“Joshua Chasez, principal wants to see you” Mr.
Ryan announced after accepting a written request. Josh looked up startled from
his notebook where he’d been penciling down the notes the teacher had written
on the blackboard.
“Wha...
what?” he voiced his thoughts.
“Principal
wants to see you, go on” Mr. Ryan repeated, urging him to go. Josh didn’t
understand, neither did Mr. Ryan but it wasn’t his business to question why his
student was needed. His job was to pass on the message.
“Yes...
yes sir” Josh said finally, getting out of his seat slowly. He left his
backpack and books and made his way to the door, quickly making his exit. He
walked down the hall to the principal’s office nervously wondering why he
needed to report himself. His steps slowed down, hoping it would just go away
because getting called to the principal’s office didn’t mean anything good. Two
hands reached out of nowhere and pulled him into the room suddenly. Josh
startled severely, then realized he was in the bathroom.
“What
the fuck?” he cried, whirling around, facing... Justin Timberlake.
“I’m
out of here” Josh said abruptly, he wasn’t in the mood for this; he needed to
go to the principal.
“No
wait, I want to talk to you” Justin stopped him quickly.
“Justin
I need to go to the principal!” Josh argued a little panicky; he didn’t want to
let the principal waiting. Justin smiled sweetly.
“No
you don’t”
“What
are you talking about?” Josh asked, a little suspiciously, suspecting Justin
knew more about this.
“I
sent the request to Mr. Ryan” he revealed.
“You
did what?!” Josh exclaimed.
“You
sent a fake request in the principal’s name? Are you crazy?!” he demanded.
“Crazy
for you” Justin answered smoothly.
Josh
sighed tiredly, “Don’t okay” he said, trying to leave once again but Justin
stopped him, also, once again. He cornered him this time, standing awfully
close.
“What
do you want?” Josh growled, getting angry for being cornered.
“Josh
listen” Justin started slowly, moving even closer.
“I’m
sorry” he stated.
“I’m
sorry for what I did to you” he added and for a moment he thought he had him,
Josh seemed to soften, he seemed to warm up to him, his angry features melted
away but only for a little while. Soon the scowl was back in place.
“I
have to get back to class” Josh once again dismissed pushing past him and
disappearing out of the bathroom. Justin slumped against the wall; this was a
lot harder than he’d anticipated, not that he was ready to give up though, no,
this wasn’t over.
***
“Can
I walk you home?” A voice asked suddenly, a body appearing beside him; Justin.
Justin had waited for Josh to go home before following him so he could carry
out his plan. He was going to walk Josh home and that would give him a chance
to explain, well try to explain. Josh sighed when he saw who caught up with
him, Justin just wouldn’t lay off.
“No”
Josh said bluntly, hoping the persistent boy would finally get the message;
what he’d done was unacceptable.
“Oh
come on Josh”
“Aren’t
you afraid someone will see you, won’t it damage you’re reputation?” Josh
snarled, knowing that that was what it had been all about. Justin was afraid
being gay would damage his reputation, it probably would but it gave him no
right to treat Josh the way that he had.
“Doesn’t
matter. I don’t care” Justin said determined. Being afraid of damaging his
reputation had clouded his brain once before and he wasn’t going to let it
happen again. He couldn’t if he wanted to be with Josh, Josh didn’t care one
bit about reputations. It had been what he loved about him but he wasn’t so
happy with it anymore.
“Oh
now you don’t care! Couldn’t you have thought about that before you forced me
to be your fucking slave!”
“I
deserved that” Justin said softly, admitting he’d made a huge mistake in
letting his reputation come first.
“Yeah
you did” Josh agreed.
“And
I didn’t”
“Josh
wait I’m really sorry I did that, I never should have but I really like you,
please give me another chance”
“Why
should I?”
“I
don’t know” Justin answered honestly.
“Neither
do I” Josh said pointedly. Before walking off, Justin admitted defeat; for
today.
***
Josh
sighed as he dropped himself on his bed. It was almost two weeks after Justin
had revealed his real reasons to him and he was sick of Justin following him
around. Although Justin had kept his word, he hadn’t told anyone about him
being gay, Josh didn’t know if he could really trust him.
He
was willing to admit that he had on some occasions liked hanging out with
Justin. He’d enjoyed their conversation after he’d done Justin’s homework and
he’d taken him out to diner. He’d enjoyed their one on one game outside after
he’d mowed the lawn. He’d enjoyed watching TV as they’d ate their pizza. He
even had to admit to himself that the boy was sexy, but being sexy wasn’t good
enough. Josh was determined not to fall for his charms and sweet talking. He
needed to know that Justin was serious, that he could be trusted and he was
angry yes that Justin had used him like that but he could understand where he
was coming from. It didn’t justify his actions but it was understandable.
It
wasn’t easy being gay, Josh was the first one to admit that. Being a teenager
and being straight was hard enough, being gay just caused more problems. Even
if you had the luck of people accepting you when you came out it still was no
guarantee for no strange glances or suspicious glares. Even worse was it when
you had to hold it in, for Josh only Chris and his parents knew about his
sexual preference. He’d always known that people thought of him as strange in
school however they pretty much left him alone. He was sure that if he’d outed
himself things at school wouldn’t have been so easy. It was as if you couldn’t
really be yourself, you were always holding a big part of yourself in,
shielding it away from people who’d harass you for simply being you. It was
hard too, living with that secret, a constant struggle to keep it hidden. No
whether out of the closet or not, being gay wasn’t easy, period.
However
hard as it was, it still was no excuse for how Justin had handled it. Josh
thought he maybe could forgive Justin for what he’d done if only Josh could see
that he was serious. The fact that he didn’t give up on him spoke in his favor
but he wasn’t sure. Was Justin serious about wanting to be with him? Was he
serious about liking him? Could he be trusted? Those were far more important
questions than would he do it again because Josh honestly believed Justin
wouldn’t do it again. Josh knew Justin had realized he’d handled it wrong and
he truly regretted it but could he trust him?
