All I’ve Ever Wanted

By:  Rhonda

If you only knew 
What I feel for you 
If you only lived for me 
The way I live for you 
I’d be in Heaven 
My dreams would come true 

Cause all I’ve ever wanted 
Is you 
And you alone 
And I love you so 
More than you could ever know 
All I’ve ever wanted 
Is you

 
If you were my own 
To caress and hold 
I would shower you with love 
And drown within your soul 
Cause I live and breathe for you 
And I really need you to know

 
Everything I do is for you 
You are every part of me 
And I don’t want to face 
Another day 
Alone 
Without Your love 

Chapter 1 - Present 

She watched him from across the street as he went into his hotel. Always the angel, he stopped to sign autographs for some eager young teenagers. Teenagers dressed to walk the streets. She sighed…anything to get attention, right? Exactly. He was the first one to arrive…typical. Show’s over, go home, no partying, go to sleep. He always had been boring. And annoying. Do this, don’t do that, why are you doing this? She shook her head…. Then why are you here, Mack? He’s a goody-goody loser, who just happens to be able to sing. What else has he got going for himself, really? She sighed again and sat back on the bench. “Hey babe, what’s up?” She looked up into the eyes of another drunken guy. Why was it that almost every guy who had ever been in her life, with the exception of one, was always drunk? “You waitin’ here for your favorite boy band fag?” He asked in a slurred voice. Not in the mood to get into a fight; she had a lot more important things on her mind, she tried to ignore him. But then he sat down next to her and ran his hand up her bare thigh, pushing his way under her skirt. “Why don’t you come home with me instead?” He asked, breathing heavily on her. She pushed her shoulder-length blonde hair off of her face, smiled sweetly and leaned closer. “Come home and do what baby?” She asked, seductively, her green eyes dark with apparent lust. He licked his lips and squeezed her thigh. “Have you pass out on top of me before you can even take off your fucking pants?! I don’t think so!” She pushed his hands away and stood up.  

Angered, he stood up as well and tried to pull her against himself. Long since able to defend herself, she grabbed a hold of his shoulders and kneed him in the groin. She laughed as she pushed him onto the bench and walked away. “Fucking bitch!” She laughed again and made her way across the street.  

Really girls, you don’t have to look so desolate. You want to get into a Backstreet Boys’ hotel room? It’s simple. A pretty smile, a good story, and a little cleavage go a long way. Unless there’s a woman working…well, it depends on the woman…it could still work. She walked past the screaming fans, many of which gave her dirty looks for being able to get inside. “I’m sorry miss, but can I see your key card?” Asked the doorman. “Of course!” She replied, smiling brightly. She began digging through her purse, being sure to appear more and more frustrated as she couldn’t find it. “I know it’s in here somewhere, I just…this just isn’t my day!” She cried, shedding a few tears. “I came all the way from Atlanta to surprise my boyfriend, and he tells me it’s not working out! Now what am I supposed to do? I love him so much and….” She stopped, wiped her eyes and lightly pressed herself against the doorman. “I’m so sorry…I know you don’t want to hear all of this!” She leaned closer to him, making sure he was more than able to see down her low cut shirt. She was careful to hide her smile, when she noticed he dropped his eyes to her chest. Ah, breasts…works every time! “It’s ok miss; I’m pretty sure I saw you here this morning. You go on in, ok? And don’t worry, someone as pretty as you won’t have any trouble in finding someone new.” He smiled and opened the door for her. She sniffled, pathetically and thanked him.  

She made her way to the elevators and glanced up at the number of floors. Ten. That means they’d be staying on nine. ‘Everyone always thinks we’d stay on the top floor, so we move down one!’ She laughed silently to herself. Really…and you think your fans are stupid enough to not figure that out?! She got into the elevator and pressed eight. Once there she found the nearest stairwell and made her way up a flight.  

It was late, and security, she knew, would want to sleep. They trusted the hotel staff not to let anyone up here who shouldn’t be here. They should be more careful. Now for the tricky part. Finding his room. Hiding herself in the stairwell, she watched as three out of five guys left, dressed for a night out, arguing over where they should go. Reluctantly, security followed, complaining about never getting any sleep. They had come out of three doors all right next to each other. And security had come out of rooms across the hall. Thinking back to the way it had always been before, she managed to pinpoint his room between two. The hall was once again silent as she crept stealthily towards the two rooms. She paused outside of the first one and listened at the door. Nothing. Moving on to the next, she heard a one-sided conversation. Ah, so Kevin’s talking to his wife. Perfect, I’ve found my room. Now, as long, as he’s still as trusting of the world as he always was…. She smiled. The door was unlocked. 

Quickly, she let herself in, not at all surprised by the complete darkness that met her. She shut the door carefully, so as not to make a sound, and waited for her eyes to adjust. After a few minutes she realized it was not as dark as she had previously thought. The drapes were partially open and moonlight filtered into the room. Silently, she crept closer, and froze when she saw him.  

He was asleep. In sleep he became even more of an angel than by day. He lay on his back, one arm out to the side, the other on his naked chest. His mouth was partly open, and his hair was damp against the pillow. She swallowed the lump in her throat and shook her head. Once again, as she had so many times before, she pushed all of those sweet dreams and feelings of hope he had created in her down so far that hopefully, this time, she’d never be able to feel them again. She couldn’t allow herself to feel them. Because nothing would ever come of it. And she wouldn’t survive. 

She lay down on the bed next to him and sighed. Maybe this had been a mistake. He was bad for her. All of her real heartache, all of her real pain, and all of her real trouble stopped and started with him. But, like so many other things, she was addicted to him. And it had been over three years since she had gotten a fix. 

She leaned over and turned on the bedside lamp. All thoughts of leaving and letting him go were gone. She reached out and ran her hand through his damp hair until it reached the back of his neck. He shivered slightly and moved somewhat closer. Her hand lightly ran down his back, over his ass, and came to rest on his hip. Leaning closer, she pressed her lips to his forehead, his soft cheeks and finally his lips.  

Knowing it wouldn’t last very long; she kissed him softly for a second before attempting to deepen the kiss. She felt herself start to melt when her tongue touched his. He still tastes like heaven, she thought absently. When his arms encircled her back and pulled her against him, she sighed and kissed him harder. She knew it wouldn’t be too much longer until…. He pulled back and his eyes flew open. They were clouded for only a second before the realization of who he was with kicked in. She could see the exact moment it happened. In a matter of seconds, the look in his eyes went from confusion to shock to disgust.  

“Jesus Christ, Mackenzie! What the fuck are you doing here?!” Hmm, he swore. He never swears…or at least he never used to. The dull ache in her heart was back. The only reason he was swearing now was because she was here. But she had to push that aside. “Well, it’s good to see you too Brian!” 

All I’ve Ever Had >