Chapter 51
“I’m
really going to miss you Josh” Justin revealed honestly.
“I’ll
really miss you too” Josh said smiling.
“But
it’s only a few blocks away” Josh said the smile still present; reassuring
Justin that it would be ok before he resumed his packing. Justin stepped
towards him, hugging him around the waist, Josh jumped a little. He couldn’t
help it although it got less the jumpiness didn’t disappear completely. Justin
stayed still for a moment, nuzzling his neck before he released him and spun him
around. Justin slowly moved his hands to Josh’s, taking his time to weave their
fingers together; interlocking them at their sides.
“Josh?”
Justin addressed him as he slightly stared down at his boyfriend.
“Hmm?”
Josh acknowledged, lifting his head a little to meet Justin’s loving eyes.
“I
love you” Justin breathed the words in his face, so soft, so sweet and so
meaningful.
“W..what?”
Josh stuttered; totally taken off guard.
“I…
I love you” Justin repeated, trying to keep the determination from before. He
waited nervously for any sign Josh felt the same or worse; he didn’t. Josh
seemed dazed, staring at Justin without actually seeing him.
Finally,
what seemed like hours to Justin, Josh shook his head; forcing himself to
focus, to return from heaven. His face lit up as the smile crossed his
features.
“I…
I love you too”
Justin’s
smile broke out now too and as he gently tugged Josh closer by his hands, their
lips searched one another. Finally meeting in a very happy and passionate kiss.
Justin released Josh’s hands and snuck his arms around his waist, pulling Josh
closer. Josh wrapped his arms around Justin, the kiss deepening as they stood
pressed up against each other. The packing totally forgotten for the moment.
***
Once the packing was done Josh moved in pretty
quickly; he didn’t have a whole lot, Roy and Karen soon discovered that as they
helped him get settled in but they weren’t saving with the clothes and other
stuff they bought him.
Josh soon met their other children; Heather and Tyler
and although it was very weird to meet them, there was something exciting about
it as well. Josh never had brothers or sisters before and he kind of liked the
idea of being a big brother since he was the oldest. Although he was the oldest
he was still careful with what he did and said. He didn’t feel apart of the
family yet, but it had nothing to do with Roy or Karen. They made sure to
include him in everything, which was nice. It was all a bit strange and
uncomfortable and Josh was careful at first. He made sure they wouldn’t get
angry with him and also the flinching couldn’t be helped in those first days.
He still wasn’t used to a loving environment, he’d had a taste of it at
Justin’s house but it was still strange. Karen had obviously prepared her kids
for his arrival but kids were still kids.
***
Ten year old Tyler and fourteen year old Heather
were curious about their new older brother. However Heather, a freshman in high
school had seen Josh before and knew about his reputation. Tyler picked up some
things from Heather and thinking being a thief was cool he walked in Josh’s
bedroom where he was reading a magazine.
“Can I ask you something Josh?” Tyler started
calmly as he walked over to Josh’s bed and sat at the footboard.
“Sure” Josh said, although frowning.
“Are you a real thief?” he inquired.
“Heather said you were, is it true?” he asked
excitedly. Josh ducked his head, staying silent.
“Is it?” Tyler persisted. Josh slowly met Tyler’s
excited eyes.
“I was” he said softly.
“Cool!” Tyler exclaimed. Josh’s head snapped up,
cool?
“No! Not cool!” Josh said quickly and a little too
fierce.
“Why not?” Tyler asked, taken aback.
“Because… it’s not nice to rob people”
“But isn’t it cool to pick a lock or open a safe
like they do on TV? Is that really possible? Can you do that?” Tyler asked
excitedly. Josh’s eyes filled as he heard the word safe.
Yes he could break open a safe, too well actually.
“Yes” he mumbled.
“Can you teach me?” he squeaked excitedly. Josh got
up from the bed suddenly.
“No”
Tyler’s happy face disappeared suddenly. “Why not?”
“Because… I used to be able to do that but I don’t
remember anymore” he lied.
“Oh” Tyler said disappointed. Nevertheless Josh was
not going to teach him! No way! He didn’t want to ruin this, he didn’t want the
Hayes’ to kick him out. They would certainly not appreciate him teaching their
kid about theft but apart from that Josh wanted to forget about all the things
Henry had taught him and where he used those skills for; he wanted to forget it
all.
What good had it brought him?
“But it really is boring and it’s not like on TV.
If they catch you, you’ll go to jail for a long time and you don’t want to go
to jail really. You have a nice family, in jail you have no one”
“Were you in jail?” Tyler asked seriously suddenly.
“For a while” Josh mumbled. Tyler looked stunned.
“The TV-shows are way cooler, trust me” Josh said
quickly, changing the subject.
Tyler nodded excitedly; this kid got excited
quickly Josh smiled.
“Will you watch it with me?”
“Ok” Josh agreed slowly. He didn’t really feel like
it but he hoped it would get that stupid idea about theft out of Tyler’s head.
***
“Mom did you know that Josh was a thief?” Tyler
innocently blurted at diner that night. Heather kicked him under the table
while Josh choked on his food. Roy gently padded his back but Josh jumped
anyway at the contact. However Roy didn’t retract his hand, he continued with
rubbing circles on the teenager’s back and felt Josh relax beneath his touch as
he shot his wife a look. Karen had noticed the kick Tyler had received and she
turned to her daughter; knowing where the info and the kick came from.
“Heather what have you been telling your brother?”
Karen asked quite sternly, making Josh flinch although it was not directed
towards him.
“What?” Heather responded astonished. “It’s true
isn’t it?”
Josh slumped in his seat, blushing feverously.
“Heather!” Karen exclaimed. She couldn’t believe
her daughter acted this way. Karen drew in a calming breath.
“What Josh has done in the past doesn’t matter. I
don’t keep bringing up the fact that you broke my expensive vase, tried to glue
it back together and when I found out; you tried to blame Tyler now do I?”
Heather shook her head no, shamefully. She realized she’d let her friends
influence her too much. Karen’s voice was calm.
“We all make mistakes Heather and there’s nothing
to be ashamed off, it’s a part of growing up but we don’t keep confronting each
other with their mistakes. You don’t want people to bring up yours and I don’t
want you to bring up theirs. What’s happened, happened and Josh lives here now.
So we treat him the same way we treat each other ok?” she asked in general now.
“Ok” they agreed.
Josh dared to look up. He’d been surprised by
Karen’s calm lecture, sure he would get the blame.
“I’m sorry Josh” Heather said and Josh looked up
startled. He opened his mouth to say something but he didn’t know what he was
going to say.
“It was very mean and I’m sorry” she added with a
small smile.
“It’s alright” he blushed. Karen and Roy shared
smiles before resuming their diner.
“Do you know how to play a fussball table” Heather
asked suddenly. Josh looked up again, eyeing her cautiously, waiting with his
response till she further explained.
“Dad bought us one last year for Christmas and
Tyler is not really competition” Josh smiled a full smile as Tyler indignantly
squeaked, “Hey!”
“It’s true” Heather shrugged.
“Is not!” Tyler argued.
“Is too!”
“Ok, ok” Karen interrupted.
“Why don’t you show Josh the fussball table first”
she suggested; noticing they were all pretty much done.
“I’ll bring dessert upstairs in a minute”
“Ok!” both Heather and Tyler exclaimed happily,
sliding out of their seat and pulling Josh out of his. They pulled him with
them to the attic, Josh smiled as he let himself be pulled.
Karen appeared shortly after.
“Josh could you help me for a second?” Karen asked.
Tyler soon took over as Josh agreed hesitantly. Heather whining in the
background about the lack of a challenge but Karen ignored her. She took Josh’s
hand and led him downstairs to the kitchen. When he saw Roy also there he
started to panic.
“Did I do something wrong?” he asked frantically,
his eyes wide.
“No, no honey. You did nothing wrong” Karen assured
him. Josh was still suspicious though as Karen set him down at the kitchen
table, taking both hands in hers. Roy went to stand behind her, backing her up.
“We just wanted to talk to you privately about what
happened at diner”
“Oh” Josh breathed.
“We wanted to let you know that we meant every
word”
Josh smiled shyly.
“Listen Josh, we know you made mistakes but we also
know why you did it and you’re a good boy. Whatever happened, happened. It’s in
the past and you start here with a clean sleight. We trust you and unless you
give us a reason to doubt that we will believe in you. You can stay as long as
you want. You are apart of this family now, don’t ever doubt that and if you
ever do… please talk to us about it. You can always talk to us. You’re always
welcome, the door is always open ok?”
Josh blinked, tears spilling from his eyes. Karen
released one hand to brush his tears away.
“You’re safe here with us. You’ll always be safe
with us baby” Karen soothed as she slowly dried his face with her thumbs.
“Thank you” Josh whispered hoarsely. Karen smiled
for a moment before getting up. Josh quickly did the same and totally surprised
her and Roy by hugging her close, weeping on her shoulder. Roy wrapped his arms
around them both and they stood still like that for quite some time. Josh was
enveloped by arms and had never felt so safe. Suddenly he felt more arms wrap
around him and lifted his head to see whose arms were encircling him as well;
he saw Heather and Tyler. He hadn’t even heard them coming down the stairs but
what did it matter?
He’d found a home and everything would finally be
ok.
He knew it would still take some time, getting used
to all this but the most important thing was that he felt at ease here; he felt
he belonged here.
***
Josh felt more comfortable in his new home with his
new family with each day that passed. Each day Roy and Karen proved to him that
they would never hurt him, that he was safe here, that he really did belong
here and was apart of the family. His probation officer was pleased, he now had
a good time at school, he felt safe at home, he had a lot of fun with Lance and
Justin and they were working hard towards the final exams. Everything in Josh’s
life finally seemed right.
For the first time in years Josh dared to enjoy his
happiness; even dared to think that maybe he did deserve this, maybe he wasn’t
so bad and so undeserving of love as he’d thought all those years. For the
first time he dared to enjoy all the good in his life and for the first time he
was not so afraid of it ending anytime soon. With Henry things had gone from
bad to worse and it was then that whenever something good happened he
immediately anticipated something bad to happen because good things didn’t
happen to him anymore; he was just not that lucky.
However now for the first time in years he dared to
believe that maybe he was… that lucky.
