Chapter 42
“Josh?”
“About what happened yesterday… you know the kiss”
Justin said hurriedly, continuing in one breath. “I hope it wasn’t too soon. I
really don’t want to take advantage of you. If you’re not ready I swear I won’t
force you”
Josh bit his lip, not saying anything. Justin took
a step towards him.
“All you have to do is tell me you’re not ready and
we’ll wait… if you want to that is” Justin assured, adding the last bit to his
sentence suddenly insecure. Josh looked up.
“Tell me it’s true”
“What is?” Justin asked confused.
“Please tell me it’s true what I’ve heard. Please
tell me Brad didn’t just make it up. Please tell me…” Josh took a shaky breath.
“Tell you what?” Justin asked again, almost
desperately. Josh stared directly into Justin’s blue eyes.
“Please tell me you’re gay” Justin was taken aback;
not providing an answer right away.
“Please Justin, please tell me it wasn’t a joke. I
can’t take… this. Please tell me it wasn’t a joke!” he demanded suddenly after
the pleading. Justin shook himself out of his thoughts, grasping Josh’s upper
arms lightly.
“Shh Josh, no…”
Josh’s heart raced; no it wasn’t a joke or no I’m
not gay?
“No it wasn’t a joke. I swear it’s not a joke.
Josh, I’m gay” Josh again bit his lip, kicking at the floor.
“Are you?” Justin asked, insecure suddenly. Josh
slowly met his eyes, a small smile tugging at his lips as he nodded.
“Yes” Josh had never told anyone this before but
Justin seemed different. Justin was different. He’d went to all the trouble of
getting him free, he’d been there for him every second, taking care of him and
Justin was Lance’s friend. Justin was a good guy, Josh knew that much. Justin
sighed relieved, before cupping Josh’s face in his hands.
“I’ve been such a fool. You were here all along…
right in front of me. So beautiful… but I’ve never really looked at you, really
seen how beautiful you truly are” Justin spoke directly to Josh, looking into
his eyes the whole time till Josh finally blushed and ducked his head.
“You really are Josh… it’s not a joke” he said
honestly, putting a finger under Josh’s chin to make him meet his eyes once
again. If he doubted the words Justin knew he would believe his eyes, he knew
they held the message he probably couldn’t express in words.
“I like you Josh. I want to be with you… if you’ll
have me” Justin stated before his insecurity seeped through again. He’d never
been this straightforward before but he was acting on impulse and it felt
right. However he didn’t know if he’d ever been more insecure in his life.
Probably not. Josh let out a laugh and Justin’s happy features ceased a bit.
“You’re asking me if I’ll have you?” Josh asked to
make sure. Justin swallowed before he nodded.
“Justin are you kiddin’ me?” Josh wrapped his arms
around Justin’s waist.
“Do you know how many times I watched you? Do you
know how many times I wished I could be like you? I admired you so much…
everyone knew you were gay, they all heard the rumors but no one dared to
harass you with it. No one. I used to wish I was like you, I wouldn’t have
survived a day if they knew I was gay… I always thought you were so beautiful…
but I also knew…” he dropped his head.
“You would never want to be with me”
“Josh you are so wrong. I’m the lucky one here”
Justin told him. Josh slowly peeked up, watching as Justin’s lips moved towards
him in slow motion. Finally he felt the soft, sweet lips on his own and joined
Justin in the kiss.
No matter what Justin said; Josh knew he was the
lucky one.
***
“I’m sorry I was mean to you” Justin said, later
that day. The story Josh had revealed the day before and the guilt he felt
still far from erased. What is this?
Bloody revelation day? Justin wondered as they once again talked. It seemed
it was all they’d been doing since Josh came here… but wasn’t that the whole
point of him being here? He shook the thoughts away as Josh’s voice sounded.
“When?” Josh asked confused, turning his head
towards Justin.
“When not?” Justin snorted.
Justin sighed. “I’m really sorry”
Josh shook his head. “You have nothing to be sorry
about Justin. You didn’t know and I didn’t really do anything for you to be
nice to me. I had to keep people at a distance. I couldn’t have them getting
close”
Justin nodded although he had no idea why.
“I remember one time you helped me. It was the
first month I was at school; stolen the first wallet and the boy knew I did it.
I was terrified he would do something to me and he would have if you hadn’t
come” Justin thought back.
“You mean in the bathroom?” he asked astonished
when the memory flooded back in. Josh nodded sadly.
“You helped me and I growled at you to leave me
alone”
Justin nodded. “I remember that”
“You didn’t give up though. Someone knocked into
me; my books flew through the air, you helped me pick them up. My locker was
glued shut; no one wanted to help me not even the teachers but you did” Justin
remembered that yes.
“I do remember that Justin. I do and I never said
thank you…. thank you” Justin smiled a little.
“I just couldn’t thank you because if I had we
would have become friends…”
“What would be so bad about that?” Justin couldn’t
help but ask.
“I couldn’t have anyone getting too close or they
would find out… find out what Henry did to me… what Henry made me do…” Josh
revealed sadly, dropping his head.
“I’m sorry I didn’t persist” Josh shook his head.
“It’s not your fault… you couldn’t have done
anything anyway” Josh reassured.
“You can’t fight Henry” he stated.
“Believe me I’ve tried but you’ll never win”