Lead The Way

By:  Rhonda

Chapter 1

Brian looked over at the blonde boy asleep in his bed and wondered, again, how all of this had come to pass. How on earth had this sweet, naïve fourteen year old become his best friend? How had they become so close in so little time? And why couldn’t he seem to let go of him, no matter how many times he told himself it would be best for both of them? 

Brian was nineteen, a freshman in college, living alone in his own apartment that his rich parents paid for. It was their way of showing their love, if you could call it that…it also meant they didn’t have to see Brian anymore than was necessary. Theirs was not a particularly loving family. Then again, it wasn’t a particularly cruel family either. Everyone was pretty much indifferent to one another, which in a way was even worse than if they had yelled and screamed all the time. 

Once he had graduated from his pricey European boarding school, Brian had jumped on the chance at college far away from his parents’ Park Avenue apartment in New York. Not that they had complained. They had quickly volunteered to help get him into any school he wanted and to set him up in a luxurious apartment near the campus of his choice. And so here he was in sun-shiny southern California, miles away from his family and living more like a rich bachelor rather than a college freshman. 

Another bonus to life in California was his aunt Cindy. The only member of his family that he truly loved and who truly loved him. She lived only minutes away in a modest house overlooking the ocean. Like Brian, she had never really wanted to be a part of their family. While Brian had refused to follow in his father’s and older brother’s footsteps and become a banker; Cindy had refused to marry someone for money and become a trophy wife. Instead, she had met a middle-class elementary school teacher named Brad, fell in love and moved with him to California. Cindy often joked that she and Brian both must have been mix-ups in the hospital, and somewhere out there, their real families were wondering why their children were so cold and uncaring. Switched at birth…it was her favorite theory. 

It was Cindy, though, who had introduced him to Nick, the fourteen-year-old boy. Nick was the eldest son of Cindy’s best friend, Jane, who herself was married to an upper class CEO. But unlike Brian’s parents, Jane and Bob were kind, caring people. In their case, rich did not equal cold. 

About four months ago Cindy insisted that Brian come with her and Brad to a beach party at Bob and Jane’s condo. It took some persuading, but eventually Brian gave in; he had a tough time saying no to his aunt Cindy. But once he got there he discovered almost immediately that he should have stayed at home, or gone to the beach with some of his friends from college…anything but come to the wholesome family beach party. There wasn’t anyone there under thirty or over ten, and the only thing he wanted to do was leave. But that was, of course, until he saw him. 

Another thing about Brian that didn’t fit into his family’s prim and proper background? He was bisexual. He had discovered that fact during his high school years in boarding school. And while he had never really been in a relationship with another guy, there had been a few one-night stands, and a few that stuck around longer than that. 

He was sitting in his deck chair, alone, trying to avoid everyone, just sipping on lemonade and gazing out at the ocean, when the blonde haired boy caught his eye. He couldn’t be much more than fourteen and the two bleached blonde little kids he was playing with looked to be about five. But Brian paid them little attention. His eyes were stuck on the tall, gangly teenager. As he watched him playing in the sand and surf, he swallowed hard and took another well-needed sip of his drink. Something about the boy was so…captivating. Brian couldn’t get past his youthful beauty…he was completely bewitched. 

His aunt chose that moment to sit down next to him on the deck. Reluctantly, Brian looked away from the boy and smiled half-heartedly at her. His heart was beating so quickly and he could barely catch his breath…but he hid all that quite well. “I’m sorry honey, I know you’re bored,” Cindy said, smiling sympathetically. “If you want, you can drive Brad’s car home and just come back and pick us up later,” she offered. He probably should have nodded and taken her up on her offer. But out of the corner of his eye he could still see the blonde teen, and his curiosity was jut too strong. He smiled at his aunt and shook his head. “Nah, I’m ok, besides they have great food here.” Cindy laughed. “So, aunt Cindy…who are all these people?” He asked lightly, hoping that she’d be able to put a name to the blonde he had simply been thinking of as beauty. 

She rattled off names to him, interjecting her own comments about each person. Finally, her eyes wandered out to the beach. “Oh and those are Jane’s three children,” she said, smiling. Brian tried his best to keep the same indifferent look on his face, but it was hard. “The two little ones are twins. Aaron and Angel. They’re six and are incredibly sweet…although they’re quite rowdy! And the older one is Nick. He’s fourteen.” Nick… Brian turned from his aunt to observe the three of them again, not really listening as she babbled on about Jane’s pretty family. As he watched them though, her previous words ran through his head. Nick. He’s fourteen…fourteen!  

For the first time Brian thought about what he had been doing. He had been staring at a fourteen year old, had been bewitched by a fourteen year old…. God…he was five years older than that beautiful boy. Five years older and from a completely different world. 

“You want to meet him?” Cindy asked, her question breaking through Brian’s thoughts. Meet him? No, that would be a bad idea… “Sure,” Brian replied, standing up with his aunt to follow her down to the beach. He tried to tell himself that meeting Nick would be a good thing. This captivating creature would probably lose most of his allure once he met him. After all, Brian had only glimpsed him from afar…he could look completely different up close. And Brian was sure that the two of them would have nothing in common. What could he possibly find to talk about with a fourteen year old? But the closer they got, the more nervous Brian became. It was ridiculous really. Why was he so nervous? His heart was pounding in his chest and he couldn’t seem to get enough air. 

“Nick!” Cindy yelled, smiling when the boy turned from the water’s edge and smiled at her. “Come’re,” she called, motioning him closer. He glanced at his younger siblings first, making sure they were far enough away from the water before walking over to where Cindy and Brian stood. Brian had never felt this way in his life. He was petrified, and quite positive that he’d make a complete fool of himself.  

His earlier assumptions had definitely been wrong. Nick was even more beautiful up close than he had been from a distance. Oh God…I’ve never seen someone so gorgeous… His eyes were a bright blue that sparkled with every smile. His hair was light blonde and fell to his ears. Brian couldn’t help wondering what it felt like…if it was as soft as it looked. He was tall for his age and seemed to still be growing into his limbs. But his skin was flawless, slightly tan, his shoulders and the bridge of his nose reddened from the sun. And his mouth was…fantastic. Red, full lips that probably looked even more gorgeous if he pouted, or if they were swollen…from kisses. Stop it! 

“Nick, this is my nephew, Brian. And Brian, this is Nick, Jane’s oldest son,” Cindy said, smiling at both of them. Nick smiled at him and Brian nearly fainted. But he pulled himself together and smiled back…as best he could when his knees felt as if they might collapse at any moment. 

“Hey,” Nick said, somewhat shyly. Brian melted. “Hey,” he managed to reply. Cindy glanced past them and saw Aaron heading towards the water. “I’ll be right back,” she said, placing a hand on both of their arms. “Your brother’s getting a little too close to the water,” she said to Nick before leaving them and catching the child in her arms. “So…” Nick began nervously, his eyes darting around. “You wanna swim or something?” He asked tentatively. It was easy enough for Brian to figure out that Nick was nervous because of their age difference. Freshmen in college rarely hung out with freshmen in high school. Brian knew that the best thing to do would be to remain aloof and keep his distance. But…he couldn’t. He was drawn to the boy, both by his beauty and also now, by his seemingly shy and innocent demeanor. “Sure,” Brian replied warmly, smiling at him. “If you think aunt Cindy will wanna look after your brother and sister,” he added. 

Nick glanced over at them and then back at Brian. He grinned. “Well, if we get into the water first…she won’t have a chance to say no,” Nick said devilishly, his eyes twinkling with mischief. Brian smiled, already feeling much more at ease. Figuring he’d dry off by the time they were ready to leave, Brian took off his shirt and shoes and left them in the sand. The two of them glanced over at Cindy again, who seemed to have her hands full with the twins, and then at each other. Smiling, they ran to the water and quickly made their way past the breakers until the water was chest-deep. When they looked back at the shore, Cindy was yelling something at them, which they couldn’t hear, thanks to the waves. Aaron and Angel seemed to be laughing at them while they did their best to throw clumps of wet sand into the water. 

Brian knew that Cindy truly didn’t mind looking after the children. She was dying to have some of her own, and he knew she’d welcome the chance to baby-sit them for a while. And about a half hour after Nick and Brian had left her stranded, Jane made her way down the beach to help Cindy out with the twins.  

Meanwhile, the two of them discovered that talking to each other was incredibly easy, much more so than either had expected. Nick, after meeting Brian, had been somewhat intimidated, because of his age; and Brian had been nervous around Nick because he found himself so captivated by the boy’s beauty and genuine sweetness. But, conversation came easily to them. It was as if they had known one another for years and were catching up after a long time apart. As they floated and swam in the warm ocean water, Brian told Nick almost everything there was to know about him. He talked about his family, how they didn’t really care whether he was around or not, and how that was the reason for his being in California.  

Nick found himself drawn to Brian in a way he’d never been drawn to anyone before. Part of it was because Brian was older than him, part of it was because Nick didn’t have many friends and if Brian liked him then there must be something about him that was ‘cool.’ And then part of it he just couldn’t explain. Normally, he would clam up or become clumsy and shy around people he didn’t know…especially people who were around Brian’s age. But with Brian, Nick didn’t feel as if he had anything to be embarrassed about…he was confident, for whatever reason, that no matter what he said, Brian wouldn’t laugh at him or think he was weird.  

And so he told Brian about himself…something he rarely talked about with someone he had just met. How his life at home had always been sheltered. There was no doubt that he loved his family more than anything in the world…but sheltered was the key word. He went on to tell Brian that he didn’t have many friends, and those that were, weren’t the kind of friend that one could tell all their secrets too. He told Brian that he wanted to be an artist some day, and that his current goal in life was to beat the video game, Zelda.  

When they finally emerged from the water about two hours later, they were laughing with each other as if they had been friends all their lives. Both Jane and Cindy watched, with smiles on their faces as Nick led Brian inside to dry off and get something to eat. The two women were thrilled that they had hit it off so well. They knew that the two of them needed someone to be close to; someone to talk things over with…they both needed a best friend.  

~*~*~ 

“Brian?” He turned around at the sound of his voice and looked over to where Nick lay in bed, peeking out at him from under the covers. Brian left the window seat where he had been watching the thunderstorm and thinking, and joined Nick in bed. Ever since that day at Nick’s parents’ beach party, the two of them had become quite inseparable. 

While most of the people in his college classes were going out and partying every weekend, Brian spent his at home with Nick. Neither parties, drinking, nor girls held as much appeal for Brian as a night in his apartment watching movies with Nick did. Or playing video games with Nick, or just talking with Nick. At first, Brian had been somewhat leery of their friendship, being that the reason he had been drawn to Nick in the first place was because he found him so beautiful. But, the boy could hold his attention for hours, or listen for hours. Brian had never, in his life, been so comfortable with anyone as much as he was with Nick. He had worried that Nick’s parents would find it strange that he wanted to hang out with their fourteen year old son so often, but they never said anything about it. Brian assumed that Cindy had probably talked with them and told them how lonely Brian was and how he had never really got the chance to be a child himself, but with Nick he could be open and experience things he had been deprived of as a young teenager. 

Nick, on the other hand, had been convinced that Brian would probably never want to see him again after the beach party. Even though they had hit it off so well, and Brian had been nothing but kind to him; he was still sure that somewhere along the line, he had done something wrong and he would never hear from the older teen again. So, he had been quite surprised, and very overjoyed, when Brian had called him up a few days later and offered to take him to the movies. Afterwards, Brian had taken him home, and after some persuading, had stayed for dinner with his family. 

And so it began. It wasn’t unusual for Brian to stop by their house after his afternoon classes and wait for Nick to return home from high school. The two of them would often spend the rest of the day together on the beach at Nick’s house or in his game room playing video games and entertaining his younger siblings. And on the days when Brian didn’t stop by, Nick often called him on the phone and they would talk for hours about nothing in particular. 

It took a few weeks, but eventually Brian invited Nick to come to his apartment. His parents had seen no reason not to let him visit; after all, they were overjoyed to see their son so happy, and to finally have a best friend, and after all, they had no reason to distrust Brian. Nick was awed by Brian’s apartment and had instantly declared it the coolest place he had ever been. Soon, he was spending much of his free time there, whenever he needed time away from his parents or his brother and sister. It didn’t take long before Nick was begging his mom and dad to let him spend the night at Brian’s awesome apartment. Of course, it didn’t take Brian long to realize, then, that Nick had never spent a night away from his family…. 

Coming back from the bathroom in the middle of the night, Brian heard a small sound from down the hall. It was almost like a whimper, a cry… His heart caught in his throat, and without explanation, he knew it was Nick. Softly, he crept to the door of his guest bedroom and listened there for a few moments. It was definitely crying…soft, scared cries…and it was definitely Nick. He swallowed hard and pushed the door open. The blonde was lying on the bed, curled into a ball with his back facing Brian. He looked so scared and so alone…Brian’s heart ached at the thought of him feeling either. 

Soundlessly he had stepped forward to the edge of the bed and looked down at Nick. His heart was pounding in his chest and he was trembling. He knew what he wanted to do, what he had to do, but the thought in itself was both terrifying and exciting. As smoothly as he could he sat down on the edge of the bed and reached his hand out to touch the boy. Nick jumped and turned his head to look up into Brian’s eyes. He shut them tightly the next minute, terribly embarrassed for Brian to see him this way. He must think I’m such a baby! But Brian only ran his hand down Nick’s arm and whispered; “What’s the matter Nick?” He said it so tenderly that Nick wasn’t afraid to answer. 

He turned again to meet Brian’s eyes and then took a deep breath. “I’ve…I’ve never spent…the night away from…h-home,” he whimpered, sniffling softly and wiping at his eyes. Suddenly, the tears had stopped; Brian’s presence made him feel safe. Brian smiled gently at him, and did something he’d wanted to do since the day they had met. He reached up, almost absently, and brushed Nick’s blonde hair away from his eyes. Involuntarily, he shivered…it is as soft as it looks.  

“Do you want me to take you home?” He asked softly, hoping he didn’t sound condescending in any way. Nick instantly shook his head. “No, I just…” he trailed off and looked away from Brian as his cheeks turned pink with embarrassment. “What is it Nicky?” Brian asked softly, not realizing that this was the first time he had called him that. But Nick did, and it made him realize that Brian would not be disgusted with him if he asked of him what he truly wanted. “Would you stay with me…tonight?” Nick asked in a small voice, his eyes hopeful. 

For a moment or two, Brian did nothing. Oh, he wanted to stay with Nick. The thought of sleeping next to the beautiful blonde all night long was more than tempting. But, on the other hand, he was afraid of what could potentially happen…not that he planned on letting Nick know how attractive he found him. But he was more afraid for himself…of what he might feel if he lay in bed all night next to him. However, Nick’s soft, pleading eyes got the best of him, and saying no just would have been cruel. 

And so he agreed, slipping beneath the covers with his best friend and settling himself next to him. His heartbeat increased significantly when Nick snuggled closer to him, forcing Brian to spoon him and tentatively wrap an arm around his chest. Nick sighed contentedly and Brian tried to stay as still as possible. The feel of the boy in his arms was more than he had bargained for. Discreetly, he pressed himself closer, held Nick tighter, shivering every time his hand brushed the soft, silky skin of Nick’s arm. He nestled his head up against his neck and breathed in the sweet, innocent scent of the teenager, knowing that he’d instantly become addicted to it. It took Brian hours to fall asleep, while Nick had never felt so warm and comfortable in his life. No one’s arms had ever felt so safe or secure…not even his own mother’s. He fell asleep quickly, nestled in Brian’s embrace, knowing he’d probably sleep better than he ever had. 

After that, it was just assumed that whenever Nick spent the night at Brian’s, they would sleep in the same bed. Neither of them ever questioned it or examined the rights and wrongs of the situation. They just knew it was something they both wanted…needed. Eventually it went a step further and they often ended up in each other’s arms, sometimes running their fingers through each other’s hair, on the couch when they were watching television or a movie. The soft, physical contact of holding each other only increased their friendship, only made it stronger. Although, on some level, they both seemed to realize that it was different than something other best friends…best guy friends, did with each other. And so, they only ever really held and softly petted one another when they were in the confines of Brian’s apartment. 

~*~*~ 

Brian lay on his side, facing Nick, smiling softly when the blonde jumped at the next crash of thunder. Nick reached out for him and pulled him closer; Brian wrapped his arm around his waist, knowing the boy would feel safer that way. He had been sure that with time his fascination with Nick would have diminished, at least somewhat, but it was still as strong as the day they’d met. It still happened, every time he saw Nick…he had to pause a moment and catch his breath. The boy’s beauty still captivated him that much. 

“Bri…can I ask you something?” Nick asked softly, seeming to be quite nervous suddenly. Absently, Brian began moving his fingers in small circles over Nick’s t-shirt covered back. “Sure Nick…you know you can ask me anything,” he replied, watching as Nick nervously licked his lips and looked around, anywhere but at Brian’s eyes. He had been thinking of asking Brian this for weeks, but every time he had thought about it, something had happened to change his mind. But now, as he lay safe in Brian’s warm arms, he had managed to gather enough courage to ask him for the thing he wanted most. 

“Brian, I’m…I’m already fourteen,” he began softly, gathering Brian’s t-shirt in his hand and nervously tugging on it. “And I’ve…well I’ve never…I haven’t kissed anyone,” he blurted out, blushing with embarrassment. Brian stopped his soothing movements on Nick’s back and stared at him. He really wasn’t surprised by Nick’s words; he knew how shy and insecure Nick could be. And somewhere, in the back of his mind, he knew what was coming next, but that didn’t stop him from freezing in nervous shock when Nick asked him a question. “Would you kiss me?” He whispered timidly, his big blue eyes looking scared and hopeful as he gazed into Brian’s. 

If their friendship wasn’t the way it was; if they didn’t share this close bond that allowed them to feel so physically comfortable with each other…Nick probably never would have asked him. He was only fourteen…he really couldn’t recognize everything he felt when he was with Brian. It didn’t matter that Brian was another guy…it was Brian whom he felt safest with; whom he was most comfortable around. On some level, Nick knew that he was attracted to Brian, that their relationship was different, more intimate, than an average friendship…but none of that really mattered. All he cared about at that moment was that Brian be his first kiss. 

“Please Bri…I trust you and I’m…comfortable with you. I just…I just wanna know what it’s like and you…you’re the only one I’d ever tell any of this to, the only one I’d ever ask…please?” He said softly, quickly. Brian couldn’t catch his breath, and suddenly Nick’s soft body in his arms seemed so much warmer. This shouldn’t be happening, he shouldn’t even be thinking about kissing Nick. Oh but he wanted to…more than anything he wanted to. Just the thought of it…the thought of feeling those full lips on his, tasting that sweet mouth…involuntarily he shivered. Nick’s eyes were pleading with him, desperate and hopeful. 

“Nick…” he began, trying to remain calm, to sound rational. But Nick paled at the sound of Brian’s voice. He panicked. “I’m sorry Bri,” he whispered, blushing furiously and pulling away from him. “I just thought…I didn’t…you’re disgusted that I asked, aren’t you?” He said softly, his voice nervous and frightened. Brian reacted instantly. He pulled Nick back into his arms and ran his fingers through his soft blonde hair. “No, no, no,” he whispered quickly, tipping Nick’s chin up so that he could look into his eyes. “No, Nicky, I don’t think that at all,” he said softly, again running his fingers through the boy’s blonde locks. Nick relaxed slightly, lulled by Brian’s embrace and soothing movements in his hair. Brian sighed and saw that Nick was watching him intently, waiting. He knew he’d have to explain. 

“I’m not disgusted with you,” he repeated, reassuring the boy. “Nick…I’m bisexual,” he admitted softly. Nick’s mouth fell open in surprise. “You are?” He asked. Brian smiled sheepishly and nodded. That simple fact was really the only thing that Brian had kept from him. And there were two reasons for that, really. First of all, he was incredibly attracted to Nick, and he never wanted Nick to feel strange around him, like he was going to jump on him at any moment. Secondly, he knew that he had made a large impression on Nick in the short time he had known him. He could easily see how much Nick looked up to and admired him. And no matter how misguided Brian thought that judgment might be, he knew he had the power to influence Nick and the choices he made. And if Nick was, indeed, bisexual, gay, whatever, that was fine, but Brian wanted Nick to make that discovery on his own, not to just feel that way only because Brian did. 

Nick bit down on his lower lip and gently squeezed Brian’s back. “Then…” “Nick, I don’t know if we should,” Brian interrupted quickly, knowing what Nick was going to say. “I don’t want this to change anything between us, or make things weird…I’d hate to lose your friendship over a kiss…” Brian said softly, surprised at just how worried about that he was. It had only been about six months but he really couldn’t imagine his life without Nick anymore. 

“You wouldn’t,” Nick replied simply, his eyes shining as they looked into Brian’s. “I want it to be you because there’s no one else that I trust more and…and I know that just a kiss could never come between us…” he trailed off and shifted even closer to Brian. Shyly, he reached up and ran his fingers through Brian’s soft curls. “Please Bri…” he said very softly, his face now inches from Brian’s. 

Brian knew Nick didn’t realize how seductive he was, but it didn’t matter…Brian fell under his spell and he couldn’t resist. He took a deep breath and slowly nodded. “Are you sure?” He whispered, looking deeply into Nick’s eyes. Nick slid his hand to the back of Brian’s neck and nodded. “Yes,” he replied softly. Brian said nothing, trying to calm his frantic heart, his racing pulse. He had never been so nervous in all his life, so afraid… 

He slid his hand to Nick’s cheek and cupped it in his palm. The skin was so soft he shivered as he let his fingertips brush the boy’s temple and ear. They were only inches apart, their eyes locked on one another, seeing strong, intense feelings there. Brian glanced down at the boy’s mouth, biting down on his own lip as he watched Nick nervously lick his lips. It was too much…being this close to Nick, the sweet scent of the boy surrounding him and drugging his senses, feeling his soft skin beneath his fingertips…he couldn’t wait any longer. 

Brian took one last deep breath and then softly pressed his lips to Nick’s. Both of them closed their eyes and sighed softly. The spark that jumped between them the moment their lips met was both powerful and lulling. Slowly, softly, Brian pressed his fingers to the back of Nick’s neck and drew him further into the kiss. He began moving his lips softly over the blonde’s, marveling at how soft they felt. Nick sighed sweetly and melted into Brian’s arms. Already he was amazed, bewitched, and eager for more. Shyly, he parted his lips slightly, letting Brian know he wanted more, that he was ready.  

Brian leaned into Nick and let his hand slide down from his neck to his back. Slowly, he let his tongue touch Nick’s lower lip. He smiled to himself when the boy jumped slightly and tugged on his hair. Brian took his time, softly sweeping his tongue over Nick’s lips, teasing both of them with the prospect of more. Finally, when Nick was desperately pulling him closer and Brian himself couldn’t go another second without tasting him; he slid his tongue between Nick’s lips, into his waiting mouth. Nick whimpered when Brian’s tongue touched his. His whole body felt like liquid, his heart was fluttering in his chest…he had never expected a simple kiss to feel so good. He couldn’t help the moan that left his lips when Brian made the kiss deeper and began exploring his mouth with his tongue. Nothing had ever felt so good…he never wanted this kiss to end. 

Brian felt the same way. His head was spinning…Nick tasted so sweet. He knew then and there that he’d never get enough. And those soft little moans he was making, those whimpers…they were driving Brian crazy. In his mind he could see himself devouring Nick, touching him, kissing every inch of his body…he knew he’d be fantasizing, even more so than usual, about the boy for weeks. He went further then, slanting his mouth over Nick’s and kissing him deeper. The kiss got better with every second.  

Soon, Nick lost some of his shyness and began responding more eagerly. Brian nearly jumped when he felt the boy softly licking his tongue, his fingers tugging on strands of Brian’s hair…all this as he unconsciously pressed his body closer. Brian knew exactly what Nick wanted, and he was more than eager to let him have it. The two of them shifted in bed so that Brian lay almost on his back with Nick partially on top of him. Now Brian could wrap both of his arms around the boy and pull him even closer. Slowly, somewhat reluctantly, he lessened their kisses, drawing back and hoping he could get Nick to continue. He knew that was what Nick wanted…he just wasn’t sure if Nick knew what he wanted. But he followed Brian’s lead naturally. 

He pressed his swollen lips more fully to Brian’s and tentatively slipped his tongue into his mouth. Brian couldn’t help the small moan that left his mouth. Softly, shyly, Nick touched his tongue to Brian’s, explored his mouth… Nick started to tremble; he was so overcome with new feelings…feelings that were intense and hot and indescribable. It was more than just a kiss. They both realized that, but only Brian knew that he couldn’t let it go any further. Nick’s touch, his taste…everything about him was overwhelming Brian’s senses. He knew he had to stop before it went too far, but he hardly wanted to. 

Slowly, he slid his hands up Nick’s back, over his neck and into his silky hair. He framed the boy’s face in his hands and once again took control of the kiss. He let Nick continue his exploration a little while longer before pulling back slightly. Gradually, he made the kiss lighter and lighter until their lips were barely brushing each other. Finally Brian pulled back completely and looked up at Nick. His eyes were still closed, his hair falling slightly across his face. His cheeks were flushed and his lips were swollen… Brian swallowed hard, unnerved by the fact that Nick looked even more beautiful now. He looked like…sin. He was young, innocent, beautiful…and so forbidden. 

Nick opened his eyes and smiled dreamily at Brian. He leaned down and tenderly kissed him on the cheek before nestling himself against his chest, his legs comfortably tangled around Brian’s. Brian squeezed his eyes shut and tightened his arms around the boy as he snuggled himself even closer. Oh Nicky…Nicky…baby, this is so wrong. All of it…I shouldn’t be holding you like this…touching you…and I never, ever should have kissed you… Brian’s conscience was making him feel more and more guilty by the second. Yet, at the same time, the feel of Nick falling asleep in his arms was so…right. That kiss had been so good…and although outwardly everything told him it was wrong, inside he was tingling and smiling. He was more addicted to Nick now than ever before…and he loved it. 

~*~*~ 

To both Brian’s dismay and delight, that was not their only kiss. It was almost always Nick who initiated their kisses. Whether they were lying in bed at night or watching a movie, or just playing around…it was always Nick who started things. After a while Brian was able to figure out when Nick was going to kiss him. He’d look over at him shyly, his eyes shining secretly, and he’d always lick his lips. The first time it happened, they had been watching television, when suddenly, Nick had been much closer to him, practically on his lap. He had turned his head and suddenly Nick was pressing his lips to Brian’s. He had been too surprised to stop him and the kiss had lasted a good five minutes, just as sweet and just as potent as the first one. When they had broken apart, Brian asked him why he had kissed him. Nick had simply smiled and nestled closer to him. “Just because,” he had replied softly as he went back to watching television. 

Brian wasn’t sure what to do. On one hand, he knew he shouldn’t let Nick think that they could kiss each other all the time. But then again, he loved kissing Nick. Each time it happened, he told himself it had to stop, but he never resisted when Nick pressed his mouth to his. 

There were only a few times that Brian had been the one to make the first move. Times when Nick had been just too hard for him to resist. The first time it happened, they had been coming back from the beach. Being that the beach was only a few blocks from Brian’s apartment, they had walked. But halfway there, it had started to rain, harder and harder until they were both drenched. The two of them hadn’t been able to stop laughing about it, and by the time they had reached Brian’s door, they had both been sopping wet.  

Still laughing, they had gone inside, stopping in the kitchen so that they wouldn’t drip all over the carpet. Nick had still been giggling when Brian had glanced at him. The boy had been soaked…his clothes stuck to his skinny body, his hair plastered to his forehead… Brian’s glance at his friend quickly turned into a stare. And Nick hadn’t moved when Brian had walked over to him and softly traced his cheek with his fingers. You’re beautiful… He had wanted to say that, but the words wouldn’t leave his mouth. So he had leaned down and kissed the boy instead. Nick had slid his arms up and around Brian’s neck as Brian had slipped his arms around Nick’s waist. The kiss had been slow and tender, lasting for what seemed like hours as they had softly touched and tasted one another. 

But even as the kisses became a regular occurrence, Brian remained torn. He knew that he was influencing Nick more than he should. He knew for a fact that Nick often declined invitations to parties or random get-togethers with friends from school so that he could be with Brian. Part of Brian was flattered, but more of him was worried. He wanted Nick to make his own decisions, to experience more than just what he could offer him…he knew that if he told that to Nick now, the boy would only be hurt, thinking that Brian didn’t want to be around him. But what about later on, when Nick looked back…would he regret not doing more typical teenage things, or meeting more people? And on another more immediate note, Brian began to realize that Nick would probably let him do almost anything he wanted to him. His trust seemed to be unwavering. That scared Brian. What if, one day, while they were making out, Brian couldn’t resist and decided to take more? He knew that Nick would give him anything and everything…and that terrified him. 

But there was no denying Brian’s infatuation with him nor how much he truly cared for Nick. He truly had never had such a caring, loving and kind friend. In fact, he had never had a best friend at all. Nick made him smile in a way no one had ever been able to. Nick made him feel more comfortable with himself…he didn’t have to be someone he wasn’t around Nick. He didn’t want to lose any of that. Turning Nick away might result in him losing the boy’s complete faith and adoring admiration. So he remained caught in the middle, unable to push him away, afraid to let him any closer…. 

Lead The Way >