Chapter 2 - Present
He rolled away from her and stood up. She
settled herself comfortably in his bed and watched as he threw on some clothes
and started to pace. Abruptly, he turned and faced her. “What are you doing
here?” He repeated, clearly distressed. “How did you get in here?!” He
sat down at the foot of the bed and looked coldly into her eyes. “Mackenzie,
answer me!” Sighing she sat up, still under the covers, and looked at him. “I
missed you! I heard you were going to be in town and I thought I’d come see
you. Just wanted to drop in on an old friend,” she said sweetly, playfully
batting her eyelashes at him. He looked at her incredulously. “An old friend?!”
Raking a hand through his hair, he shut his eyes and shook his head. “You
really think I consider you an old friend?” She crawled over to him and knelt
behind him on the bed. Leaning close, she draped her arms around his neck and
kissed his ear. “I’ve missed you too baby,” she said softly. She let her hands
wander down his chest as her lips found their way to his neck, kissing and
sucking as she went along. Still somewhat dazed, he let it go on for a few
moments before pushing her off and standing up again.
“You know what Mack?” He asked, his back
facing her. “I don’t even want to know why you’re here. Just leave ok?”
Frowning, she stood up and turned him around to face her. “No, I don’t want to
leave yet. I just got here. I meant it when I said I’ve missed you Brian! Why
don’t we go out and get something to drink, and we can—“ “Just stop Mack,” Brian
said coldly. “You make it sound like we’re old friends who’ve drifted apart.”
“Brian, look, I know we didn’t part on very good terms, but can’t we just put
that all in the past?” “It is in the past. And that’s where I want it to
stay,” he replied softly. Sighing, he sat back down and rubbed his eyes.
“Why are you really here? I know it’s
not just because you missed me. I’d bet that you haven’t even thought of me for
the past three years. Why now?” He had never really expected to see her again.
After everything she had put him through, he didn’t want to see her
again…ever. She just brought up too many memories. Memories and thoughts that
he had tried so hard to push away. But even now, after all this time, he was
still able to see that sad look in her eyes. Rarely had he been allowed to
glimpse it before, when they had been together, but each time it appeared he
would worry and ask questions. She hated answering them, he could tell, but she
always did. A part of him had and always would pity her, but he just really
didn’t want to deal with everything else she reminded him of.
That’s not true Brian. I think about you at
least once a day. But I know it’s not the same for you. It was never the same
for you. No matter how hard you tried, no matter how different I could’ve been;
there was always one thing that would keep you from ever loving me.
“Really Bri, I just noticed you were gonna
be here and I thought I’d come see you. Sorry to disappoint, but I don’t have
an ulterior motive.” Well, that’s not completely true, she thought. Actually,
I’ve been following you around for quite some time now because I miss you so
much it’s killing me. And today was an especially low point, so I finally
worked up the courage to do something about it. What I really want is to feel
your arms around me and have you tell me everything will be ok. You’re the only
person who ever made me feel the least bit safe.
Once again he glimpsed that look of sadness
and loneliness in her eyes, and so his compassionate side won out and he let
her stay. “I know you’re lying, but I’m not gonna press you for the real
reason. Now that I’m completely awake, I guess you can stay. For a little bit
at least. But I’m not going anywhere. If you want to be with me, you’ll have to
stay here.” She pouted and pretended to be disappointed. Truthfully, though,
there’s nothing she wanted more. “Hungry?” He asked. She laughed. “No, not
really, but it sounds like you are!”
“So Bri, how’ve ya been?” She asked after he
had settled them on the bed with some hotel pizza. “And for God’s sake you
don’t have to look at me all suspiciously; I just asked how you are!” Brian
shook his head and smiled. “Well, you can’t blame me for being cautious, can
you? I mean after all you did to me and—” “Do we have to talk about my mistakes?”
She asked softly, her eyes pleading with him not to bring up the past. Sighing
he shook his head. “No, we don’t have to.” The two of them sat back and
half-heartedly watched a movie. About two hours later, they heard three very
loud men in the hall, whose voices Mackenzie recognized as three of his band
mates. Brian stood up and made his way to the door. “Mack, stay here…please?”
She nodded and lounged out on the bed to prove that she wasn’t going anywhere.
But as soon as he left she grabbed her purse
and went into the bathroom. Seeing Brian, being so close to Brian for these
past few hours was getting to her. She needed to calm down, and only one thing
did that for her anymore. In truth, she hated the addiction. She knew it was
weak and above all she hated being weak. But it was too late for regrets…she
was in too deep. She took the small plastic bag out of her purse and emptied
her precious white powder onto the small flat mirror. Quickly, before Brian
returned, she did the last line of coke that she had. Seconds later, she was
out of the bathroom, feeling much less nervous than before.
She could tell from the loud conversation in
the hall that she still had a few minutes. Able to read Brian like a book, she
managed to locate his wallet in the back pocket of a pair of jeans that were
strewn on the floor. She took the small amount of cash that he had on him as
well as a credit card. She knew she would be able to use it at least once
before he cancelled it. And hunting her down to retrieve it was, she knew, out
of the question. First of all, he had enough money and didn’t really need to
worry. Second of all, locating her would require explaining who she was
and why she had access to him in the first place. And since no one knew about
her, and she knew that’s how Brian wanted to keep it, she wasn’t worried at
all.
She was back in the position he left her
with time to spare. When he returned about five minutes later, he was smiling
brightly. “You look happy,” she commented. He laughed and sat down next to her.
“You’d be smiling too if you had to help two silly ass drunks to bed.” She
smiled and moved closer to him, the cocaine making her bolder. His happy state
caused him not to notice. “Who?” She asked happily, her eyes shining a little
too brightly. “Nick and Howie.” He shook his head and laughed again. “As if
they’re not crazy enough…alcohol only makes them worse. But I think AJ gets a
bigger kick out of them than I do.” Hmm, AJ, she thought. Too bad
he’s fresh outta rehab or maybe he’d be able to help me out with some coke. She
wondered what Brian would think if he knew she had slept with AJ once. And she
wondered what AJ would think if he knew about her relationship with Brian. Then
again…AJ probably wouldn’t even remember her. But now, there was one thought
and one thought only on her mind.
“So, how is your precious Nicky?” She asked
in a soft, seductive voice. Instantly he jumped away from her saccharine voice
and her roaming hands. “I’m not gonna play that game with you again Mackenzie.
Why don’t you just leave?” His icy cold voice didn’t break through her
drug-induced haze. If it had, she would’ve quit while she was ahead. “Oh
Brian,” she pouted dramatically. “You mean you never told him how much you
wanna fuck him?”
He grabbed her by her arms and yanked her
off of his bed. “Mackenzie—” She kissed him roughly and wrapped her arms
tightly around his back. He tried to shake her off but she had a tight grip,
and he didn’t want to hurt her…physically. She kissed his cheek and nibbled on
his earlobe. “You never told him how badly you wanna kiss him and touch him?”
She whispered, her tongue swirling over his ear. “Why not Brian? He’s your best
friend, he loves you…maybe he wants more too.” “Stop it,” he whispered, her
words defeating him easily. She ran her hands up and down his back as she
continued planting soft kisses all over his neck and ear.
“How many times have you dreamed about him?
Fantasized about him?” She smiled devilishly as his breathing increased
slightly. “Running your hands through his pretty blonde hair, pressing your
lips to that perfectly sculpted mouth and tasting him? His naked body lying in
your bed, waiting for you? The way your eyes would connect as you make love to
him, and watching his face when he comes? Hearing him scream your name? You
want all of that so badly, don’t you Bri?” “Mackenzie, stop it, please,” he
begged, his eyes tightly shut, his arms now loosely wrapped around her waist.
When she pulled back and looked at him, he opened his eyes and instantly she
felt guilty. “You’ve never told anyone, huh?” She asked softly, trying to get
him to open up. He shook his head. “No,” he whispered.
Sighing, she pulled him to the bed and sat
down. Really wishing that she hadn’t taken that coke earlier, she grabbed a
bottle of water and downed about half of it in an attempt to clear her head.
She had wanted to tease him; she hadn’t wanted to make him upset. But now he
was, and it was all her fault. He was leaning forward, his elbows on his knees
and was staring at the floor. Tentatively, she reached out and put her hand on
his shoulder. “I’m sorry Brian,” she said softly. “I just don’t understand why
you won’t tell him and—” “And lose my best friend? I don’t think so,” he said,
turning to face her. “But why do you think you would lose him?” He laughed
bitterly and sat up. “Tell him I want him? That I’m attracted to him and
probably always have been? Tell him I’m gay? He’d flip!”
She bit her lip and frowned. He had never
actually said it out loud before…that he was gay. She had always known of his
fascination with his best friend. It was more than friendship. She had always
been able to see that in his eyes. Finally, after everything she could think
of, she had been able to get him to realize it. And that was how she lost him.
