Chapter 11

When Nick woke up the next day he found himself tangled in his sheets, his arms wrapped tightly around a pillow. It took him a few minutes to remember where he was and when he did his heart sank. Hoping to block out the approaching day for a little bit longer, he pulled the sheets over his head and shut his eyes. He took a deep breath and let himself wonder what Brian would be doing now. Sleeping most likely, considering the time difference. Nick felt his eyes start to water but he shook his head against the pillow and made a conscious effort to stop the tears before they started. Without a doubt, he knew he’d cry over Brian again before everything was over, but he didn’t want to right now. So he took a deep breath and went back to his imaginings. 

Brian would be sleeping. The blankets would be around his waist, because he always liked to push them down in the middle of the night, whereas Nick wanted to stay snuggled under the covers. One arm would be thrown out to his side…if Nick were there; it would be wrapped around him. His curls would be in disarray, his mouth slightly open, his face peaceful…. Nick’s eyes flew open and he yanked the sheet off of him. That was enough. Anymore and he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from calling Brian, from crying, from…something. Instead he got out of bed and quickly got into the shower before he could let himself daydream anymore. 

What Nick didn’t realize that Brian wasn’t sleeping at all. He was wide-awake, staring at the television and drinking day-old coffee. He should be sleeping. It was the weekend and he had no reason to be up so early, just as the sun was rising. No reason except for the fact that he hadn’t been able to sleep very well ever since Nick had left. It was hard to sleep knowing you’d broken someone’s heart, knowing that you broken your own heart, and quite possibly ruined your only chance at happiness…. He wanted to call Nick, but he knew he couldn’t. It had to be Nick that called first. Brian didn’t want to hurt him anymore than he already had. And he knew he couldn’t call him until the day that he could tell him the truth and say I love you. 

~*~*~ 

“So you wanna tell him about us today?” Alex asked, grabbing a bagel from the pantry and joining Madison on the terrace. She smiled and motioned him to sit down next to her. When he did, she slipped her arm around his shoulders and kissed him on the cheek. “Yeah, I think he’d like to know. But we need to be careful too Alex. He just had his heart broken…terribly,” she said softly, her eyes clouding slightly as she remembered the way Nick had been last night. “I’m not saying we have to ignore him and make out all the time while he’s around, you know,” he teased as he ripped off a piece of bagel and popped it into his mouth. She smiled and tore off a piece of the bagel for herself.  

Last night she had told him what had happened with Nick and how she was determined to help him through this. He had told her about his talk with Howie. Madison could see in his eyes that while he had promised Howie he’d support him in his decision to start a new relationship with Kevin, he was still very leery about it. He was worried. When Kevin had hurt Howie the first time, Alex had been there to pick up the pieces and seeing his friend that way, so broken and depressed, had scared him. He didn’t want to go through it again. But he didn’t plan to interfere with Howie’s life and become overly protective…unless Kevin hurt him again. 

“Hey guys…” Nick said softly as he padded outside onto the terrace and sat down across from them. They both jumped and quickly moved a little bit farther away from each other. “Morning sweetie,” Madison murmured, quickly scanning his _expression for signs of shock. She didn’t want him to find out about her and Alex before they told him. Not that it really mattered but…she still wanted to tell him herself. Besides that, and more importantly, she studied his face for a few seconds for signs of heartache. Unfortunately it was all still there, bright as day. It lingered hopelessly in his eyes. Those normally bright, sparkling blue eyes were dull and unhappy. He was broken from the inside out and it reflected painfully in his eyes. 

“Did you sleep ok?” Madison asked softly. “Do you want anything to eat? Aren’t you cold without any socks on?” He couldn’t help the small laugh that left his lips. Alex smiled back at him and turned to face her. “Calm down Maddy and leave him alone for a few minutes,” he teased. She smiled and punched him in the arm. “Sorry, I was just asking,” she muttered to herself. Nick leaned forward and inadvertently reached out and touched her knee. “I slept fine…much better than I thought I would. I’m not hungry and no, my feet aren’t cold,” he answered, still in the same soft voice. 

Alex shifted restlessly in his seat, knowing he was being ridiculous but unable to stop the small twinge of jealousy that ran through him. But he put it on hold, knowing it wouldn’t do anyone any good for him to react rashly. “Nick…there’s something I want to tell you,” Madison began softly, settling in her seat and once again leaning closer to Alex. She cleared her throat, slightly nervous now that she had started. She knew Nick would only be happy for them, but she didn’t want to make it seem like she was throwing their blossoming relationship in his face so soon after his heart had been torn apart. 

Nick looked at her expectantly, wondering why the two of them suddenly looked so nervous. “So…what is it?” He asked curiously. She took a deep breath and then met his eyes. “Alex and I are…we’re dating…have been since, well mid-summer,” she said quickly. Nick looked back and forth between both of them and slowly a grin spread over his face. “I kinda wondered why you were still here this morning,” he said, winking knowingly at Alex. The two of them laughed in relief, Nick’s reaction being absolutely perfect. “Seriously though guys,” he went on. “That’s great…I’m so happy for both of you,” he said, smiling at his two friends. He couldn’t help the small part of him that was jealous though. Not of either of them…just that they were both obviously happy and falling in love and he was…. He stopped himself quickly before he let his thoughts go too far. 

The sound of two loud, bickering children broke their morning softness. Madison smiled brightly and jumped up to run into the kitchen. “Lori! Adam!” She exclaimed, smiling when her niece and nephew stopped their argument and ran into her arms. When she looked up she smiled again. “So what brings you by sis?” She asked. 

Marissa, Madison’s older sister, took off her coat, dropped her keys and purse on the table and proceeded to pour herself a cup of coffee. “Mom promised to watch the monsters today so Justin and I could have a day to ourselves,” she said, smiling lovingly at the two children she referred to as monsters. Marissa was twelve years older than Madison and lived a few blocks away with her rich, television producer of a husband. Lori and Adam were their 8 year old and 6 year old children, respectively. Madison and her sister were very close, and while they were very different and not nearly close in age, they truly were each other’s best friends. 

When the children were settled in the living room with the television and their toys, Madison and Marissa joined Alex and Nick on the terrace. Marissa smiled warmly and Alex and sat down next to him. She had met her sister’s new boyfriend about a month ago and already she knew that he was different than anyone else Madison had ever dated. But the blonde with the sad, faraway look in his eyes was a stranger to her. 

Madison sat down on a chair next to Nick and smiled at her sister. “Mariss, this is my very good friend Nick. I really can’t believe I’ve never introduced the two of you before! He goes to school with me. He’s from California and…just decided to come back to New York a little early before we start our last year,” she said. “Nick, this is my older sister Marissa.” He smiled as warmly as he could, being that his mind was elsewhere, and murmured his hello.

Marissa studied him closely as her sister and Alex began a conversation. Nick looked away from the three of them out into the city. It wasn’t hard for her to detect the acute sadness that lay beneath his calm, gentle façade. There was another reason for his being here than what Madison had said. Her kind nature, as well as her professional interest as a psychiatrist made her want to find out why. When Madison took Alex inside for a few minutes to meet her niece and nephew, Marissa stayed on the terrace with Nick and sipped silently on her cup of tea as she continued to watch him. 

“It wasn’t my sister was it?” She finally asked softly after a few minutes of silence. Nick turned to face her again and cocked his head to the side in confusion. “What do you mean?” He asked, wondering what she was asking. “Who broke your heart…it wasn’t Madison, was it?” She asked, realizing she was probably going too fast too soon. After all she had just met him, and now she was inching her way into his personal life. But she had always been nosy, and his sadness bewitched and fascinated her. She wanted to know why it was there and if at all possible, she wanted to help.  

He stared at her, wordlessly for several moments before turning away again and returning his gaze to the city before him. “No…it wasn’t your sister,” he replied softly after a few minutes. He didn’t know why he felt like he could tell her his story. He had just met her. They hadn’t even said much more than hello before she was asking about his broken heart. Was it that visible? Did he really look that forlorn? 

But suddenly, before he could even begin to think about stopping the words poured out of him. He told her everything…from his and Brian’s first kiss, to the reason he was here now. She listened patiently and silently, hearing the heartbreak in his voice, seeing it in his eyes. Halfway through his story, she motioned him closer and without ever breaking stride he stood up and sat down next to her. It was like therapy for Nick. He liked the freedom he had in telling his problems to someone who didn’t know him, who didn’t already know pieces of the puzzle. And honestly, he wanted someone to listen who could be completely objective. Someone who could listen without letting his or her feelings for him get in the way. 

“And now I just…I don’t know what to do,” Nick said softly, looking away from Marissa’s kind eyes. “He loves me. I know that he does. I can feel it in my heart, but I…I don’t know what to do to get him to let go and be with me. I know that love is a risk, it always is. But…why won’t he trust me? Why won’t he let me the whole way in?” Nick asked, almost imploring with her to answer when he knew she couldn’t give him any real answers. Marissa sat back for a moment and processed his situation. He had really touched her heart in the few minutes they had just shared. She wanted to help him, but she wasn’t quite sure what she could do yet. The psychiatrist in her urged her to proceed with caution. She needed more information on Brian before she could really figure out a way to help Nick. He had told her that Brian didn’t trust love because his family had always rejected him. But she wished she could meet him or this family of his so that she could see for herself what he was dealing with. 

“Nick, you said Brian’s family is from here…affluent, like my own family, right?” She asked, thinking that maybe she already knew him. The circle of snobbery, as her father liked to call it, rarely stretched very far. She had probably met him or his family at some random social gathering at some point. Nick nodded. “What’s his last name?” She asked curiously. “Littrell,” Nick replied. 

Instantly the name sounded familiar and she quickly ran it through her mind to try and put a face or faces to it. As she thought it over, Madison and Alex returned from the living room bantering playfully with each other. They both stopped, however, when they found Nick and Marissa sitting closely, both of them looking rather upset. “Nick?” Madison asked. “Marissa? Is everything all--” 

“Littrell?” Marissa whispered, her face paling as she sat up, focusing all of her attention on Nick. He nodded and looked at her curiously, wondering why she looked so upset suddenly. “Does he have an older brother?” She asked quickly, reaching out unconsciously and putting her hand on the blonde’s arm. He nodded. “Harold?” She asked, her eyes flashing briefly with an emotion Nick couldn’t catch. Again, Nick nodded. Marissa took a deep breath and shut her eyes. “I know him.” 

Madison looked back and forth from her sister to Nick, wondering what they were talking about and what they had been talking about the short time her and Alex had been inside. But something told her not to interrupt quite yet. Neither of them even seemed to notice that her and Alex had returned. “You do?” Nick whispered, his eyes widening in surprise. Marissa nodded, opening her eyes again and gazing sadly into Nick’s. She swallowed hard and glanced away from the young man’s intense blue gaze, surprised to see her sister and Alex sitting nearby. 

“Marissa, what’s going on?” Madison asked, looking between her and Nick again. She sighed and shook her head. “The man who broke Nick’s heart…Brian. I know him. We know him, actually, although you only met him once and you were only ten years old, so you may not remember,” she said softly. Madison looked at her in shock and nervously tapped her fingernails on the table, waiting for her sister to explain. 

“His older brother, Harold, was my…my fiancé,” she said, looking into her sister’s eyes and then over at Nick. “It was quite a while ago. I was only nineteen and like I said, Madison, you were only ten. Nobody wanted me to marry him, least of all dad, but I was convinced that he was perfect,” she said, speaking to her sister. “But more perfect than him was his fifteen year old brother,” she murmured, smiling very softly at Nick. “I loved Brian,” she said softly, her voice sad. “He was so sweet, so shy, and so very beautiful. From the first day I met him, I wanted to take care of him. He seemed so lonely and so afraid to let himself get close to anyone. I wanted to be his friend, and to help him open up.” 

She let her hand slip from Nick’s arm to his hand and she squeezed it tightly. “I know you said that he’s told you about the way his family treated him. How lonely he was growing up…” Nick nodded and bit down on his lower lip, remembering that night in New York when Brian had cried himself to sleep in his arms. “But still you can’t…you can’t really know Nick,” she said sadly. “What he told you was from an adult prospective, but when I knew him he was still only a teenager and…I saw, first hand how they made him feel. I’m sorry to say, it took me a while to see past Harold’s act with me, but his parents…they might as well have never had him. They didn’t love him. The only time they acknowledged his presence was to put him down. There was such sadness in his eyes that nothing ever seemed to take away. I tried so hard but…but when Harold cheated on me and I broke things off with him I…I left Brian behind,” she finished, her voice trembling. 

“You’re…you’re the one,” Nick whispered. “The girlfriend he told me about…Harold’s fiancée that took him to…DiSalvo’s,” he said, staring into her eyes. She smiled brightly and nodded. “I took him there several times. It was our favorite restaurant,” she murmured, remembering. “Why did you leave him behind?” Nick whispered after a few moments, his heart aching for Brian. She looked away from his sad eyes and out over the terrace. “I didn’t want to. When I first left Harold I promised myself I’d still try and see Brian. I stayed away at first because I was still getting over his brother and my heartbreak. By the time I tried to reach Brian again, I learned that his parents had sent him to boarding school. And I never…I never even tried to find out where so that I could write to him or call him or…something. I wish that I had,” she whispered. She shut her eyes and she could still see his fifteen-year-old form smiling at her…the smile that never reached his eyes. 

“Nick…I want to help you if I can,” she said after a few moments, opening her eyes and shaking off her melancholy memories. “I want to help you give Brian the love he’s always wanted.” Nick watched her for a few moments, searching her eyes intently. He hated the picture he got in his head when she talked about Brian and how he was when she knew him. And it upset him terribly that she had forgotten Brian and had left him behind. But her eyes were sad and hopeful at the same time. He could tell that she really did want to make up for it and hopefully, make Brian happy.  

“Thank you,” he whispered, finally letting a smile grace his features. They looked over at Alex and Madison, who were both still watching them curiously. Madison opened her mouth to ask when and where it was that she had actually met Brian, but Marissa’s children chose that moment to appear, looking for their mother and their aunt. Lori clamored past the table and climbed up into Madison’s arms, while Adam was quick to nestle himself between his mother and Nick. He looked up at the man he didn’t know and smiled, sweetly offering him a piece of his half-eaten cookie. Nick smiled tenderly back at the child, graciously took the cookie and then grinned as he looked up at Adam’s mother. “Thank you,” he repeated softly, sharing a brief moment of silence with her, thinking about the man they both loved in different ways. For the first time since he had left California a sense of peace and very real hope came over him. No matter what it took, he’d find his way into Brian’s heart, and once he did, he’d never let go. 

~*~*~ 

“Madison, I have to call him back,” Nick argued, grabbing the phone out of her hands. Quickly, she tried to snatch it back but he kept it away from her. “Nick…it’s been almost two months since you came back to New York, and yesterday was the first time that he called you. The first time in two months! There is no reason for you to call him back!” She said, exasperated. He shook his head. “But I miss him,” he said honestly, trying to make her understand. He knew she was just trying to protect him. He knew she didn’t understand his patience. “I don’t even know if I would have been ready to talk to him before this. And I know there’s no way I never could have called him first. It had to be him. And I guarantee you, he was thinking the exact opposite.” 

When he had come home last night from a dinner out with his friends, he had gone back to his room and as he undressed, listened to his messages. When Brian’s voice had sounded on his answering machine, chills had shot through Nick’s body and had rendered him helpless. He hadn’t said much, just wanted to see how Nick was doing. A stranger wouldn’t have even been able to tell they were really that close of friends, much less lovers. But Nick had heard the underlying pain in his voice and his first instinct was to reach out to it. If Madison hadn’t reappeared at his door and invited him to her dorm room to watch a movie with everyone else, he would have called him last night. 

“Maddy, I can’t let him slip away…I have to keep him close,” he said softly, pleading with her to understand. “Marissa even said that I shouldn’t keep my distance because if I did it would only make him build up more walls,” he explained. She rolled her eyes and stood up, running her fingers through her hair in frustration. “You’ve been hanging out with my sister too much,” she sneered. “You’re starting to sound just like her. All that psycho-babble is going to your head Nick,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. 

He sighed. “It’s just a phone call. I’m not just going to ignore him.” “He’s just going to hurt you again,” she snapped. “Madison--” “No…neither of you will listen to me. I understand what Brian went through, and I feel badly for him, I truly do. But what if you’re both wrong? All he ever does is hurt you Nick.” “That’s not true,” he said quietly, not wanting to argue with her. “He loves me and--” “What if he doesn’t?!” She yelled, cutting him off. There, she had finally said it. That one thought had been on her mind ever since Nick had come back to New York this semester. She had never said anything because she didn’t want to hurt him. But the instant she said the words, she knew she had gone too far. 

His eyes flashed with insecure worry and fear before he quickly hardened them and stood up. “Nick--” “Madison, leave me alone for a while, ok?” He asked coldly, making it clear that he wanted her to leave. “Nick, look I--” “Just go,” he said sharply, leaving no room for her to argue. Feeling like shit for hurting him, she nodded quickly, turned and shut the door behind her. 

He sank down onto his bed leaned forward on his knees and stared at the phone he still held in his hands. He shut his eyes for a few moments and pressed the phone to his forehead. Her words tore open his darkest thoughts and left him shaky. That was his greatest fear that he hardly ever allowed himself to feel. What if Brian didn’t love him? What if he was just feeling what he wanted to? But it didn’t stop him from dialing the phone. When Brian picked up it took him a few seconds to find his voice. The sound of the older man’s voice quickly left him breathless. 

“Hi,” he said softly, shutting his eyes and falling back onto his bed. Brian’s breathing hitched and Nick smiled softly when he heard the nervousness in his best friend’s voice. “Anything new and exciting happening there?” Nick asked, almost in a whisper, blocking out everything except the sound of Brian’s breathing, his earlier fears quickly dissolving.  

Brian gripped the phone tightly to his ear and quickly reached for the remote to mute his television. Last night when he had called Nick, he had been at a low point. He had been missing Nick more and more every day since the younger man had left. Brian had hoped his absence would get a little bit easier with time, but it hadn’t. Not one single bit. He hurt all over, every day without Nick. He wanted him back. He wanted him there to hold, to laugh with and to love. Last night he hadn’t been able to stand being without him. And just the sound of Nick’s voice on the answering machine was a comfort, though he had been hoping desperately to talk to him personally. He hadn’t expected the blonde to call him back though. 

Although their conversation remained light, and they mainly talked about things other than what was forefront on their minds, it was what they didn’t say that mattered. They could both hear the heartache and the undeniable love in each other’s voices. For Brian it made him hurt more. It made him wonder why he had forced himself to give Nick up. It made him want to do something to get him back. For Nick it only reinforced what he knew to be true in his heart. Brian loved him. 

When they finally hung up, almost one hour later, Nick knew it would only be a matter of time before he would have his best friend in his arms again. Later on that evening, he walked down the hall and knocked on Madison’s door. He found her wrapped in some blankets, eating ice cream and watching a sappy movie. He knew that despite their fight this afternoon, she was also upset because she was missing Alex. He was away for the weekend in Philadelphia scoping out some job offers. Without a word, he climbed into bed next to her and took the spoon out of her hand. 

After the movie was over he sighed and slipped his fingers beneath her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes. “I’m sorry honey,” he said softly. She shook her head and sighed. “Don’t be. I’m the one that should be sorry for what I said to you. And I don’t know why…I mean, of course you’d want to call him back. It was retarded of me to try and stop you. I think…well, I meant it when I said I didn’t want you to get hurt. But I think I was upset too because…well, I think I’m a little jealous of all the time you’ve been spending with Marissa and talking about Brian. He’s something the two of you have in common and…well, in case you haven’t noticed Nick, I tend to get jealous rather easily,” she said, smiling shyly. He giggled and kissed her forehead. “I may have noticed that. But honey, don’t worry. She’s never gonna be what you are for me, ok?” She nodded and hugged him. 

“And Maddy sometimes…sometimes when I’m alone at night, I start to think about what you said. I hate it. It scares me so badly to think that…to think that he might not love me,” Nick said very softly, looking away from her. She ran her hand down his arm and squeezed his hand. “I’m sorry Nick. I do believe that he loves you, I just…” “It’s ok,” he murmured. “I know why you said it; I really do understand. But I did call him back and…I know that he loves me,” he said firmly, his eyes glowing with love. “I could hear it in his voice…in everything he said, and in everything he didn’t.” She smiled at him and hugged him tightly. “I really do believe that things are gonna work out for you Nick,” she murmured. “So do I,” he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut as his heart constricted in his chest. 

~*~*~ 

“I can’t believe how fast this semester went,” Nick said as he zipped up his suitcase. “I thought it would’ve dragged on forever after the way it started out….” Madison gave him one last hug and kissed him on the cheek. “You nervous?” She asked as they walked down the hall towards the elevators. He nodded. “Very. I haven’t seen him since summer and now it’s Christmas and…well, you know we’ve spoken on the phone a few times, but it’s not the same,” he said softly, waving goodbye to someone as he pushed the down button. “You remember what to do?” She asked. He rolled his eyes and nodded as they stepped into the waiting elevator. “Make him feel loved, but let him know he has to make the first move this time,” he said in a high-pitched voice, trying to mimic Marissa. He grinned when he looked down at Madison and she punched him in the arm. “Hey…you agreed to it!” 

And he had. It was exactly what he thought was best. He wanted to convey all of his love to Brian over Christmas break without begging, pleading or forcing anything on him too quickly. And he wanted to see it in Brian’s eyes and hear it in his voice. He had already prepared himself to accept the fact that Brian may not say I love you just quite yet, but Nick certainly hoped to get him that much closer. 

“Well good luck Nicky,” Madison murmured, hugging him once more. “Call me if you need anything, ok?” He nodded and got into the taxi. “I will, and tell Marissa thanks again.” 

~*~*~ 

To Nick’s surprise, it was Cindy who met him at the airport, not his parents. After hugging her he asked her why she was here. “Your parents had to help Aaron and Angel get ready for their Christmas dance,” she said, smiling. He grinned and practically squealed with excitement. “Do they both have dates? They’re only in middle school! Did they have to get dressed up?” He asked in a hurry, anxious to see his siblings. She laughed and quickly answered his questions. 

“How’s Brian?” Nick asked in a soft voice once they were in her car. She sighed softly. “He’s all right but…he’s broken hearted without you Nick, I know he is. Even if he refuses to admit it to himself. Seeing you will do him good, I hope. Nick…you love him, don’t you?” She asked, wanting to know the whole story, but not wanting to interfere too much. “Yes,” he whispered. “I love him so much.” “He told me what happened at the end of summer when you left,” she murmured. 

“I’m going to convince him that he can trust me completely. That my love is so very, very real,” Nick said firmly. She smiled to herself and reached out to take hold of Nick’s hand. “Good.” They continued to talk about Brian for a while, and Nick was happy to discover that Cindy, too, knew Marissa and everything that had happened with her and Brian’s family. 

“Marissa and I were very good friends for a while, actually,” she said as they pulled into Nick’s driveway. “But when things went bad between her and Harold we sort of drifted apart. It’s hard to maintain a friendship with someone, no matter how hard you try, when your families are enemies,” she said sarcastically. “Yet another reason why I’m so glad I’ve escaped that little niche of society.” 

Nick was, as usual, welcomed home with open arms, though he was slightly disappointed to have missed his brother and sister. A couple hours after dinner, his father left to go pick up Aaron, Angel and their dates at the dance, and Nick took the opportunity to finally tell his mother everything that had been happening since the summer. 

“I love him mom,” Nick repeated softly, feeling tears form in his eyes when she slid her arm around his shoulders. “And I know that he…that he loves me too,” he whispered, his voice trembling. “I just have to make him see that.” She hugged him tightly and smoothed his hair with her hand. “Do you want to go see him now?” She asked softly, her heart aching because she hated seeing her son this way. And for the past few months she had hated seeing Brian behave in the exact same manner. For a while, he had been so distant with her and her family after Nick had left. The few times she had seen him, she had sensed his pain, and finally she had asked Cindy if she knew what had happened. It broke her heart to know that both Brian and her son were in so much pain, when all they needed to be happy was each other. 

For a few minutes he said nothing, feeling comfortable in her embrace. Did he want to see Brian now? The answer was undeniably yes. But he was terrified. What would he feel? What would he do when he saw him? And what about Brian…how would Brian react? “I already called him and told him you were coming home today,” she whispered softly. He pulled back and stared into her eyes. “You did?” He asked softly. She smiled and brushed a lock of hair off his forehead. “He’s waiting for you,” she murmured. His face broke out into a shy smile and he hugged her again, thanking her over and over. 

~*~*~ 

Not wanting to ruin his surprise, he dug out the apartment key Brian had given him so long ago and let himself into the building. When he found himself standing in front of Brian’s door he stood there for a few minutes doing nothing, nervously anticipating what was to come. When he finally knocked on the door he was practically trembling, he was so nervous. It only took Brian a few moments to answer the door and when he did he froze in shock and felt the air leave his lungs. “N-Nick?” He stuttered, stepping backwards and letting his friend into his apartment. His whole body was tingling and he couldn’t take his eyes off of the blonde in front of him. It was like a dream. So many times, since he had left, Brian had imagined him back here in his apartment and now…he really was here. 

“Merry Christmas Brian,” Nick murmured, also lost in the sight of his best friend. Seeing him brought everything gushing back painfully. But at the same time it brought back all the good things…all the reasons why Nick had fallen in love in the first place. And so, despite the “plan,” he didn’t even try to stop himself when he flung his arms around Brian’s body and hugged him tightly. Brian too couldn’t bring himself to resist and he eagerly closed the embrace, falling in love again and again as he hugged him. Everything was real again, and for the first time in months both of them felt happy. Things were far from fixed yet, but for that moment, things were perfect. 

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