Champagne
High
By: Jessica
I
wasn't looking for a lifetime with you
I never thought it would hurt just to hear
"I do" and "I do" and I do a number on myself and all that
I thought
To be and you'll be the one that just left me undone by my own,
Hesitation
Chorus
And for the million
hours that we were
Well I'll smile and remember it all
Then I'll turn and go
While your story's completed mine is a long way from done.
Well I'm on a champagne high
Where will I be when I stop wondering why
On a champagne high, high
Spring
turned to summer but then winter turned mean
The distance seemed right at the time, it was best
To leave and to leave behind what I once thought was fine and so real
To me and while I'm still gone on the quest for my song I'm at your
Celebration
Chorus
I'd toast to the future
but that'd be a lie
On a champagne high, high
Your
wagons been hitched to a star
Well now he'll be your thing that's new
Yeah what little I have you can borrow
'Cause I'm old and I'm blue...
Shit, shit, shit! I can’t believe I’m late. I look
down at the clock in my car and wonder how I made the twenty-minute drive from
my house to the church three hours long. The guys are going to be so pissed at
me. I pulled into the parking lot and as soon as the keys were out of the
ignition, sprinted as fast as my legs would carry me to the front door. As I
opened the door, some overly perky blonde, that I’m sure that the curtains
don’t match the drapes, shoved a book in my face. I quickly scribbled my name
in it then she told me to hurry, that they were starting any minutes. I took a
back seat on Justin’s side and noticed Lance standing next to him. That’s the
spot I should be in. A mixture of anger and self-pity swept over me until Jayce
caught my eye and smiled. That man’s smile could always melt my bad moods. I
nodded towards him then the music in the room changed and more fake blondes
walked in, in over priced dresses.
I just stared at her, hoping that we’d all wake up
from this terrible dream and she would have never existed. We would still be us
and I wouldn’t be an ass. I kept my mouth shut when Trace asked for objections.
Why anyone would ordain Trace and let him perform any type of ceremony was
beyond me.
I never understood why people cried at weddings
until today. They said ‘I do’ and the hot, angry liquid fell before my brain
registered the event. I thought about every time he had come to me for female
help, like I knew the answers. Or how in the beginning, when he’d get homesick,
how we’d go together to steal Lou’s phone and call his mother. He always asked
me for advice, whether it be personal or work related. He needed me, at least
until she came into the picture. I preferred Britney to her. She is dirty and a
gold digger. He just won’t see it. She took my place. She became his best friend.
She became his sounding board. She became his crying shoulder. I met her years
ago, but when he introduced her to the group, I was too much of a pussy to say
anything. I just pretended she was a phase and never said a word. Maybe, if I
had in the beginning, she wouldn’t be standing up there in the white dress that
she didn’t deserve to wear, taking the one thing that I cared about more than
my family.
I knew we wouldn’t last forever, at least not as a
group. Especially not with solo albums and movies being made individually like
we had to make sure we were financially secure. I just never expected the end
to come so soon and so unwelcome.
“So, if you guys don’t have anything else to add,
we are done for the day and I’ll see you all tomorrow in the studio.” Johnny
said as he gathered his pile of papers.
Justin raised his hand. “I do have one thing.”
Johnny nodded for him to speak. “Um, well…ya’ll remember meeting Sissy. Well, I
just wanted you all to be the first to know that we got engaged last night.”
“What?” We all asked in unison. All I could think
was he was so young. They were still such a new couple. She was such a bitch.
“Yeah. We want to get married in May, so I wanted
to let you guys know since that will affect tour planning.”
My mind was reeling. I couldn’t get a whole thought
together. Luckily, JC could read all our minds and he hadn’t reverted to
Stupidville. “Didn’t you guys just meet like…in April? It’s December and you
want to get married in May?” Justin proudly nodded. “Isn’t that a little quick?”
“I’m in love, Jayce. Time doesn’t matter.”
The neurons finally began to spark and I was jerked
out of my comatose state. “You can’t do this Justin. It will ruin everything.”
Justin looked at me so confused. “It just moves
some tour dates, that’s all.”
“You don’t understand. What will happen to us?” I
asked, not once thinking of the group. “We can’t be like we were if you get
married.”
“Dude, it will just like me and Kelly. Don’t freak
out on us.” Joey can be so stupid.
“This isn’t about you.” I spat.
“It isn’t about you either. It’s about the whole
group and I think changing a few dates won’t be that big of a deal.”
I never once looked at Lance speak, but in my head
I was flipping him off. “We can’t go on if you get married.” I stated flatly.
“You are really overreacting.”
“You don’t understand. None of you understand.” I
made the only offer my irrational brain could think up. “If you get married, I
won’t do this album.”
“Chris!”
“No! If you get married then I’m no longer in the
group.” And with that, I left the room hoping no one heard my voice crack. I
barely had a full moment to myself before he joined me in my walk to the car.
“Chris, I didn’t think you’d react like that. I’m
sorry. I thought you could be happy for me. You never said you didn’t like
her.” I bit my tongue, again. “I’m afraid to ask, but I want you to be my best
man. You’ve been one of my best friends for years and I want you to stand up
there with me.”
My heart tore as I looked into those blue eyes that
had won so many hearts. I wiped the tears that had escaped then simply
answered, “No.” Justin stopped walking with me. I saw his shoulders sink and I
couldn’t look at him anymore. I got in my car and drove.
Now I stand in this reception hall, drinking my
third or fourth glass of champagne, trying to find an answer to JC’s question.
I told him I’d been working on my own solo album as I looked across the room to
see Lance and Joey looking in my direction and talking. The truth was I had
spent the past months eating Ramen and watching Dr. Phil. With no group to look
forward to seeing and no album to make with them, I had no reason to exist. I
got another glass of champagne and Jayce asked me to slow it down. I rolled my
eyes and walked away.
I had barely taken my first sip and they announced
the new couple. Everyone got to their feet and clapped, making the ringing in
my ears amplify. I found a seat in the corner and tried to shut out the sights
and sounds of marital bliss. When I finally opened my eyes to reality, Lance
was giving his best man speech and I had lost count of how many glasses of
champagne I had. Everyone clapped and drank then Lance asked if anyone else had
a toast. I stood up and walked to the bride and groom’s table, trying my best
to not fall over. Joey shook his head ‘no’, but Lance handed me the microphone
anyway.
I cleared my throat and focused on Justin. “Man,
hey! It’s been awhile.” The laugh I expected was replaced by uncomfortable
silence. “I just wanted to say to you that I hope you’re happy. I wish you good
luck in life and marriage.” Empty words. “And, I hope your future is as
successful as your past.” I then turned to the thorn in my side. “And
Sissy…what can I say? You finally got your star. You’ll get to live the rest of
your life financially secure. Just try not to make him like the rest. When he
becomes an old toy, don’t throw him out and stomp on his heart. Justin…he’s
different. He deserves better. Better than you, so I’m going to give you my
wedding gift.” I reached in my pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. “I know
it’s not much, but you can have it cause I’m a grumpy old man and I just don’t
need it. Take it and don’t hurt him.” I then dropped the microphone and loudly
yelled cheers, downed my drink and walked out of the room. I heard Sissy gasp
as she looked at the paper…a $40 million check. That should keep her happy for
a day or two.
I wanted to get in my car and drive away, a pattern
I seemed to follow, but the first step out the door found me resting and crying
out the gallons of liquor I had before and during this miserable event. Time
seemed to stop and all I could focus on was the convulsions these angry tears
were putting me through. I felt a hand on my back and, for some unusual reason,
calmed as I heard the familiar deep voice.
“No matter what, he will always love you and us
more than her. We’re cursed that way.” Silence. “He still wants to make the
album, but only with you.” Silence. “We wouldn’t be together today if it wasn’t
for you. We owe you everything.” I looked up and wiped my eyes, but my cheeks
were quickly resaturated. “Can we get over this? As a group? As brothers? We
won’t go on without you Chris?”
I turned and looked into Lance’s eyes. It felt
strange being comforted by him. By anyone. I let out a sigh and softly said,
“He left me undone. He left me undone.” I then feel onto his shoulder and
continued crying. I know he didn’t understand, but he still put his arms around
me and let me just fall apart, knowing that when I was done, I would have
someone to help me put it all back together. Four someones.
The End
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