Chapter 26

Weeks went by and Justin was actually beginning to think he was safe from his parents. He was skittish all the time when they first came here thinking his father would easily find him and drag him back to New York. But after four weeks they were still together, safe and still no sign of Justin’s parents. They’d even moved into a small two-bedroom apartment, bigger than Josh’s apartment back in New York and he was thrilled. They could finally afford it and it was a good apartment, not the best in the world but they could call it their home.  

*** 

“Mr. Timberlake?” a familiar voice asked.  

“Yes Mr. Baldwin?” Howard asked curiously, his attention peeked. It had been a couple of weeks since he hired Mr. Baldwin to find his son and he hadn’t really heard from him accept their weekly conversations for update on the case but it was a Wednesday, not their usual day and he expected a lot.  

“I found your son, Mr. Timberlake” Mr. Baldwin informed his employee.  

“Where?” Howard wanted to know.  

“In LA, sir, with the boy; Josh Chasez” Howard’s face darkened as he heard the name, he was going to pay.  

“Wonderful,” Howard answered, his gaze fixed ahead, “I’ll take the next flight to LA”  

“I’ll pick you up from the airport”  

“No, stay with them. Don’t let them out of your sight” Howard instructed, no way was he going to let him slip through his fingers.  

“Yes sir, I’ll give you the address”… 

*** 

Josh and Justin were happily lying in each other’s arms on the couch in front of the TV. It was their night off and they were enjoying that together. They were too tired to go out; they were always out besides Justin couldn’t get in anywhere anyway so they were perfectly happy to stay at home in each others embrace, still so grateful they could seek each other’s loving arms anytime they wanted without anyone to stand in their way.  

“You want another drink?” Justin asked as he moved to get up.  

“No thanks” Josh answered as Justin got up and walked towards the kitchen area. He poured himself a drink and grabbed a bag of potato chips before he walked back to the couch, setting them both on the table. However before Justin could sit down, there was a knock on the door. 

“I’ll get it” Justin volunteered since he was already standing and Josh just looked so tired and so cute laying there all comfy on their couch. Josh passed his lover a grateful smile as he watched him go to the door. Justin opened it with a smile but it turned into a fearful _expression when he saw the man who was standing in front of him.  

The man he’d hoped he would never see again; his father.  

“Hello son, happy to see me” Howard asked with mock happiness, the anger apparent on his face. Justin was shocked, he couldn’t utter a word and he hardly realized his father wasn’t alone. The two officers that were joining him, rushed passed Justin and moved straight to the couch, to Josh. Justin turned around, stunned, as his father stepped inside completely and closed the door behind him. Justin stared at his lover with fear in his blue eyes; they’d lifted Josh off of the couch and were now each holding an arm to restrain him. Josh’s eyes met Justin’s and Josh saw the man who was standing behind his lover. He thrashed in the officers’ grip, knowing where this would lead to; jail. When Josh caught the defeated look in his lover’s eyes, he went limp in the hands that restrained him. He wanted to run to Justin and hold him, comfort him and protect him from the man that was about to ruin their live together which they’d so carefully build up.  

“Let me go” Josh hissed at the officers but they didn’t comply, they even ignored him. They weren’t that much bigger than Josh but they were a lot stronger and they had no trouble holding him back till Josh’s frustrations.  

“Come on boy let’s go home” Howard instructed turning his satisfied gaze away from Josh and to his son, to get his attention. Justin spun around swiftly.  

“No” he argued, “I’m not going back with you”  

“You are a minor son, you don’t have a choice” his father informed him harshly, letting him know he had to go with him. Justin eyed his father, he was probably right, he didn’t have a choice but he didn’t want to leave. Justin felt tears slowly coming up, he hadn’t cried since the day they’d left New York behind, left his father behind and he turned back towards Josh who was still in the grip of the officers.  

“What about Josh?” Justin asked softly as he kept eye contact with his lover; standing with his back to his dad.  

“I’ll make sure he’ll get a good place to stay, in jail” Howard informed him but his flaring eyes were on Josh and Josh caught the message. He’d ignored the threats, he’d been sure he’d be safe in another town. Howard wouldn’t be able to find them there and if he would, he would have forgotten about his threats. But Josh realized that Howard was a man of his word and that he didn’t forget easily.  

“No! Dad, please, no” Justin pleaded, he swiftly spun back towards his father as he caught Josh hanging his head defeated.  

“Justin what’s wrong with you? Do you love this man?” Justin didn’t know what to say.  

“I know this man has tricked you into being gay” Howard could hardly say the word, “But just come with us and we’ll help you. You’re mom misses you son”  

Oh god Josh thought, was he going to try to make him feel guitly? From what Josh heard, Justin’s mother never cared about him, she was never there. Did Howard think he could force Justin into coming with him by using a lame excuse like that? Justin was staring at his shoes, not able to look at his father. Howard lifted Justin’s chin up with his index finger, looking into his son’s eyes. Howard saw the love Justin felt for this other man, he put his hands on his son’s shoulders.  

“I love him dad, I love Josh” the hands fell off his shoulders and Justin flinched, “Please let him love me for who I am, please dad. I love him but can you please accept it? I’m happy” Howard struck his son hard and he tumbled backwards from the force behind the blow. Josh made a move to run to him, to catch him but he was held back firmly, his struggle increased but it was fruitless. Justin cupped his face, the hurt evident in his eyes as he fearfully looked up at his father.  

“How dare you ask me that? You either come with us and forget this… this…” Howard said disgusted gesturing towards Josh who cringed, “This man” he said with hate and disgust.  

“Or you stay here with him and this will be the last time we see each other”  

“Dad please don’t ask me to choose. I love both of you how can I made a decision like that?” Justin cried frantically, still holding his cheek protectively as he glanced from his father to Josh and back. Although he’d run away from home, this decision would be final. A few months ago he’d told Joey he was afraid his dad would kick him out of the house and then he left on his own. But from his point of view that had been different. It might sound crazy but it made perfect sense to Justin. He didn’t want his parents to disown him, he’d tried to avoid it by running away. That way he’d avoided his parents dejecting him because nothing would hurt him more. If he ran away he could give them some time to think and maybe he could come back later and they would accept him. But this decision wouldn’t allow later, it would be final and he didn’t want to make that decision, not now, not at 15!  

“You either have him or us, simple. You can’t have both”  

Justin looked back and forth between his father and his lover once more.  

“I’d think about this son, what does he has to offer? He has no money, two jobs and a sick mother. He won’t have time or money for you. What about your studies? How are you going to pay for those? You could make a great lawyer or a doctor someday. Don’t throw that away for him!”  

“Love” Justin mumbled.  

Howard features darkened again, “What did you say?!”  

“Josh doesn’t have much but he loves me” Justin told his father determined, softly but determined.  

“We love you too, Justin” Howard’s voice softened a little.  

“Do you?” he spat back, “Do you really love me dad?”  

“Yes” Howard said, but not whole heartedly.  

“If you love me so much then why are you asking me too choose? If you love me SO much why can’t you just accept me for the person I am? Why can’t you just accept me and that I love Josh and that I want to be with him. If you really loved me dad you would be happy for me!!” he yelled.  

“You wouldn’t be asking me to make this kind of decision if you loved me dad!” he added, still yelling. Howard was furious, Justin would choose this piece of scum over his family? Justin feared the reaction but was surprised when Howard sobered and calmly said,  

“Take him away” as he gestured towards Josh.  

How long would he be able to survive without his lover boy?  

He wondered evilly, knowing Justin had no choice but to come home with him. The officers started to comply and pulled a thrashing Josh with him. Josh kept eye contact with Howard, dooming him for his decision.  

How could he do something like this? He silently asked this man but he was ignored.  

“No!” Justin stopped them, stepping in front of Josh, looking him in the eye, silently apologizing and telling him he would fix it. The officers stopped as Justin blocked their way.  

“Dad, don’t do this” Justin told him, his voice held nothing of a plea. No he was telling him. But his father was not impressed, he jerked his head in a silent commend to take Josh away but once again Justin stopped the action as he pushed them back, putting a hand on Josh’s chest to prevent him from going anywhere.  

“If you have him arrested for kidnapping or having sex with a minor I will get up on the witness stand and tell everyone who wants to know that he’s not the bastard you claim him to be. I will tell them that this wonderful man is my boyfriend, my lover, my everything” Justin told his father calmly.  

“Do you want your reputation ruined like that? Do you want everyone to know that your son is gay?” Justin asked rhetorical. He knew the answer his father was about to give him but that didn’t mean he was prepared for it.  

Howard nodded, “Fine. Have it your way son, have a nice life” he said, he knew he was defeated. No way was he going to let that happen, his reputation was not going to be ruined, he wouldn’t let that happen and if Justin didn’t want to come with him then who needs him. If they were so keen on living together then let them, he thought, Justin would soon realize what a big mistake he’d made and he would suffer the consequences.  

Howard looked down at his son once more, knowingly, nodding evilly and with that he turned and walked out of Justin’s life. Justin watched him go and his knees gave way, he couldn’t keep himself up anymore. He was drained, emotionally, when his father walked out of his life for good, he left a big empty space in his heart and Justin collapsed. Josh was there in a heart beat, finally pulling his arms free and catching Justin before he hit the floor. He sank onto the floor with Justin in his arms, rocking them gently while whispering soothing words in his ear, watching Howard Timberlake disappear in the distance as he prayed that Justin would overcome it.  

Although Justin more or less expected the answer, actually hearing his father say it hurt like hell. Something inside of him still hoped and prayed his father would accept him. Every time his father had forbidden him to see Josh he still kept hoping that one day his father could accept him and his boyfriend. After he’d had a few weeks to think about it, Justin had hoped his father would tell him that he didn’t need to run away anymore that he didn’t mind having a son who liked boys instead of girls. That he loved him no matter what and that Josh was welcome in the family. That hope had never died and now it was crushed brutally and it would never change, the hope that his father would simply accept him was dead and Justin didn’t know it could hurt this badly.  

He was grateful he had Josh with him, his rock, his safe haven, his everything.  

The true decision between having his father or having Josh would have been easily made. He would have picked Josh if his father really wanted him to choose. Josh meant more to him than anyone ever had. He accepted him, loved him for who he really was and his father didn’t. He had an image of his son that Justin could never live up to. Without Josh he would never be complete nor happy although it didn’t feel like he was ever going to be happy again. All those thoughts flew through Justin’s head as he let Josh rock the both of them.  

Josh’s mind wasn’t empty either. He was praying for the strength to love Justin enough so he could forget about the hurt his father had put there. That he could make it up to him. That Justin wouldn’t end up like his ex-boyfriend. Josh prayed Justin would be ok and that this time his love would be enough to make his lover happy.  

*** 

After hours and hours of crying Justin finally quieted down a bit, he got up without a word and walked towards the bedroom. The only place to hide himself from the world and Josh, he really needed to be alone right now. Josh watched as Justin stood up and walked away, closing the bedroom door softly before he heard the flip of the lock. Josh stared at the locked door for a while before he got up himself. He understood Justin needed some time alone now but he was weary of him being all alone in there. It was almost midnight when Josh quietly walked towards the locked bedroom and placed his ear against the door, trying to hear what Justin was doing. When he still heard sniffles he quietly spoke to his lover.  

“Justin?”  

“Justin baby, please let me in”  

“Are you alright?”  

“Please”  

But there was no response only light sniffling told Josh that Justin wasn’t asleep and was probably not ready to talk yet. After spending another fifteen minutes in front of the door, begging Justin to let him in Josh had given up, at least for now. He would never give up on him completely. He took a blanket from the linen closet and sank into the couch. It had been a long night and he needed his strength so he could start to take care of his lover in the morning. That was when he let him in… 

*** 

“Josh leave me alone” Justin replied to the hundredth ‘let me in’ question of his lover. Although he was seeing blue in the face from trying so long and without success, Josh still wasn’t going to give up. Josh had spent the night on the couch but he slept with one eye open, keeping an eye on Justin although he couldn’t see him. It was getting late and Josh had spent his whole day asking before going onto begging for Justin to let him in. But usually he hadn’t gotten an answer just a few sniffles in return letting him know that he was ok, as far as that was possible.  

“No baby, I can’t, I love you” Josh replied softly but determined.  

“No! I want to be normal, please” Justin called back, the door still separating them and Josh hated it. He wanted to hold him and comfort him but Justin didn’t allow him to.  

“Why?” Josh asked softly, sympathizing.  

“So my parents will love me” Justin whispered hoarsely from the many, many hours of crying and the lack of sleep. He hadn’t been able to really sleep, his mind kept replaying the scene that went on the night before and he couldn’t shake it. He couldn’t forget his father’s angry gaze or his knowing _expression as if he could see right through him. It made him shudder and it had kept him up all night, or most of the night anyway.  

“They’re not worth it if they don’t love you the way you are” Josh told him softly, carefully, not wanting Justin to get angry with him.  

“But now I’m all alone” he cried, the sniffling replaced by a loud sobbing sound that made Josh want to go right through the door.  

“No, you’ll never be alone. I’ll always love you” Josh comforted, knowing he could never break down that door, wishing he was bigger as the sobs of his lover continued.  

“But… it… hurts” Justin managed in between sobs.  

“I know baby” Josh soothed, tracing a vein in the wooden door. He was sitting sideways in the doorway to the bedroom, his head against the door so he could hear Justin at all time. All the while wishing he was on the other side of the door.  

“How do you know?” he asked softly, sniffing again.  

“Your mom accepted you! She didn’t disown you” Justin almost yelled after forcing the tears back somewhat.  

“My ex-boyfriend was disowned because of me” Josh started slowly making sure Justin was listening and by the somewhat harsh breathing he heard, he knew he was.  

“He wouldn’t leave me so his parents disowned him” Josh continued, letting his hands fall in his lap. He ducked his head, he still felt so guilty about it although he knew it wasn’t his fault but somewhere it still felt like it was.  

“I tried to make it up to him to love him so much he wouldn’t feel the empty space anymore where his parents love was supposed to be but it wasn’t enough” Josh said, tears coming to his eyes when the memories flooded his mind.  

“What happened?” Justin’s soft, timid voice came through his memories.  

“He killed himself” Josh told him softly as the tears made their way down his face. It had been the most horrific time of his life. He was only so young, 16 he’d been when the police officers came by his house and told him that Charly Brownson had driven himself of a bridge. He’d never felt so empty in his whole life and he never wanted to feel that way again. They were silent for a little while, both lost in their own thoughts.  

Josh’s mind suddenly filled with worries; what if Justin changed his mind?  

What if he thought he’d made the biggest mistake of his life?  

What if that was the reason he wouldn’t come out of the bedroom to talk to him?  

What if he blamed me for the mistake, for loosing his father?  

He stood up suddenly, afraid of what he just thought about, what he realized. He stared at the still closed door.  

“Did you change your mind?” he asked it softly but the emotion heavily coming out in his voice. If the answer was yes Josh wouldn’t know if he would be able to survive it, if it all would be worth it. But there was no response as Josh fearfully stared at the door. The door slowly opened, revealing a haggard Justin. His face tear streaked, the curls that Josh loved where standing out in every direction as if he had been tossing and turning all night; he probably had, Josh thought as his eyes traveled towards his lover’s blue eyes which were bloodshot and red rimmed. Justin stumbled out of the bedroom and fell into Josh’s embrace.  

“Never” the young boy whispered close to Josh’s ear. Josh’s shoulders slumped in relief, feeling as if a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. He kissed Justin’s cheek as he nestled himself in the crook of Josh’s neck.  

“Please try Guppy, you’re not alone I love you. It will get better, I promise” Josh softly soothed, hoping the words comforted his sweet boy. It would probably take awhile if not his whole life before Justin would be really over the loss of his parents but with gentle touches and soft words he let him know that he would always be there for him. They were not alone, they would never be alone again.  

“I couldn’t save him,” Josh started slowly, thinking about Charly for a second,  

“But I can save you, if you let me” Josh said softly in Justin’s ear, still holding onto him for dear life.  

A simple nod was his answer; they were going to try…. 

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