Shuddering from the mere memory and the bitter cold and discomforting atmosphere, I hesitantly climbed up the polished wooden steps and hoisted my frozen body onto the disheveled platform. I sat down clumsily on the hard surface, absently tracing my index finger along the aging wood. As I performed these pointless actions, my mind was having its own little exercise.
I tried to recollect what had just happened a mere twenty minutes ago on the Hanson's dance floor (specifically arranged for me…I felt immensely guilty for leaving the house without any words of thanks), but my mind couldn't trigger anything at all. All I knew was that I danced with Taylor, and even that seemingly innocent tidbit of information was utterly crucial. At the time, it had seemed so right…so perfect. But that was when I didn't give a care…when the dance finally ended, reality hit me like a blow in the stomach. I prayed that I didn't send any mixed signals to my best friend.
That was the key term here that just screwed everything up. Best friend. If Tay had merely been a guy friend from school or just a neighbor that I see once in a blue moon, then the circumstance would have been completely in contrast to this. But it wasn't just some guy I see every other week or what not. It was Jordan Taylor Hanson, my best friend. It just wasn't necessary for best friends to dance with each other. But, strangely enough, I wouldn't take back that one solitary dance even if the world was to cave in right before my very eyes. It was so…so intense it was completely indescribable. Then one fact dawned on me that could have possibly changed my life forever on. I loved Taylor. Not in a passionate sense, but a true, solid love. When I finally grasped that deep concept, I began to cry vulnerably. Impulse taking over me, I scampered down the unstable treehouse steps and fled to the portable communication system that Taylor and I had produced many moons ago. I picked up the rusty can and signaled through it, praying for any signs of response.
Only moments later, which seemed like an endless eternity to me, Taylor appeared in his backyard clad in warm layers of clothing, in contrast to my mere one layer. He reluctantly walked towards me, his hands pushing lower into the depths of his seemingly never-ending pockets with each step he took. When he was standing only feet away from me, he cleared his throat attentively and looked at me expectantly.
When I realized how much I'd hurt him, my emotional barrier capsized once again, triggering a fresh set of tears rolling down my near-frostbitten cheeks. "I'm sorry, Taylor…I…I'm so sorry."
Caught quite off-guard, Taylor quickly discarded his heavy coat and wrapped it around my fragile, trembling shoulders. He guided me back over to the treehouse, where he sat for what seemed like an eternity just holding me, until my emotions finally settled…or so I thought. He blinked several consecutive times, apparently expecting an explanation of some sort. I just merely returned the explanatory stare, not sure how to word what I was feeling. Finally, not being able to stand the rather eerie silence, Tay spoke up hesitantly. "You missed your cake."
I slowly glanced up at him and his eyes locked mine in a hypnotic stare. "I'm sorry."
"I saved you a piece." His feelings weren't yet mended, that was plainly obvious…it would have been to a bat, but he wasn't going to hold any grudges, which was very good on my part. A very typical Taylor move. I knew him so damn well.
"Thanks," I whispered, once again finding the polished patterns of the treehouse floor immensely intriguing. Finding the small hints of courage to speak, I did so. "What exactly happened in there?" I pointed to the vicinity in which the previous party had been held.
"You mean the dance?" Tay stalled, knowing all too well that I meant the dance. Not waiting for a mere reply from me, he went boldly onward. "I'm sorry if the dance bothered you in any way, Al, but I sure as hell don't regret dancing with you."
I once again looked up, my tears on the verge of crystallizing and falling to the floor, shattering just like my emotions had only moments before. "Oh, Tay, you didn't do anything wrong. I was just so afraid that if I danced with you, our friendship would be completely ruined and we'd look at each other from totally different perspectives. My friendship with you is one of the most important things in my life, and I just couldn't bear to risk losing it. It really made me wake up and smell the coffee, too. I'm not going to be here forever. Neither are you. Nobody will, actually. So if you really want something, you should go for it before it's too late. I really wanted something, but now it's too late…" I trailed off, my hoarse voice cracking and squeaking at an impeccable level.
"What was that something that you wanted so badly?" Tay inquired. He didn't mean it to be nosy, he was just very curious to know what was making his best friend so vulnerable at that point.
I could not believe that the words that were about to leave my mouth, but they surprisingly did. "You," I whispered, sniffling and wheezing from the frigid air.
An emotion I'd never seen before in Taylor welled up inside his clear, deep blue eyes. They soon clouded over, and he leaned over towards me. He wrapped his arms around me protectively, silently vowing to take care of me. I think at that point, we both wished that we were two instead of twelve so we wouldn't have to endeavor this horrible occurrence. When I finally stopped crying, I looked up at Taylor in a new light.
"Life is so ironic, Tay. I never was a very big fan of Alanis Morisette, but right now her songs surprisingly mean the most sense to me than they ever did before, and probably ever will. Right when I discover my true feelings for you, I have to leave. Once…just once, I'd like for life to be absolutely perfect. Even if it was just for one day, I'd like to have my every solitary wish granted, and every favor accomplished within seconds. Just once." When I came to the conclusion of my little speech, I buried my face in Taylor's arms, trying to shy away from all the pain and strife that was engulfing me by the mere second.
"Alana, nobody is entitled to a picture perfect life. Life has its downfalls, but it also has its good points. Some days are unbelievably crappy, and others just flow as smooth as butter. God created flaws in every one of us. That's why nobody looks or acts the exact same. That's also why fights occur, and why the world isn't perfect. Sometimes we don't get what we want. In this particular circumstance we're in right now, it's not even close. But, try as we might, we can't change or try to prevent it. It's all a part of life." He finished and leaned back on the rigid boards of the aging treehouse, which we somehow felt immensely comforting right at that point.
I glanced at my watch, then up at Tay with sorrowful eyes. "I'd better get going. I'm going to be in deep shit with my parents when I get home."
"It's not like they can ground you or anything though, Al. I mean, you're moving away in less than three days," he pointed out. "Anyway, you can just tell them that you helped us clean up."
I slipped out of Tay's rather comfortable jacket and broke out of his strengthening embrace. I then cautiously stepped down the treehouse steps, causing the house to creak and moan in protest.
When I landed successfully on the ground, I looked back up the treehouse steps and met Taylor's eyes for a brief moment. "Thanks for everything," I whispered, casting one last glance in his direction before turning around and starting off towards my own house.
"Good night," Tay replied softly. The light wind carried his gentle words towards me and they glided slowly into my awaiting ears. I stopped dead in my tracks, cherishing the indescribable felling, and smiled in the bland darkness. It was definitely a night worth remembering.
