Chapter 10

New York was gray and rainy when Nick arrived. It was almost four in the afternoon and he quickly headed straight to his dorm building, signed in at the appropriate places and took the familiar route to his room. Once he had unpacked his stuff and showered, he was left to face the fact that he was all alone on his floor and there was nothing and no one to keep his mind off of Brian. Eager for some noise, he turned on the television and lay on his bed, trying to force his mind to pay attention to the sitcom he had turned to. But it was useless. All he could think of was Brian. Over and over again he tortured himself, replaying that scene on the beach in his mind to the point of tears. He didn’t know what to do. 

He thought about calling Madison. She only lived across town…but what if she wasn’t home? He wasn’t quite sure where Alex or Howie would be, being that they had graduated last year. And even though Jennifer was probably close by as well, Nick didn’t feel comfortable enough to call her up and pour out his heart. In the end he decided that he’d rather be alone. No matter what good intentions his friends would have upon hearing what had happened, none of them knew what it felt like. He didn’t think that they could comfort him right now. He didn’t think that anyone could comfort him right now. 

But he could lose himself. Making a rash decision, he got up, changed his clothes and went out into the city. It was already nine o’clock and many bars were already in the middle of happy hour. He passed on the normal clubs he and his friends frequented and found a smaller, darker, less friendly looking establishment. No one bothered him when he sat alone and ordered drink after drink. No one cared enough to stop him. He was glad. By the time he left, his head was spinning and he could barely stand up straight. But the pain in his heart wasn’t quite so bad. 

Despite his drunken state, he managed to make his way down the street to Velvet, the club he had been to with Kevin. Since it was past midnight he wasn’t surprised to find it packed. Not caring that he was already drunk enough, he ordered another drink and soon found himself on the dance floor with a gorgeous blonde-haired man. Nothing mattered while he danced under the red and white lights and gulped down another drink. The music, the alcohol and the touch of his dance partner kept him from thinking. There wasn’t enough time, and thanks to the alcohol he didn’t have enough focus to think or to feel. 

Although they had danced and later made out for a good portion of the night, Nick was in no state or mood to go anywhere or do anything more with the blonde whose name he kept forgetting. Fortunately, the man was kind enough to put him in a cab, find out his destination and send him on his way. By some miracle Nick managed to keep himself from passing out in the back of the taxi. It seemed like he was moving in slow motion as he paid the driver, went into his building and took the elevator to his floor. Leaning against the wall for support, it took him a while to get back to his room, and by the time he did, he was confronted with the harsh reality of how much he had drank. As quickly as his alcohol-ridden limbs would allow, he got into the bathroom and collapsed in front of a toilet just before he threw up. 

About a half hour later, he emerged from the bathroom, looking pale and exhausted. He was thankful no one on his floor had arrived yet to see him. Once in his room, he managed, slowly, to peel off his clothes and crawl into bed. Despite all of his efforts of the evening that had been designed to make him forget, the feel of his pillow in his arms brought everything crashing back painfully. Tears filled his eyes and his body trembled as he hugged the pillow to himself, trying to get the image of Brian’s smiling face out of his mind. 

“Damn you…” he whispered, his throat tight with sobs. He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath, trying desperately to stop crying. He felt absolutely horrible. He was still drunk, he was tired, he had just thrown up, and his heart was broken. When sleep finally came he gladly gave in, praying that his dreams wouldn’t haunt him. 

Thanks to the alcohol he did sleep through the night, but woke up with a horrible hangover. He spent the whole day in his room, talking briefly to his mom before going back to staring vacantly at the television. He watched mindless show after mindless show, paying attention as if the subject matter were hard to follow, but it helped keep his mind off of Brian. 

When evening came he thought about repeating last night’s activities, but the memory of his morning hangover had him reluctant. Nonetheless, come ten o’clock he found himself sitting at a bar and sipping on a drink. But he didn’t overdo it this time. He quit after two and just stared at the dance floor, hoping that if he just stayed here and concentrated on the action around him his broken heart wouldn’t plague him. But it did; he knew he needed to find another sort of distraction besides music and alcohol. So he headed towards the first thing that came to mind. 

When he got to the apartment, he was happy when someone let him in so he didn’t have to be buzzed up. Slowly, nervously, he made his way up the stairs to the fifth floor, foregoing the elevator so he would have more time to think. But as he walked he realized he didn’t want to think. That was the last thing he wanted to do. Thinking would only bring him back to where he started. So before his heartache could overtake him, he pushed Brian out of his mind and knocked on Kevin’s door. 

“Nick? What are you doing here?” Kevin asked in surprised when he opened his door and found the blonde standing on the other side. He hadn’t checked to see who was knocking because he was already expecting someone else. Nick licked his lips and nervously ran his hand through his hair. “Can I come in?” He asked softly, swallowing when he met Kevin’s eyes. Still too surprised by his being here, Kevin nodded and stepped aside. He shut the door behind him and turned to Nick intending to find out why he was here, but he never got the chance. 

Nick threw his arms around the older man as soon as he closed the door and pressed his mouth to Kevin’s. He held him tightly and pulled him into the kiss, slipping his tongue into Kevin’s mouth and kissing him deeply. Being so completely caught off guard, it took the older man a few moments to respond. But when he did, he went forward without thinking and slipped his arms around Nick’s waist and returned his kiss, engulfed by the younger man’s heat. The two of them fell back against the door and Nick pressed himself as close to Kevin as he could, wanting to get lost, needing to forget…not thinking that this would leave him feeling even worse in the morning. 

Kevin kissed him back eagerly, loving the way he tasted. He touched him hotly, wanting to get as close as he could…wanting more, knowing he shouldn’t. But something wasn’t right. “I want you…” Nick whispered, gasping for breath as he began trailing his lips across Kevin’s cheek and neck. “I want you so much…I want you to fuck me,” he said bluntly, once again kissing the older man lustfully. Again Kevin kissed him back, but he knew something was wrong. This was hardly the sweet, beautiful innocent he had tried to seduce months ago. This was someone else…someone hurt, angry and desperate. Someone trying to escape from something else…. 

“Nick…” Kevin murmured, sliding his hands into the blonde’s soft hair and tugging gently on the strands, pulling him back so he could see his eyes. There was a definite pain in those blue orbs, lingering around the lust. “Nick…I can’t do this,” he said softy. Nick frowned and tried to get closer to Kevin, but the older man wouldn’t let him. “Why not?” Nick asked in frustration, hating the way he could feel his throat closing up, tears stinging his eyes. He didn’t want to cry anymore. He didn’t want to feel that pain anymore. Why wouldn’t Kevin just give him what he wanted so he could forget? Even if it was only for a little while…. 

“Because I’m with someone now…” Kevin replied softly, letting his hands drop to Nick’s shoulders. The blonde stepped back and looked at him in confusion. “What do you mean, with someone?” He asked skeptically. “I thought you never wanted to be with anyone.” Kevin sighed and nodded. “So did I, but…I changed my mind…” he said softly. Nick caught a brief glimpse of something warm in the older man’s eyes and all it did was remind him of why he was here in the first place. He turned away from Kevin and squeezed his eyes shut, willing the tears not to fall. They couldn’t. Not this time. 

Kevin could see that the younger man was in pain; it was painted all over his features. Not sure what he should do, and already feeling guilty, an emotion he wasn’t very familiar with yet, he took a step forward and laid his hand on Nick’s shoulder. The blonde tensed and sucked in a sharp breath of air. “Nick--” “So who is it that you’re with now?” Nick asked cynically, cutting off what Kevin had intended to be a question of sympathy. He wanted to know why Nick looked so sad. But before either of them could say anything else they were interrupted by a knock on the door. Kevin turned away from Nick to answer it, and the latter just stood where he was, waiting to see who would be on the other side of the door. He wondered who on earth had changed Kevin’s mind about relationships.  

“Sorry I’m late, but it took me forever to get a…taxi…Nick? What are you doing here?” Nick froze and felt his stomach drop. Howie. Howie was the one who had changed Kevin’s mind. “Nick?” Howie repeated, looking questioningly from him to Kevin. “I…I didn’t know…” Nick stammered, nervously cracking his knuckles. “I had no idea,” he went on, looking pleadingly into Howie’s eyes. 

“Nick…stay right there,” Kevin said calmly, stepping between the two friends. “Howie, come with me,” he said, grabbing the other man’s arms and pulling him into his kitchen. Nick wrapped his arms around his chest and squeezed his eyes shut, knowing there would be no way to stop the tears now. He couldn’t take this. He couldn’t lose the man he loved more than life and one of his best friends all in the same week. He couldn’t do it; he wasn’t that strong. “Please don’t hate me Howie,” he whispered to himself, wiping furiously at the tears that fell down his cheeks. “I didn’t know…” 

“Nick?” Howie’s kind voice asked. The older man slipped his arm around Nick’s shoulder and brushed his hair out of his face. “What’s wrong?” He asked softly. Nick turned to face him, eyes full of tears, and shook his head. He threw his arms around the older man and buried his face in his shoulder. Howie held him and gently stroked his back, looking over at Kevin for help. Kevin had explained to him in the kitchen what had happened and despite the small twinge of jealousy he had felt, Howie had quickly accepted Kevin’s apologies. What he was really concerned with was his younger friend and why he was here at all. Howie knew that the semester didn’t start for another two weeks, so why was Nick in New York early? And Nick’s whole demeanor was different. Where were his shy smiles and sparking eyes? Despite his initial surprise at seeing him, Howie had quickly noticed how sad Nick looked. There was a deep pain lurking in his normally bright blue eyes, and Howie wanted to find out why it was there. 

“Nicky? Can you tell me what’s wrong?” Howie asked in a soft voice, still holding his friend. Nick just shook his head and stayed where he was. He was still crying, his body trembling now. Howie didn’t know what to do. He had seen Nick upset before, but never like this. Kevin came closer to the pair that stood before him and slipped his arm around Nick’s back. He and Howie looked at each other and Kevin motioned towards the back of his apartment. Howie nodded and then turned his attention back to Nick. “Nick,” he whispered, smoothing the blonde’s hair with his hand, wishing he’d stop crying. He sounded so broken; it hurt Howie to hear him that way. “Come with me Nick…” he murmured, pulling Nick along with him back into the hall towards Kevin’s extra bedroom. 

He met no resistance from Nick when he pushed him down gently to sit on the bed. Almost immediately, Nick lay down on the bed and curled his knees up to his chest. Howie frowned, hating seeing him so sad and pulled off his shoes. Kevin stood back, watching from the doorway, wondering himself what could have upset Nick so much. Howie sat with him for a few minutes, smoothing out his hair and waiting for his tears to subside. It didn’t take long before Nick fell asleep…sleep being a gentle escape from his heartache.  

“I’m calling Madison…maybe she’ll be able to get him to open up,” Howie said softly when he was back out in the living room with Kevin. After Howie’s quick call, the two of them sat down on the couch and looked at each other. “Why do you think he’s so upset?” Kevin asked. Howie sighed and shook his head. “I’m not sure. He shouldn’t even be here now. The new semester doesn’t start for at least two weeks.” 

Howie was worried. About Nick mostly, but also because no one knew about him and Kevin and the little relationship they were attempting to have. He had run into the older man in the middle of the summer and things were just so different. Howie wasn’t quite so naïve anymore and Kevin wasn’t quite so seductive. They spent several evenings together talking, trying to be friends, both of them surprised to find themselves wanting more. Kevin had never really forgotten Howie and how things had been with him. It had been different for the older man. Different and better. But he hadn’t wanted it at the time. And Howie was leery to get involved with Kevin again, even as a friend, because he remembered very well what it had felt like when Kevin had decided that he didn’t want anything to do with him anymore. But things had progressed slowly and soon they were both faced with the prospect of more…and this time, it seemed right. 

But Howie hadn’t told anyone. He wasn’t sure how, because he had long ago professed to everyone that he never wanted anything to do with Kevin ever again. And all of his friends knew how badly he had hurt him…even if they hadn’t been around at the time, like Madison. Now she would be here in less than an hour and he would have to explain. He was thankful, however, that he didn’t have to tell Alex yet. He was dreading his best friend’s reaction. Because no one knew better than Alex did, how hurt he had been the first time Kevin had left. There was no way Alex would understand his reasoning for getting involved again. 

~*~*~ 

Brian picked up the phone and started to punch in the familiar numbers but stopped before he got too far. He couldn’t call Nick. He couldn’t. What would he say? I’m sorry I broke your heart? I truly do love you but it doesn’t matter, we can’t be together anyway? He hated himself. Nick had tried to give him something so beautiful, so precious and he had…he had tossed it back in his face. Nick. The only person who had ever made him feel safe. One of the only people who had ever made him smile. The only person who had wanted to give him everything…and he hadn’t let him. 

Disgusted with himself, he hung up the phone, slipped on some shoes and left his apartment. For the past few days, ever since Nick had left without saying goodbye –why should he?— Brian had been living in slow motion. Nothing mattered. He went to work, went through the motions but he didn’t care. He didn’t return phone calls from his aunt, and when he saw that a few times Nick’s family’s number came up on his caller ID, he erased their messages before he even listened to them. They had to know. They had to realize what he had done…and now they hated him. 

He walked the few blocks to the public beach by his building. It was almost dusk and the rain earlier in the day left the shore practically empty. He walked for a while before sitting down in the damp sand and staring out at the ocean. If he were at Nick’s house the sand would be softer…. He shut his eyes and ran his hands through his hair as he curled his knees up to his chest.  

God, I miss you. Why couldn’t I let myself be happy? Why couldn’t I let you in? I love you Nick…I do. But what if I mess up…like now…what if I hurt you this way again? I couldn’t bare it. I don’t think I’m cut out for love. I could never give you what you really want…could I?  

But all his tries at reasoning things out didn’t make the pain any less sharp. When he was with Nick everything was simpler. Nick kept the coldness at bay. Nick could stop his sadness with a look, a touch. Nick made his life special. He made him want to be a better person. Nick made it easier to breathe. So why did he push him away? 

“You’re letting them win, you know.” Brian looked up sharply at the sound of his aunt’s voice. She sat down next to him in the sand and leaned close enough so that they were touching. “Who?” He asked softly, pretty sure he already knew the answer. “Your parents…and your brother,” she replied. “By not allowing yourself to love him you’re letting them win. You think you’re unlovable and that you don’t deserve love because of the way they were with you, but that’s not true Brian,” she said gently. He looked away from her and went back to staring at the sinking sun. She looked at his profile and ran her fingers through his hair, letting them rest at the back of his neck.  

“I love you Brian,” she said softly. He swallowed hard and bit down on his trembling lower lip, forcing himself not to cry. “And so does Nick. And so does your uncle, Brad. And so do Bob and Jane and Aaron and Angel…yes, even now. Even though they realize that Nick’s sudden departure had something to do with you,” she said softly, nodding at his shocked _expression. “You’re not unlovable. And more importantly…you do know how to love.” He stared into her eyes for a moment, searching for a lie. When he found none, he turned back to the sea. “I know, because I know you love me. I know because I see how you are with Aaron and Angel. And most importantly I know because I can see how very much your heart is broken right now.” 

He dropped his face to his arms and let his tears fall. She slipped an arm around his back and pulled him close. “You love him,” she said simply. “I know how scary that is. To trust your heart to someone else, and to have another person trust you with theirs…. That’s not something to be taken lightly. But once you do Brian…you’ll never regret it. Not when it’s true love.” That was all she said. She let him cry for a while, knowing he still wasn’t ready. 

But she intended to take every opportunity she had to make him see what he would be leaving behind if he didn’t grasp onto Nick’s love. She knew how very much in love with Brian, Nick was, and she also knew how determined the boy could be. She hoped, with all her heart that Nick could find a way to give Brian the happiness and love he had deserved and needed for so long. And she planned on doing anything she could to help. 

~*~*~ 

Kevin opened the door to let Madison in and then stepped back nervously. This was not going to be easy. Alex was with her. He eyed Kevin suspiciously and quickly stepped inside the apartment. Howie froze when he saw that Madison wasn’t alone. “Alex?” He asked softly, looking past Madison to where his best friend stood. Madison bit her lip, knowing that a lot needed to be said between the two of them. Not only that…she and Alex had to tell Howie their own secret. They were a couple now…and had been ever since the summer. 

Not wanting to get into everything quite yet, Madison spoke up quickly. “Where’s Nick?” She asked, bringing everyone’s attention back to the situation at hand. “He’s sleeping in Kevin’s extra bedroom,” Howie answered, grateful for Madison’s intervening. “What happened?” Alex asked, darting a suspicious glance Kevin’s way. His first assumption when Madison had hung up the phone with Howie and explained the situation had been that Kevin had done something to hurt Nick. He was convinced. But what worried and angered him even more was Howie’s apparent involvement with Kevin. He didn’t understand why his best friend would put himself through this again. 

Kevin, feeling like an unwelcome outsider suddenly, cleared his throat and moved closer to where the three of them now sat. “He showed up at my door a little while ago and well…he basically threw himself at me. He wanted me to um…he wanted me to…sleep with him,” Kevin finished softly, sounding somewhat embarrassed. “I told him I couldn’t because I was…seeing someone now,” he said warily. Alex curled his hand into a fist and squeezed it tightly as he glanced back and forth between Howie and Kevin.  

“And then I showed up,” Howie jumped in quickly, glancing at Alex and knowing exactly what he was thinking. “I was rather surprised to see Nick…and when he saw me he just…well, he just fell apart,” Howie said, the sound of Nick’s painful tears still fresh in his mind. “I know he was upset because he thought he had betrayed me by kissing Kevin, but I told him it was alright and that he didn’t know. There’s something else though. He just kept crying and he sounded so hurt, so upset…and I couldn’t get him to tell me what was wrong. Madison, I called you because I know you’re closest to him. I thought that if anyone could get him to open up it would be you,” Howie finished softly, his eyes hopeful as he looked at her. 

She nodded anxiously and stood up. “I’m gonna go see him…wake him up and see if I can get him to talk,” she said softly, glancing down at Alex, over at Howie and lastly at Kevin. Kevin cleared his throat and stood up with her. “I’ll show you where…” he said quickly, leading her out of the living room.  

Madison felt her heart ache when she saw her friend lying on his side, curled up in a ball, and looking pained, even in sleep. When Kevin turned to leave she grabbed his arm and shook her head. “Let them talk…” she whispered, referring to Alex and Howie. He nodded. “I was going to…I just thought you’d want to be alone with Nick. I’ll be in my room if you need anything,” he replied softly. “Thank you.” 

“What’s bothering you baby?” She murmured as she sat down on the edge of the bed and ran her fingers through Nick’s soft hair. “Why do you look so sad?” Unable to bear waking him up, she smoothed back his hair and grazed her fingers across his cheeks. When she leaned down to kiss his forehead, he opened his eyes and laid his hand over hers. Without a word she lay down next to him and pulled him into her arms. She didn’t say anything for a long time. She just held him and smoothed his hair with her fingers. His eyes were broken and sad each time she met them, and all she wanted was to take his pain away.  

“He broke my heart,” Nick whispered, finally breaking their silence. She stopped the movement of her hand in his hair and looked into his eyes. It was true. His heart was broken…shattered in fact. He looked terrible. He looked like his world had ended, like his happiness had been cruelly snatched away…. “Brian?” She whispered. His eyes filled with tears at the sound of his best friend’s name and he nodded. When his tears fell, she didn’t try to stop them. She let him cry, knowing it was best if he vented his sadness and didn’t let it build up inside. He buried his face in her neck and cried. And he had thought that he hadn’t had any tears left…. 

Madison shut her eyes and pressed one hand to the back of his head, the other she wrapped around his waist. She held him tightly as his body shook with sobs. The sound of his cries was painful and truly heartbreaking. “Shh…I’m here Nicky,” she whispered, trying to comfort him without offering silly words that she didn’t know were true. She couldn’t tell him things would be all right, because she didn’t know that. But she could be there for him and help him through this. She hated seeing him this way. The thing she had always loved most about Nick was his constant optimism and happiness…his smile. Having never really been in love herself, she couldn’t truly feel his pain. But from the look in his eyes, from the sound of his sobs…she could imagine the hell he was in. 

“He won’t let me…love him,” Nick whimpered in a small voice, slowly pulling back from her embrace and wiping his eyes. Hoping to soothe him somewhat, she ran her fingers through his hair and waited for him to continue. “I tried to tell him that I loved him…but he stopped me. He wouldn’t let me say the words,” he said softly, his eyes so very sad as they met hers again. She wanted to cry with him, and wished that somehow she could take away his pain. “He said he was sorry…but he couldn’t give me what I want,” he went on, reliving that moment in his mind. It was like viciously ripping open a still-healing wound. The tears came back. “But Maddy,” he pleaded, his eyes blurring again. He grasped onto her desperately, hoping she could somehow keep his heartache at bay. “It’s not that he can’t love me. He won’t let himself love me! But I know that he does!” He cried, his voice breaking. 

“Nick…” she whispered, unable to stand seeing him in so much pain. She pulled him closer and laid her hand on his cheek. “I know because I…I can see it in his eyes when he smiles at me,” he whispered, gulping back sobs, desperate to get all of his words out. “I feel it in his touch…I know it in my soul. He loves me. He loves me,” he repeated firmly, swallowing hard over the lump in his throat, trying to prevent any further tears. “But he’s terrified of love and so he…he won’t let himself feel it.” 

She could tell by the look in his eyes that he truly believed every word he said; he wasn’t just saying it to make himself feel better. However, she didn’t know Brian herself. She only knew him through Nick. And right now she hated him. In her mind, anyone who had taken the light out of her sweet friend’s eyes and the smile off his face wasn’t worth Nick’s love. But she couldn’t say that to Nick, she knew. 

“Did you see him again before you left?” She asked softly. He shook his head and shut his eyes. “I couldn’t. So I just left. I got here two days ago. I miss him Madison…” he finished in a whisper. She nodded and ran her fingers through his hair again. “I came here tonight to try and forget. I wanted Kevin to…to make the pain go away…even if it would only be for a little while,” he said softly. “But then I found out about Howie and I…I just couldn’t take it.” He opened his eyes again, looking worried. “Howie’s not…he’s not angry with me, is he?” He asked, sounding heartbroken once again.  

Madison smiled softly and shook her head. “No…Howie’s not angry with you. Don’t worry about that.” He sighed softly in relief and once again curled himself closer to her, resting his head beneath her chin. She smiled to herself and kissed his hair. “Nick, I’m gonna take you back to your dorm to get some of your things and then I’m bringing you home with me. I’m not letting you stay there all alone for two weeks,” she said firmly. “Ok,” he replied obediently. He was grateful. The idea of spending two more weeks alone in his dorm room was not something he was looking forward to. 

When they finally sat up, they found Alex watching them from the doorway. A slight look of jealousy crossed his face before he let it fall into his more immediate emotion: concern. “Alex?” Nick said softly. It only took Alex a moment to see the obvious pain that was spread so thickly over Nick’s entire being. His heart broke for his young friend. He could see his heartbreak in his eyes without him ever saying a word. Alex waited until Nick had slipped on his shoes and stood up before crossing over to him and hugging him tightly. Nick felt his eyes sting with tears yet again as he returned the embrace, very touched by his older friend’s concern…especially since he hadn’t told him a thing. 

“You didn’t have to come too…” Nick whispered as he slipped out of Alex’s arms. The older man smiled gently at him. “I was with Madison when Howie called…so of course I came,” he replied, not wanting to go into why he had been with Madison quite yet.  

Once they were back out in the living room, Howie quickly hugged Nick and asked him if everything was all right. Sadly, Nick shook his head. “No…it’s not,” he replied in a small voice, looking away from Howie’s concerned eyes. When he did, he met Kevin’s questioning gaze and blushed. He couldn’t believe the way he had behaved earlier with Kevin; it embarrassed him to no end. But Kevin only smiled at him, hoping to let him know that he didn’t hold it against him. 

Neither Alex, Madison nor Nick said much on their way to his dorm room and then again on their way to Madison’s family’s apartment. Nick was still, of course, thinking about Brian, Madison was worrying about Nick, and Alex was wondering what was wrong. Once they were home, Madison told Alex to wait for her in the living room while she took Nick to a guest bedroom. She didn’t fail to miss the flash of jealousy that briefly grazed her new boyfriend’s features, and she promised herself to reassure him later. Alex knew that Madison and Nick had slept together once, and she could guess, being that he was sometimes so terribly insecure, that he was wondering if something more could happen between them now. 

“Thanks Maddy…” Nick said softly as he set down his bag and slipped off his shoes. She smiled and shook her head. “You don’t have to thank me.” She switched on the television in the room, knowing he’d want some noise to fill the air once she left. “I’m gonna go talk to Alex now,” she said. “You’ll be ok by yourself?” She asked in a concerned voice. He nodded and smiled softly. She hugged him tightly and ran her hands up and down his back. “I’m right here if you need me ok? My room is two doors down…don’t you dare hesitate to come and get me if you need to!” She said firmly, smiling at him as she pulled back. He smiled again, which made her happy. “I won’t.” Impulsively, she kissed him, shutting her eyes when his soft lips touched hers. “I love you Nick,” she whispered, feeling her eyes sting with tears. He swallowed the lump in his own throat, thankful that for once, the tears weren’t because of Brian. “I love you too,” he replied softly. He hoped she knew how much she meant to him, and how her just being there helped him to feel a little bit better. 

She smiled at him once more before shutting the door and sighing to herself. She ran her fingers through her hair and licked her lips before taking a deep breath and making her way back to the living room to explain things to Alex. She smiled secretly to herself when she thought about the kiss she had just given Nick. It had meant nothing of course, at least not in that way. It was just something she had felt the need to do…to show him, more than her words could, how very much she loved him. Nonetheless, she was grateful that Alex hadn’t seen it. She shook her head, a silly smile on her face. He would be so jealous. She liked that. 

~*~*~ 

Nick was surprised that he really did feel a little bit better now. Things didn’t seem quite so bleak. As he lay in bed watching TV, he started to think that there had to be something he could do to get Brian back. Something he could do to show his friend how very much he loved him…that he would never hurt him. He knew Madison would help him. He knew he could find a way. There had to be a way. He just couldn’t accept the fact that what he felt was for nothing. His love was so strong, so intense and so very, very real. And he knew he was right. Deep in his heart he knew that Brian loved him too. He just had to show Brian that love wouldn’t tear them apart, it would only bring them closer.  

< Lead The Way >