They had exactly two weeks left before they’d drive
to Washington and get on the plane to their new, once again temporary home.
Justin tried to enjoy every second he spend with Josh but when he got home he
went silent. He hardly said anything unless his mom or dad asked him a question
directly. Even then he answered quietly. Lynn tried her best to cheer him up
but she knew there was nothing she could do.
***
“Baby,
I’m sorry but you know your father is needed in Jackson” Lynn tried once again
to cheer him up, to make him feel better but Justin just wouldn’t let her.
“But
that doesn’t mean we have to come along” he argued, although knowing damn well
that it did in fact mean they had to come along. At least that’s what they’d
always done and they weren’t planning on doing it differently.
“Yes
it does” his mother countered.
“No
it doesn’t!” he argued once again, however fiercer this time.
Lynn
basically felt all her patience fly out the window. No matter how many times
she’d tried to cheer him up in the last week it never worked and slowly she got
sick of his attitude because no matter how hard she tried he wouldn’t accept or
even appreciate her efforts. She’d been sympathetic but this was it.
“We’re
going to Jackson and that’s the end of it” she said angrily, her eyes widened
and eyebrows raised to show her son that she wasn’t kidding around. Justin got
the message, surely knowing that he shouldn’t push it any further and therefore
he shut his mouth, his gaze darkened before he turned on his heel and
disappeared upstairs.
***
“Justin,
shouldn’t you start packing?” Lynn asked gently as she came into his room next
day.
She’d
left him alone the previous day but after having had some time to cool down
herself she once again went to check on him. She found her son, laying face
down on his bed. They only had five days till they’d drive to the airport and
although she didn’t need to help Justin pack, sadly he knew how to pack, he was
almost a professional packer, but he didn’t seem to want to pack and only five
days left she knew he had to get a move on even though his room was anything
but full. Justin shook his head.
“No”
he grumbled.
Lynn
sighed, Justin had never reacted well to a move and how could she expect him
to? However she had never experienced this before. He’d never reacted this
badly.
“Justin
Randall Timberlake, you’re attitude is really starting to tick me off” Lynn
told her son angrily. He hadn’t even apologized for yesterday’s outburst and
she’d probably let him get away with his behavior for too long already. Justin
didn’t even look up.
“You
better look at me young man” she warned. Justin knew that tone of voice, she
definitely wasn’t happy and therefore he sat up a little and looked at his
mother.
“I
know you’re feeling miserable Justin but I won’t allow you to take it out on
us, now you owe me an apology and I suggest you change your attitude if you
don’t want to be grounded in the last week here” Lynn scolded her son. She
understood why he reacted this way but she wouldn’t stand for his attitude, it
was unacceptable. Justin perked up.
“What?!
You can’t ground me!” he argued. Lynn raised her eyebrows, a silent warning not
to try because she meant it. Justin slumped, knowing he was behaving badly but
he already felt so miserable and he wasn’t even away from Josh yet, he was
afraid of what he’d feel when they were apart.
“I’m
sorry mom” he mumbled, feeling a little bad for taking it out on his mother.
Lynn nodded once.
“Apology
accepted, just don’t make it so hard on yourself baby” she advised gently, she
was only trying to help.
Justin
nodded although knowing he wasn’t the one who made this so hard. He however
knew it wasn’t smart to say it so he kept his mouth shut. She half turned to
the door and turned to leave.
“Don’t
forget to pack” she half reminded, half warned him.
Justin
nodded but once the door closed he couldn’t help but say,
“Whatever”
***
“Did
you start packing already?” Josh asked sadly as they lay down on the couch.
Josh wrapped his arms around his boyfriend tightly, they didn’t have much time
left. He hadn’t anticipated the time frame between the call and the actual
move. He hadn’t thought they would be so close together.
“No”
Justin said softly.
“Why
not?” Josh asked.
“Don’t
want to talk about it” Justin denied, still softly as he shook his head.
“But
it’s in four days shouldn’t you start?” Josh asked, if it were him he would
have started already.
“I
know how to pack alright! I’ve done it a million times before and I’ll get it
done!” he lashed out suddenly, his mother had told him the same thing and he
hadn’t come here to hear it again.
“I’m
sorry” Josh said softly, hurt in his voice. Justin noticed it immediately and
the anger drained from his body.
“No,
it’s not your fault” he said shamefully before turning around, looking his
boyfriend in the eye.
“I
shouldn’t have said it Josh, I’m sorry” he apologized. Josh appreciated it but
he understood. He wasn’t the one leaving again. He knew how hard it was for
him.
“It’s
okay” he whispered before drawing him closer, kissing him sweetly.
“I
don’t want to fight with you, not when we have so little time...” Justin said
softly, once they pulled back.
“Shh”
Josh shushed him.
“Let’s
not think about it okay?” Josh suggested, he knew the move was on both their
minds but they could at least try to forget it.
“Okay”
Justin suggested, allowing Josh to kiss him again. For as long as they could.
***
Three
days till they’d have to leave and Justin finally started packing, after
another warning from his mother;
“It
doesn’t mean we’re staying if you’re not finished packing”
“Whatever”
He’d mumbled. But Lynn had been angry.
“Start
packing today Justin, I mean it, today or we leave it here”
Justin
had scowled at her but had started nevertheless. He knew that it wouldn’t mean they’d
stay if he didn’t pack but it was once again that actually packing would make
the moving real.
In
anger he threw his stuff in the first box, not caring where it landed, he taped
the box in a haste and pushed it away but his anger soon turned into sadness
and he sank onto his knees, dropped his head in his hands and sobbed once
again. This was exactly what he’d been trying to avoid. He knew it for sure
now; he was never going to make friends again because indeed it was no use and
it fucking hurt.
***
Josh
went upstairs, storming to his room and slamming the door shut. As he came
inside he grabbed the first thing that came within reach; schoolbooks. He
grabbed them in anger and flung them to the opposite side of the room, hearing
them hit the wall and land on the floor with a loud thud.
Josh
looked at it, standing completely still and feeling extremely devastated. He
knew this would happen, dammit! He knew Justin would have to move sooner or
later, hell he even warned him about it.
But
did he listen?
Of
course not!
He
was so fucking attracted to that boy he wouldn’t have been able to leave him
alone even if he’d have to leave the next day. They’d gotten so close when
Justin had finally let him in, he loved Justin and he knew Justin felt the same
way about him but their relationship was doomed from the start. They’d both
known they’d have to settle for a short but passionate relationship and Josh
had thought that he could handle it, that he’d set his mind to it but now that
the moment was here he realized he’d done no such thing. He realized he’d done
everything he could to push the thoughts and information away, he’d done
everything to make sure he wouldn’t have to think about the fact that no matter
how wonderful their relationship was, it wouldn’t last.
However
it was no longer possible to push those thoughts away because this would be the
end of their relationship and as he sank to his knees and quietly sobbed into
his hands Josh realized he also hadn’t realized it would hurt this much.
***
Ceremonial
Justin grabbed the last item in his room; the map. He rolled it out on the
floor, grabbing the pen out of the last box and marking the twenty-third city;
Baltimore, Maryland. He sadly overlooked the map for a few seconds before he
rolled it up again, putting a rubber band around it before dumping it in the
last box. He closed the box, picked it up from the floor, looked around the
room once more before closing the door; closing yet another chapter in his life
and leaving another city, with people he cared about, behind.
***
“Could
we please leave it at this?” Justin asked with misty eyes as they stood at
Josh’s front door, Justin almost ready to leave. It was the last night, their
last night. Everything was packed and ready to go but Justin wasn’t. Never.
“What?”
Josh questioned confused, scared Justin was suggesting to leave their
relationship at this, to let it end here.
“Could
you please not come to see me off tomorrow?” Justin requested, looking down at
his hands not wanting to see the hurt on his boyfriend’s face.
“Why?”
Josh asked softly, indeed hurt but relieved it wasn’t what he’d been thinking.
“It
hurts too much Josh” Justin whispered.
“Please?”
he begged.
Josh
sighed, tears building in his eyes. However he accepted, Justin meant so much
to him although he didn’t understand how Justin could think it would hurt less
if they left it at this.
“Okay”
he agreed nevertheless. Justin lunged at him, hugging him tightly, till he
almost couldn’t breathe but Josh didn’t care, he just held him with the exact
same force. They only pulled back a little to kiss, almost desperately.
“I
love you Josh” Justin revealed suddenly. Josh was a little shocked.
“I’m
sorry if that complicates it but I couldn’t leave without saying that” Justin
added in a rush. Josh smiled sadly.
“I
love you too” Justin smiled back.
“We’ll
write and call and as soon as I can, I’ll visit” Justin told him.
Justin
had given Josh his address in Jackson, Mississippi and they’d promised to write
and call. However Justin didn’t know if they could keep it up. He’d made a pact
to write before but after a while the letters just stopped and his fate was
ever the same, he’d lost another friend. Therefore this really felt like
goodbye, for good.
Josh
nodded. “We will” He drew him back in the hug, kissing Justin once more before
they slowly released each other.
“Bye”
Justin whispered as he walked backwards, tears welling in his eyes.
This
was the end.
“Bye”
Josh returned, waving a little, tears in his eyes as well as he watched how
Justin turned and suddenly ran, dragging this out hurt too much. Josh watched
him go, whispering after him as another tear tracked down his cheek.
“Bye
Justin”
***
“Justin!”
a voice yelled and Justin turned. Happy and sad at the same time as he saw his
boyfriend running up to him. They hugged instantly and although Justin had
requested for Josh to stay away he was so glad to see him, just once more.
“Josh
what are you doing here? You should be in school” Justin scolded.
“I
don’t care, I’m not letting you leave without saying goodbye”
“We
already said goodbye” Justin reminded him although he really didn’t mind he was
here.
“I’m
sorry, I said I wouldn’t come but I just... I needed to see you... once more”
Josh apologized.
When
he’d gotten ready for school he knew that he wouldn’t see Justin there. Josh
knew Justin would leave for the airport at 10.30 and after his English class he
just knew he had to see him, once more. As soon as class let out for the first
break of the day he quickly ran out the doors. His urge to see Justin again,
pushing him to run as fast as he could.
Justin
nodded in understanding. “I’m glad you came Josh” Justin said with a small
smile, slightly staring up at his love.
“You’re
not mad?” Josh asked to make sure. He knew Justin had asked him not to come but
he just couldn’t fight the urge. Justin smiled reassuringly.
“No”
he said shaking his head. Josh stepped closer, hugging him close, putting his
head on Justin’s shoulder as Justin buried his face in Josh’s chest.
“I’m
really going to miss you Justin, I’ll never forget you” Josh whispered softly
as Justin felt the tears building in his eyes at the same time feeling his neck
go damp from Josh’s tears.
“I’m
really going to miss you too. I’ll never forget you, thank you so much for making
me so happy” Justin’s voice was soft but Josh heard every word and he pulled
back a little. He smiled as their eyes locked.
“Thanks
for letting me” Justin smiled back weakly.
“I
love you” Josh whispered kissing him slowly and passionately. He didn’t care
they were in the middle of the street nor that Justin’s parents were nearby,
watching. Justin didn’t seem to care either, in fact he didn’t even seem to
notice as he returned Josh’s words and kissed him back just as passionately.
“I
guess we’re ready to go” Justin told Josh what he already knew but what they
both so desperately wanted to forget when they finally pulled back, noticing
just now that his parents were waiting for him.
“Yeah”
Josh acknowledged sadly.
“Bye
Josh” Justin said miserably, not even bothering to fight against his tears.
“Bye”
Josh whispered, just as sadly, cupping both Justin’s cheeks and bringing him
closer so their lips met in a final kiss.
“We’ll
write” he promised again.
“We
will” Justin nodded, the tears a constant stream down his cheeks. However they
couldn’t let go of each other. Josh still cupped Justin’s face in the palm of
his hands and Justin in his turn held onto Josh’s hands that were lovingly
holding his face as both boys’ eyes leaked tears.
“Justin
it’s time to go” his mother announced finally, seeing how the two weren’t
planning on letting go of each other. She didn’t want to be mean but they’d
miss their flight this way.
Justin
nodded, brushing away the tears a bit. He once again hugged Josh tight, kissed
him once more before he walked to the car, his hand in Josh’s. Josh opened the
door for him, Justin got in but immediately grasped Josh’s hand again through
the window that was rolled down. Josh closed the door but stayed where he was;
they held hands and looked at each other.
“Take
care of yourself Justin” Josh whispered with a weak smile.
“You
too Josh” Justin returned, still caressing his boyfriend’s hands for as long as
it were possible.
As
the car started and slowly pulled away from the curb, their entwined hands
slowly lost their grip on one another. Justin turned to stare out the back
window, watching how Josh stood on the curb miserably. He swiped at his eyes as
he watched how Josh disappeared in the distance, turning into a dot before he
lost sight of him altogether.
