Chapter
17
“I missed you so much!” Josh exclaimed as he
embraced the uniformed boy, hugging him close.
“I missed you too” Justin whispered in his ear,
clinging to the man desperately. They held onto each other for quite some time,
neither wanting to let go. It was the first time Josh looked him up during
visiting hour and he couldn’t force himself to let go now that he finally had
this boy back in his arms. The nights were so long and cold without the warm
and loving body pressed up against him and God did he miss him. They finally
let go, reluctantly but they had to, the guard was looking at them strangely
and although it hadn’t been so bad thus far Justin didn’t want anything to
change, for the bad that was.
“Sam has been asking about you” Josh told Justin as
they finally sat down. Justin smiled meekly in response.
“He asked if he could come next time” Josh said
letting his sentence trail off. Justin looked down at his hands, swallowing
hard; he missed Sam but…
“I don’t want him to see me like this” he whispered
without looking at Josh.
“He misses you Justin”
Justin nodded, “I miss him too but….” he said
softly, not finishing his sentence, not knowing how to. Josh put his hands over
Justin’s, deciding to change the subject.
“How are you doing?” he asked a little concerned.
“I’m ok, it ain’t that bad” Justin answered after
he looked up into Josh’s loving eyes, blinking back tears.
“Good” Josh nodded, he couldn’t bear to see this
boy suffering. He’d suffered so much already in the short eighteen years of his
existence but he promised himself that when Justin would be released he would
show him heaven.
“So how is everything going with you… and Sam?”
Justin asked, changing the subject once again. He wanted to know what was
happening on the outside; he knew what it was like here and he desperately
wanted to hear something normal, to feel somewhat normal.
Josh chatted away about Sam, the weird things he’d
done saying he certainly didn’t inherit it from him, making Justin laugh as
Josh accused him of teaching him those things. The new job he’d gotten and all
the normal everyday life things; seeing how Justin’s eyes lit up as he mentally
took him somewhere else. Josh enjoyed the look on his face and visiting hour
was over before they knew it, before they wanted it to be over.
“I promise I’ll be back soon” Josh told him
determined, eyeing Justin before embracing him.
“I can’t live without you for very long you know”
Josh told him with a wink, making it sound like a playful comment although they
both knew Josh meant it. Justin let out a teary laugh before pulling back
again. Josh stared into the watery boy’s eyes and gently brushed the boy’s
tears away.
“Don’t cry baby, I love you, I’ll be back soon”
Josh told him again, smiling reassuringly and it seemed to rub off on Justin,
at least somewhat.
He nodded in response, “I love you too” he said
before he stepped back, watching as Josh left the visiting room with a wave of
his hand. The hand dropped to his side when Josh was out of sight and he waited
for the officer to lead him back to his cell. Now that he’d seen Josh he had
hope again, he would keep Josh in his mind to pass the lonely, cold and long
nightly hours.
***
“Ju-tin!” Sam exclaimed happily as Justin came into
view, stepping into the large visiting room of the prison. Justin smiled,
immediately recognizing the sweet voice of mini Josh. He opened his arms as the
child came running at him in full speed. Sam threw himself in Justin’s arms and
snuggled close. Justin hugged him close to him before he stretched, taking Sam
with him, settling him on his arm as he glanced over his shoulder at the guard.
He nodded indicating he could walk to the table where Josh was waiting for him
and so he did. The guard stayed at the door but kept a close look on the people
in the room at visiting hour. Josh eyed him carefully, trying to read his face,
trying to find out if Justin was happy or angry with this surprise.
“I makes you some’ing” Sam said proudly, as he
looked at his father to give him his drawing so he could give it to Justin.
“You did?” Justin asked surprised, glancing down at
the boy in his arms. Sam nodded happily.
“Cool” Justin said appreciatively as he sat down
opposite of Josh with Sam in his lap. Josh smiled at Justin before he handed
Sam his drawing. Justin smiled back before he turned his attention to Sam who
twisted around on his lap.
“Here” he offered the rolled up drawing in his
hand.
“Thank you” Justin said smiling happily as he
pulled away the ribbon and let the paper roll itself out. He grasped around the
little boy so he was sitting in between Justin and the paper he was holding in
front of them.
“See that’s me and that’s daddy and that’s you” Sam
explained proudly as he pointed to each person in the picture separately while
naming them.
“Wow, it’s beautiful Sam. Thank you” Justin told
him seriously and Sam beamed at the praise while Josh watched silently with a
smile on his face.
“Can we go hang it up in your room?” Sam asked
hopefully, bringing tears to Justin’s eyes as he glanced at Josh for support.
“Oh baby, you remember what I told you about
Justin’s room” Josh said, looking his son in the eye who had twisted from
Justin to Josh’s eyes. Sam continued to eye his father, his little face
scrunched up in temporary confusion as he was trying to remember what his dad
had said about where Justin had gone to.
“Justin’s room is private” Josh reminded him
softly, “It’s a secret” he added softly as he bend towards his son to make it
sound like it was really a secret.
“It’s our secret remember? Only we know he has one
but we can’t see it because it’s Justin’s so we can’t tell anyone right? It’s
our secret” Josh told him in hushed tones as if he was telling him a secret.
Sam nodded in agreement happy he was let in on the secret.
“K” Sam nodded agreeing.
“But will you hang it up in your room then?” Sam
asked Justin as he twisted back.
Justin nodded, blinking back tears, “Of course” he
told the kid hoarsely.
“You have to find a great spot for it, like over
your bed” Sam said as if he had the best idea ever.
“I will, where I can see it at all times”
“Promise?” Sam beamed.
“Promise” Justin confirmed smiling at Sam as he saw
how happy he was to hear that.
“Time is up” the guard told Justin as he passed by,
going from one table to the next to inform each couple that visiting hour was
over. Justin swallowed hard, scraping his throat as it constricted with tears.
He would have to say goodbye again, he hated saying goodbye and it were these
times that he’d wished he hadn’t turned himself in. If he hadn’t he could be
with Sam and Josh all the time. Josh’s voice got him out of his thoughts,
“Sam we have to go”
“Oh” Sam said, a little disappointed and Justin
swallowed hard. Sam turned in his lap and threw his little arms around Justin’s
neck,
“I misses you, Justin” he whispered in Justin’s
neck. Justin pulled the little boy up and hugged him tight.
“I miss you too, kiddo but I’ll be home soon and we
can do anything we want” Justin said trying to comfort the kid and himself at
the same time. Sam pulled back, a few tears slid down his cheeks and Justin
brushed them away lovingly, kissing his cheek before he reluctantly let go.
“You pinky swear?” Sam asked once again for
confirmation, holding out his pinky in advance.
“I pinky swear” Justin said smiling as he linked
his pinky with the young boy. Sam smiled satisfied,
“K” he said happily as he slid from Justin’s lap
and took the offered hand of his daddy.
“Sam, could you wait with that man for a second?”
Josh asked softly, as he crouched down to Sam’s eye level. Sam nodded before he
walked towards the guard at the door. Josh stared after him, turning around
when he saw Sam had reached the man.
“Thanks for bringing him here” Justin smiled
grateful. Although he’d asked not to bring him, Justin wasn’t mad at Josh for
not listening to his request. He was glad to see the kid again, he’d grown to
love him like his own and it hurt to be away from him. He missed the kid and
his father. Josh nodded, smiling he had made Justin happy. He pulled him into a
hug and pressed the young boy against him.
“I love you” Josh whispered as he kissed Justin’s
neck discretely.
“I love you too” Justin said almost tearfully.
“I miss you” he added as a tear slipped down his cheeks.
“We miss you too, just hang in there. It will be
over soon and you’ll come home to us” Josh said softly whispering into his ear
as he continued to hold him. He felt Justin nod against his shoulder and
stroked the back of his neck, kissing him one more time before reluctantly
letting go.
“We’ll be back soon” he said as they were facing
each other. Justin nodded.
“Bring the munchkin will you?” he asked shyly as he
glanced over Josh’s shoulder to Sam who was happily chatting to the guard.
“I will” Josh said smiling, they shared one more
smile before Josh turned and walked towards his son. Justin watched as Josh
took Sam’s hand and led him out the door, glancing over his shoulder one more
time before they disappeared out of sight.
The guard stepped towards Justin and led him back
to his cell, keeping a hold of his left bicep as they walked through the
corridors. Justin held the drawing of Sam in his right hand a small smile
tugging at his lips as he thought of the little boy. The guard opened his cell
door and Justin walked in, by now knowing the drill after visiting hour. The
door slid closed and the bars slid in place in front of him, tinting his view
with vertical stripes. He glanced at the guard.
“Could you get me some adhesive tape or thumb-tacks
to hang this up, please?” he asked politely, having learned that the politer
you were the more things you could get done. If you just went off and yelled at
everyone it would get you nowhere. The guard nodded briefly before
disappearing, leaving Justin behind in his small cell. He turned and headed
towards his bed, laying down on it he stretched out and held the paper roll in
front of him. He rolled the paper out and glanced at the beautiful picture,
three puppets; Josh, Justin and Sam in front of a house. It was the typical
children’s picture; the drawing of the child’s family and that was what touched
Justin the most. Sam had found him special enough to draw him in his family
picture.
“Here” a voice called and Justin looked up
startled. A hand reached through the bars slightly; holding out a couple pieces
of tape for the young man inside. Justin sprung into action and accepted the
pieces of tape with a smile.
“Thank you” he said grateful.
The guard nodded before he disappeared. Justin
turned towards his almost empty wall and stuck the paper on there. He lay down
on his bed, eyeing the picture on his wall. It looked good on there and with
the view of that drawing he let his mind wonder to the time when he would
really get reunited with his family, his loving family…..
