Chapter 20
“Sir,
I think there is something wrong with Justin. I can hear him crying all the way
in the kitchen” Louise informed his boss, concerned for his charge and young
friend.
“Leave
him alone for now,” Howard instructed without looking up.
“But
sir…” Louise tried to interfere but Howard cut him off,
“Leave
him, Louise, he needs to get the message” Howard told him harshly and Louise
barely contained himself from yelling at this man for being so cruel. He didn’t
know exactly what was going on but he’d never ever heard Justin cry like this
before, it was heart breaking. These weren’t just normal sobs, it were heart
wrenching sobs from true hurt couldn’t this caveman see that? But Louise
composed himself, not showing his boss any real emotions as he nodded.
“Yes
sir” He knew that there was no reasoning with this man and he wanted to be
there for Justin later, if he got himself fired he couldn’t at least try to fix
whatever it was that went unimaginably wrong.
***
“Justin,
wake up” Louise shook him gently, trying to wake up the already hard to get up
young boy. Justin didn’t hear him, somewhere during the night he finally fell
asleep. It was Monday and that meant as school day. It had only been two days
since the letter came from Josh and Justin felt like the hurt was only
increasing. He’d spent the whole weekend crying in his room and when he didn’t
cry for a few seconds he was staring out the window, whispering his lover’s
name as if to call him. But he never came.
“Justin”
Louise continued to shake him,
“Come
on” he urged softly, considered. That Friday night he’d found out what had left
Justin crying so hard. Justin had sobbed on his friends shoulder for hours and
when Louise had to leave the sobs continued without him. Louise felt sorry for the
young man, not understanding how a father could be so cruel, could do this to
his son but he didn’t confront Howard with it. It would be a waste of time.
Justin still didn’t move and that left Louise worried. He softly brushed his
hand over the still sleeping boy’s face hoping to wake him up with gentle
touches.
“Josh” softly
escaped Justin’s lips and Louise felt his heart tighten. Why did life had to be
so hard on this sweet boy? He already had so much to deal with, please keep him
safe, he quickly prayed before he walked towards the window and opened the
curtains. Justin rolled over and carefully peeked out from under the covers, he
groaned softly before closing his eyes again. Louise started to get back to the
bed to fully awake him but he changed his mind. He softly left the room, giving
Justin some time to wake up. If he came back in 15 minutes he would still have
plenty of time to get to school on time. Louise sighed as he thought about it;
school. Justin was heart broken and his father completely ignored it. Yesterday
evening he’d informed Louise to wake Justin up at the normal time to get ready
for school that morning.
Louise’s
mouth had dropped wide open.
How
could he be so mean?
Didn’t
he see the hurt in his eyes?
His
face totally pale and the sparkle that used to be there was no longer lighting
his eyes. It had gone out like a candle in the wind. But like always Louise had
simply followed instructions as much as he hated to. He still had a family that
depended on him and it wasn’t worth it either because these man’s decisions
were not negotiable.
Twenty
minutes later, Louise once again made his way into the young boy’s room to try
to wake him up. He couldn’t force himself to go up when the promised 15 minutes
were over and he’d waited another 5 before he really went upstairs. Justin
still hadn’t moved, the covers tightly wrapped around him as if he was trying
to protect himself, creating his own little dream world where there was no
hurt, no heartache and probably no Howard as well.
“Justin”
he called a little louder this time. He stirred but ignored it still.
“Come
on youngster, you have to get ready for school” Louise gently informed him.
“I’m
not going, leave me alone” Justin told him determined, fuck school, fuck his
life, it wasn’t worth living without Josh.
“Come
on, sweetie you have to” Louise reminded him.
“No
I don’t, now go away” Justin told him harshly, he was almost yelling although
the sound got muffled by the thick blanket. Louise was a little startled;
Justin had never talked to him like this before, in fact he’d never talked to
anyone like this before.
“What
if your father comes in?” Louise asked a little fearful not only for himself
but for his charge as well. He saw the boy shrugging and was almost astonished,
he really didn’t care anymore and that scared him a whole lot.
“I
know you’re hurting sweetie, but you can’t keep hiding,” he gently told the
still hiding boy.
“Yes
I can” Justin protested.
“As
hard as it seems now; life does go on” Louise said; where did I get all these
clichés? he asked himself but although it were clichés they were true most of
the time. But Justin didn’t see it that way.
“No
it doesn’t, not without Josh” his voice soft at the end, when his ex-lover’s
name passed his lips. Louise looked at the few curls that peeked out from under
the blanket, stroking them softly before getting up. He quietly left the room;
out of ideas, hoping Justin would get up of his own accord although he knew he
wouldn’t. Louise didn’t know what else to try; he’d tried everything but Justin
really didn’t want to get up. As much as Louise had hated it; he’d even
reminded Justin of his father and if that didn’t help he knew that nothing
would. Justin always sprung into action when his father’s name fell but now he
didn’t even flinch and according to Louise that was not a good sign.
***
“Where’s
Justin?” Howard asked Louise as he entered the kitchen and saw him making
breakfast without Justin present. It was 8, he should be here. Louise didn’t
answer him, he didn’t want to sell Justin out like that.
“Louise”
Howard warned and Louise knew he had to tell him, he was his boss and after all
he was still Justin’s father and had a right to know, right?
“He’s
still in bed” he told him softly. Before Louise could even look up Howard had
ran out of the kitchen towards the staircase; taking them two at a time before
he flew into the hallway. He angrily shoved the door open and stormed towards
the huddle under the covers.
“Justin,
get out of bed now” Howard instructed, his voice so angry it vibrated through
the room but for once Justin wasn’t scared. He didn’t care, he didn’t respond
just lay there, miserably in the king sized bed. The comfortable shell was soon
removed as Howard threw the covers off of him and grabbed his son’s arm,
dragging him out of bed that left Justin whimpering in pain.
“You’re
going to school!”
Justin
hung from his arm, where his father was holding him harshly, like a rag doll,
still not caring.
“Or
would you rather spend your day in the basement?” Howard threatened, knowing
that would get his son’s attention if nothing else worked. Justin’s eyes
widened in fear as he forcefully shook his head.
“Then
get dressed and get ready now” Howard instructed before he released his son’s
arm throwing him back on the bed to let him get ready as he stormed out of the
room. Justin’s eyes filled with tears as he slowly pushed himself off the bed,
crying the whole time as he took out his uniform and pulled it on, occasionally
wiping his tears with the back of his hand when they blinded him too much. He
grabbed his bag from the floor before he made his way downstairs, as ready as
he’d ever be he got into the awaiting car with James driving him to school.
***
Justin
ignored the glares he got as he slowly walked through the hallway. He could
care less what these people thought of him, he just needed to get through the
day. But for what? Josh was gone although he’d thought Josh would always be
there for him, now all of a sudden he wasn’t anymore and he was still trying to
comprehend that. He gratefully sank into his chair, not knowing how long his
legs would have been able to hold him up and once again he ignored everyone in
the classroom, including his teacher who was talking about… what the hell was
he talking about? Justin didn’t know, normally he would have forced himself to
pay attention, afraid of this teacher embarrassing him by asking him a question
he could not answer but today he simply let his mind wonder further.
Why
did Josh suddenly think this relationship couldn’t work anymore?
Why
now?
And
why not wait till they were together again and he could tell him in person at
least. And why did out of all the people who could have brought him that
letter, it was his father who handed it to him.
Did
he not know it was from Josh, or worse, did he?
Something
was not right, he had been too hurt to think about it but now… something didn’t
add up.
There
were too many coincidences, it just…
“Mr.
Timberlake!” Mr. Barrett yelled exasperated. Justin looked up a little startled
but not as much as usual.
“Huh
what?” he answered, absent mindedly. Once again he’d been so lost in his
thoughts that he hadn’t heard this man repeatedly calling his name to get his
attention. He vaguely heard kids whispering behind him but he didn’t care. He
knew he looked like shit but for once it didn’t bother him. It probably got
people talking but for now Justin only heard his teacher scolding him,
“I
don’t tolerate this kind of behavior, Mr. Timberlake”
“Whatever”
Justin mumbled uncaring, he was slumped in his chair and his response only
infuriated the teacher even more.
“Sit
up straight!” he instructed sternly and Justin did, slowly, no use provoking
the man he thought. He just wanted to be left alone, couldn’t they see that?
“Your
behavior is unacceptable and so is your attitude. You can think about it during
detention this afternoon and you better straighten up you act or I’ll refuse to
take you in my class next time” Mr. Barrett continued, this school was all
about having respect for the teachers and each other but mostly for the
teachers.
“Yes
sir” Justin said indifferent with a mere shrug, like he cared. He was grounded
and without the prospect of seeing Josh he couldn’t bring himself to put on his
best behavior or to change his current.
What
was the point?
It all didn’t
matter, nothing mattered without Josh in his life.
