Admitting He's Wrong

It took only two weeks for JC's real intentions to come out. Two weeks of happiness for Abby turned out to be too good to be true when she walked in on the end of one of his phone conversations.

"Yeah I'm going to tell her, but I don't know when...no...she's great, but I can't stay much longer...I just, I need to tell her my conditions before she thinks I'm in this for the whole thing...yeah, I know...okay, I'll talk to you later...bye." He hung up the phone and turned to face Abby where she stood in the doorway of the kitchen.

"What are you going to tell me? And what are these conditions? Am I misunderstanding something?" she asked, crossing her arms across her chest. "Talk to me, Josh."

He sighed and sat down at the table. "Look...you know that I believe that is my kid. I do believe it, but I can't let people think that. They praised me when I accepted Braeden into my life. But that was because he was someone else's kid and I was taking care of him. I was like a good Samaritan or something. But when I come out with a child of my own, Abby, they're going to eat me alive. The guys too...we're going to lose a lot of fans over this."

Her eyes narrowed, and the last two weeks of love and pure happiness faded in her mind. "What are you saying?"

JC shook his head. "Nothing, really. I mean; we both know this is my kid, unless you want to tell me otherwise..." He looked up at her in question and laughed uneasily at the glare she returned. "Okay, now that that is settled..." He sighed. "Look, this is my proposal. We'll say that while we were apart, you were in another relationship and now we're back together, and then I'll accept this child too."

"WHAT?" she yelled. "I cannot believe you are suggesting that I admit to the world that I sleep around! This is all about your CAREER?"

He nodded slowly. "If you want me to be able to give you and our kids any kind of wonderful life that you all deserve, then I have to have this job. I can't lose it over a child born out of wedlock. Plus my parents would kill me."

"So I sacrifice whatever kind of good name I might still have and admit to the whole population of the world, including my parents who haven't spoken to me in four years, that I am a slut?" Abby shook her head. "No, JC. I will not do that, not even for you."

"Abby, it's the only way-"

"NO! The only way is for you to admit your mistakes and take responsibility for them! Yes, I want you here in our lives, but not halfway...ALL the way. As the father. That is MY proposal. You tell the truth."

JC shook his head. "I can't do that. My job-"

"This is all about your stupid job! You are so selfish! You only think about yourself; you don't care if this would hurt me at all."

"Abby, come on. If you want us to be together, why can't you make a little sacrifice?"

She leaned back against the wall and blew a strand of hair out of her face. "It seems that I am the only one that has made any sacrifices in our relationship. I left my job to follow you around on a bus...I uprooted my child...I let you into my heart only for you to repeatedly break it. Why can't you just tell the truth?"

JC sighed. "It's not that easy for me, Abs."

She shook her head. "You're hopeless, you know that...completely hopeless. I thought you were perfect, I really did. I thought you were the one. But you're just a chicken like any other man would be. You know, you may be admitting that you're my baby's father, but if you aren't willing to step up fully to the plate to bat, then you're not getting anywhere in the game. It seems we're at a stalemate, and I'm not backing down either."

JC's eyes overflowed with worry at what she was suggesting. "Abby, I know I'm not perfect, but who is? I know I make mistakes, but this is the best solution at this point."

Her head shook again. "No, okay? Get your things and leave. You don't respect me enough to care about what this might do to me."

"You work in a strip club, Abby! Like you have any kind of good reputation right now anyway! Half the men in town have seen everything that I have, so why would it be so hard to believe? Get some self respect and you can use that line on me!"

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Her chest heaved in anger as she pointed to the door. "Do not stop at Go and do not collect two hundred dollars. Just get your crap and get out of my house."

JC glared back at her and shoved his chair back as he moved to stand up. "Screw you, you ungrateful bitch! I'm trying to offer you a better life than dancing onstage in nothing but your birthday suit. But if that's what suits you, then that's fine with me. I don't want to be in your life anyway. Have fun supporting two kids on your own."

He grabbed his leather jacket off the counter then stormed from the room. She cringed as she heard the front door slam behind him before tires peeled out in the driveway. Tears filled her eyes and she heard the patter of tiny feet on the linoleum as Braeden came into the kitchen to investigate.

"Momma, where Daddy?" he asked innocently.

"Forget about Daddy, honey," she whispered back. "He's not coming back."

It was then that she pulled a sobbing child into her arms and the two cried together.

~*~

Life was hell for Abby in the days that followed. JC's checks ceased to arrive and she began to miss even that small sign that he was thinking of her.

Braeden became insistent that his 'daddy' would be back, and cried every night in his pain. It killed Abby to see her son so upset, and she began to curse the early morning she stopped to pick up the stranded JC Chasez.

Her last months of pregnancy were becoming hard on her, and she was forced to quit her job for Ronnie and the club. The man, however, continued to pay her as she was gone, because he knew she was too proud to cash any of the checks stacked on her table.

He had become angry and unfeeling, she had to remind herself. And that wasn't the man she fell in love with.

~*~

"Jace...I still don't get it, man," Justin mumbled from beside his friend as their bus rumbled down the road.

"What?" the other man grumbled, rubbing a hand over his eyes.

"Why you said the things you said to her. What's the difference in accepting a kid into your life and having one of your own? You're still going to be someone's daddy. You're still going to be under the microscope. No matter which way you go at it. I don't get it."

JC sighed. "I wish you could understand my reasoning, really I do. This is the way I see it: they will see me accepting a child that is not mine, into my life, into my heart and they will praise me for that for being a caring human being. They will think that I'm great for looking past the fact that he's not my kid and letting him become a part of who I am. But if I were to come out with the truth, that we're having a kid and we're not married, people are going to bash me from every angle and insist that I've lied all along about being a religious man and question my morals."

Justin shook his head. "That's jacked up, man. Seriously. How shallow can you be?"

"Just leave me alone. It's enough that I miss her and miss Braeden...I don't need you to preach to me too. You don't know the hell I've put myself in."

"You miss her?" Justin questioned.

"Yes," JC sighed. "I have never loved anyone like I love Abby. But I've really screwed things up. I don't think I could ever win her heart back, even if I was prepared to face all of this."

"You're sad, man...very, very sad."

"Don't I know it."

~*~

Abby hurried across the room to catch the ringing phone. Nine months was approaching her quickly and her steps were not as quick.

"Hello?" she said breathlessly into the receiver as she rubbed her stomach.

"Hey Dear Abby," came the voice on the other end.

She sighed. "I'm sorry, but I really don't want to talk to you."

"I know, I know," he replied. "I'm a tie to Jace and you don't want anything to do with him. Abs, you're a friend and you can't hide from me. I'm not going to let him pull us apart."

A smile crossed her lips. "I love you, Joey Fatone, really I do...but this is just too hard. I can't...I can't do this."

Joey sighed. "Sweetie. I know it's hard...I know you want him to be there because it's his fault you're in this boat, but he's being stupid and irrational right now."

"Joey, what am I going to do when I go into labor?" she asked. "I told him that I can't do this alone again. I told him that I wouldn't. I can't!"

"Call me," he urged. "Wherever I am, I will be there as soon as I can, and I will hold your hand through everything, okay?"

Abby sighed and sat down on the couch. "At least I know not all of you are insensitive pricks."

"He really does love you," Joey whispered.

A laugh escaped her. "He has a funny way of showing it, let me tell you."

The young Italian frowned. "Abs, he's just scared. He doesn't know how to handle it, and as levelheaded and mature as JC usually is, he doesn't know how to be that when it involves you. He's blindingly in love with you and doesn't know how to think straight."

Abby groaned. "Look, Joey. I want to be your friend, but I can't handle this discussion right now. Can we please talk about something else? How are you doing?"

"Great! Ya know, we're running amuck doing this or that. Justin and JC just..." He trailed off as he heard her groan.

"Joey, please!"

"Okay, okay. My sister called the other day..."

~*~

JC sighed and stared at the blank page before him. The guys had encouraged him to focus his feelings and put them to words. They still needed another track for their new album and were relying on him to create another masterpiece.

But he didn't feel it anymore. He didn't feel much of anything anymore. He hadn't written anything of any worth since their split became final.

Suddenly, her words rushed back to him in a violent torrent. The names, the insults...the inspiration he had been looking for.

His pencil touched down to the lined paper and he began to scribble notes and measures...words and prose. This was it...his release.

He loved her. That was all that mattered...that was all that should matter to anyone. They had something amazing between them. And he knew she loved him still, even if it was buried deep within her because he had scarred her so badly.

He had to step up to the plate...he had to continue on in the game...he had to emerge victorious. It was meant to be. They were meant to be. He had to fix what he had broken. Bottom line:

JC Chasez had to admit that he was wrong.

~*~

JC sighed as he stared down at his notebook. Scribbles covered the page, but somehow, amid the crossed out words and reworked phrases, he saw his song. It was all that he had been searching his heart for, and he knew that whether the guys wanted to use it or not, that it would be his only chance at regaining Abby Garner's love.

"Now for the matter at hand," he muttered, reaching for his cell phone. Dialing the number he knew all too well, he placed the object to his ear and awaited the inevitable.

A smile slowly crossed his face at the greeting on the other end. "Mom? Hey...it's Josh. I was uh...I was wondering if you guys had anything planned for this weekend. I'd really like to come home because I need to talk to you and Dad about something."

~*~

Abby slowly made her way to the door and pulled it open. She grinned slightly as she held it open for Ronnie to come through. "Hey babe," he said, walking past her and dropping a kiss to her forehead. "You hanging in there?"

"As much as I can. What's up?"

"I just thought I'd bring a few things by and check up on you." He set two bags of groceries on the counter and set to putting things away.

"Thanks, Ronnie," she whispered. Abby leaned against the counter and put her hand to her forehead, rubbing it gently.

"You okay?" he asked in concern, watching her actions.

"Just a headache," she replied. "Braeden isn't having a good day, apparently...therefore, Mommy isn't having a good day."

Ronnie winced as he heard the boy scream from down the hall. "I can tell. I would offer to take him off your hands, but I have some stuff I have to get organized for tonight. You understand..."

She nodded quickly. "Yeah, yeah, Ronnie. You know I do. I appreciate all you do for me already."

"Well, I know you're too proud to touch that money he's got piled up on your kitchen table." The man cast a glance over to the kitchen table underneath the large picture window. Sure enough, the envelopes still sat there, untouched and un-cashed.

"I don't need his money," she replied. "He's done enough all ready."

Ronnie crossed the space between them and pulled her into his arms. "I love you, girlie...take care now, and call if you need anything at all."

Abby smiled. "Thanks. I will." She watched him leave the house, then sighed as she too turned to look at the un-cashed checks on the table. "He doesn't care anymore anyway. The checks have stopped coming."

~*~

JC nervously sat down on the couch in his parents house in Maryland. He looked from his mother's face to his father's and fisted his hands around the pillow he had unconsciously pulled into his lap.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" Karen asked, looking at her son in concern.

He swallowed thickly and took a deep breath. "I met someone recently...which you knew about."

Roy nodded. "Yeah, Abby was it?"

JC agreed with a nod of his head. "Y-yeah. Um...I made a mistake." He looked up at them again, helplessly.

Karen's face grew worried. "What's wrong, sweetie? Did you two have a fight or something?"

"It was more than just a fight. I-I...I got her pregnant. She's already got a kid, Braeden, whom you knew about, but...she's about eight months along now, I think."

The shock on his parents' faces was indescribable. He felt such guilt, letting them down the way he had just done. They had raised him better than that, to not just sleep with any woman he wanted.

Roy found his voice first. "Y-you're sure that this child is yours?"

JC nodded. "I trust that she told me the truth when she told me she hadn't been with anyone else."

"We've been through this before, Joshua," Karen reminded gently. "I don't want to see you when the same thing happens again."

He closed his eyes at her words and fought the bile that rose in his throat at the thought of the woman she spoke of. "I-I know, Mom. But...Abby's different. I know she's not lying to me when she says that I'm the only one. I know this is my child...I just know it."

"Well, aside from the obvious, what's the ultimate problem here?" his father asked.

"She hates me," JC replied. "I-I screwed up and told her at first that it wasn't mine. I...I accused her of cheating on me and that was the first fight."

"First fight?" his mother questioned.

"First of many," he affirmed. He sighed and picked at the pillow. "I showed up on her doorstep one morning just in time to run her ex off. I was dropping Braeden off since I had picked him up from the neighbor when I was visiting Kelly and the baby."

"And that didn't work out either, I assume," Karen offered.

JC shook his head. "Nope. I stayed for a couple days and ended up telling her that I was willing to be in this baby's life, but as far as the public was concerned, that we were going to say that she had been with another man while we were separated."

"Joshua-"

"I know, Mom...okay? I know. It was really shitty of me to do." He cringed at his use of words in front of his parents. "I-I was just thinking of myself, and she pointed that out clearly. As far as she's concerned, she's done with me indefinitely."

"But you want back in their lives," Roy offered.

JC nodded. "Yes. So much...I need to be there. I...I love them too much to just let them go because I've been stupid."

Karen leaned forward and placed a hand on her son's knee. "Get her back. That's all we can offer."

He met her eyes. "You're not ashamed or mad at me?"

"Ashamed, maybe," she replied, watching his face fall. "Mad, of course not. You're a grown man who can make his own decisions. You know that we love and support you and your mistak-uh...decisions, no matter what they are."

JC cracked a smile at this. "Way to be blunt, Mother," he countered. He looked into her eyes. "You're ashamed of me?" His parents had never been ashamed of him before...that he knew of. "Have you ever been ashamed of me before this?"

"One other time," she replied. "The first time you told us this exact same story."

He hung his head. "I know...and I'm sorry, but given that Abby actually lets me back into their lives, this is a mistake your dear son made that we're all going to have to deal with." He looked up again into his parents' faces and sighed in relief as he saw slight smiles on them.

"We love you, son, and we know that you can handle this...again," Roy replied with a smile.

JC leaned forward to hug them both. "I love you guys. Thank you both." He looked up as a knock came to the door. Smiling to his parents, he stood up. "I'll get it."

Making his way down the hall, he whistled to himself, glad that this part of the process of regaining Abby's trust was over and done with. He stopped in front of the door and pulled it open, his heart dropping at the sight before him.

A smile crossed the woman's face and she tossed her long blonde hair off her shoulder. "I was just getting the mail when I saw you pull in. I figured we would come over and pay you a visit."

"W-we?" he stammered, not seeing anyone else with the woman.

She winked and pushed the shade back on the stroller beside her, revealing a young boy. The boy he had thought was his son. JC closed his eyes at the thought and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to regain his composure. "What are you doing here?"

"I was visiting my parents," she replied. "Funny how we had the same thought to come home, huh?"

"And where's Donovan?" he asked harshly.

"Can we talk?" she asked at his question.

JC sighed. "I don't know about that, Shaina."

JC rolled his eyes, then turned to yell back into the house. "Mom...Dad, I'll be back in a bit." He waited until they replied, then pulled the door shut behind him. "Shaina, did you not understand me when I told you I never wanted to see you again?"

The young woman nodded. "I know...I know, Joshua, but-"

"Then there should be no excuse that you are here," he interrupted.

She was visibly trembling before him, and he almost felt bad for her...almost. He had hung onto her for so long after the breakup, and just when he was getting over her, here she was on his doorstep.

"I-I know, Josh. I just...I needed to see you. I wanted you to meet Quentin."

"Q-Quentin, huh?" he asked, looking down at the brown-haired toddler with blue eyes. Wait a minute...he was sure that Donovan was blonde...and neither he nor Shaina had blue eyes. Shaking his head of the thoughts, he ran a hand over his face. "Where is Donovan anyway?" he asked quietly, trying to get his nerves under control.

"He's not in our lives anymore," she replied. "He left just after Quentin's first birthday." He noticed the tears fill her eyes at that and he wondered how many times Abby had cried over his desertion of she and Braeden.

JC's face fell at his thoughts and he sighed before holding his arms out to comfort the woman. "Come here, Shay-Shay." She walked into his arms and he held her close, the familiar feeling coming back. "You look great," he whispered against her hair.

Shaina smiled as the tears flowed freely from her eyes, and held him a little closer. "So do you."

JC pulled back and smiled slightly, despite the ache in his stomach. "So that's him, huh?" he asked, kneeling down beside the stroller to run a hand over the boy's head.

She nodded and fought back tears at the sight before her. This was everything she had dreamed of having, and if she could just tell him why she was ultimately here.

His eyes narrowed as he looked up at her. "How's your career going?"

Shaina smiled slightly. "I'm on Port Charles...a pretty large role. It's good."

"That's awesome. I don't have time to watch TV, and I don't watch soaps anyway, but that's really great."

She nodded. "Um...Joshua?"

He looked up again and smiled to her. "Yeah?"

"There's something you should know."

JC's brow furrowed at her tone and he stood up, crossing his arms across his chest. "What?"

Shaina fingered the hem of her skirt nervously, looking down at her son. "I know that after everything I put you through, that this is the last thing you want to hear. And I really don't want to piss you off now...especially since you're somewhat letting me back into your life. But I realize that after losing Donovan, and having already lost you, there isn't much more of worth to me that I can lose."

JC shook his head at all of the information filling his brain. "Shay...what are you wanting to say to me?"

"I never really looked into it too much at the time, because I was convinced that Donovan was responsible, but now that I ran dates again...there's a chance..."

His eyes closed. He knew what she was going to say before she even did. "Just say it and get it over with."

She swallowed hard. "Joshua, there's a chance that Quentin could be yours. We were together the same week that I was with Donovan-"

JC held up a hand. "That's really more than I need to know. It's bad enough that I realize that you were cheating on me for most of our relationship." He looked down at the boy and a sickness washed over him.

Shaina reached for his hand. "There could still be a chance for us, Josh. He could be yours and we could go back to living our lives as we were. We could be so happy. I still love you so much, Joshua..."

His eyes closed tightly at her words. "Shay...don't do this to me...not now."

"Please, give this a chance," she begged, wrapping her arms around his body. "I need you so much. I miss the feeling of waking up in your arms and kissing you on your way out the door. Quentin needs his daddy, and I just know that you're it."

"Why wasn't I it before, huh?" he asked, his eyes blazing down on her. "Why wasn't I good enough before when I was racing you to the hospital and freaking out as I filled out insurance papers? Why was HE in there holding your hand when I just wanted to get in there and be there for you? Why am I suddenly good enough now?"

Shaina couldn't compose the words to explain her side, so she pulled JC's face down to hers and attacked his mouth with her own. It took only moments for him to get swept up in the kiss and lose himself in her touch. It felt good, it felt right...he felt horrible.

Abby and Braeden entered his mind and he remembered his gut need to be back in their lives. He couldn't let her sidetrack him from his goal. He NEEDED them...they were at the top of his list of needs and wants at the moment. Shaina Baker was nowhere on that list.

She protested quietly as he pulled out of her embrace. "Josh..."

"No, Shaina...just-no...I'm trying so hard to fix my own mistakes. I don't have time to fix yours too." He turned and started back toward the door. "It was...nice...seeing you again. Have a safe trip back to LA."

"Don't you want to know, though?" she asked, her question stopping him in his tracks. "A blood test, Joshua. That's all it would take and you would have the answer to the question you've been asking yourself for the last few years."

He turned around and stared into her eyes. Their green depths were filled with so much hope and urgency he had to turn away.

"No," he whispered. "There is a woman in Florida, who I know is pregnant with my kid. I don't need a paternity test to tell me that this child is mine. I know it. Her son...might as well be my kid, because I love him more than anything in this world. He and his mother are what I've been searching my whole life for, and I screwed it up because of what you did to me." He got up close in her face, causing her eyes to widen in fear.

Placing a hand to his chest, he continued. "You have put a fear deep within me...I was afraid to let them in because of losing you and this kid. And when she told me she was pregnant, I freaked because I was afraid she would pull the same damn stunt you did. But she didn't...all she wants is me to be in her life. She doesn't want to go through it alone again as she did with her son. And no matter what...I'm going to be there. So you can take Quentin and get on with your life. I hope you find somebody that will let both of you into his heart. I don't want to be the father of that kid. If I am...I don't want to know it. Because that," he said, pointing to the now sleeping boy. "Is NOT my son. He's yours. You ruined that...and now I have something better that I have to work my ass off to get back because of what you've done to me. So as I said, it was nice seeing you, Shaina. But I would appreciate it if you made yourself a memory in my life and never show your face to me again."

With those final words, JC turned and walked back into his parents' house.

 

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