Chapter 20
“Get up!” Henry angrily yelled, he’d woken up
moments before and was angry as hell his step-son was still lazing around when
there was work to be done.
Josh was immediately awake, the sun blinding him
that shone heavily through the back window of the house. Josh had always been a
heavy sleeper but he was so much more on his guard now because of Henry. Every
unguarded moment could give Henry another opportunity to attack him and Josh
never wanted to give him an extra opportunity to hurt him.
Painful Josh scooted backwards on the floor, away
from the angry man. He tried to get up on his feet but Henry wasn’t satisfied
with the pace. He reached down and grabbed his arm roughly pulling him to his
feet. Josh winced at how tight his grip was, knowing there would be another
bruise as he stumbled along quietly.
“Clean yourself up and get to work!” Henry ordered,
it was still vacation but no reason for his step-son to lounge around when he
had a job to do.
Josh stumbled as Henry released him and he hurried
towards his room to prevent Henry from pushing him harshly. Josh closed the
door to his room and got ready reluctantly, the job slowly sipping into his
mind again while Henry lazily plumped down in his chair.
***
Josh carefully lifted the shirt over his head,
small drops of blood were splattered on the collar and as he gazed at himself
in the mirror he found the source of the blood; the corner of his mouth had
split open with the first slap to his face the night before. It had been the
only mark on his face but his chest was looking much worse.
As he stared at himself in the small mirror he
flinched involuntarily at the bruises he saw there. His lower ribs and stomach
were the worst, angry red marks stood out on his pale skin and a few marks on his
torso were already starting to get blue. Here and there you could still see the
now yellow marks from previous bruising as an underlay for the new ones. His
side and back weren’t doing much better but that was as low as it would get. He
had a few already blue marks on his legs but the worst damage had been done to
his upper body. It still kind of hurt to breathe but it wasn’t as bad as it had
been the night before.
He knew Henry would never hurt him enough so they
would have to go to the hospital; too risky. Josh thought Henry would love to
do that but the only thing that kept him from beating him into the hospital was
the fact that he then would no longer have his easy income. It was at least
some guarantee for Josh but it didn’t mean the injuries hurt less, although
they could have been worse if Henry pleased.
He wet a wash cloth and carefully dabbed at his
mouth, it was the only one people would be able to see easily so he had to at
least get the blood away. It wasn’t really swollen but it was apparent enough.
He then swept the wash cloth over his stomach, carefully poking the bruises and
flinching when they stung back. He wished he could have taken a shower, ease
his stiff muscles from sleeping on the floor and in pain but he didn’t dare.
Henry wouldn’t give him enough time and he sure didn’t want to provoke another
beating, he could not have it on top of last night’s so he settled for the warm
water from the wash cloth, swept over his stomach and torso to ease the pain a
bit.
Once he was done he hung the wash cloth over his
small sink and walked slowly towards his closet, taking out the most
comfortable and covering clothes he could find and put those on, covering the
evidence of the beating from the night before, he did however nothing for the pain,
he by now was so used to, although he knew he shouldn’t be used to pain.
It was not normal, but it was to him.
***
Exactly thirty minutes later Josh reappeared. He
timidly gazed at Henry who was pacing the floor. Josh tried not to be noticed
but he knew it wouldn’t work.
“AH! About time boy!” Henry exclaimed and scolded
once he saw Josh standing in the living room. Josh nodded fearfully as he
stepped back. Henry advanced on him and grabbed him harshly.
“You go to that house right now and find out what
else they have what you can’t see and don’t forget the safe. You screwed this
up before, here’s your chance to make up for it and you better pray you won’t
fail again” Henry said harshly, getting in his face. He’d felt his step-son
flinching at not only the words but the touch as well. He knew he banged him up
pretty bad last night but he knew Josh could take it, he would have to and not
only that he’d deserved it.
“Y… y…yyes sir” he stuttered while still being
dragged to the front door.
“You better have something for me when you get
back” Henry said while releasing him when they reached the front door. Josh
tentatively waited for something else but was met with an angry,
“What the hell are you waiting for?!”
Josh, startled by the angry words, reached for the
doorknob and opened the door just wide enough so he could shuffle out the door.
Henry returned to his lazy chair and sat down with his paper.
***
Josh started to run when he was away from the
driveway, tears pricked the back of his eyes but he ignored them, just like he
ignored the pain in his chest and kept on running as fast as his injuries
allowed him to. When he was a couple of blocks away from that dreaded house he
bend forward, resting his hands on his knees to catch his breath. When he
caught his breath and the stabbing pain in his chest subsided somewhat his mind
went back to the ‘job’ he had to do.
Just when Lance trusted him he had to betray him
like this! When he’d finally found a true friend, he had to do the thing he
hated most; stealing. He didn’t want to, he couldn’t do it but he had no choice
at least if he wanted to stay free of some serious injuries. He had a fair idea
what Henry would do to him if he would disobey him, hell if he reacted the way
he did when he refused in words there would be hell to pay if he refused in
actions. He knew it would be very bad and Henry probably wouldn’t care if he
beat him so severely he would have to go to the hospital but Henry knowing he
would not take him to the hospital then. He would let him suffer to see the
consequences of his actions, he would make him pay for disobeying him, really
pay. There were worse things he could do then hit him with his hands, his
fists, Henry had much more things he could use and Josh was sure Henry wouldn’t
hesitate to use them in this case.
He did not want to do this, his heart refused,
screamed at him to tell Henry to fuck it
but his head knew better. His head knew this really wasn’t a choice he had to
make, his head knew this was something he didn’t have a say in at all. His head
was filled with images of his broken body, severely bruised and aching and… he
just couldn’t refuse. His head would not allow it and his head won once again.
He had to turn his emotions back off just when he’d found them again. He had to
betray Lance in the worst way, he made him trust him and betraying him would
hurt him so much and to think about hurting Lance that much, his only true
friend, hurt so fucking much. He couldn’t picture Lance’s face when he would
find out, when he would see the thief he trusted betrayed him, just like that.
Lance would probably think he’d planned it all
along, he would… he would destroy Lance’s good faith in human kind…. his heart
protested, screamed not to go along with it but it was a loosing battle to the
images he saw in front of his eyes.
Henry won.
Reluctantly he started walking to Lance’s house
focusing on his job and not his feelings.
***
“Are you mad at me?” Lance asked suddenly during a
simple game they were playing. School had started again but homework was still
limited since it was only the first week and they happily took advantage of
that by doing something fun. Josh looked up, confused.
“What are you talking about?”
“I mean… I hope you’re not mad at me for um… well
asking those things” Lance explained hesitantly. He’d noticed something
different in Josh’s behavior. He was more distant it seemed, like his walls
were back up and Lance hoped he hadn’t gone too far in asking those things
about his mother. He’d noticed it the previous days as well but shrugged it off
however today Josh acted the same way and Lance did not like it. Josh stared at
him, waiting for more info.
“I mean, at the mall last week, when I asked about
well… about your mom” Lance said slowly, carefully. Josh shook his head.
“I’m not mad at you” he told him simply before
staring at the board in front of him, contemplating his next move.
“Oh” Lance said a bit surprised.
What else could it be then?
If he wasn’t mad then why was he so much more drawn
back than a few days earlier?
The thought of Henry didn’t cross his mind and he
stared at Josh for a moment. As Josh felt Lance’s stare on him he looked up.
“Why would I be mad at you?”
“I…. I don’t know but…”
“But what?” Josh questioned, wanting to know if
Lance suspected something.
“Nothing I… I don’t know” Lance dismissed but he
kept staring at Josh and it made Josh uncomfortable. Lance searched his friend
for any signs that there might be something wrong, something he wasn’t telling
him. Well there was a lot Josh wasn’t telling him but something that could lead
to this behavior, maybe Justin had threatened him again or he ran into Brad. It
wasn’t logical but so was his behavior.
“Are you ok?” Lance asked, to make sure. Josh met
his eyes and smiled,
“Sure Lance why wouldn’t I be?”
Lance searched those blue eyes for any sign but
came up empty, nothing told him that there was something wrong but he still
felt something. It was just a hunch, a small nagging feeling in the pit of his
stomach that told him something was not right. However seeing those eyes light
up a bit he believed him, those eyes had never lied to him before and he
trusted Josh and his eyes, they never lied. Lance shook his head.
“Forget it” he smiled.
“Let’s play” Josh nodded in agreement, watching as
Lance bent over the game once again.
As Lance studied the game however, Josh was
studying him. Lance suspected something, felt something different about him and
Josh realized he had succeeded in turning his emotions off… a little too well
maybe. It was just so easy to close yourself off, however he could not do this
with Lance. Lance suspected it, he’d noticed how he’d closed himself off and he
could not have that, he could not change like that. He had to still be open to Lance,
he had to basically continue to act around Lance like he’d been doing the last
few months but that made the assignment that much harder.
He’d thought he could just close off and get the
answers and then be done with it, it wouldn’t hurt so much then, now however he
saw it was not that simple. He had to keep his walls down, which were so easy
to draw back up, and had to allow Lance in, still, even though he was betraying
him in his presence. It made it all that much more painful, hurtful and it was so
sick. This plan was so sick but he could not let himself slip, the images of
his broken body were still there whenever he felt weak and wanted to quit. The
moment that happened those images presented themselves in front of his eyes and
it got him right back on track. It was scary as hell, Henry was even in his
mind to control him. Henry was everywhere and he had to do this.
Lance looked up as it was apparently his turn and
Josh quickly shook himself out of his thoughts. He returned the sweet smile,
feeling the walls going down as he did so and he was vulnerable again,
painfully vulnerable.
