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Chapter 17

 

“I missed you so much!” Josh exclaimed as he embraced the uniformed boy, hugging him close.

 

“I missed you too” Justin whispered in his ear, clinging to the man desperately. They held onto each other for quite some time, neither wanting to let go. It was the first time Josh looked him up during visiting hour and he couldn’t force himself to let go now that he finally had this boy back in his arms. The nights were so long and cold without the warm and loving body pressed up against him and God did he miss him. They finally let go, reluctantly but they had to, the guard was looking at them strangely and although it hadn’t been so bad thus far Justin didn’t want anything to change, for the bad that was.

 

“Sam has been asking about you” Josh told Justin as they finally sat down. Justin smiled meekly in response.

 

“He asked if he could come next time” Josh said letting his sentence trail off. Justin looked down at his hands, swallowing hard; he missed Sam but…

 

“I don’t want him to see me like this” he whispered without looking at Josh.

 

“He misses you Justin”

 

Justin nodded, “I miss him too but….” he said softly, not finishing his sentence, not knowing how to. Josh put his hands over Justin’s, deciding to change the subject.

 

“How are you doing?” he asked a little concerned.

 

“I’m ok, it ain’t that bad” Justin answered after he looked up into Josh’s loving eyes, blinking back tears.

 

“Good” Josh nodded, he couldn’t bear to see this boy suffering. He’d suffered so much already in the short eighteen years of his existence but he promised himself that when Justin would be released he would show him heaven.

 

“So how is everything going with you… and Sam?” Justin asked, changing the subject once again. He wanted to know what was happening on the outside; he knew what it was like here and he desperately wanted to hear something normal, to feel somewhat normal.

 

Josh chatted away about Sam, the weird things he’d done saying he certainly didn’t inherit it from him, making Justin laugh as Josh accused him of teaching him those things. The new job he’d gotten and all the normal everyday life things; seeing how Justin’s eyes lit up as he mentally took him somewhere else. Josh enjoyed the look on his face and visiting hour was over before they knew it, before they wanted it to be over.

 

“I promise I’ll be back soon” Josh told him determined, eyeing Justin before embracing him.

 

“I can’t live without you for very long you know” Josh told him with a wink, making it sound like a playful comment although they both knew Josh meant it. Justin let out a teary laugh before pulling back again. Josh stared into the watery boy’s eyes and gently brushed the boy’s tears away.

 

“Don’t cry baby, I love you, I’ll be back soon” Josh told him again, smiling reassuringly and it seemed to rub off on Justin, at least somewhat.

 

He nodded in response, “I love you too” he said before he stepped back, watching as Josh left the visiting room with a wave of his hand. The hand dropped to his side when Josh was out of sight and he waited for the officer to lead him back to his cell. Now that he’d seen Josh he had hope again, he would keep Josh in his mind to pass the lonely, cold and long nightly hours.

 

***

 

“Ju-tin!” Sam exclaimed happily as Justin came into view, stepping into the large visiting room of the prison. Justin smiled, immediately recognizing the sweet voice of mini Josh. He opened his arms as the child came running at him in full speed. Sam threw himself in Justin’s arms and snuggled close. Justin hugged him close to him before he stretched, taking Sam with him, settling him on his arm as he glanced over his shoulder at the guard. He nodded indicating he could walk to the table where Josh was waiting for him and so he did. The guard stayed at the door but kept a close look on the people in the room at visiting hour. Josh eyed him carefully, trying to read his face, trying to find out if Justin was happy or angry with this surprise.

 

“I makes you some’ing” Sam said proudly, as he looked at his father to give him his drawing so he could give it to Justin.

 

“You did?” Justin asked surprised, glancing down at the boy in his arms. Sam nodded happily.

 

“Cool” Justin said appreciatively as he sat down opposite of Josh with Sam in his lap. Josh smiled at Justin before he handed Sam his drawing. Justin smiled back before he turned his attention to Sam who twisted around on his lap.

 

“Here” he offered the rolled up drawing in his hand.

 

“Thank you” Justin said smiling happily as he pulled away the ribbon and let the paper roll itself out. He grasped around the little boy so he was sitting in between Justin and the paper he was holding in front of them.

 

“See that’s me and that’s daddy and that’s you” Sam explained proudly as he pointed to each person in the picture separately while naming them.

 

“Wow, it’s beautiful Sam. Thank you” Justin told him seriously and Sam beamed at the praise while Josh watched silently with a smile on his face.

 

“Can we go hang it up in your room?” Sam asked hopefully, bringing tears to Justin’s eyes as he glanced at Josh for support.

 

“Oh baby, you remember what I told you about Justin’s room” Josh said, looking his son in the eye who had twisted from Justin to Josh’s eyes. Sam continued to eye his father, his little face scrunched up in temporary confusion as he was trying to remember what his dad had said about where Justin had gone to.

 

“Justin’s room is private” Josh reminded him softly, “It’s a secret” he added softly as he bend towards his son to make it sound like it was really a secret.

 

“It’s our secret remember? Only we know he has one but we can’t see it because it’s Justin’s so we can’t tell anyone right? It’s our secret” Josh told him in hushed tones as if he was telling him a secret. Sam nodded in agreement happy he was let in on the secret.

 

“K” Sam nodded agreeing.

 

“But will you hang it up in your room then?” Sam asked Justin as he twisted back.

 

Justin nodded, blinking back tears, “Of course” he told the kid hoarsely.

 

“You have to find a great spot for it, like over your bed” Sam said as if he had the best idea ever.

 

“I will, where I can see it at all times”

 

“Promise?” Sam beamed.

 

“Promise” Justin confirmed smiling at Sam as he saw how happy he was to hear that.

 

“Time is up” the guard told Justin as he passed by, going from one table to the next to inform each couple that visiting hour was over. Justin swallowed hard, scraping his throat as it constricted with tears. He would have to say goodbye again, he hated saying goodbye and it were these times that he’d wished he hadn’t turned himself in. If he hadn’t he could be with Sam and Josh all the time. Josh’s voice got him out of his thoughts,

 

“Sam we have to go”

 

“Oh” Sam said, a little disappointed and Justin swallowed hard. Sam turned in his lap and threw his little arms around Justin’s neck,

 

“I misses you, Justin” he whispered in Justin’s neck. Justin pulled the little boy up and hugged him tight.

 

“I miss you too, kiddo but I’ll be home soon and we can do anything we want” Justin said trying to comfort the kid and himself at the same time. Sam pulled back, a few tears slid down his cheeks and Justin brushed them away lovingly, kissing his cheek before he reluctantly let go.

 

“You pinky swear?” Sam asked once again for confirmation, holding out his pinky in advance.

 

“I pinky swear” Justin said smiling as he linked his pinky with the young boy. Sam smiled satisfied,

 

“K” he said happily as he slid from Justin’s lap and took the offered hand of his daddy.

 

“Sam, could you wait with that man for a second?” Josh asked softly, as he crouched down to Sam’s eye level. Sam nodded before he walked towards the guard at the door. Josh stared after him, turning around when he saw Sam had reached the man.

 

“Thanks for bringing him here” Justin smiled grateful. Although he’d asked not to bring him, Justin wasn’t mad at Josh for not listening to his request. He was glad to see the kid again, he’d grown to love him like his own and it hurt to be away from him. He missed the kid and his father. Josh nodded, smiling he had made Justin happy. He pulled him into a hug and pressed the young boy against him.

 

“I love you” Josh whispered as he kissed Justin’s neck discretely.

 

“I love you too” Justin said almost tearfully.

 

“I miss you” he added as a tear slipped down his cheeks.

 

“We miss you too, just hang in there. It will be over soon and you’ll come home to us” Josh said softly whispering into his ear as he continued to hold him. He felt Justin nod against his shoulder and stroked the back of his neck, kissing him one more time before reluctantly letting go.

 

“We’ll be back soon” he said as they were facing each other. Justin nodded.

 

“Bring the munchkin will you?” he asked shyly as he glanced over Josh’s shoulder to Sam who was happily chatting to the guard.

 

“I will” Josh said smiling, they shared one more smile before Josh turned and walked towards his son. Justin watched as Josh took Sam’s hand and led him out the door, glancing over his shoulder one more time before they disappeared out of sight.

 

The guard stepped towards Justin and led him back to his cell, keeping a hold of his left bicep as they walked through the corridors. Justin held the drawing of Sam in his right hand a small smile tugging at his lips as he thought of the little boy. The guard opened his cell door and Justin walked in, by now knowing the drill after visiting hour. The door slid closed and the bars slid in place in front of him, tinting his view with vertical stripes. He glanced at the guard.

 

“Could you get me some adhesive tape or thumb-tacks to hang this up, please?” he asked politely, having learned that the politer you were the more things you could get done. If you just went off and yelled at everyone it would get you nowhere. The guard nodded briefly before disappearing, leaving Justin behind in his small cell. He turned and headed towards his bed, laying down on it he stretched out and held the paper roll in front of him. He rolled the paper out and glanced at the beautiful picture, three puppets; Josh, Justin and Sam in front of a house. It was the typical children’s picture; the drawing of the child’s family and that was what touched Justin the most. Sam had found him special enough to draw him in his family picture.

 

“Here” a voice called and Justin looked up startled. A hand reached through the bars slightly; holding out a couple pieces of tape for the young man inside. Justin sprung into action and accepted the pieces of tape with a smile.

 

“Thank you” he said grateful.

 

The guard nodded before he disappeared. Justin turned towards his almost empty wall and stuck the paper on there. He lay down on his bed, eyeing the picture on his wall. It looked good on there and with the view of that drawing he let his mind wonder to the time when he would really get reunited with his family, his loving family…..   

 

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