Chapter 22
Josh
thought long and hard; should he take this chance?
What
if it went wrong?
It
couldn’t go wrong!
And
he had to try, he had to try to make it up to Justin. He couldn’t live with the
guilt anymore. The guilt of hurting Justin so badly, he felt his guppy’s hurt
through some weird connection they had, even now. He had to try, he had to and
with that in mind he quickly walked out of his apartment. A small piece of
paper clutched in one hand as he jogged to the payphone at the end of the street.
He dug into the pocket of his jeans and fished a quarter, shoving it in the
slot, almost dropping it from impatience. He was finally able to dial the
numbers, taking a deep breath, waiting for someone to pick up on the other side
of the line….
“Hello?”
a friendly but curious voice answered.
“Hello
is this Louise?” Josh asked tentatively.
“Yes,
who is this?” Louise replied, still friendly.
“This
is… um Josh” he hesitated, afraid somehow. He quickly stuffed another quarter
in the machine.
“I
know you don’t know me but I have to talk to you. Justin gave me this phone
number and I have to reach him. Could you please meet me somewhere?”
“Whoa,
slow down boy” Louise interrupted, taking aback by the rush not knowing Josh
couldn’t keep stuffing quarters in the machine.
“You’re
Josh?” Louise asked a little astonished.
“Yes”
Josh answered, his shoulders slumping from shame.
“Where
do you want to meet?” Louise asked, surprising Josh. Josh hadn’t expected it
would go this easy but he quickly recovered.
“The
deli in the mall at 9, is that ok?”
“Sure,
I’ll be there”
“Thanks”
Josh said and Louise heard by the tone in his voice that words couldn’t express
how grateful this boy really felt.
Louise
hadn’t hesitated a moment when it dawned to him that the boy he was talking to
was Josh. Justin's Josh, as in ex-boyfriend, as in the one who had caused the
lively boy to turn into a miserable and heart broken one. Well only when he was
alone in his room or when he thought no one could see him, Louise thought
sadly. Louise could hear that Josh was a little surprised he would agree to
meet him so quickly, that he wasn’t mad. The reason he wasn’t mad was simply
because Justin loved this boy so much, even after he’d hurt him so badly and
therefore he wanted to know what this boy had to say. Maybe he could pass on
some message to Justin that would turn him back to the vivid person he used to
be.
Josh
hung up with a sigh of relief, maybe not everything in his life had to go
wrong. Maybe this time it would be ok, maybe Justin would even forgive him. As
he walked back towards his apartment he thought about Justin, his beautiful
guppy. He smiled at the nickname, he just meant so much to him it hurt and God
did he miss him. He shook his head to get that thought out of his head, it was
time to do something about it instead of sulking. He unlocked the door of his
apartment and swung his jacket over the kitchen chair. He picked up the notepad
and the pen he’d flung away recently and settled himself at the kitchen table once
again. It was time to write another letter, this time however it contained the
truth.
***
After
his shift Josh quickly grabbed his jacket from the back room and stood outside,
waiting for Louise. He was biting his nails as he glanced around; maybe he
wouldn’t show. Maybe he’d just agreed to come and instead told Justin’s father.
Josh started to worry. No he told himself, why else would Justin have given him
this number if he couldn’t be trusted? But Josh was still worried, he’d taken a
big risk and there was a lot to loose, not only for him but for almost everyone
involved.
“Josh?”
a guy of middle age addressed him. Josh spun on his heel, startled, meeting him
with wide anxious eyes,
“Yes?”
“I’m
Louise, you called me” Louise said calmly, seeing the distress of the young
man.
“Yeah,
you want to come in?” Josh asked him, not thinking it was a good idea for the
two of them to stand out here in the open. Louise nodded before following him
inside the deli. They took a seat in the furthest corner; the one he’d been
sitting with Justin months ago. Josh was nervous, wringing his fingers as
Louise studied him,
“So
why did you want to meet with me?” he asked carefully, not to startle the
younger boy.
“Justin”
he said softly, tears coming to his eyes. Louise’s heart went out to him, he
was hurting too, but then why did he break up with Justin? He didn’t ask the
question which was on his mind, he wasn’t there to get answers to his
questions, he was there for Justin.
“What
do you mean son?” he asked instead.
“Could
you give him this letter?” Josh asked pleadingly. Louise hesitated not knowing
what to think of this request, he thought he was there to talk not to be a mail
man. Josh noticed the man’s hesitation.
“Please
it’s important. The other letter was a lie, make sure he read this one please”
Josh said as he handed a plain white envelope to the older man. Louise stared
at the letter in his hands; why would this boy send Justin a letter which hurt
so much and then tell him it was a lie? Louise didn’t understand but he didn’t
need to understand if Justin did then it all didn’t matter.
“Will
Justin understand this letter? Will he understand what’s going on when I give
him this because if this causes more hurt I will come and find you” Louise
asked to be sure. He didn’t want to cause Justin anymore hurt. He was sure the
young boy couldn’t handle any more of that. Josh nodded frantically.
“He
will understand. I never meant to hurt him” Josh said softly, still ashamed
although he was still convinced there had been no other choice but hoping he
could make it up with this.
“Then
why did you?” Louise asked calmly, he couldn’t help to ask. The question left
his mouth before he could stop it, but once it did he was curious what this
boy’s answer was going to be.
“Because
I had no other choice” Josh told him miserably, ducking his head. Louise stared
at the boy, once again feeling sorry for him. He stood up.
“I
will make sure Justin gets your letter son” he told him with a comforting hand
resting on Josh’s shoulder. Josh looked up, his eyes shimmering with tears.
“Thank
you so much, sir” Josh said thankfully.
“I
never meant to hurt him honest” he added, feeling the need to set this
straight. It had been the last thing he wanted and although he’d saved Justin
from a lot of hurt by sending him that letter, it had also caused him a lot of
hurt. Something he knew would happen, it was inevitable. A few tears escaped
but he brushed them away quickly.
“It
will be alright son” Louise comforted him before he walked away.
Josh hoped he was
right, it had to be.
