Chapter 23
The
door to his bedroom opened, startling Justin as he quickly scrambled off the
bed while wiping his eyes.
“I
was just going to do my homework” he said quickly, thinking it was his father,
the thought of the basement still not erased from his mind. When he saw Louise,
he visibly relaxed.
“Calm
down youngster” Louise soothed as he walked towards him. Justin sat back on the
bed and sighed, fisting his hands in his lap nervously. Louise sat next to him,
putting one hand over Justin’s nervously moving hands to still them. Justin
looked up at the older man, the pain still very apparent in his eyes.
“I
miss him, Louise” he choked, tears rising in his throat. Louise put his arm
around the youth, pulling him against him like a mother. A soothing mother who
healed all wounds, a mother like that he’d never had except for Louise, he took
up that role a long time ago and he was good at it, better than his own mother
would ever be. Justin’s head rested on Louise’s shoulder, while his arm
embraced the teenager, trying to soothe him although knowing he couldn’t. But
the letter from Josh might could. He gently pushed Justin away so he could show
the letter to Justin which he had been hiding in his apron. Justin once again
wiped his eyes, his eyes red from the action done time after time. Justin
stared apprehensively at the letter. This time it held no name nor address nor
zipcode. It was a plain white envelope held out by Louise for him to take.
“Who
is it from?” Justin asked shakily, afraid of what it contained; more hurtful
messages maybe. He couldn’t handle anymore hurt, he was sure he would die if
something else would be thrown at him but he trusted Louise.
“Here,”
Louise said holding the letter closer to Justin’s hands as he accepted with
shaky hands.
“Read
it Justin, trust me” Louise added before he kissed Justin’s curls lovingly. He
stood up and left the room as Justin stared after him, watching him go. When
the door closed he looked back at the letter in his hands.
He
was afraid to read it, the last one had brought such bad news he was afraid if
he got anymore he would die.
But
how much worse could it get?
Besides
Louise told him to read it…. he wouldn’t let me read it if it was bad news
would he?
Justin
slowly opened the letter, taking out the note and when he opened it he once
again immediately recognized Josh’s handwriting. Another letter from Josh? He
wondered, what else could he possible have to say? But his curiosity got the
better of him as always and he started reading;
Dear Justin,
I’m sorry if I
hurt you, guppy. It was never my intention to do so. You know how much I love
you and I hope you know I would never deliberately try to hurt you. But it all
wasn’t my choice. I guess your father finally found out about us, didn’t he? I
hope you’re not in too much trouble. I hope you can forgive me for the letter I
sent to you earlier. I couldn’t live with the thought that I broke your heart
with the letter I sent to you.
You have to believe me when I say that I never wanted to write
it or have you read it. But I had no choice. I love you Justin but I can’t
compete with your dad. You probably know how persuasive he can be, I’m sorry
Justin. I just wanted to let you know how much I still love you and that will
never change. I hope you can forgive me,
Take care of yourself Guppy,
Love,
Josh
Justin’s
eyes looked up from the paper while his brain worked harder than ever before.
He
didn’t want to write the letter but then why did he?
He
had no choice and yes he knew his father could be very persuasive but what did
that mean?
He
used his nickname; all small hints for Justin but what did they mean?
All
kind of thoughts ran through his head and only one conclusion came to mind….
***
“What
did you say to Josh?!” Justin came flying into the room where his father looked
up startled.
“You
threatened him didn’t you?” he accused his father immediately.
“What
are you talking about, boy?” Howard asked, not liking the tone in his son’s
voice nor the message he was giving.
“Don’t
lie to me!” Justin yelled angrily, he had enough of his father’s games.
“Justin
watch your tone” his father warned.
“Fuck
that! You threatened him to get him away from me!” Justin cursed at his father,
the first time ever and he didn’t even think about the consequences, he was too
angry, no too furious to care.
“No
I didn’t, did he get to you again?” Howard denied, twisting it around.
“No!
Do you think I’m stupid? I knew there was something wrong with this. He broke
up with me all of a sudden, why would he do that? But you threatened him! How
could you do that to me?!” Justin yelled, he was out of control, questions and
answers flying out of his mouth as he gestured wildly. The anger for his father
had increased ever since Josh broke up with him, when his father told him he
had to go to school, when he said to stop sulking and when he wasn’t allowed to
feel miserable. It had all built up inside of him and when the letter came,
when he read the letter from Josh, explaining what had happened his anger was
on the loose. It was the last straw that held the camels back.
“He
ain’t any good Justin” Howard told his son calmly, knowing he couldn’t lie
about it anymore.
“He
is too!” Justin yelled back, anger coming off of him in waves.
“He
is the best thing that ever happened to me and you cut him out of my life!”
“Justin!”
his father warned, “You will not see him again”
“You
already took care of that, didn’t you!!” he yelled at him, he was so angry he
never saw the hand coming which forcefully struck him on the cheek, so hard he
knew there would be a mark. He brought his hand up to cup his face,
disappointed and hurt beyond belief; the emotional mixed with the psychical.
“Go
to your room now!” he boomed, Justin jumped still holding his cheek
protectively. All of a sudden his father lost all control, Justin could see
something snap inside of him and he cowered away from the man who’d never
looked bigger in his entire life. Justin was seriously afraid of the man, his
father. Howard had always treated him like a kid that couldn’t be trusted;
lectured him, punished him many, many times but he’d never hit him.
Never.
Howard grabbed his
son roughly and pulled him to the back of the house, pulling on his arm as
Justin stumbled along trying to keep up the pace. Howard opened a door that had
rarely been opened, the door that led them to the basement. Justin saw their
destination and started to protest, trying to pull back, out of his father’s
grip so he could run to his room or better; to Josh. But his father’s grip only
tightened as they descended the stairs. He opened the small door which hid away
an ever smaller space. Howard shoved him inside and closed the door, seeing
Justin tumbling to the floor from the release of force. He curled himself into
a ball to protect himself to the best of his ability, the small space not
leaving much room to stretch out anyway. When he heard the lock flip he sobbed,
harder and harder, he was crying hysterically for a long time until he wore
himself out, crying himself to sleep, his last thought was of Josh, wondering
if he would come and rescue him…
