Chapter
14
They had been driving for about an hour now and
Justin was slightly recovering from the shock. He’d been terrified when the
cops came in and although his heart rate had gone down a little when they left
and Josh’s soothing words reached his ears it went up again and the fear was
back as he let his mind wonder to the things that could have happened back
there. He was calming down and Josh’s calming words did help this time. Every
mile took them closer to their destination but they still had a couple of hours
to go before they would arrive in LA.
Although Justin had wanted to get there as soon as
possible when he left Millington he now wished LA wouldn’t be so nearby, wished
they still had an ocean to cross or a mountain to climb or anything that would
stand in their way of reaching LA because who knew what would happen then.
Would they simply say goodbye?
Would they never see each other again after that?
Would they each go their separate way?
What would become of him; all alone in a big city
such as LA?
Justin was used to the small town life, could he
survive in a metropolis?
Would he be happy?
Would he find the thing he disserved.... would he
find love?
***
Los Angeles – 20 miles
Josh saw the sign but Justin was too busy reading
Sam a story and he hadn’t noticed they were getting closer and closer to LA.
Josh’s mind traveled back to the day they met. How
they had met, and all the things that had happened that day and the days after
that. So many things had changed in those couple of days. It was strange how
that was possible. His mind wandered back to the night Justin had revealed a
bit of his past. The kiss they’d shared that night and how they’d slept
together in that small motel room bed. He smiled at the memory, the smell and
the feeling of that young man pressed up against him. It was a good memory; one
he would treasure forever, thinking about that beautiful young innocent boy.
He shook his head, it was no use to think about Justin
in that way. It wouldn’t happen, he thought sadly, the happy smile sliding off
of his face as he thought about the impossible wannabe relationship.
Why would Justin want to get involved with him?
A gay man with a 2 year old son didn’t exactly do
good in the singles world. Whenever you meet someone; if you even find the time
to go out, the minute you mention you have a son people all of a sudden start
looking for excuses to bail. Josh couldn’t blame them because if he were
honest; he wouldn’t really be happy to get involved with a man who already had
a child himself. It made it that much more complicated and he couldn’t hope
that a young man like Justin would jump at the chance to start a relationship
with a man who has a son. He shook his head; it simply wouldn’t happen.
Justin would never want to stay with him, no way!
Or would he….?
No!
***
Los Angeles – 10 miles
This time Justin did see the sign and the smile
he’d worn on his face after the Josh’s joke slid off his face and he got a sad
gleam in his eyes.
He looked down at his hands in his lap, praying to
God to please move LA, please pick it up and set it down about a 1000 miles
north. So that he would have a reason to stay with Josh, he’d never felt so
safe in his entire life as he felt when he was with this man. Timmy used to
make him feel this way and he didn’t believe he would ever find someone who
would give him the same feeling but he knew he’d found that person when he
looked at Josh. He was his Timmy, the one who could make him feel safe in the
middle of a crisis, who could protect him in the middle of a war, who could
love him like his own family never had and he dreaded the moment that he would
have to say goodbye to him.
He didn’t want to say goodbye but what would Josh
want with a screw up like him?
He was probably just being polite when he offered
to take him with him to LA after he broke down the night before. He probably
didn’t want to have anything to do with him, he wouldn’t want him in his life.
What kind of role model would he be for Josh’s son?
No Josh would never want him to be apart of his
life and that made seeing LA in the distance and his life all that much worse.
***
Los Angeles – 5 miles
Five miles and they would arrive in LA. Five miles and
this drive would be over. Five miles and these wonderful couple of days would
belong to the past. Five miles and they would have to say goodbye to probably
never see each other again. Five miles and he would loose his sense of
security, the blessing of truly feeling safe. Five miles and he would loose his
chance at ever being happy. Five miles and this would be all over.
***
Welcome to Los Angeles
Josh recognized the scenery as almost home. He
drove into his street and parked the car on the drive way, finally home but all
of a sudden he wished he wasn’t home yet. He slowly got out of the car and
Justin followed as Josh went into the backseat to get Sam out of his seat.
“What are your plans now you got here?” Josh asked,
hoping he would stay for a while.
“I don’t know we’ll see” Justin shrugged in
response not knowing what to expect from this question.
Did he dare to hope or was Josh just being polite?
Josh bit his lip, damn just say something!
“Well thanks for the ride, I’m sorry for all the
trouble I caused,” he said with a weak smile.
Josh nodded not trusting his voice.
“Alrighty then. I better get going, take care of
Sam…. Bye” Justin said shoving his hands deep in his pockets as he started to
walk down the street. Josh turned away with Sam in his arms, looking him in the
eye. His mind wondered to the happy memories of the last few days; Justin
laughing, holding Sam protectively as if he were their child. As Justin’s
miserable eyes came to mind he couldn’t help but turn around swiftly and yell
after him,
“Wait, stay!”
