’s really sick. We say he has the flu, and we cover up for him at interviews. He can do the photo shoots, but we’re supposed to perform at that thing back in Orlando soon…I don’t know what we’ll do then.” Lance clenched his fists in frustration.

“This isn’t your problem to solve, Lance,” Joey said gently.

“I know…but I’m worried about him.”

“Do you…care…about him that way, Lance?” Joey asked.

“No, of course not,” Lance said sternly.

“Okay, just asking. Wanna come out for a bit, go for a walk?” Joey asked. “We actually have the afternoon free.”

“No…thanks. I’d rather just rest a bit.”

“Okay, Lance. Call my cell if you need anything.”

“You should be saying that to Justin,” Lance said, and Joey looked guilty. Then Lance smiled. “Not that he’d be able to use the phone to call you.” Joey smiled and left the hotel room.

Lance fell back onto the bed and thought about Justin.

“Here…you finish it.” Eighteen-year old Lance shoved the glass of beer at Justin.

“No…YOU,” Justin said, shoving it back. The dark brown German beer slopped out of the glass onto the bedspread. The boys looked at each other and burst into giggles.

“I love Joey for getting us this,” Lance sighed, lying back on the bed.

“Me, too.” Justin drained the glass and tossed it onto the floor. “He’s such a great guy.”

“I know…and doesn’t he have a great smile?” Lance asked dreamily.

“Yeah,” Justin said, sighing. Then he sat up. “What did you say?”

“I said that Joey has a nice smile. I think he does.”

“Lance, he’s a guy.”

“So?” Lance giggled again. “I think he has a very nice smile and nice eyes.”

“Are you…gay?” Justin swallowed deeply. Lou would have a fit, and Justin liked Lance. He didn’t want Lou to fire him.

“Yeah.” Lance wasn’t smiling anymore. “Do you hate me?” He couldn’t believe he had even said anything. He had worked very hard to make sure Justin never found out.

“No! No way!” Justin said quickly, and Lance smiled, relieved.

“Good…because you’re like my best friend, J.”

“You’re mine, too,” Justin said, and it was true. They knew everything about each other, and they kept each other from feeling too homesick. Justin stared at Lance, the beer making him brave. “What about me?”

“What about you?”

“Do I have a nice smile and nice eyes?” Justin almost looked insulted and Lance grinned.

“Ego much? Your eyes are nice, but your smile is AMAZING, Justin. It’s just so big and beautiful.”

“Thank you,” Justin said softly, then giggled. “I knew it. I’m a hottie.”

“Yeah, you are,” Lance said. Justin impulsively leaned in and gave Lance a kiss on the lips. Lance stared at him. “What was that?”

“Dunno…wanted to see if it felt different from a girl.”

“And?” Lance asked, touching his lips.

“Nope. Just the same.” Justin rolled onto his back and closed his eyes. “Damn, I’m tired.” Justin quickly fell into the sleep of the intoxicated. Lance lay awake, touching his lips. Like he hadn’t had an insane crush on his best friend already, and now this. But Justin was straight, and Lance knew it. So Lance pushed those feelings down deep, down with all the other things that he thought and felt and wasn’t allowed to talk about.

Five