Taking a Break!  Still?!

New Year’s Eve – 2005 –11:00 P.M.

JC flopped into the worn leather chair in the family room of his restored 1930's Florida home.  Settling down, he pulled his legs up under him into a cross-legged position, then sighed as he ran his hands through his hair. Laying his head back on the chair he closed his eyes.  A smile graced his lips as he thought about what a "glamorous celebrity" life he led. Opening his eyes slowly, he looked over at the sofa where they came to rest on his lovely wife of almost six years - Annie.  She was curled up with Chiang, their Siamese.  The cat cracked open an eye and fixed him with that scornful look cats have perfected.  He seemed to be saying, "What, I'm
sleeping here!  Bug off!"

Just then the baby Annie was carrying kicked and connected with Chiang who leapt up and arched into the classic Halloween cat stance.  Clearly miffed, and more than slightly pissed, he jumped down off to remove his illustrious presence from the sight of the commoners.  Passing by Beau, he paused just long enough to reacquaint the dog's nose with his paw in a classic case of transference.

The golden retriever looked at JC as if to say, "Yeah, I know.  He's a pain...but I have a nobler calling."  Closing his eyes, he sighed as the sleeping twins shifted their weight to get more comfortable.  "I'm the twins' pillow."  Stifling a laugh, JC reached over and picked up the leather
bound journal Annie had given him for Christmas and ran his finger over the embossed lettering which read "Joshua's Reflections - 2006".  Picking up his pen, he opened the book and placing pen to paper dated the first page...

12/31/05

Dear Dog, (As a little boy of six he had written in his very first journal a letter to God, transposing the name.  It was a tradition that he'd kept up for the past 23 years.)

Well, the sync part of *Nsync are still together, but not getting along too well with the *N part.  Ever since CFTC VI things have been not been good between us.  The fans place the blame on Justin and his ego, and I suppose that's true to some extent.  It's funny...early on Lance had read some postings on various message boards.  Many had talked about karma and it coming back to bite Justin in the ass.  Well, in a strange and prophetic way, they were right.  Since the "story" got out that he didn't want to record with us and wanted to concentrate on acting - (Odd...at the time, he'd only made one movie which hadn't even been released yet!) – his life has slowly spiraled downward.  In fact, since Halloween he hasn't even taken any of our calls.

Annie says I should try and reach out to him what with it being the New Year and all.  Maybe tomorrow?  I don't know.  We said some pretty hateful things  to each other the last time we talked.  I really feel bad about it now, but I was just so angry that I just let him have it.

Stopping, he tapped the pen on his thumb.  Most of the events played themselves out quietly in his mind in vivid detail.  After a few minutes he let out a deep sigh and resumed his writing.

You know, life had been sweet for the rest of us.  Joey has become the "Toast of Broadway".  He won a Tony for his portrayal of Will Rogers in a revival of "The Will Rogers Follies."  Then "Rent" was finally made into a movie and he was able to reprise his Broadway role.  He got fantastic
reviews and was even nominated for an Oscar.  Justin begrudgingly called and congratulated him.  He had made no bones about the fact that he wanted the role, but it was Joey's from the beginning.  Joey's comedy album was also a smash.  There's talk that Weird Al wants to do a collaboration with him.

Oh and one more thing, he and Kelly are finally giving Brianna a sibling.  She's due in June.

Lance finally had his dream of going into space realized.  He was able to secure some backers that were more reliable to help fund his flying into space this past summer.  His trip was documented and is now used as a recruiting tool by NASA for future astronauts.  We all were so proud of him.  He still serves on the advisory board to NASA and has helped with the
SpaceShipOne space venture.  His film production company has produced some Oscar winning films and he's much sought after.  He and his talented wife Katarina are writing their first screenplay together; based on the first of her best selling Science Fiction books.  Plus, they are expecting their first child in March.

Chris, the little elf, is doing well too.  His rock group Little Red Monster produced some innovative music which has been extremely well received...getting great reviews.  He and I toured together for most the last part of 2005, taking turns as the opening and closing acts.  He won a Grammy for his debut album "Rock Monsters."

Annie and I were best man and matron of honor at his wedding in January 2005.  Justin didn't show, even though he had been invited.  Of course, the fact that Chris was marrying Justin's ex-wife was probably a fairly good reason for his no show.  Not that they had been doing anything till Justin and Cassie's divorce was final.  In fact, they didn't even realize their attraction to each other till then.  Justin had been okay with their relationship in the beginning, when it was just a friendship.  However, when things started getting more serious...well, he couldn't handle it.
Lately, he's been going through women like a thirsty man in the desert.  His carelessness has him paying child support but no relationship with either of the children he has fathered.

As for me, I am so blessed by the Lord I can hardly fathom it.  Near the end of 2004, after the rather tepid reception of "Schizophrenic", Jive approached me about doing a second album.  Since I had written over 30 songs for the first one, material was no problem.  I have always maintained
that I wouldn't change a thing about that album.  It was a record that I wanted to make and contained music that was close to my heart.  Sure it was experimental and probably it wasn't the best time to release it, but I've always felt that it was done to my standards and passions.  I will always be proud of it.  Actually, now that time has passed, sales have slowly increased and just last week it went double platinum.

My second CD was simply called "joshua".  That's the one that I was promoting during Chris's and my tour.  I was glad that the fans wanted to hear songs from the first CD, so I incorporated some into the tour.  I was also privileged to win a Grammy for "joshua".  That was quite a night
for Chris and me.  Everyone was there and we had a great time celebrating afterwards.  Unfortunately, Justin chose to stay away.  It was sad really since I’d made the effort after the Super Bowl fiasco to be there for him on his big night.

My little family is growing too.  The twins Claudine and William will be four in April.  While in February, Annie is due to deliver our third child. His name (yes we know it's a boy) will be James Roy (after Lance and my dad).  This way, Claudine will still be the little princess and I will be,
as Annie says, still wrapped around her little finger.

Justin!  What can I say about Justin that hasn't already been written in every tabloid and gossip rag around the world?  His life has steadily gotten worse and worse.  It was like his balloon rose into the atmosphere too fast and then when it seemed like he couldn't falter, he hit the edge of
the stratosphere and plummeted to earth.  After CFTC VI, when the press covered it like "Justin and Cameron host a charity event" and the rest of us just happened to show up, things started turning sour.  "Edison" opened to mixed reviews for his performance.  Then his off again, on again, off again relationship with Cameron finally implode.  We had seen it coming...but were
powerless to stop it.  He made another movie and it didn't do much better. Discouraged he went back to the studio and decided to try a different route, choosing "rock".

Well, that was a disaster.  He got mostly luke warm and even some scathing reviews.  It was painful to read, and even more painful to watch him perform his song at the MTV awards.  He actually got some boos.  By contrast, Chris and I were very well received that night.  Justin avoided us the rest of the evening, even going so far as to snub us on camera.

Lately he has been canceling, missing, or showing up hours late for performances.  There have been rumors of substance abuse (possible drugs or alcohol...maybe both...we don't know for sure...) None of us has had any contact with him since Halloween, like I said earlier.  I think I'll
give his Mom a call in the morning and see if she can help us reconnect.

JC stopped.  After stretching out his legs, he placed the journal on the coffee table and got up to make himself some tea.  While the water was heating, he got out the noise-makers and confetti.  He would be waking everyone up in a few minutes to celebrate the dropping of the ball.
Walking back into the family room, he looked around and chuckled softly. "Lifestyle of the rich and famous?" he whispered quietly to himself, kneeling to pat Beau on the head.  "Wouldn't trade it for the world..."

The Next Morning

JC dialed Lynn's number and waited for her to pick up, sipping at yet another cup of tea.  It had been a while since he'd called Justin's Mom, but was still pretty sure things would go okay.

"Hello?" came the usual inquisitive voice on the other end.

"Hi, Lynn.  It's JC."

The voice took on even more brightness than usual, but it also seemed a strained cheerfulness.  "Hi, sweetie!  How have you been?"

"Really good.  And you?"

"Can't complain.  How's the family?"

"Annie's getting bigger by the day and the twins are growing like weeds. How's yours?"

This was the trigger that cut through the last residue of false happiness.  "Let's just cut to the chase, shall we?  You're calling not calling to see how me and my family are doing...you want to know about Justin, don't you?"

"Yes, I do," JC admitted quietly.  "I feel a bit guilty.  The last time we spoke, I really let him have it.  I was so angry."

"I know," Lynn murmured reassuringly, "but don't blame yourself.  Justin probably deserved what you said to him."

"I don't know..." JC paused.  "Anyway, the reason I'm calling is...I'd like to talk to him.  We need to clear the air, and I don't want things to continue like this.  Do you know how I can reach him?  I tried all of his old numbers and haven't gotten an answer."

"JC, you can't contact him right now."  There was a slight hitch in Lynn's voice.  "Justin's in Rehab.  He checked himself in the day after Christmas.  After watching the video his step-dad shot...well, he was so embarrassed by his behavior he left the next morning.  He has about two more weeks of treatment before they're going to let him contact any of us."

"I'm so sorry, Lynn!"  Somehow, JC felt even worse about Justin than he had before.  "I knew things were bad, but I didn't realize..." He trailed off, at a loss for further words.

"JC, don't beat yourself up over this," Lynn answered pointedly.  "We all ignored the obvious and let him get away with a lot of things he shouldn't have.  Things we should have stopped so much sooner."  She sighed.  "Sometimes, the fame and money can go to your head..." A sardonic chuckle slipped out.  "Even if you're the 'responsible parent.'"

"All the same-"

Lynn cut him off.  "JC, stop right now!"

JC took a deep breath.  "Lynn, please keep me informed and let me know when I can talk to Justin, okay?  I'll tell the guys...if that's all right with you."

"JC, I know that you wouldn't do anything to hurt Justin.  You can tell the guys and you can tell Annie."  A genuine smile sounded in Lynn's voice. "I know how close you two are...and how much she cares for Justin.  I don't want you to keep secrets from her."

"Okay."  JC looked at his watch and grimaced.  "I'm sorry, I really have to go now.  Otherwise, we're going to be late for Joey and Kelly's party."  His voice became infinitely apologetic and sincere.  "I love you. Give Justin all of our love and let him know we're praying for him.  Not
just to come back, but to get better."

"I will sweetie."  Another smile in her voice.  "And thank you.  I love you too.  And I can't possibly thank you enough for being the kind person you are.  Bye."

"Bye."

Annie entered the kitchen as he was hanging up the phone.  Walking over to him, she hugged him from behind.  Turning, JC held her close has he stroked her hair.

He spoke first, breaking the comfortable silence.  "Annie, I just talked to Lynn.  Justin checked himself into a Rehab center.  I guess things finally caught up with him."  He sighed heavily.  "I feel-"

Annie placed a finger on his lips, cutting him off.  "Jace, you are not to blame.  Justin's been headed there for a long time.  Your fight with him was not the cause."

"I know, it's just that I wish...."

"He wouldn't have listened to any one of you, not matter how good or logical your arguments were.  He had to, unfortunately, fall to this depth before he could get better.  I mean, could we have done anything to stop Jacques?"

She felt him stiffen at his old rival's name, but just for a moment. "You're right."  JC smiled as he leaned his forehead against hers.  "You know, you're starting to get as wise as Claude."

This cozy little scene was interrupted by Claudine and William running into the kitchen yelling.  "Mommy?  Daddy?  When are we going to Unkie Joey and Aunt Kelly's?  Unkie Chris said we could paaaarrrrttttyyyy!"

JC laughed as he picked up Claudine, throwing her over his shoulder as he winked at his wife.  "Annie, I have mine.  Get yours and we can go."

Annie just stood there and laughed.  "Like I can do that!  Unless, of course, you want to have your son born today rather then in six weeks."

William started jumping up and down.  "I want my brother now!  I want my brother now!"

Claudine stuck out her little tongue, grimacing.  "I don't.  Boys are yucky," she added matter-of-factly.

JC laughed as he placed her back down on the floor.  "Just keep that thought for another...oh, I don't know...30 years?"

Annie just rolled her eyes, chuckling softly.

JC took each of his children by the hand.  "Hey guys, let's help Mom get things together so we can go.  Okay?"

"Okay, Daddy!" they replied in unison.

After packing up the car, they headed over to Joey and Kelly's for a day of fun.  JC decided he would deal with Justin and related issues another day.

Today belonged to his family.

Part Two

Three weeks later

Annie and TJ (her and the twins' bodyguard) came into the kitchen carrying groceries.  Actually, Annie was carrying her purse and a small bag of grapes...TJ had the rest.  She had tried to protest, but dealing with him
was like dealing with a brick wall.  Unmovable!  She told him the twins weighted more than any bag they had, but he was adamant.

Annie glanced at the phone on her way by and saw the message light was blinking.  Walking over to check the caller ID, she saw it was an out of state number she wasn't familiar with.  A push of the button brought
Justin's voice into her ears.  The only difference is that it was frail, childlike.

"Hey, JC.  It's Justin.  Guess that you aren't in since I'm talking to your machine.  I hate to just leave a message, but I'm not sure when I'll get a chance to talk again...so I guess I'll just leave you one anyway.  Great, I'm starting to repeat myself.  I didn't want to do that, since I only have a short time to make this call.  Sorry, I'm rambling."

He took a deep breath and continued.  "First, I need to say that I am so very sorry for all of the dumb and stupid things I've done to you over the past few years.  I apologize from the bottom of my heart.  This isn't just a contrite and blanket apology to make things all better.  I know that it is going to take a lot of work for you and I to be like we used to be.  I also know that, you being who you are blame yourself for our fight on Halloween.  Well, truth be told, I wanted to hurt you that night.  I...I was so jealous of you, your accomplishments, your life.  You have always been there for me...and I haven't been for you.  My ego got so big...and then when things went bad, I figured it was your fault.  It certainly couldn't be mine...after all, I was perfect."  He paused to laugh.

"Seriously JC, I have to go.  My time is up.  I'll be sending you a package in a few days...it should be self-explanatory.  JC, again, I'm so sorry. Catch ya' later, man."

Annie just stood in the kitchen staring at the phone, tears streaming down her face.  'Oh Justin,' she thought, 'I hope that we can help you.  You are so lost...' She closed her eyes.  'Please Lord, let him find his way back to us.'

TJ, who had finished bringing in the groceries, came over and enveloped her in his huge arms.  He didn't know what had just happened, but the pregnant woman looked like she needed a hug.  Annie sobbed as he quietly rocked her in his arms like a small child.

Just then, JC and the twins burst in laughing.  Annie quickly pulled away from TJ and wiped her eyes, not wanting to either worry the children or give JC the wrong idea.  Putting on a smile, she turned to face them.  "So, what have you guys been up to today?"

William ran up to her, throwing both his arms around her leg.  "Mommy! Daddy took us fishing outside!  I caught three and Claudine only caught two."  He puffed up with pride.

Claudine stuck her tongue out at him.  "Yeah, but mine were bigger!"

"So, where are these fish?"  Annie asked, amused and still slightly nervous about fish after her food poisoning incident.

"Daddy said they were too small to keep, so we put them back.  Can we have some milk and cookies?"

"May you have some milk and cookies, what?"  Annie reminded them sternly.

"May we have some milk and cookies, please?"  William answered like clockwork with a big sigh.

 
"Yes, you may, but go wash your hands first."  She sniffed, then laughed. "You smell like fish."

"Okay!" they cried in unison as they raced each other into the bathroom.  TJ followed close behind to make sure they didn't trash the bathroom too badly.

JC had been standing quietly behind the twins, noticing the sign of fresh tears on Annie's face.  Once they were alone in the room, he walked over to her and enfolded her in his arms.  "Annie?  What's wrong?"

"You have a message on the machine from Justin."  She smiled to show him she was okay.  "Why don't you listen to it after I get the kids their snack?"

"We're all washed, Mommy!"  Claudine piped up as TJ came hauling them, half soaked, back from the bathroom.

"Hey guys, Daddy has some work to do.  Why don't you and TJ take the cookies and milk up to your room?  Maybe he'll play 'Candyland' with you if you ask him nicely."

With Claudine sitting on his shoulders and William under one arm, TJ took the snack and the hint and carried all of them upstairs to the twins' playroom.  After they were gone, Annie turned back to JC.  "I'll be in my studio if you need me."

JC went over to the phone and sat down on the stool next to the counter.  He pushed play and listened to Justin's message once, then a second time. After the third, he called Joey, Lance and Chris.

A few days later

JC went to the door and signed for the package which had been sent to him from Justin.  Carrying it into his office, he set it down on the sofa and opened it.  Inside was an envelope addressed to him and another, large envelope labeled MUSIC.  Getting comfortable, he opened the smaller of the two.

'JC, sorry I missed you the other day.  I really wanted to talk to you in person, but I guess this is the next best thing.  I've been doing a lot of thinking.  Hell, that's all we seem to do here.  Between the therapy
sessions and the meditation requirements, I feel that there isn't an area in my life that has been inspected, dissected and examined.  It's been rather painful at times.

'One of the biggest realizations I've come to is how much of an ass I have been to the four most important friends I've ever had.  No, I think brothers is a better way of describing how much you guys really mean to me.  I've treated you all like crap, and for that,...I am truly sorry.  There are many things I regret in my life, but that's the biggest one.

'I've talked to both Lance and Joey...we seem to have patched things up to the point that they think they can stand to be in the room with me without wanting to throttle me.  No seriously, we're good.

'It was a little harder with Chris.  We had deeper issues.  I mean...he did marry my ex-wife.  I now realize that Annie was right all along.  She told me that it would never work and I would only end up hurting her.  Of course, you know how well I listen to advice.  Cassie and Chris were meant to be together.  They fit!

'By the way, Chris told me that he and Cassie are expecting too.  Seems they just found out last week.  What's with you guys?  Thinking of starting a future group - Children of *Nsync?

'Speaking of children, I still haven't been able to convince the two "mothers of my children" to let me be more than just a paycheck in their lives.  Hopefully, when I get out of here, I can have the chance to build a
relationship with them.  JC, I have two children and I haven't even held them.  Hell, I haven't even seen pictures!  Am I that much of a monster?  I guess I deserve it, though.  They were just convenient one night
stands...and now I'm paying for it.

'JC, now to you.  The things we said to each other the last time we were together...so hateful and mean!  I kept egging you on.  I knew that if I pushed you hard enough, you'd explode.  I know that you have a pretty scary temper when provoked...so I kept at it till I got you to hit me.  Of course, the only way to achieve that goal was to hit you first.  I remember the expression of rage that instantly melted into regret when you connected with my face.  You didn't know it, but you broke my nose.  I ran out of there because...the look in your eyes...that hurt worse than the punch.  You hadn't done a single thing wrong.  All of it was my fault.'

JC stopped.  Wiping his eyes, he laid his head back on the sofa and sighed. When he had composed himself, he picked up the letter and continued reading.

'If all goes well, I'll be out of here by the end of March.  I know you and Annie, not to mention Lance and Katarina, will have had your babies by then. I know you guys are planning to take some time off and not do any touring or the like, so you can have that time for your new additions.  Well, I would like to make you a proposal.  Joey, Lance and Chris say that it's all right with them.  You're the last one.  If you agree, it's a go!

'In the large envelope labeled MUSIC, you will find songs, lyrics, etc. that I've been working on.  I know that you always have music floating around that, with a little work, could be ready to record.  (Okay...a lot – I haven't forgotten what a perfectionist you are.)  Of course, I was always envious of how much dedication and love you put into your music.  Anyway, we still have an album to make for JIVE and was wondering...would you be interested in joining us and working on that album over the next few months?'

Stunned, JC put down the letter.  The thing he had wanted to happen for almost the last four years was now standing in front of him.  All he had to do was pick it up and take it!  But did he want to?  Did he want to put up with Justin and all of his crap again?  Had he truly changed...or was it just a ploy to get back on top?  JC shook his head, feeling slightly annoyed.  What was he going to do?

Just then, a quiet knock sounded on the door.  He got up and walked over, opening it up.

"Hi," Annie said quietly, holding out a tray of chocolate chip cookies and a cup of hot tea.  "Thought you might be needing these."

Taking them and motioning for her to come into the room, he smiled.  "How do you always seem to know what I need before I do?"

"I don't know.  Maybe it's because I love you so much and we have always been so connected.  People always say we're soul mates - two halves of one whole."  She smiled.  "Or the fact that you have been moping around and brooding for the past 3 days."  She tousled his hair playfully to take some of the sting out of the last part of her comment.

"Point taken," he admitted, smiling back.

"Plus," she added, "you haven't shaved, either.  Now, while I am partial to the scruffy look that you sometimes sport, you always do that when something is bothering you a lot."

He drew her into his arms and held close...it always gave him such comfort. "Annie, I need you to read Justin's letter and give me your honest opinion. I honestly don't know what to do."  He handed her the letter after she was seated on the sofa and then went over to the desk to eat the cookies and drink his tea.  He watched her face, seeing her eyes widen when he figured she got to the fight part.

When she'd finished, Annie set down the letter and stood.  Walking over to him, she placed her hand on his face.  "Don't decide here."  She moved her hand to his chest.  "But here."

 

Epilogue

 

6 Months Later

 

"This is MTV News.  The much anticipated and long awaited *Nsync album is due to hit stores today.  Called "Brothers United", the early buzz is that this will be a blockbuster, mega hit for the guys.  A true collaboration and one of their most personal albums; it contains songs written by each of the 5 members of *Nsync.  It’s an eclectic mixture of pop, rock, electronic and R&B with a little humor thrown in as well.  Over four years in the making, it was well worth the wait.  Let’s hope we don’t have to wait another 4 years for the next one.  Welcome back guys!  We missed you!!!

 

The End

 

Please tell Joeylance what you thought of this story!