Chapter
11
“I’m sorry” Josh said softly, feeling extremely sorry
for this young boy. The things he’d gone through. Although Josh hadn’t exactly
had it easy either, it still was nothing compared to what Justin had gone
through. This was his whole life; Justin had spilled his entire life story and
Josh felt quite proud he’d been willing to share it with him. But at the same
time he wished it weren’t true, how much had Justin suffered, all the things
that had been bad in his life. He felt tears well up for the sorrow of this
young man. He truly understood now why Justin had robbed that store and how
could you blame him?
“No one can hurt you like the people that are
supposed to love you” Justin whispered through his hands. He’d dropped his head
in his hands during the story of his past. The memories that were freed by
revealing his past to this man, too hurtful to keep his head up. He’d pushed
those scenes out of his head a long time ago but they bubbled up with last
days’ events which were as if engraved in his mind cause of the recent time of
happening and he would never forget those. The robbery, the hurtful messages of
his father once he revealed he was gay, the words that were hurled at him, the
fear and the big mistake he’d made.
“I know” Josh acknowledged, fixing his eyes on the
road.
“What do you mean?” Justin inquired intrigued.
“I’m not really close to my family either, well not
anymore anyway” Josh told him, recognizing Justin’s last story. It was similar
but at the same time completely different.
“We used to be close”….
“I’m gay” seventeen year old Josh blurted as
he sat in front of his parents.
“You’re
what?” his father asked as he shifted to sit on the edge of his seat.
“I’m
gay” he repeated. Silence filled the room and Josh held his breath suddenly not
knowing how they would react. He’d thought they wouldn’t exactly be thrilled
but he had hope they would accept him, they loved him didn’t they?
“Oh”
his father said.
“Anyone
want some more tea?” his mother said as if Josh never said anything. Josh
looked at his mother incredulously.
“N…
no” he declined, waving dismissively.
Didn’t
they hear him?
“Dad?”
Josh inquired as he saw his father nodding yes for some tea.
“Yes
son?” he answered him.
“Didn’t
you hear what I just said?” he asked, eyebrows furrowed and hands gesturing wildly.
His father picked up the remote control and flipped the TV on.
“Dad?”
Josh asked again as his father pretended he wasn’t there.
“Huh
what?” his father asked absently. Josh stared openmouthed at his father. He
stared back at his son, pretending to wait expectantly, Josh noticed it and
closed his mouth.
“Forget
it” Josh dismissed, slumping in his seat. All possible scenarios had played
through his head the last couple of weeks, from where they would throw him out
of the house to where they would embrace him and tell him they loved him no
matter what but this one hadn’t been among them.
They
ignored it; pretended they never heard it.
How
could they do that?
He
watched as his father flipped through the channels and finally settled on a
football game. His father watched with interest although Josh knew he never
watched this team and he got the message then; they didn’t want to acknowledge
it because that would make it true. He got up and shuffled towards his room,
letting his parents live in oblivious.
***
“I
saw Ally in the supermarket today. She was asking for you Josh maybe you should
go over there sometime. She’s very pretty” his mother said nonchalantly.
Josh
sighed, pushing his food around on his plate; he was suddenly not hungry anymore.
His parents did this almost every night, setting him up with a girl here and
there but they just didn’t understand he wasn’t interested in them, in any of
them. When he would try to tell them that they would just say well maybe
someone else then but they didn’t get it through their thick head that he
wasn’t interested in any of them. He wasn’t interested in girls. Of course he
didn’t despise them or anything, of course not, he just didn’t feel for girls
the way he was supposed to feel. He only felt that way around certain guys and
his parent simply didn’t understand that, no matter how many times he tried to
tell them that.
“Maybe
we could invite her over for diner tomorrow” his mother offered.
“No,
thank you” Josh mumbled, as he slumped further down in his chair, his fork
making circles on his plate.
“But
it will be fun!” his mother exclaimed.
“She
is such a nice girl”
“I
said no, ok!” Josh repeated through gritted teeth as he glared at his mother.
“Don’t
talk to your mother like that!” his father scolded.
“Sorry”
Josh mumbled scowling. He shoved some carrots in his mouth and ate quickly so
he could be excused. He ignored the rest of his mother’s comments about this
girl and that girl and was relieved when he left the diner table wondering if
she would ever shut up about every single girl in town.
***
“That’s
it” Josh mumbled to himself. Another diner and another girl’s name his mother
had mentioned to him. Suddenly it seemed as if every girl in town was asking
for him, according to his mother but he didn’t buy it.
“Will
you stop?!” Josh had snapped at her, he had enough; after weeks and weeks of
listening to this he reached his limit. Enough was enough. He’d pushed his
chair back with such force it almost toppled over and stomped up the stairs. He
started packing immediately; he couldn’t deal with this anymore. He packed
quickly and barged downstairs, his mother’s voice stopped him at the front
door.
“Where
are you going?” she asked startled as she saw her son ready to leave the house.
“I’m
going to stay with my boyfriend, thank you for asking” he said sarcastically
before he walked out, leaving his dazzled mother and father behind.
“They did contact me after that but….” Josh trailed
off, not knowing how to finish that sentence.
“Let’s just say it didn’t go very well” he finished
with a sad smile as he glanced at the young boy to his right. Justin offered a
weak smile as comfort, he knew how it felt and it hurt.
“Daddy, I wanna play game” Sam announced from the
backseat. Josh blinked, a little startled but he recovered quickly.
“Sure what do you want to play sweetie?”
“I see something you doesn’t see” Sam replied
determined, he just learned it and was thrilled about it.
“Ok” Josh agreed, passing a quick smile to Justin.
Josh was happy for the little break, they’d told each other all about their
pasts and it not only had been emotional draining it was also very painful for
the both of them to rake up their past.
“Ju-tin, play too?” Sam asked hopefully.
“Sure” Justin replied as he twisted in his seat to
look at the smiling little boy.
“Yay!” he exclaimed happily, throwing his little
arms in the air in victory.
“I start” he told them seriously and Josh and
Justin could barely contain their laughter. The seriousness of the two year old
was endearing and not to mention funny as he was so happy one moment and
serious the next. It surprised Justin but Josh just smiled at the diversity of
his kid.
“Alright baby, you begin” Josh urged him as he
glanced at Sam in his rearview mirror.
“It’s green” Sam told them immediately, skipping
the ‘I see I see what you can’t see’ part. Josh smiled but began to guess,
“It’s the grass on the side of the road?”
“No” Sam answered, shaking his head wildly with a
mischievous smile on his face.
“It’s the sticker” Justin guessed, pointing to the
strip of green in the sticker on the windshield.
“No” Sam repeated, continuing to shake his head.
Justin smiled at the little boy; he also was glad for the little distraction.
He’d never been good with his past, he’d pushed it away, he didn’t want to
think about it much less talk about it but seeing that boy and Josh’s gentle
encouragement had left him wanting to share all the things he’d gone through.
He was glad he could finally share it with someone who understood what it felt
like, he’d never had that before and he was happy about that but it didn’t make
talking about his past any less painful.
“A whinegum?” Josh tried, not seeing a lot of green
around them and he didn’t see a lot of it in the car either.
“No” Sam answered, his smile growing.
“Your jacket?” Justin tried purposefully knowing
Sam wasn’t wearing a jacket.
“I doesn’t wear jacket” Sam told him, making Justin
smile.
“I know, I give up. What about you Josh?” Justin
gave in, looking to his left as he asked the question.
“Me too, I have no idea, tell us bud” Josh said as
he glanced at the boy in the backseat.
“A bug” Sam informed them gleefully.
“A bug?” Justin asked confused, twisting around so
he could look at the satisfied boy.
“Yes” Sam nodded once, confirming Justin’s
question.
“I didn’t see one” Justin argued playfully.
“He flewed away” Sam told them seriously before
shrugging.
“Good one” Justin winked, knowing that that could
have been his answer and he smiled fully at the boy. Josh laughed at the
exchange, shaking his head as he thought about it. Typical, he thought with a
smile.
“Again!” Sam said enthusiastically; he liked this
game.
“Let’s do it later k? We’re almost there” Josh told
his son.
“K” Sam agreed easily, resting against the carseat
as he stuck his thumb in his mouth and observed the scenery that rolled by.
A/N: I don’t know for sure if ‘I see something you
don’t and it is…’ It is a game in the Netherlands so I can only assume you got
something of that sort as well but forgive me if I’m wrong and I’d be more than
happy to explain the game to you if you want to try it yourself ;)
