Chapter 5
Josh stared at
the phone, it had been three days since Howard Timberlake paid him a visit,
telling him he couldn’t see his son anymore. Josh had understood that somehow
Justin’s parents had found out that they weren’t just friends, something that
Justin had feared since the beginning. Instead of disowning their son they’d
blamed Josh, thinking that if they’d cut Josh out of their son’s life he would
be normal again, normal as in not gay. Josh was grateful they hadn’t disowned
Justin because he’d be devastated but he wondered how long it would take before
Justin couldn’t fake it anymore. How long would it take for them to realize
that he couldn’t be changed and then they would disown him after all. And by
the time that happened Josh wouldn’t be there to comfort him and tell him that
even though his parents didn’t love him, he loved him.
What would
happen to him then?
When he didn’t
feel loved…. would he kill … himself?
No!
Josh shook his
head to get rid of those thoughts, he couldn’t face those. Not again, he’d
promised himself he would do better this time but it didn’t look like it, he
failed once again.
He wondered what
they had said to Justin to keep him away from him, what could they have said?
***
Justin was
staring at the phone the same way, although the phone still wasn’t working he
was hoping for a telepathic message or something to let him know that Josh was
alright, to tell him that he didn’t steal from them. That he really loved him.
In his heart he knew that Josh really loved him but the lectures from his
father at the diner table echoed through his head and it was becoming harder
and harder to ignore them.
The day after
his father had told him that Josh had stolen from them he’d planned to go by
the deli after school to confront Josh with the information his father had
provided but a car had been waiting at the entrance of the school gates,
waiting to take him home right after school. He understood the message then;
his father really didn’t want him to see Josh again.
But should he
listen?
***
Josh was biting
his nails nervously, two weeks had gone by. Two weeks since Howard Timberlake
had made it perfectly clear he didn’t want his son to be involved with another
man. He hadn’t seen Justin in two weeks but it seemed so much longer.
He anxiously
peered through the bars of the gate, searching for a sign of brown curls and
the smile that almost made you blind. It was 4pm, knowing Justin was done at
this hour he waited for him. He just needed to ask Justin; he needed to know
what Howard had told him to keep Justin away from him. He was standing out of
view, discreetly at the side entrance of the school, not the main entrance. No,
he wasn’t that dumb, he could be seen from the street there and Howard
Timberlake was a determined man, he would do whatever it took to keep Justin
away from his lover.
A laugh he would
recognize out of a thousand sounded across the playground and Josh’s gaze swept
over the open space, quickly settling on the boy with the sparkling blue eyes,
even from a distant they couldn’t be overlooked. He watched as Justin walked
towards the main entrance, Josh following, walking around the school walls so
he could meet his lover at the front. He carefully peeked around the corner,
feeling like a stalker but quickly forgetting that thought when he saw Justin
getting into a car. Justin greeted the man reluctantly as he opened the door
for him, he got in and Josh’s shoulders slumped in defeat. Josh recognized the
car, he’d seen it parked in front of Justin’s house.
Mr. Timberlake
was letting him be picked up?
He drew his own
conclusions and watched helplessly as the car drove off, he stepped onto the
sidewalk and walked in the other direction not knowing someone had seen him.
***
Justin turned
around in his seat, staring out the front window without actually seeing
anything.
“Everything
alright, Mr. Timberlake?” his driver, James, asked.
“Oh… uh… yeah
everything is fine. Just a little tired” he lied, covering for his absent
behavior.
“Sit back, sir,
we’ll be home soon” James reassured him, politely and caring. Justin nodded
before settling in the soft cushions.
He’d seen Josh,
he knew it for sure. Josh was there to see him, he wanted to talk to him. His
heart started beating faster and he hoped James wouldn’t hear it. He’d seen
Josh stare after the car but Josh wasn’t able to see him; the car had tinted
windows, but Justin was able to see Josh and it brought a smile to his face no
matter how many lectures he’d gotten.
***
“Hi mom” Josh
greeted his mother with an ever present smile.
“Hi sweetie” she
said wincing in pain, Josh was at her side in a heartbeat.
“Are you alright
mother? Can I get you anything?” he asked concerned.
“No sweetie, I’m
fine” she said trying to smile, trying to comfort her son. “You sure?” he asked
not completely convinced. “
Yes sweetie, now
give me a hug I missed you” “I missed you too mom” he said smiling gently,
leaning in for a hug.
“Now where is
that sweet boy of yours?” she asked when they parted, looking at the door to
see if he was lingering behind.
“He’s not
coming” Josh mumbled softly.
Two days ago
he’d been waiting for him at the school gates but there was no chance in hell
he could speak to him, showing up at his house wasn’t an option, calling him
wasn’t an option and he was thinking if this man went to so much trouble of
giving him a driver he wouldn’t hesitate to open his son’s mail, just to make
sure. He had no way of contacting him and he was beginning to realize that.
“Oh baby, what
happened?” Mary asked sympathetically, she might be in pain but she didn’t
care. She could see her son was hurting and she was still the parent although
he was taking care of her.
“It’s nothing we
just… we broke up” Josh said, saying it out loud for the first time. He didn’t
want to believe it at first, he kept telling himself that there would be a way
around it but it wasn’t looking like that. Mary wouldn’t believe ‘it was
nothing’ she saw the look in his eyes, he was hurting, badly.
“I guess we just
weren’t meant to be” he said, trying to force back the tears but his mother saw
right through him. She saw him trying to hide his tears.
“Oh baby, come
here” she said extending her arms slowly, inviting him for a hug. He accepted
it gratefully, crying on his mother’s shoulders as reality struck him:
He would never
see Justin again.
***
“Joey, please!!”
Justin begged his friend. Joey shook his head wildly,
“No Justin
forget it, your dad hates me as it is”
“I really need
to see him, Joey, please…” Justin whispered the plea.
“If you want me
to beg, I will” Justin said determined. Joey eyed him, wanting to know if he
was serious, when Justin lowered himself to his knees he knew the boy was dead
serious.
“Justin!” he
scolded.
“Get up, idiot”
he hissed, imagining how this looked, the boy on his knees in front of him.
Justin didn’t
get up, he stayed on his knees looking up at Joey with pleading eyes. Joey
grabbed the younger boy by the arms and hauled him up angry but moved.
“He really means
that much to you?” he asked, his eyes softer, more gentle. Justin nodded with
tears in his eyes,
“I love him” he
admitted.
“Woah” Joey said
taking a step back, Justin hoped Joey wouldn’t pounce on him now. He was the
only one who knew about Josh, he’d told him when he couldn’t hold it in any
longer. He couldn’t tell anyone and he was hurting so badly, he needed to get
it off of his chest and Joey had been there. Listening to him and trying to
comfort him when he’d collapsed in the hallway after drama class.
“I’ll do it”
Joey said softly when he saw the scared _expression on his friend’s face. He
hadn’t meant to scare him but it kind of took him off guard that he could admit
he loved another man and at such a young age. He himself had never really loved
anyone, apart from his family that was. Sure he’d dated girls but he couldn’t
say he loved them, so for someone to admit all honesty that he really loved
someone was tough stuff which made him cave in.
“You will?”
Justin asked happily, throwing his arms around his friend’s neck.
“Yes, I’ll cover
for you, tell your dad you’re tutoring me at school”
“Oh thank you
Joey!! I owe you forever” he exclaimed.
“That’s ok, just
make sure you get him back” Joey assured him, Justin nodded grateful,
“Thanks Joe” he
said before he went to the gate of the school, telling the driver he was
staying at school to tutor his friend Joey and asked James to inform his
father. James said he would inform Mr. Timberlake before he drove off, Justin
pretended to return back to the school’s building but when the car was out of
sight he turned back around and ran towards the mall, hoping Josh would be
working at the deli, pretty much knowing for sure that he was.
***
Josh had a blank
_expression on his face, he moved through the store almost like a zombie. He
wished he could have taken a couple of days off to sulk in his misery, instead
he was working again. In a way he was grateful for the work; it kept his mind
off of Justin although it only worked for a little while. The minute he had
time for himself, his mind automatically went to Justin.
Justin and his
golden curls, Justin and his amazingly blue eyes, Justin and his blinding
smile, the face of an angel that haunted him in his dreams and appeared at
every weak moment during the day.
He knew he was
supposed to let go of him but how could he?
In his dreams
they were living together in a cozy little apartment, cuddling and lying in
each other’s arms. They would visit his mother at her own house. She wasn’t
sick and she free from pain. She was at home baking cookies like she used to
and they were all laughing and joking at the kitchen table, the three of them
happy, blissful.
He usually woke
up with a smile on his face but it slowly fell off his face as he glanced
around his one room apartment, no Justin, no happiness. That was when reality
hit him, hard, because his dream would never become reality.
***
Josh vaguely
heard the jingle of the bell above the door, indicating another customer. He
sighed automatically, wanting this day to be over so he could go back to sleep
and be happy in his dreams. He was replenishing the chicken sandwiches when a
sweet soft voice asked,
“What can you
recommend?”
Josh’s eyes
widened and his head snapped up forgetting his head was in the showcase. He
bumped the back of his head against the top of the showcase, letting out a moan
but forgetting about it quickly as he retracted his head completely while
rubbing the soar spot on his skull. Looking up, he was staring into gorgeous
blue eyes and the smile that blinded him.
“Justin” he
breathed, letting the hand fall at his side.
“Hi, Josh”
Justin said nervously all of a sudden, he’d been giggling when he saw Josh’s
bump in with the showcase but now that they were eye to eye the seriousness of
the situation dawned on him. He pulled the cap he was wearing further down in a
nervous gesture, he couldn’t help but think that his father was watching him
from every corner and by just covering up his curls, the most striking thing
about him, he hoped his father wouldn’t recognize him, if he happened to walk
by. Josh couldn’t get over the fact how sexy he looked with the cap, casual and
just… Justin.
“Can we talk?”
Justin asked softly but determined.
“Um, yeah” Josh
agreed, he’d been hoping this day would come but he was afraid Mr. Johnson
wouldn’t let him take a break if it wasn’t time for one.
“Now?” Josh
asked, rubbing the back of his head thoughtful, wincing slightly as he hit the
bump that was forming there. Justin nodded.
“I don’t have
much time” he said apologetically, knowing it wasn’t likely Josh would get a
break.
“K” Josh nodded,
he was going to try anyway. He walked the few steps towards the older man who’d
been watching them for a while, Josh could see it by the look on his face.
“Mr. Johnson can
I take an early break?” Josh asked trying to sound casual but knowing he was
failing. Mr. Johnson snorted.
“No”
“Please” he pleaded
with him but he was looking into cold hard eyes, his shoulder slumped as he
turned towards Justin, the defeat written clearly on his face.
“Mr. Johnson?”
Justin addressed the man.
“Yes?” he asked
bored.
“I’ll give you
500 bucks if you let Josh take a half hour break” Mr. Johnson stood
dumbfounded, 500 dollars? That was a lot of money! Josh also couldn’t believe
his ears, that Justin could afford it in the first place and second; that he
was willing to pay that just so he could talk to him. Justin nodded, grabbing
his wallet and taking out the bills, waving them in the man’s face.
“1000” Mr.
Johnson tried and till his surprise Justin nodded and pulled 5 extra hundred
dollar bills out of his wallet, handing them over to the man who couldn’t believe
his luck. Mr. Johnson greedily snatched the bills out of Justin’s hand and
nodded.
“Come on Josh”
Justin said pulling a frozen Josh with him to the back of the deli, settling in
one of the corner tables, out of sight. Josh stared at Justin, the boy he
thought he would never see again.
“Josh, hello”
Justin said playfully, waving a hand in front of his face to get his attention.
Josh blinked, bringing him back to reality,
“Yeah?”
“We only got
half an hour” Justin reminded him.
“Yeah I know…
I’ll… pay you back, you know…” Josh stammered, ashamed, feeling guilty and
proud at the same time.
“Ah! Forget
about the money! I want to talk to you,” Justin said dismissing the money
issue.
“I don’t have
much time so we’ll have to do it quick” he added.
Josh just
nodded, he was at a loss for words; here he was sitting opposite of his lover.
Ex-lover, he
corrected himself. But then again they never officially broke it off….
Screw that!
Josh could
barely contain himself from kissing him.
“Did you steal
from my house?” Justin blurted, seeing Josh was lost in thoughts once again. It
got Josh back to earth in a mere second,
“What?” he asked
confused.
“My dad told me
you stole stuff from our house”
“Is that what he
told you?” the answer to his question finally revealed; Howard Timberlake had
told Justin he stole from them.
“Yeah” Justin
nodded.
“Is that why you
didn’t come and talk to me, that you didn’t want to be with me?” Josh asked
hurt, Justin did know he wouldn’t do something like that, did he?
“No it’s because
my dad has been making sure he knows where I am, what I’m doing and with whom
every second of the day” Justin informed him.
“But then how
did you get here?”
“A friend is
covering for me”
“Oh, I’m sorry”
Josh said, ducking his head a little.
“Josh you didn’t
steal anything did you?” Josh didn’t answer but Justin just waited, finally
Josh shook his head no.
“Did he threaten
you?” Justin asked, he knew his father, knew what he did to get his way, he
used it in his job too, because let’s face it hardly anybody gets rich by being
nice. Again Josh didn’t answer right away,
“Josh?”
“Yes, yes he
did” Josh finally told him. He’d debated about telling Justin about his
father’s threats and he actually hadn’t wanted to say anything about it,
surprisingly he didn’t have to. Justin already knew. Justin dropped his head in
his hands,
“I’m sorry Josh”
Josh reached
across the table, grasping Justin’s hands, pulling them away from his face and
gently holding them in his, resting their entwined hands on the table between
them. Justin slowly lifted his head so he was looking into Josh’s eyes,
“I’m sorry” he
repeated.
“It’s not your
fault Justin” Josh reassured.
“But you didn’t
do anything and he just… asshole… you just can’t… I can’t believe it… I just…”
Justin stuttered, the rage he was feeling making it impossible to make coherent
sentences.
“Justin,” Josh
addressed him, squeezing his hands.
“It’s ok, I
just…” he paused, a sigh escaping,
“I can’t believe
you’re here” he said his voice choked with emotion.
“I’m so sorry I
didn’t come sooner, I just didn’t know what to do, I knew you didn’t steal
anything I knew you wouldn’t do that and I couldn’t come… but I wanted to and I
just didn’t know what to do…. ” Justin said in a rush, feeling the need to
explain. His shoulders slumped,
“I still don’t”
he finished.
“I love you
Justin” Josh stated, trying to make things a little less complicated because to
be honest he didn’t know what to do either. All he knew was that he loved
Justin and didn’t want to loose him. But maybe by loving him he only made
things more complicated. Justin looked up happily,
“I love you too
Josh” he said, letting his heart speak.
“Then we’ll
figure out a way, Guppy” Josh assured him.
Justin smiled,
the nickname was back, he loved the nickname; it made him feel loved and just
that Josh was the only one who called him that made him feel special as well.
They had been looking into each other’s eyes, forgetting reality and ignoring
everything that was going on around them. They weren’t aware of the fact that
Mr. Johnson had made his way towards them and was now standing directly in
front of them,
“Half hour is up
Josh” he said harshly, bringing them back to reality.
Josh blinked,
absent-mindedly saying, “Yes sir” but his eyes were still on Justin.
“Time to say
goodbye to your little boyfriend” Mr. Johnson scoffed, Josh now turned his full
attention to the man who was mocking Justin. Justin saw the look in Josh’s eyes
and squeezed his hands to get his attention, preventing him from doing anything
he’d regret later,
“I have to go
Josh” he said which made Josh turn his head back towards Justin.
He nodded
reluctantly.
“When will I see
you again?” Josh asked sadly, almost desperate.
Justin shrugged
apologetically.
“As soon as
possible, I’ll think of something” he said with a reassuring smile.
“K” Josh
accepted but not happy about it.
“We’ll figure
out a way Josh” Justin reassured Josh the same way Josh had reassured him.
“Ok, that was
all very endearing and all but get to work now or I’ll keep it off your
paycheck” Mr. Johnson said ruining the moment with his harsh comment.
“Yes sir” Josh
nodded while getting up, he held Justin’s hands and pulled him up with him.
“I’ll be there
in two seconds” Josh assured his boss, willing him away. Mr. Johnson nodded
slowly.
“Two seconds, a
second longer and it will cost you 5 bucks for every second” he threatened
before slowly backing out from the small space.
Josh turned his
back towards his boss as he pressed his lips firmly but gently on Justin’s lips
who accepted the kiss greedily. The kiss ended too soon for both of them but
Josh really needed to get back to work and although he knew his boss had
witnessed the scene he didn’t care. He couldn’t let Justin walk out of here
without knowing when he would see him again, not before he’d tasted Justin,
he’d missed him so much and he needed to feel him. Josh brushed away a loose
curl from his lover’s forehead before pressing his lips to Justin’s forehead;
Justin sank into the kiss and savored it.
“Five bucks!”
Mr. Johnson called indicating his time was up and he just lost five dollars of
his paycheck. Josh pulled back looking into Justin’s eyes apologetically.
“Go” Justin urged him, reassuring him it was
ok when he smiled his precious smile. Josh gave him one quick kiss, he couldn’t
get enough of this boy, before he rushed towards the front and took his place
behind the counter. Justin followed moments later and he smiled all the way to
the door, not breaking eye contact with Josh who stilled his movements to watch
the beauty he could once again call; his boyfriend.
