Chapter 4

 

“Come on Lance” Justin urged him to follow him, making his way to a familiar table. It was where his friends were always seated and it wasn’t any different now. Lance followed Justin a bit reluctant, he actually wanted to go to Josh but it would be rude to just turn Justin down, he’d been real nice to him so he followed him.

 

“This is Tom, Andrew and Gary” Justin introduced the three boys at the table.

 

“Guys this is Lance, he’s new”

 

“Hi Lance” they greeted him, they were all friendly but his mind was somewhere else, he smiled nevertheless, there was no reason to be rude.

 

“Have a seat” Justin offered as he himself sat down. Lance followed suit. Justin and his friends talked happily but Lance wasn’t really listening, his eyes were on that lonely boy, outside on the bench.

 

“Hey Lance, you listening?” Justin nudged his new friend, laughing at his absent expression.

 

“Huh what?” Lance asked absent mindedly, pulling his gaze away from the boy outside.

 

“You like sports?” Justin repeated his question, still a smile in his eyes.

 

“Oh uh, yeah sure” Lance responded not all together. Justin looked at him strangely,

 

“You ok man?”

 

“What?” Lance asked again, his mind just wouldn’t corporate with him. Lance didn’t look at Justin and as he eyed him, Justin’s eyes clouded.

 

“Did Brad tell you about me?” Justin asked, on defense all of a sudden. Lance’s eyebrows furrowed, shaking his head slightly,

 

“What… what are you talking about?”

 

“He did, didn’t he?” Justin asked, anger in his voice.

 

“I don’t…” Lance started, he’d been out of it yes but he had no idea what was happening all of a sudden.

 

“If you can’t handle gay people, it’s not my fault, you can just piss off” Justin said angrily.

 

“Yyy.. you’re gay?” Lance asked taking aback.

 

“Yes,” Justin almost growled.

 

“You got a problem with that?”

 

“No man! No! Chill” Lance said quickly, he didn’t want Justin to get the wrong idea.

 

“I don’t know who Brad is, he didn’t tell me, I didn’t know but it’s fine I don’t mind dude, really I don’t” Lance told him honestly. Justin visibly relaxed.

 

“Why are you so out of it then?” Justin asked gentler.

 

“I just… new school you know, a lot to take in and all” Lance apologized.

 

Justin nodded, “I know what you mean” but he was still a bit suspicious.

 

When the bell rang Lance grasped his arm, pulling him back for a second.

 

“I’m sorry Justin, I really don’t have anything against gay people I swear, I was acting like an idiot but believe me it’s got nothing to do with you” Lance told him earnestly. Justin stared into his eyes and saw he meant it, he really appreciated the gesture.

 

“Thanks”

 

Lance nodded with a smile, “Let’s go to class” he said before he turned and walked out in front of Justin but he stopped suddenly.

 

“Would you mind leading the way?” he said smiling.

 

Justin laughed at him, “Sure” he said before catching up with Lance, leading the way to class.

 

***

 

“What happened with Brad?” Lance asked, as they walked to their next class.

 

“What do you mean?” Justin asked, nonchalantly as they climbed the stairs.

 

“I mean why did you immediately think Brad told me about you being gay? Who is he anyway?” Lance asked. Justin eyed him, trying to judge him, checking if it was true interest or if he was just trying to screw him over. He decided it really was true interest, Lance seemed genuine.

 

“Brad set me up”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Last year, he found out about me having a boyfriend. He saw us together apparently and well he never liked me anyway so he thought he could have some fun. When I broke up with my boyfriend Brad pretended to be interested in me, he comforted me and well I fell for it. I was stupid but, anyway, then he thought it was cool to tell the whole school I was gay. It was very hard at first, people whispered, shoved me, thought they had a right to push me around because I was gay. But it got less, Tom, Andrew and Gary stuck by me and because I had straight friends everyone kind of backed off. They don’t socialize with me or anything but they leave me alone mostly so it’s cool. I don’t care about all those narrow minded people anyway. Who needs them? Anyway Brad doesn’t lay off, I think he’s pissed his plan to turn the school against me failed and so he’ll do it himself, he tries really hard to get to me but I won’t let him” Justin told Lance.

 

“Maybe he’s jealous” Lance suggested.

 

“Of what?” Justin asked incredulously.

 

“Of your courage, maybe he even has a thing for you”

 

“Nah man, he just hates me” Justin dismissed immediately. They walked down the hall, in silence for a little while.

 

“I’m sorry I jumped you immediately” Justin said suddenly.

 

“No man I understand, that Brad is an asshole”

 

“Thanks” Justin said smiling.

 

“Look Lance, I don’t blame you if you want to go sit somewhere else at lunch” Justin said understanding after a short pause.

 

“Why would I want to do that?” Lance asked honestly confused as he eyed Justin.

 

“Hanging out with the gay kid doesn’t do your reputation a lot of good” Justin said blushing a little.

 

“My rep wasn’t much to begin with; being a rich kid doesn’t really buy you a lot of friends, especially not here, I think it would buy you more enemies really. Trust me it’s not recommendable. You sure you want you’re rep ruined when they see you with a rich boy?”

 

“I’ll take my chances” Justin told him acting as if he were serious. When they locked eyes they both started laughing.

 

“Thanks man” Justin said serious again when the laughter died.

 

“Sure” Lance reassured with a smile. Justin liked him, he was very nice, innocent but also very wise. Just a sweet boy, a good guy, too bad he was straight.

 

“Ah here we are” Justin said quickly when they neared their classroom, he almost missed it.

 

“Oh cool” Lance smiled.

 

“Ain’t I glad to have a guide” he winked before walking inside. Justin laughed as he followed him in. 

 

***

 

Justin and Lance walked in the room for their 6^th period of English; the second to last class for today. Actually it was only this week they had the final class and they were not happy about it. English was supposed to be the last class but this week it wasn’t. This week they had some stupid extra class about the exams, it was extra information about this upcoming year and what the students could expect from it. No one really felt like going but they all knew they had to be there. They had to get through English class first however.

 

Lance followed Justin to their seats and sat beside him. Justin got tapped on his shoulder by Tom who was sitting behind them and he turned to talk to his friend but Lance looked around, searching for that mysterious boy; Josh.

 

He’d noticed during the day that Josh was in almost all his classes; except for his French class Josh had been in all of his classes. And this English class wasn’t any different; he found him sitting all the way in the back by himself. The seats around him where empty and Josh was biting his nails, not having anything else to do. He had his backpack in front of him on the table but it was still closed. The rest of their classmates where talking to each other, waiting for their teacher to come and they were all ignoring Josh.

 

They probably didn’t even give it a moments thought how they pretended he wasn’t there. Josh didn’t really try to fit in either so they probably thought it was better this way. Lance just wasn’t sure if Josh really felt that way.

 

Was he really an outcast by choice?

 

No one was right?

 

Or did something happen that made him an outcast?

 

The fact that Josh was known as the thief crossed his mind but Lance wasn’t sure. He could ask Justin later. Lance was suddenly very aware of someone’s eyes on him. Josh was staring at him, hard. He hadn’t even realized he’d been staring at Josh and now he’d probably noticed and was staring back at him the same way.

 

Lance looked him up and down; what was his story?

 

“What the fuck are you looking at?” Josh snarled at him. Lance blinked, lifting his eyes to meet Josh’s. He shook his head no but before he could answer someone else did it for him,

 

“Ah I could hear Mr. Chasez’s presence all the way down the hall” Mr. Zaggery announced as he walked to his desk. Josh shot Lance a glare before shifting his angry gaze towards his teacher. His classmates laughed as the teacher made fun of the outcast. Josh just stared at him.

 

“Got nothing to say to me, boy?” the teacher taunted, they were all very aware of Josh’s reputation, the students as well as the teachers and while most of the teachers usually left him alone Mr. Zaggery was always the meanest.

 

It had started last year when he first had Mr. Zaggery as his English teacher and he’d cursed the whole way home when he saw his schedule for this year; he had English from Mr. Zaggery again!

 

It was only two weeks after summer vacation and Mr. Zaggery used every opportunity he could get to get to Josh. He would seek him out and humiliate him, it was pretty much harassment but Josh knew there was not much he could do about it.

 

He had tried to go to the principal at the end of last year but Mr. Zaggery had nicely informed him that the man would never believe a thief anyway. So he shouldn’t bother with it. The threat about certain important papers that he graded clearly written in his eyes. Josh had said nothing, he had nodded and left. He never went to the principal, Josh was not stupid. He knew, actually he hoped that going to college would be his way out, his ticket out of this dump and out of his step father’s way. He knew it was probably his only way out and to get into a college, good grades where essential, failing English would not be accepted and then he was doomed to spend the rest of his life here, with Henry; a thief forever.

 

So he took the harassment of his teacher, not much more he could do and it was about the only class where he was acknowledged, the rest of the teachers ignored him, so did his classmates but negative attention was still attention. Josh’s eyes darted away so he wouldn’t have to look at the man. Mr. Zaggery was very pleased with himself when he saw the thief ducking his head in shame. He sniggered to himself before starting the class.

 

“We’re going to discuss Robin Hood as our second book of the year, I think Mr. Chasez would appreciate that; finally something he can relate to” Mr. Zaggery said smirking but Josh never met his eyes, he fidgeted with the zipper of his backpack and tried to block out the sniggers that erupted from his classmates.

 

“You like that Joshy? You can finally use your actual skills, ‘cause everyone knows there is not much more you can do” a boy commented evilly. Josh knew it was Brad. He was always out to get him, and he was Mr. Zaggery’s help in bringing Josh down during English class.

 

“Maybe you can teach us some of your skills, huh Josh?” Mr. Zaggery asked Josh as he walked towards him. Josh still didn’t look up. Mr. Zaggery smiled as Josh kept quiet, admitting defeat.

 

“Well let’s get started” Mr. Zaggery said loudly as he spun around and walked back towards his desk.

 

When his back was towards Josh, he finally looked up, the hurt apparent in his eyes but of course Mr. Zaggery didn’t notice. Josh’s eyes were slightly watering and he hated himself for it. He didn’t want to be weak, he couldn’t be weak. He bit his lip hard to force back the tears. Mr. Zaggery would just have more fun harassing him if he saw the effect he really had on him. He pretended he didn’t care, he pretended it didn’t hurt but it did and no one seemed to see that, they were too busy laughing at him that they didn’t see how it affected him.

 

When Mr. Zaggery spun back towards his class, Josh quickly ducked his head again, he avoided eye contact at all time and certainly when he was quite sure, Mr. Zaggery would see the slight shimmer in his eyes. No one seemed to be affected or shocked with Mr. Zaggery’s actions but one boy was; Lance.

 

Lance listened openmouthed as Mr. Zaggery, the one that should have protected Josh from his classmates, himself stepped it up and made it worse for the lonely boy. He looked to his left, to Justin, he’d seen the sad look in his eyes when Mr. Zaggery picked on Josh and he’d seen how Justin had ducked his head but apart from him, no one seemed to care. They all laughed at Josh and Lance was feeling extremely sorry for him although he’d been a victim of Josh’s burglary skills. He turned to look at Josh, turning around in his seat. He looked sympathetically, hoping Josh would get the message. Josh looked up tentatively, again feeling someone’s eyes on him. He met Lance’s eyes, they held compassion and sympathy.

 

What does that boy want from me?

 

He asked himself as he looked away. Lance also looked the other way, Josh had met his eyes and he had the feeling, Josh got the message that had been written in his eyes; I’m sorry.

 

***

 

“Are you ok?” Lance asked carefully as he walked up to Josh who was standing against the lockers, next to the door where their next class would start in about 5 minutes. Josh turned to look at the blond young man, he looked him up and down then nodded curtly.

 

“Sure” he said before looking the other way. Lance eyed him, sure he could not be ok, how could you not feel bad after someone brings you down like Mr. Zaggery had done?

 

“You sure?” Lance asked, once again eyeing him.

 

“I just told you didn’t I?” Josh countered a bit aggressively. He was not in the mood for sweetness. He still didn’t know what Lance wanted from him and that made him nervous.

 

“Does he always do that?” Lance asked in that soft, gentle tone again, not caring at all that every person that walked passed them into the classroom, looked at him as if he was some kind of moron for talking to Josh, like it was dangerous to talk to him.

 

“Who?” Josh asked bored, once again avoiding eye contact.

 

“Mr. Zaggery” Lance simply stated.

 

Josh shrugged, “Yeah” acting like he just didn’t care at all but Lance once again saw something different in those eyes. He saw the hurt but it was carefully tugged away, Josh had put it away to appear careless but Lance didn’t buy it.

 

“Why?” Lance asked sympathetically. Josh turned back towards him, looking him in the eye.

 

“You know why” he stated as if it was obvious but where Lance came from teachers didn’t harass their students.

 

“No I don’t”

 

“Yes you do man, yes you do”

 

“He has no right” Lance stated, ok so he did know but he still thought it was ludicrous the way Mr. Zaggery treated Josh.

 

“Well he thinks he does and I can’t stop him” Josh told him harshly before he pushed himself off from the lockers and quickly walked into their classroom.

 

Lance stayed behind, he took a deep breath and then followed Josh into the classroom. He looked at him as he folded himself in a seat and started biting his nails again. Once again the seats around him were empty just like in the prior classes, Lance thought about sitting in one of those empty seats but Justin waved him over. He sighed and walked towards him, mumbling hi as he dropped himself in the seat. Justin looked at him strangely, wondering what Lance’s plan was, why was he trying so hard? The teacher that entered the room and closed the door a little too loud, startled him out of his thoughts, it were questions he himself wouldn’t get answers to anyway. He needed to ask Lance those questions.

 

***

 

“Let’s eat” Justin announced hungrily, he was starving. Lance laughed before sitting down next to him.

 

Two days after Justin had not-so-discreetly told Lance that he was gay, Lance still hung out with him, giving Justin the message that he was really ok with him being gay. He’d hit himself in the head for his outlash and for not thinking before acting but he figured it had all been for the best. He always felt weird when people did not know he was gay, it was as if he was hiding a very important part of himself and he just didn’t want people to believe in the lie. He really liked Lance, as a friend that was.

 

Some people thought when you’re gay you like every guy and you’ll lunge at them all, whenever you get the chance but what people just didn’t realize was that falling in love worked just like with straight people. A boy doesn’t fall for every girl he sees and a gay boy doesn’t fall for every boy he sees either. Some people just didn’t understand but Lance did. He was very cool about it, he didn’t feel threatened, like some friends had, he didn’t feel uneasy, like a lot of them did and he wasn’t disgusted like even more of them were.

 

Lance seemed to accept him very easily and he really liked Lance. Justin had the feeling he’d known Lance for years when it in fact had been mere days but it didn’t matter and he was quite sure Lance felt the same way. Just friends they’d said with a smile and that was what they were.

 

However he hadn’t asked Lance about Josh yet, why had Lance sought him out after English, why had he even tried to talk to him? Justin was curious but he didn’t really know how to ask. He didn’t want to be nosy or anything so he’d decided to wait a while, till now that was.

 

“Why were you talking to Josh?” Justin asked, trying to sound nonchalant but when Tom, Andrew and Gary all looked up from their meals Justin knew he hadn’t really sounded very nonchalant. Lance looked up from his food as well.

 

“I was just making sure he was ok”

 

“Why would you do that?” Justin asked a bit confused. Lance’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

 

“Weren’t you there in English class?” Lance asked rhetorically, sure Justin could not mean his question.

 

“Yeah so?” Justin responded, again trying to sound nonchalant.

 

“So? Weren’t you there when that man harassed him?” Lance asked, his voice slightly rising at the end of his sentence, his confusion clear.

 

“Come on Lance it was not harassing” Justin denied, Mr. Zaggery had picked on Josh for as long as he could remember, when he was first accused of pick pocketing.

 

“Justin, it was” Lance said simply.

 

“It was not that bad” Justin still denied, he hated himself for it but he didn’t want any trouble, he felt bad for Josh when that man indeed harassed him but he also knew Josh kind of had it coming. Lance’s mouth dropped wide open.

 

“Yes it was Justin,” Lance repeated.

 

“It was fucking harassment but no one says anything about it”

 

“What do you want us to say?” Justin asked a bit angry himself now, Josh could take care of himself, he’d proven that more times than he could count and besides Josh didn’t really deserve his help because it was true what Mr. Zaggery had said; Josh is a thief, plain and simple.

 

“I don’t know just fucking help him!”

 

“Why would we risk our butt for him?” Justin countered.

 

“Because he does not deserve this! Besides your stronger together”

 

“What the fuck Lance, what are you Mother Theresa? How do you know he didn’t deserve this?”

 

“No one deserves to be treated this way” Lance told him simply.

 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about Lance. You don’t know how many things he has stolen, how many things he has ruined, you just don’t know. So fucking stay out of it, leave him alone, trust me; he doesn’t deserve your help” Lance said nothing just stared at Justin, his words ringing in his head.

 

“Really he doesn’t deserve it” Justin repeated seriously, the anger out of his voice but the urgency still there. Lance just didn’t know.

 

***

 

Lance was looking out the window; outside to where Josh was quietly eating his lunch. He looked so miserable there all alone, he really did. As he stared at him, his mind wondered.

 

He’d thought about what Justin had told him, how he didn’t deserve his help, but how would Justin know?

 

Sure Justin knew the stories about him but had Justin ever seen the look in Josh’s eyes?

 

Had he seen the hurt in his eyes when Mr. Zaggery made his snide remarks?

 

Had he seen the hurt, securely packed away?

 

He probably hadn’t because Justin just didn’t bother to look, he didn’t look hard enough. Lance did, he’d seen it all and he thought about the stories, yes, but people had told stories before, people lie but eyes never do. Certainly not the look in Josh’s eyes when he’d caught him robbing his house and then when he lowered his gun. Justin had not been there and therefore couldn’t judge his feelings, his urge to help this boy, the urge to get to know him and to find out why? But mostly to find out what his real story was, his real life, not the things he heard, not the things he saw but the true happenings and feelings from Josh. And he would know when it was the truth; he would see it in those eyes. Because they never lied, they hid his feelings but they never lied.

 

And so he didn’t care about Justin’s warning, his advise to leave him alone. He did think about it but Lance was determined. He still had so many questions for that boy, he was the only one who could provide the answers.

 

He would find out the truth and he would help Josh if he wanted it or not.

 

< Don’t Hurt Me >