“Louisa we need to talk” Josh started slowly not
really knowing what the best way was to say what he had on his mind.
He’d
been reflecting on their relationship for the past few weeks and he’d decided
just recently that this was not the relationship he wanted. After another
request, well more like a demand from Louisa he decided that he was going to
end it because he didn’t like the person who he was when he was with her. He
felt weak and for some reason he never protested against her requests. It
wasn’t a healthy relationship and he didn’t want it anymore. It wasn’t the
first time he and a girl broke up but it didn’t happen often that he had to end
it. He wasn’t good at it and he knew this was going to be rough.
They
sat down on the couch at her house. He hadn’t been here very often but the few
times he’d been there it always felt awkward. They’d mostly met at his house
and there was something about this place that made him highly uncomfortable.
“About
what?”
“Um…
there is no easy way to say this so I’m just gonna spill it”
“…o…kay”
she said slowly afraid of what he was going to say.
“I
think we should break up. It isn’t working out, I’m sorry but I just don’t
think we should continue with this” he said his words picking up speed. Louisa
sat dumbfounded staring at him, she’d never expected this.
This
isn’t real! He doesn’t mean it! He loves me! No!
“No...”
she whispered, a hand clasping over her mouth in shock.
“NO”
she screamed, her clenched fists slamming down on the couch.
He
jumped at her reaction. He felt guilty for hurting her but if he’d continue
with this relationship he would hurt himself even more and he would be
miserable, that wouldn’t be good for either one of them. He knew this was the
right decision but hadn’t expected this reaction from her.
“Louisa,”
he addressed her.
“Don’t
cry, please, it’s not your fault but it’s just not working out” he tried to
console her; he didn’t know why he bothered because she only cried harder. He
looked around helplessly; should I leave? But I can’t just leave her here
right?
“Louisa?
What’s going on?” Dan, her brother asked when he walked into the room, having
heard her scream and he rushed towards her.
“He…
broke up…. with…. me” she answered in between sobs.
“Josh,
can I talk to you for a minute?” Dan asked already pulling him along.
“Yeah
sure” he said a little suspicious but following him anyway, he glanced back at
the girl still crying on the couch. They went into what appeared to be Dan’s
office. He shut the door behind them before he turned to face Josh.
“Now
what happened?” Dan asked; not angry, just concerned.
“I
um I broke up with her, she’s a sweet girl but it just…” he trailed off, now he
obviously couldn’t tell the man he thought his sister was a dominating spoiled
little brat, who always wanted to have her way instead he settled for,
“I’m
not the right person for her, she deserves someone better”
“Don’t
you think she can decide that?”
“Yes,
but I... don’t…” he choked, somehow he couldn’t go on, he was afraid to tell
this guy he no longer wanted to be with his sister; why did he care anyway?
What business was it to him?
“Look
Josh, I’ll be honest with you,” Dan cut him off.
“My
sister likes you very much; she loves you. Please reconsider this, give her a
chance”
“But
I did, I’m sorry I just can’t…” he started; he felt bad but no he didn’t love
her and he wasn’t going to pretend. He wasn’t going to lie to her and to
himself; what good would that do? It would only make her more miserable once he
would break it off again, so no he wasn’t going to reconsider.
Suddenly
the politeness in Dan’s eyes was gone, a heavy hand landed on his shoulder and
squeezed slightly.
“Yes
you can” Dan stated firmly; he looked Josh in the eye and caught a bit of fear
in the boy’s eyes, he squirmed uncomfortable from the hand on his shoulder.
“But
I don’t …” Josh started still squirming, trying to shake the hand off of his
shoulder which squeezed tighter when he answered, Dan obviously didn’t like the
answer.
“You
know Josh my sister is a very desirable woman, she’s rich and has a lot of
connections in this community…..” Dan told him as if that would change his
mind.
“And
so do I” he continued but this addition was much more serious; it sounded
dangerous like a threat and Josh didn’t like it one bit.
“What
are you trying to say here Dan” Josh challenged getting in his face.
“I’m
trying to say that you don’t want to break up with her” he said simply, not
even the tad bit bothered by Josh’s face dangerously close to his.
“But
I just did” he countered.
“Then
reconsider” Dan shrugged.
“No!”
Josh said exasperated, it felt like the millionth time and he suddenly had the
urge to get out, leave this house for good. I’m done he thought as he
shook the strong hand from his shoulder and turned to leave.
“Didn’t
you have a little brother?” Dan called after him; again it sounded like a
threat, just something in the tone of his voice spoke evil, Josh spun around
swiftly looking him straight in the eye.
“Leave
him out of this!” Josh yelled all of a sudden, thinking he needed to protect
his brother because the way Dan had said that didn’t sound good. Dan put his
hands in the air defensively.
“No
need to yell” he said innocently as he walked towards Josh.
“Look
all I’m asking you is to try again, give your relationship another chance” Josh
didn’t know why; his mind was yelling at him to run away and never look back
but he gave into Dan’s request. Maybe because Dan mentioned his brother and
that just the tone in his voice had sounded so creepy.
Either
way he agreed but not wholeheartedly.
***
“So
you broke up with her?” Justin Chasez, Josh’s three-year younger brother, asked
as he visited Josh the next day.
The
two brothers visited each other frequently; they got along very well and were
just as much friends as they were brothers although they looked nothing alike,
not in features and not in personality. They were basically complete opposites;
where Justin had blond hair, Josh had brown, where Justin’s hair was curly from
the root, Josh’s was only curly when it got long, where Justin was outgoing,
Josh was quiet. The only thing they had in common was that they both had blue
eyes, although a different shade, and of course their parents but all those
differences between them were more a replenishment than an obstacle and they
did get along great.
“Uh…
no” Justin frowned.
“Why
not? I thought that was the reason you went over there”
“It
was but…” Josh said trialing off not knowing how to finish that sentence.
“You
chickened out?” Justin offered; he knew his brother well; Josh was not good at
breaking up, telling something straight up that would definitely hurt the other
person was not one of Josh’s strongest suits.
Josh
had always envied the way Justin could tell someone, something that would hurt
in the gentlest way. He was good with that and no matter how many times Josh
had witnessed those scenes he never managed it quite as easily. The words just
didn’t come out and although that was not the exact reason breaking up with
Louisa hadn’t worked, he let Justin believe it was with a nod of his head
because he couldn’t really tell him the real reason. He was ashamed of the real
reason because he’d been so determined to break up with her and he hated the
fact that he’d let Dan talk him out of it. Something about that still felt
wrong but he’d said nothing about it to Justin.
“Dude,
if you know you don’t want to be with her anymore you gotta tell her man”
“I
know” Josh mumbled.
“Then
just do it, don’t think, do it” Justin encouraged, giving his brother some
advice. That was probably why they were so close; there were things that Josh
was good at and he would give Justin advice but he wasn’t too proud or stubborn
to take advice from his younger brother who had other good qualities. They
learned from each other and helped one another. It worked perfectly.
“I
don’t know Justy” Josh sighed defeated; he honestly didn’t know what to do.
He’d known pretty certain that Louisa was not the girl for him but after Dan’s
reasoning he’d began questioning himself and his feelings; he always did that.
Justin knew this.
“You
don’t know if breaking up with her is the right decision?”
Bull’s-eye!
Josh
nodded miserably; he hated these dilemmas.
“Do
you love her?”
“I
don’t know, I think it’s too early for that”
“Do
you like her? Like spending time with her, like talking to her, hanging out
with her?”
“Yes…
no…” he let his head fall back to the edge of the couch.
“I
don’t know, I really don’t”
“For
what it’s worth I think that your doubt says enough; you’re not a 100% into it
but only you can be sure. Maybe you need to give it some more time and think
about it again in one or two weeks” Justin advised. Josh brought his head up to
look at Justin.
He
nodded; Justin had a point he wasn’t sure and shouldn’t you have no doubt in
your mind that the girl you’re dating is the one? You should be sure and Josh
wasn’t. Nevertheless he decided to give it one more chance; Dan had asked so
and therefore he decided he would think about it again in one or two weeks and
if he wasn’t a 100% sure that he really liked Louisa and wanted to stay with
her he would end it.
For
real this time and there was nothing Dan could say to make him change his mind.
