A week later he held Louisa in his arms again. Or
better she’d wormed herself into his arms while he was sitting on the couch.
She’d scooted against his side till there was no space between their bodies and
then she’d picked up his hand with her left and draped it over her shoulder
before snuggling in further. Josh sighed his protest but did nothing.
“Can
I ask you something?” Josh asked after a while and Louisa seemed comfortable,
all nestled in.
“Uh-huh”
she acknowledged.
“Why
won’t you let me go?” he asked softly but determined. He knew she’d heard him
and he knew it was a risky question that would lead to an even riskier
conversation but he just had to. She didn’t answer however and so he was
reduced to begging, he didn’t care; if it would mean she’d let him go, he’d do
anything. Even begging her.
“Please
Louisa, please let me go”
She
shook her head against his shoulder but he wasn’t going to let that be the end
of it.
“Please
I beg you, let me go”
“I
can’t” she told him this time. He caught some weakness in that confession and
grabbed onto it.
“Yes…
yes you can please you deserve so much better. Someone who loves you with all
his heart” he tried to make it sound like he was doing her a favor but she
didn’t buy it.
“But
you’re that person” she told him.
“No
I’m not” he argued softly.
“Yes
you are” she countered a little more urgent.
“I
was never good enough for you Louisa why would I be now?” he asked her still
softly.
“You
WERE good enough for me and you still are. I love you” she told him, bringing
her head up to kiss him lightly. He pulled back suddenly, anger in his voice.
“See
that’s the problem!” he saw her darkening expression and took a deep breath,
making her angry wouldn’t lead to anything good so he forced his voice back into
that soft hurt tone.
“I
don’t love you. I’m sorry but I just don’t. Not the way I used to anyway.
Please Louisa” he slid off the couch and kneeled in front of her, touching her
leg lightly.
“I’m
begging you to let me go” he begged staring up at her with pleading eyes.
“I’m
begging you” he repeated while dropping his gaze to the floor.
“I
can’t let you go and I won’t. I don’t want to” she said determined, not letting
him get to her with the way he’d said that and how he was on his knees.
“Why
not?” he asked staring at her with watery eyes from his position on the floor.
“Because
I love you and I want you!” she said, putting emphasis on her last word.
“What
about what I want?” Josh asked almost afraid to hear the answer.
“What
about it?” she asked bored.
“You
don’t care at all, do you?” he asked, shaking his head as he realized she
really didn’t care about what he wanted.
She
stared down on him causing him to shudder from the cold and harsh look in her
eyes. He used to love her, how could he have ever loved someone like that? She
probably never cared about him at all, it was just the thrill of having control
over him that attracted her. He had never really been able to resist her or to
refuse her anything. He’d loved her and there had been a time when he would
have done anything for her. But now all the positive feelings he’d ever felt
had gone up in smoke. He loathed her and he still wondered why she wanted him
to stay. By the look in her eyes she didn’t really care and it made him stop
caring as well.
“Actually
no” she answered quite truthfully.
“Why
would you right? You can have everything and everyone you want….” he asked
sarcastically.
“Exactly!
And I want you! So guess what I will have you” she said almost taunting,
bringing her face closer to his but he backed away.
“You
make me sick!” he spat out moving to stand up straight but she pushed him down
as she stood herself.
“Did
I say you could stand up?”
“I’m
not your puppet. You may force me to stay but you have no control over what I
do!! I can stand whenever I want” he said quickly standing up to meet her eyes.
“You
thought wrong. Haven’t you figured it out yet?”
“Figured
out what?” Josh asked, eyebrows furrowed in confusion and fear.
“You’re
my puppet. I own you, you’re mine so you’ll do as I say. If you don’t agree
I’ll just have to ask my brother’s friends to visit that curly headed brother
of yours” she said confidently and the threat slipped out easily.
“Why
do you always have to threaten me, threaten my brother?!” he asked softly.
“Because
you never listen” she snarled. Josh stepped back from the tone in her voice but
saw Louisa’s hard features softening a moment later as she stepped up to him,
encircling his waist lovingly.
“Listen
Josh, you can either keep struggling against it and we’ll do it the hard way or
you can accept it and we live a nice life together it’s up to you. Either way
you’re staying”
***
“A
party will cheer you up” Louisa said happily, cupping both cheeks with her
hands as she sat next to him.
“Doubt
it” Josh mumbled.
He’d
been sitting on the same spot on the couch for days. Ever since Louisa had left
him there, telling him that it didn’t matter what he did, he wouldn’t get to
leave. He cried then, as soon as she was out the door he’d dropped himself on
the couch and cried. He was out of ideas, out of ideas to convince her to let
him go.
If
begging didn’t work, what would?
Surely
she’d seen how miserable he was, even she couldn’t be that cold but maybe she
had seen it and she’d ignored it without trouble. Maybe that was even worse
than not seeing it at all. She was deliberately keeping him here, for her fun
without even caring how it made him feel. There really was no way out of this.
He’d belong to Louisa for the rest of his life. Being her property, her belonging
and that made him even more miserable than he already was.
She
thought a party could cheer him up, so maybe she had seen he was depressed.
There was no way around it, she couldn’t have missed it really but she hadn’t
looked enough because a party couldn’t cheer him up. Nothing could, not even
the indoor swimming pool where he’d let himself forget why he was here and he’d
enjoyed it, forgetting his worries when he’d just moved in but now he could
care less. He could care less about everything and he was anything but in a
party mood. It was the last thing he needed but it wasn’t about what he needed
he realized once again.
“The
party is tonight, maybe you can wear your black pants…” she suggested.
“And
the white blouse, you look so sexy when you’re all dressed up” she said,
scooting closer, running her hands over his back while bringing her lips closer
to his. He didn’t utter a word of protest nor agreement.
The
only word that came to mind was… whatever.
***
“Come
on baby the guests are arriving” she said when she walked in, he was buttoning
his blouse; the white one.
“I’m
glad you decided to put this on” she said happily as she walked over to him,
taking over his job of buttoning up his blouse.
“What’s
there to decide? You threatened my brother it seemed like the best choice if I
want to protect him” he mumbled but as she was standing so close she could hear
the whole thing. “Don’t say that baby” she said as she finished the last
button, kissing him happily as her arms went around his waist.
“Whatever
you want” he said rather sarcastically when she pulled back. She smirked.
“What
do you think of my dress baby?” she asked as she stepped back, throwing her
arms to the side and spinning 360 degrees.
Josh
rolled his eyes, why would she ask? I’m forced to say I love it anyway.
“You
look nice” he said although it didn’t sound very sincere.
However
she did look nice, the dress was beautiful, probably very expensive. The light
blue looked great on her. The cleavage was just right and the train was enough
to make it look classic without making it uncomfortable. It was tight around
the waist, outrunning further downwards and falling in pleats around her
ankles. It was a really nice dress but he just couldn’t fake the enthusiasm.
She didn’t seem to care though, she knew perfectly well that she looked nice.
“Thank
you” she smiled, kissing him again.
“Let’s
go downstairs, people will be arriving soon”
He
didn’t protest nor argue, letting her guide him downstairs.
***
Josh
soon realized this wasn’t just a party and it certainly wasn’t a party for him.
It were all business people, rich ones, coming together to do business in the
relaxed atmosphere and camouflage of a party. For Louisa it was more to show
off, show off her new boyfriend who was oh so sexy but looked oh so bored and
indifferent to it all. Louisa pulled him aside quite a numerous of times to ask
him what the hell was wrong with him. He never replied. She ordered him to
smile, to look happy but Josh couldn’t and he didn’t want to. When they stepped
back into the living room after Louisa’s third warning someone called his name.
Josh’s name. He was even more surprised than Louisa and together they turned to
the voice.
“David,
hi” Josh greeted, the first sign of a smile all evening.
“How
are you?”
“I’m
good, you? You quit so suddenly” David asked, he’d worked with David on some
occasions. He was alright, not exactly his favorite kind of guy but okay.
“Yeah
it was kind of unplanned” Josh answered, looking down. Silence fell over hem
both and that’s when Louisa stepped in. She scraped her throat discretely
making Josh look at her. She urged him to introduce them, which he finally did,
getting the message she was sending.
“Oh
sorry. Louisa this is David, we worked together sometimes. David this is Louisa
my um…” he halted. Louisa nudged him in his side unnoticeable.
“Girlfriend!”
he said quickly when he felt the elbow in his side.
“Nice
to meet you” they said while they shook hands.
“Josh
you’re a very lucky man” David commented.
“And
why is that?” Josh asked, truly not knowing what he was referring to.
“With
such a beautiful girl on you arm” David explained with a charming smile to
Louisa.
“Oh”
Josh said, resisting the urge to say, you can have her instead he nodded
hoping he looked convinced himself.
“Excuse
us” Louisa said before she pulled Josh with her to one of the empty rooms on
the first floor. She pushed him inside and closed the door behind her. This was
it, he’d been all quiet the whole evening and now this.
“What
the hell was that?” she demanded angrily.
Josh
ignored her, walking over to the window, standing with his back to her. She was
behind him in mere seconds and he certainly felt it. Louisa had his hair in one
hand, painfully pulling his head back and his right arm twisted up his back in
the other. Louisa held a strong grip on both the arm and the hair as she hissed
into his ear,
“Don’t
ever do that again. From now on you better smile and look like you’re enjoying
yourself and if anyone asks you tell them I’m your girlfriend without
hesitation, understand?” she ranted with a few painful tugs on his hair.
“Yes”
he choked in a voice filled with pain. Such strength for a rather small woman.
“Good”
she said releasing his hair. Josh blinked back the tears from the intense pain
of Louisa pulling on his hair. Louisa ironed out her dress, making sure
everything was in place before addressing Josh.
“Now
let’s get back to the guests shall we?” she asked already heading in the
direction of the door.
“Yeah”
he said dropping his gaze while walking towards her. He allowed her to link her
arm with his before they walked out of the room to join the guests in the
living room. Probably never noticing they had been gone for a few minutes.
***
The
party had been a drag, he got pulled from one couple to the next so Louisa
could introduce him as her boyfriend. They all eyed him up and down, the women
more curious and a definite approving look in their eyes but Josh knew whom he
belonged to and he smiled dutifully. Louisa had been pleased with him then and
she’d showed it that night but Josh slowly slipped back into oblivion.
It
wasn’t till a few days later that he finally found a reason to smile again.
Even if it was just a little.
Josh
wrapped his arms around himself as he slowly walked to the window. It was
snowing. The world looked so peaceful when it was covered in a white layer of
snow. It gave his surroundings a somewhat fairytale look. He loved snow,
everything looked so beautiful; especially snow that covered the trees looked
absolutely magical. It reminded him of happy times when he and Justin would
rush out immediately once they saw the first signs of the snow flakes.
“Joshy!!”
twelve-year-old Justin yelled in his brother’s ear. The fifteen-year-old boy
groaned and rolled over, cracking an eye open.
“What
Justin?” Josh sighed.
“It’s
snowing!” Justin exclaimed, slightly jumping up and down.
“Come
on!” he urged. Josh smiled fully and rubbed his eyes as he sat op and pushed
the curtain a little aside. He was greeted with thousands of white snowflakes.
“Come
on” Justin repeated as he pushed the blankets off of his brother.
“Give
me a minute” Josh yawned before he scooted out of bed. He wobbled to his desk
chair and slipped into his clothes with Justin dancing around him to hurry up
the whole time.
“Kay
done. Let’s go” Josh announced as he pulled a hand through his hair.
Justin
bounded down the stairs excitedly, Josh following close behind. Justin shot in
his jacket and flew out the door. Once again Josh followed on a somewhat slower
pace. He just woke up for God’s sake. But a few minutes later he too stepped
out into the backyard. He was however met with a snowball right into his face.
He was so shocked, he was frozen in place. He heard Justin laughing loudly and
found the culprit. He slowly wiped the snow from his face.
“You’ll
pay munchkin” Josh told him and immediately launched himself at Justin. Justin
let out a high squeak as he was chased by his older brother. He was closing in
on him and a moment later Justin was tackled to the ground with Josh satisfied
on top of him.
“I
just wanted to wake you!” Justin defended innocently.
“Right
kid” Josh smiled, getting a handful of snow and dropping it in his little
brother’s hood, shoving it down the back of his jacket. Justin gasped and wiggled,
the cold snow melting in his neck and running into his jacket. He pushed Josh
off and stood. He jumped up and down to get rid of the cold snow that was
already making it’s way down his back spine by standing up. Josh giggled the
whole time. When Justin finally got rid of most of the snow he looked at his
brother. He smiled wickedly, he had a plan… Josh took off running. Justin now
high on his tail.
They
wrestled in the snow all day, never getting tired of it, throwing snowballs and
at the end making a snowman. Their hands were frozen and noses red but their
mother warmed them up with the hot chocolate she always set out for them. Those
were the days…
“Josh?”
a voice interrupted his thoughts.
“Huh?”
he responded absentmindedly. Arms wrapped around his waist from behind and a
face pressed in his back. Josh jumped a little, not expecting this. The arms
released his waist and Louisa spun around him, wrapping her arms around him
once again but now they were facing each other. Josh still stared out the window.
Feeling more like a prisoner than ever before.
“Josh
you okay?” she asked concerned, she probably wasn’t.
“Uh
yeah” he said in monotone still staring out in front of him.
“Hey”
she addressed him, grasping his chin, forcing him to look her in the eye.
“What
are you doing here?” she asked as a mother would ask her child when he was in
trouble.
“Looking
out the window, watching the snow” he replied, glancing back to the snow.
“Argh,
I hate snow! It’s all so slippery and messy” she whined as she released his
chin.
It
figures, of course she wouldn’t see the beauty of the snow, she only saw the
bad things about it. The bad thing was that the snow probably didn’t listen to
her, it didn’t do what she wanted. That’s why she hated it. She couldn’t do much
about it anyway, except take her anger out on him.
“I
love snow” Josh whispered to himself but Louisa picked up on his mumbled words.
She smacked him playfully.
“No
you don’t” she told him and then pulled him away from the window. He let
himself be pulled and regretfully left the window with the beautiful view. She
held his hand and took him downstairs to the living room. There was an island
of pillows and blankets in the middle of the room. The TV was on and next to
the island of softness was a table with refreshments.
“Take
of your shoes” she instructed as she herself took off hers. Then they stepped
onto the pillows and snuggled in close. The fire place was crackling and
radiated heat. Josh lay silently with Louisa in his arms. This would have been
nice if he were holding someone else. He closed his eyes taking him back in
time.
“Stay
awake silly, the movie hasn’t even started” Louisa smacked him once again
playfully but not really. Josh opened his eyes to find Louisa staring up at
him. He nodded warily and Louisa settled back in. She really had to have her
way all the time, she had to have all control. Well he’d just have to dream
with his eyes open then, fine.
He
let his mind wonder back to the happy times when he was playing in the snow
with his brother. He just wished he could be doing that instead. He wished he
could go back in time and do that. He wished he could leave now, get his
brother and play in the snow.
No
matter how old they were… he wished he had his freedom back.
