Chapter 7

Christmas break. Nick’s parents picked him up at the airport. Aaron and Angel were at home with Cindy and Brad. For some reason Nick had known that Brian wouldn’t be there. His mom told him that Brian was going to come but had gotten stuck with something at work. Nick needed him. There was so much he had to tell him. Things he’d been putting off and avoiding. He didn’t say much on the way home in the car. It wasn’t that he wasn’t excited to see his parents…he was just very preoccupied with thoughts of Brian and what he had to tell him. Bob and Jane both sensed that Nick was somewhere else so they tried their hardest not to smother him, though both of them had missed their son immensely. 

Once they got home Nick let his mood lighten a little bit. His brother and sister’s excitement in seeing him was infectious. Still, despite his happiness to be home he was a little quiet during dinner and afterwards when they sat around talking for a while. When Aaron popped in a movie for them to watch, Nick quietly slipped out of the room into the kitchen to get a drink. His mom joined him a few minutes later and the two of them sat down at the kitchen table. Neither of them said anything for a while, just enjoying each other’s company. A few minutes later, Jane covered Nick’s hand with her own and smiled softly at him. “You can go see him if you want,” she whispered, looking intently into her son’s eyes. He lowered his eyes though and took another sip of his drink. After a few moments of silence he took a deep breath and looked up at her. “Are you sure?” He asked softly. She nodded and reached out to run her fingers through his hair. “I know you want to see him tonight.” She got up and pulled her keys off of a small rack over the counter. “Take my car sweetie…just come home before about one tomorrow. Your brother and sister are dying to spend the day on the beach with you,” she said with a smile. He nodded and took the keys from her hand. “Thank you so much mom,” he whispered, again, looking down at the floor. Somehow he knew that his mom realized how important this was to him. She seemed to know that he needed to see Brian as soon as he could. She hugged him, gently smoothing his hair with her hands, much like she had when he was younger. “Be careful driving,” she whispered. He nodded and smiled at her before rushing out the door. 

By the time he got to Brian’s he was practically trembling. Each time in the past when he had come back from school seeing Brian was always incredibly exciting and amazing. This time…this time he was still as excited as ever to see his best friend but he was also worried. He was worried about everything he had to say to him…things about Kevin, things about Madison, and about his feelings in general. He knew Brian would listen patiently to everything he had to say, but he was worried about how his older friend would react.  

It took him a few minutes before he worked up enough courage to actually get out of the car and cross the street. By the time he pressed the buzzer for Brian’s apartment, his heart was pounding in his ears. “Yes?” Brian’s voice answered after a few moments. Nick took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair. “Brian…it’s me,” he said, chewing nervously on his lower lip. Brian reacted instantly. “Nick! Come up!” He exclaimed happily, opening the door for his friend right away. 

Brian was waiting with his apartment door open when Nick got off the elevator. For a moment neither of them moved. Their eyes met and held for what seemed like an hour. It was like this every time they saw each other again; they lost themselves in another place, in each other. When the spell broke, Brian quickly motioned his friend inside and shut the door. Neither of them wasted any time finding their way into each other’s arms. They held each other tightly, murmuring how much they had missed one another. Brian ran his hands up and down Nick’s back and pressed soft kisses to his neck. 

“God Nicky, I’m so glad you’re home,” he whispered. “I just got home from work like twenty minutes ago and took a shower…if you’d gotten here any later I probably would’ve been on my way to your house,” he said softly, his breath tickling Nick’s neck. “I couldn’t stand knowing you were in the same city as me and I couldn’t touch you…” he added, his voice even softer. Nick stood perfectly still in Brian’s arms and shut his eyes. He nuzzled his face against Brian’s neck and just held onto him tightly. When Brian eventually pulled back from their embrace and ran his fingers through Nick’s hair, the blonde’s face unexpectedly crumpled into tears. 

Brian pulled him close and kissed his cheek, ear and neck. “What’s wrong Nicky?” He asked softly. Nick didn’t answer just held Brian tighter and buried his face in Brian’s neck. “Shh…don’t cry baby,” Brian whispered, feeling rather helpless when Nick didn’t say anything. Not knowing what he should do, he slipped his arm around his friend’s waist and led him back to his bedroom. Nick didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t talk to Brian tonight; he didn’t even want to try. All he wanted right now was Brian’s touch, Brian’s arms around him. He was so tired. Both jet lag and his own worrying had exhausted him. 

“Will you just…stay here with me?” Nick asked in a whisper, swallowing the lump in his throat and sniffling softly. Brian nodded and kissed him gently. Nick let Brian undress him, shivering softly whenever his friend’s fingers brushed his skin. It didn’t take long before they were both in bed and in each other’s arms. Brian held him tightly and kissed him tenderly as Nick continued to cry. His soft, almost silent tears broke Brian’s heart. The way Nick clung to him…the way he looked so lost…it was tearing Brian apart. He wished there was something more he could do for him. But all Nick seemed to want was for Brian to hold him. So he did just that, running his hands over Nick’s back and arms and through his hair, trying his best to soothe him. He let him cry against his chest, all the while wishing he could get him to stop. “Shh Nicky…it’s ok, I’m right here…” he whispered, kissing the top of his head. He slipped his leg between Nick’s and pulled him closer, trying his best to surround Nick with his body. 

Nick felt so much safer and calmer in Brian’s arms, but still, he couldn’t stop crying. He was overwhelmed with emotion and his tears were the only outlet he had right now. Eventually, his exhaustion won out and he fell asleep. Tenderly, Brian wiped away the tears that still lay on his face and kissed him gently. He watched his younger friend sleep for a long time, wondering what it was that had caused Nick to cry. 

~*~*~ 

When Nick woke up he was in much the same position he had been when he had fallen asleep. Brian was still asleep and for a moment all Nick could do was stare at him. Brian was so gorgeous, like an angel…his angel. Last night would have been that much more unbearable if he hadn’t been with Brian. He smiled to himself and ran his fingers through his soft curls. He loved the way Brian hadn’t let him go all night; his arms were still wrapped tightly around him. Unable to resist, Nick leaned forward and pressed his mouth to Brian’s. When he ran his tongue across his lips, Brian responded slightly, kissing him back and sliding his hands up his back. 

When their kiss broke Nick smiled softly at him and shifted slightly in his arms. Brian smiled back and kissed him again. He ran his fingers through Nick’s hair and shut his eyes for a moment, taking his time to wake up. He had a feeling he would need to be wide-awake for whatever Nick wanted to talk about. He knew that’s what he wanted…to talk. And for whatever reason he had been too upset to do it last night. 

The two of them got out of bed a few minutes later and changed into t-shirts and sweatpants. After drinking some coffee and watching some morning television in the kitchen, the two of them settled themselves in Brian’s living room, next to one another on his couch.  

“So Nicky…are you going to tell me why you cried yourself to sleep in my arms last night?” He asked softly, looking deeply into his friend’s bright blue eyes. Nick sighed and looked away for a few moments. He knew he had to tell Brian everything today. He wanted to…but he knew it would be tough. The worst part was that he wasn’t sure how he wanted Brian to react. He looked back up, into his friend’s eyes and nodded. “Yes…there’s a lot I want to tell you.” 

~*~*~ 

Nick was out by himself for the afternoon shopping for his brother and sister’s birthday. He wasn’t getting much accomplished, being that his mind was in a completely different place. It had been about three weeks since that night at Liquid when he had kissed Kevin, but he’d thought about it a lot. There was no denying how attracted Nick was to him. Fantasies of Kevin and what it would be like to be with him plagued Nick more than he would like. His feelings were all mixed up. He wanted Kevin but he didn’t want to hurt Madison. But weighing more heavily on his mind was Brian. When he had called Brian that night and told him what happened, he had heard the hurt in Brian’s voice…no matter how much his friend had tried to insist that everything was fine. And the worst part of everything was that Nick himself didn’t quite know or understand what he felt for Brian. And so Kevin and all the feelings of physical desire he aroused in Nick were leaving him terribly confused, and not to mention feeling guilty.

 

“Nick…” The blonde shivered and shut his eyes. The voice was deep and lethal as it purred his name. He turned around and quickly found himself under the spell of entrancing green eyes. “Kevin…hi,” Nick said softly, clearing his throat and trying his best to ignore how good Kevin looked. “Looking for something in particular?” Kevin asked, walking around the rack of CD’s that separated them so that they were next to one another. “Something for my brother and sister…their birthday is next week,” Nick replied, trying his hardest to concentrate more on the CD’s and less on Kevin. “They have the same birthday?” Kevin asked, discreetly moving a tad bit closer, pretending to be interested in some CD’s very close to Nick’s hand. Nick stepped back to look on the other side of the aisle, quickly avoiding Kevin’s touch. “Yes…they’re twins.” “Really? How old are they?” He asked, not letting Nick get away.

 

For almost three weeks he’d been trying his hardest to get close to Nick again. But every time he saw him, he was either with Madison or Howie or Alex or all three of them. He wanted to get him alone. The more time he spent with Nick the sooner he’d get him into bed; he was sure of it. Today had been pure luck. He had seen Nick leave his dorm building alone, and luckily, Kevin had nothing and no one waiting for him…so he had followed the blonde. And now…Nick looked absolutely delicious as he tried his hardest to not let Kevin’s presence affect him. If he thought Nick would go along with it, Kevin would drag him into the nearest empty bathroom and fuck him till he screamed.

 

“They’ll be thirteen,” Nick replied, snapping Kevin out of his fantasy. “What are you looking for Kevin?” Nick asked coolly, wanting to catch him off guard and see if he had a real reason for being here. Kevin smiled back at him and caught his gaze when Nick looked up. He liked the fact that Nick refused to fall prey to him easily. Kevin enjoyed the challenge. You…I was looking for you, and now I’ve found you…

 

“Nothing really, just browsing,” Kevin replied casually. Nick was getting more and more nervous by the minute. The more time Kevin spent with him, the more alluring the older man became. But to Nick’s surprise, Kevin did nothing more than help him shop, finding great CD’s for both Aaron and Angel. After a little while, Nick began to feel more at ease around him. But he didn’t want to press his luck.  

“Thanks for helping Kevin,” he said, smiling as they left the store. “No problem,” the older man replied. “You wanna grab a cup of coffee with me?” Kevin asked. His question was innocent and friendly, but Nick quickly sensed more behind it. “I really should get back now,” Nick answered, trying to sound disappointed. He was a little surprised at how easy that was…he did feel a little disappointed. “I have a project I need to work on and--”

 

“Aw, come on, it won’t take that long,” Kevin interrupted, sounding hopeful without sounding desperate. “And you can’t be that anxious to work on a project for school…” Despite himself, Nick smiled. He quickly lowered his eyes in an attempt to hide his _expression, but Kevin was too fast and saw his grin nonetheless. When he laughed Nick’s smile widened and before he could stop himself he found himself looking into Kevin’s eyes and nodding. 

Bypassing the Starbucks on the corner, Kevin led him down a side street to a smaller, more intimate looking coffee shop. Once they’d both ordered something Kevin spotted the perfect table in a dim, secluded corner and headed off for it. When Nick found himself seated across from the older man, he started to realize that he might have made a mistake. But Kevin quickly went to work putting his nerves at ease by asking Nick about his major, his classes and his family. By the time their conversation had lulled, Nick felt much more relaxed and less wary. And that was when Kevin struck. 

Discreetly, he pressed his foot against Nick’s beneath the table and looked into the blonde’s clear blue eyes. “Nick, let’s talk about what happened at Liquid,” he said in a low voice. Immediately Nick froze, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from Kevin’s intent green gaze. “Kevin, I--” “Come out with me again,” Kevin interrupted quickly. “I know that you resisted me before because of Madison,” he said. “You do?” Nick asked in a small, confused voice. Kevin nodded. “I know she’s interested in me…and you felt guilty for kissing me…” Nick said nothing and looked down at his mug full of coffee. Kevin was right. He did feel guilty for kissing Kevin because of Madison. But that wasn’t the reason he had stopped things that night. However, he wasn’t about to start discussing Brian with Kevin. 

“And I’m sure Alex and Howie warned you to stay away from me too,” Kevin added matter-of-factly. Nick looked up sharply and just stared at him for a few moments. “Howie didn’t warn me,” he replied softly. “He just told me what happened between you and him.” For a brief moment Kevin looked very surprised, but he covered it quickly and went on. “Nick, I’ll be completely honest with you. I’m not looking for a relationship with you or anyone else for that matter…at least not right now. But I want you…” he said, his voice low and heated. “Ever since Madison brought you to my class and introduced us I’ve wanted you. Nick do you have any idea how gorgeous you are? So hot…and such a good kisser…” he murmured, his low voice and his words sending chills down Nick’s spine. 

Kevin reached out and covered Nick’s hand with his own. The blonde shivered and swallowed hard, not knowing what to do, what to say. He didn’t know how to escape and part of him didn’t even want to. He felt Kevin’s fingers lightly brushing the back of his hand and he found himself unable to concentrate on little else. “Meet me here…tomorrow night at about nine-thirty…and we’ll go somewhere then…” Kevin said, removing his hand from Nick’s and leaned back in his chair. He kept his eyes on Nick’s as he finished his coffee and then stood up. Once he put on his coat he leaned down and slipped his hand beneath Nick’s chin. He pressed his lips to the younger man’s briefly and then smiled softly at him before he left. 

Nick was so dazed it took him a few minutes to realize what had happened. He sat perfectly still for a while, breathing deeply and trying to calm his racing heartbeat. Meet me here…tomorrow night. Nick couldn’t get those words out of his head. He berated himself as soon as he realized he was actually considering it. He ran his fingers through his hair and shut his eyes for a moment. When he licked his lips he could taste Kevin’s small kiss and it made him shiver. Quickly, he grabbed his bag and left the coffee shop, heading straight back to his dorm room and shutting himself in for the rest of the night. 

~*~*~ 

“So did you meet him there the next night?” Brian asked softly after a few moments of silence had passed between them. Nick waited a few minutes, avoiding Brian’s gaze and wondering, above all, what Brian was feeling now. He bit his lip and slowly nodded. “Yes…I did,” he whispered. Brian looked away, feeling his heart ache in his chest. He knew that Nick had more to tell him, and he also knew that he wasn’t going to like anything he had to say. 

“I…Brian…” Nick didn’t know what to say. He wanted to pour his heart out to his best friend, but he couldn’t even name his own feelings. Brian knew Nick was struggling with his emotions and with what he wanted to tell him. But he couldn’t comfort him with words because he didn’t know what to say. He shifted closer to his younger friend and slipped his arms around his waist. He pulled Nick close to him and kissed him tenderly. Nick melted into Brian’s arms, his gentle touch being exactly what he needed. Brian kept one arm firmly around Nick’s waist, and filled the other with Nick’s soft hair as he kissed him.  

Brian kissed him deeply, his tongue tasting and touching all of Nick’s mouth. Nick slid his arms around Brian’s back and held him tightly, opening his mouth further to Brian’s searching tongue. The deep, sensual kisses made him feel weightless and warm. Brian’s touch was soothing without being arousing, and it was just what Nick needed. Brian loved the way Nick tasted, the way he felt in his arms…so warm and so pliant. Nick sighed as Brian kissed him deeper and ran his fingers through his hair. The younger man responded ever so slightly to the kisses, just enough to keep Brian giving him more and more. 

Brian gently pressed Nick back into the couch as they continued to kiss. “You’re so beautiful,” he murmured against Nick’s swollen lips, as he lightened the kisses and looked into Nick’s eyes. “Especially when you’re like this,” he went on, still kissing him softly. Nick blushed slightly and pulled Brian tighter against him. “When your hair is all messed up,” he whispered as he ran his fingers through the silky, blonde locks. “When your cheeks are all flushed,” he said, sliding his fingertips over the soft skin. “And when your lips are swollen and red from my kisses…” he breathed just as he pressed his mouth to Nick’s. Again, they kissed deeply, their tongues pressing together, tangling and tasting each other. 

When their kiss broke, they stayed just where they were, body to body, face to face. “This is nice,” Nick whispered, kissing him gently and snuggling closer. “Like it used to be before we…well before we went any further,” he whispered, running his fingers over Brian’s back. Brian nodded in agreement and kissed him again, knowing just what he meant. Before…when they had just been best friends who kissed. Things hadn’t been quite as complicated then. Neither of them thought that their having sex was a mistake, but it had certainly made things different. 

“Remember how we used to watch movies that we’d already seen because we knew we’d miss half the movie?” Brian murmured, smiling. Nick smiled back and nodded. “Yeah…and we must’ve rented the same movie five times in a row! I don’t know why though; it’s not like we ever thought we’d get through the whole thing without making out…” he said happily. Brian laughed and nuzzled his head against Nick’s neck. 

They were silent for a while, settled in each other’s arms, both of them thinking and remembering. It was Brian who broke the silence, not wanting to, but unable to stand not knowing. “Tell me what else happened…with you and Kevin,” he said softly, feeling Nick’s body tense beneath him. Nick sighed and shut his eyes. He had every intention of finishing his story, but he had wanted to freeze time and stay in this comfortable moment with Brian for so much longer. He let one of his hands find its way into his friend’s hair and the other pulled Brian firmly against him, as he told him what else had happened with Kevin. 

~*~*~ 

“You wanna come out with Alex, Jen and I tonight?” Madison asked, as she plopped herself down on his bed. “We’re going to that new club that just opened…” Nick turned away from her and pretended to look for something important. He wanted to say yes…in fact his head was screaming at him to say yes, but he held back. The memory of Kevin’s kisses and Kevin’s touch flashed through him, giving his body power over his mind. “Thanks for asking Maddy,” he said softly, squeezing his eyes shut as he realized exactly what he was doing. “But I’m really tired…I think I’m just gonna stay in tonight and lay around in front of the TV,” he lied.  

The night before he had lain in bed for hours going over his meeting with Kevin in his head. He had tried so hard to reason with himself and resist the allure of the older man. There was, after all, more than one reason to resist. There was Madison, his friend who he deeply cared about. The day after he had kissed Kevin at Liquid, he had talked to Madison about it, apologizing for what he had done. Although she was still feeling a little bit hurt, she had forgiven him. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her again. If she found out that he was seeing Kevin again…she’d most likely feel hurt and betrayed. And then there was Brian. Already he felt guilty again. He felt like he was risking what he had with Brian just to explore his physical fascination with Kevin. He was afraid of the power Kevin seemed to hold over him…it made him forget his heart. It made him feel nothing but lust and desire. And just when he thought he had convinced himself to not meet Kevin, the memory of his kisses would invade his mind and make him want nothing more than to have it all again. 

“You sure?” She asked, watching him carefully. Something was up with Nick…had been ever since yesterday. But she just couldn’t pinpoint what it was. “Nick, is everything ok? You seem…I don’t know…really quiet,” she said softly, hoping she didn’t sound too protective. He took a deep breath and then turned around to face her again. “Yeah, I’m fine…just really tired. I’ll have to come out with you guys next time though!” He said, trying to sound sincere. She could tell something else was wrong, but she didn’t press it. She trusted him enough to come to her if it was something serious. 

“Ok…but we’ll miss you!” She said, smiling as she stood up and gave him a quick hug. “Have a great time Maddy!” He said, shutting the door behind her and then dropping down on his bed. A glance at the clock told him it was almost eight o’clock. An hour and half until Kevin had asked him to meet. Over and over he debated in his mind whether or not he should go…trying to fight his curiosity and desire with reason and guilt.  

His conscience weighed heavily on him when he finally made the decision to go. Each shirt he threw back into his closet made him feel worse…he was dressing for Kevin. Every minute that passed with him styling his hair or looking in the mirror made him want to change his mind…he was making himself look good for Kevin. By the time he was ready to go he was full of self-loathing. 

Carefully he glanced out of his door to make sure none of his friends were lingering in the hallway. Once he decided it was safe, he shut his eyes and took a deep breath, once more going over his reasoning in his mind. He was just curious. If he didn’t try to satisfy that curiosity now, it might haunt him for a long time. He had to see more of Kevin just to make him less appealing. The more he saw of him, the less he’d want to see him. That was, at least, what he hoped. It was nine twenty-five when he finally left his dorm. 

By the time he made it to that coffee shop it was already a quarter to ten. Part of him was relieved, thinking that Kevin might have already left…but when he walked inside, he found him there waiting. 

Kevin smiled to himself when the blonde finally walked through the door. Although he had been quite confident that Nick would show up, a small part of him warned him that this one was different…that he wouldn’t be as easily persuaded as others had been. Nick looked just as he had imagined…just as he wanted him to look. Jeans, form-fitting short-sleeved shirt, his hair loosely spiked…and those bright blue eyes were just full of curiosity and desire. 

Nick couldn’t stop staring at the older man, unable to get past how gorgeous he looked. Flashes from the night at Liquid ran through his mind, and much to his dismay, he found himself hoping that he’d at least get to kiss Kevin again. He stayed where he was when Kevin stood up and walked towards him. He was counting on the older man to make the first move, because he had no idea how. 

Kevin slipped his arm around the blonde’s waist and led him outside and down the sidewalk. “You look so good,” he purred into Nick’s ear as they walked. Nick shivered when he felt Kevin’s lips graze his neck. “And smell so good too…” he added slyly. 

“Where are we going?” Nick asked nervously. “One of my favorite clubs,” Kevin murmured, his head still turned so that he could talk into Nick’s ear, knowing that his nearness was making the younger man more and more nervous. They took a cab to a location a few blocks away. Nick didn’t say a word the entire ride there, but he was very aware of Kevin’s presence. The older man seemed to make sure they were always touching in some small way, which kept Nick on edge. 

Nick was excited and nervous, desperately hoping he wasn’t making a terrible mistake. As soon as they got out of the cab and walked into the club, Kevin slid his arm possessively around Nick’s waist again and pulled him close. The club was called Velvet and was similar to Liquid in several aspects. But it wasn’t quite as open, nor as loud. It wasn’t really the type of place you’d go to with a large group of friends. The dance floor was much smaller and there were more dark corners and crevices that Nick could see were occupied by couples. The lighting was dimmer than Liquid and there were flickering lights disguised as candles everywhere. 

Kevin led Nick to the bar and ordered them drinks, watching the blonde with a small smile. Feeling very innocent and naïve suddenly, Nick took in his surroundings and unconsciously inched closer to Kevin. The older man hid his smile as he handed Nick his drink. Nick’s reaction to Velvet was exactly what Kevin had expected…and what he had been counting on. He was a little excited, a little scared and very nervous. 

Being that it was rather early, it wasn’t very crowded yet, so the two of them sat at a far corner of the bar for a while. Kevin tried several times to start a conversation with Nick, but the younger man was too nervous to respond with anything more than two or three word sentences. Kevin waited until Nick had finished at least three drinks before pulling him out onto the now-crowded dance floor. He pulled him close and smiled as Nick wrapped his arms around his back. Shyly, Nick smiled back at him as they danced. 

Kevin was intoxicating…the feel of the older man’s body pressed tightly to his, his hands on his waist, and the smell of his cologne. Just like the first time, Nick was completely bewitched. Kevin couldn’t get enough…and he wanted so much more. Nick’s body was so warm in his arms, so close and so…accessible. Keeping one hand tightly around Nick’s waist, he slipped the other into his hair and leaned closer. Nick felt his heart racing in excitement and anticipation. When Kevin pressed his lips to his, he couldn’t help moaning ever so softly. He pulled Kevin’s body even closer and eagerly opened his mouth for his tongue. 

Their kisses quickly became deeper and hotter until even the pretense of dancing was gone. It was then that Kevin reluctantly broke their kiss and pulled Nick off the dance floor. The room was set up so that along two walls there were small sectioned-off areas with couches and chairs. Kevin quickly found an empty one that was perfect…plush black couch, dimly lit with a flickering light, and only accessible from one direction. They sank down onto the couch and looked at each other for a few moments. Nick looked so sinful and delicious to Kevin’s hungry eyes. Slowly, he slid closer to the blonde and ran his fingers through his soft hair. Without wasting another moment, Kevin kissed him again, slipping his tongue into his mouth and drugging his senses. Nick moaned as he wrapped his arms around the older man and arched up into him. Kevin slipped his leg between Nick’s and slid his arms around the blonde’s back. 

“God you taste so sweet…” Kevin breathed hotly as his fingers found their way beneath the bottom of Nick’s shirt. Nick gasped for breath when Kevin broke their kiss. The older man smiled wickedly at his prey as he pulled Nick tighter against him and pressed his thigh into his crotch. Nick’s head fell back and his eyes shut in pleasure. Heat shot through Kevin when Nick moaned. At that moment he would swear no one had ever looked as sexy as Nick did. He leaned forward and kissed Nick deeply again as he let his hands roam his body.  

Nick’s mind was a jumbled mess of pleasure. He couldn’t think of anything except Kevin and his touch. The more Kevin gave, the more Nick wanted. Soon, Kevin had him exactly where he wanted him. Nick was kissing him back eagerly and deeply. The blonde’s hands were all over him. And the sweet little whimpers and moans that escaped his mouth were desperate and hot by nature. 

“I want you so much Nick,” he whispered into the younger man’s ear, taking his time to trace it with his tongue. Nick shuddered and slid his fingers into Kevin’s hair. “You’re so fucking hot…and I know you want me too…” he breathed, sucking and nibbling at Nick’s ear lobe and neck. Nick only moaned in response and pulled Kevin into another deep kiss, but it was all the response Kevin needed. 

Before Nick could even realize what was happening, Kevin pulled him to his feet and slipped his arm around his waist. “Where are we going?” Nick asked, once they were outside, finally finding his voice and becoming less disoriented. Kevin leaned into him and kissed him. “To my apartment…” he murmured against Nick’s lips. Something froze in Nick at that moment, driving away the haze that still lay around him. He couldn’t do this…no matter how much he might want to. 

But when Kevin pulled him into a cab and practically onto his lap, he didn’t stop him. Nor did he stop him when he started kissing and touching him in the backseat. “Come on baby, we’re here,” Kevin whispered against Nick’s mouth as he threw some money at the cab driver and pulled the younger man out of the car. Nick knew he had to stop, wanted to stop, but the words of protest died in his throat. 

“Kevin…” he whispered, tugging on the older man’s hand just before they entered his building. Kevin turned to face him and stepped closer, wrapping his arms around Nick’s waist and pressing their bodies together. He tried to kiss him, but Nick shook his head and pulled away slightly. Kevin saw fear, guilt and confusion in his big blue eyes, and suddenly realized that getting Nick into bed might be harder than he had thought. But he still had the advantage. He slipped his hand behind Nick’s neck and pressed their mouths together. He kissed him deeply, knowing Nick’s resistance was slipping with every second. 

Nick didn’t resist this time when Kevin pulled him inside. It was like he was watching himself from far away, and no matter how loudly he screamed he couldn’t get himself to stop. Kevin kissed him again when they were alone in the elevator, murmuring to Nick how sexy he was, and how much he wanted him. Nick tried his hardest to grasp each passing feeling of guilt and make it stick. He couldn’t go through with his. He couldn’t. It would be a terrible mistake…. 

He was trembling by the time Kevin had opened his apartment door and dragged him inside. The older man threw his keys down on a table and took off his jacket. He smiled slyly when he looked at Nick and then moved closer to him. The blonde looked terribly nervous. His eyes were darting around, taking in his surroundings and chewing on his lower lip. Kevin couldn’t ever remember wanting someone so badly. Nick’s eyes met his when he slowly slid his hands up his chest and beneath his jacket. He slipped it off and let it fall to the floor, grasping Nick’s hands in his own and pulling him away from the door. 

“Kevin…” Nick said softly, weakly, trying to protest. They sat down on Kevin’s couch and looked into each other’s eyes. The room was dimly lit by the only lamp Kevin had turned on upon entering the room. Nick licked his lips and tried desperately, once again, to push back the clouds that were impairing his judgment. His body was screaming out for Kevin’s touch, and so he inched closer as the older man slid his arms around Nick’s waist. But his heart was begging him to stop, begging him to think about what this would mean if he took it further. Begging him to think about Brian…. 

But Kevin kissed him then and all thoughts flew from his mind. It was soft at first, but quickly turned into more. They were hot, searching kisses that demanded more. Kevin moaned softly as their tongues touched and tangled, both of them struggling to get closer, to make the kiss deeper. Nick whimpered as the older man pressed their bodies together. He was so hot, so aroused and in need of more. More. That’s what he wanted as Kevin began licking at and sucking on his neck. That’s what he wanted as the older man slid his hands beneath his shirt and up his chest. But the voice in his heart finally caught up with his needy body when Kevin slid his hand downward and cupped his growing erection through his jeans. 

“Kevin…I can’t…I…stop,” he whispered, weakly pushing against Kevin’s chest and trying to catch his breath. His body was still aching for more of the older man’s touch, but the feelings in his heart were stronger now, louder than his physical need. But Kevin wasn’t about to give up so easily. He kissed Nick again, softly this time, licking at his lips and gently massaging Nick’s tongue with his own. He slid his fingers into the blonde’s hair, touching him gently. Nick responded naturally to the kisses, but only for a minute or two before pushing Kevin away again and pleading with him to stop. 

“Nick…” he purred, caressing the blonde’s cheek. He leaned forward and brushed his lips over Nick’s. “I know you don’t want to hurt her, but…I don’t want Madison. I want you,” he murmured, letting his fingers lightly run down Nick’s arms. “And she never has to know…” he added softly, kissing the blonde again. 

Nick almost gave in. Kevin’s soft touches and kisses only made him yearn for more. Lust. It was all he felt, and more than anything, he wanted to act on it. But his heart held him back and told him he’d regret it come morning. He shook his head and looked imploringly into Kevin’s eyes. “It’s not Madison…” he whispered. “There’s someone else…and I can’t…I just…I’m so sorry. I never meant to lead you on. You can’t know how much…how much I want you,” Nick said softly, his eyes filling with tears. He was so confused and the only person that could make things any easier was three thousand miles away. “But he…I can’t be with you…with anyone else because I…well I just…I can’t betray him,” he whispered, casting his eyes downward. 

Kevin listened to his jumbled words and despite everything, felt bad for Nick. He said nothing for a few minutes; just staring at Nick and racking his brain for something else he could do or say to get him to change his mind. But nothing came to him. So finally, sighing, he kissed the blonde’s forehead and smiled softly when Nick looked back up. He saw genuine love in Nick’s eyes for whomever this person was that he was talking about. He also saw that Nick couldn’t or wouldn’t recognize that emotion as love. And it seemed to be tearing him up inside. He sighed and ran his fingers through Nick’s hair. He didn’t like the fact that this one would get away, that there was someone he couldn’t have. 

“You’re sure you don’t want this?” Kevin asked once more, figuring he could at least try. Nick shook his head. “I’m sorry, I--” Kevin pressed his fingers to Nick’s lips and shook his head. “Don’t be sorry,” he said softly. Kevin had known from the beginning how innocent and naïve Nick seemed to be. If it weren’t for this guy who seemed to hold his heart, seducing him would have been a snap. As it was, he knew he had really mixed the blonde up by making him want him. He leaned forward and kissed Nick once more, deeply this time, shivering slightly when the younger man responded. 

He stood up then and pulled Nick to his feet. To the younger man’s surprise, Kevin didn’t yell or act disgusted with him. Nick had imagined Kevin throwing him out and calling him nothing but a tease. But the older man took him downstairs and outside and hailed him a cab. Due to Nick’s current state of mind, Kevin was pretty sure the younger man wouldn’t have been able to do it himself. Nick got in, but not without a final look at Kevin and another apology to which Kevin only shook his head. Nick knew, without a doubt, that if not for Brian, he would have slept with Kevin tonight without much hesitation. He wanted him. But for Nick, it was too hard to separate sex and emotion…he couldn’t have one without the other. Even with Madison there had been a degree of affection involved. With Kevin it was purely physical…and he wasn’t sure if he could deal with that. 

~*~*~ 

No matter how hard he tried, Brian couldn’t help the relief that spread through him when Nick revealed that he hadn’t slept with Kevin. He was still holding his friend in his arms and now he met Nick’s eyes with undisguised happiness. “I’m glad you didn’t sleep with him,” he murmured as he buried his face in Nick’s neck and caressed his cheek. Nick sighed and melted into Brian. He knew Brian wouldn’t say anything more than that, but it was something. He was jealous…and he was glad he hadn’t slept with him. It was a start…something Nick could work with. Because as he sat here curled in Brian’s arms, he started to feel, with all of his heart, that there was no other place he’d rather be. 

< Lead The Way >