Journal Entry 39

I wrote her a letter. Is that lame? I haven't heard from her yet. Not by phone or anything.

Well I can't take this any longer, no
Well I can't do this anymore
Well I'm not getting any stronger
I don't know how to feel this any more

If you can't tell me what you want
After all that you've done for me
We can't make it all undone
Can't you see that

I don't know what to think and
You can't tell if we're dreaming
I wish that I could just let this go
But I'm thinking that I don't know what I'm feeling
We just need space for breathing
I wish that I could just let this go
But I'm thinking that I don't know

I've had these thoughts a thousand times before
I'm up against a wall I can't ignore
I wish you didn't feel so good to hold
'Cause then it wouldn't be so hard to know

If you can't tell me what ou want
After all that you've done for me
We can't make it all undone
Can't you see that

I don't know what to think and
You can't tell if we're dreaming
I wish that I could just let this go
But I'm thinking that I don't know
What I'm feeling
We just need space for breathing
I wish that I could just let this go
But I'm thinking that I don't know

I wish I could tell you
That everything was gonna be alright
I just wanna love you so maybe I can let this go

If you can't tell me what you want
After all that you mean to me
We can't make it all undone
But can't you see that

So after I'd sent it, I gave her a couple days. And for the first time in a long time, she called me. The first thing out of her mouth wasn't "hi, how've you been", it was, "how bad is it?" And I could tell she was cringing. This is what I told her.

Don't wanna hear about why you've been weeping now
Don't tell me 'bout why you ain't sleeping well
Oh
Don't tell me that now you feel bad
You got a heading from the news this morning

And we all know it ain't right
And we all think love is blind
And we all know that we won't be sleeping tonight
Now please don't ask me why, 'cause then I'd be forced to lie
And we all know that we won't be sleeping tonight
We won't be sleeping tonight, yeah

I can live it, and I can give it
Well I cannot go on, I don't know what to do
You can fake it, and try to make it
The more you justify, the more I see right through

Well there's been a change in the weather now
You'll find the law and find a way to weasle out
Oh
Just talked to you, you told me to turn on the news this morning

And we all know it ain't right
And we all think love is blind
And we all know that we won't be sleeping tonight
Now please don't ask me why
'Cause then I'll be forced to lie
And we all know that we won't be sleeping tonight
We won't be sleeping tonight

I can live it, and I can give it
Well I cannot go on, I don't know what to do
You can fake it, and try to make it
The more you justify the more I see right through

Just talked to you
You told me to
Turn on the news this morning

We all know it ain't right
And we all think love is blind
And we all know that we won't be sleeping tonight
Now please don't ask me why
'Cause then I'll be forced to lie
And we all know that we won't be sleeping tonight
We won't be sleeping tonight, yeah

Yeah, and we all know it ain't right
But we all think love is blind
And we all know that we won't be sleeping tonight

Can you really look me in the eye
With a love that's hope to die
And we all know that we won't be sleeping tonight

And we all know it ain't right
But we all think love is blind
We all know that we won't be sleeping tonight
We won't be sleeping tonight, yeah

I heard her sigh heavilly, then sniff. Was she crying? Then I figured I"d tone down the anger with a little softness. I did still love her after all, I was just so angry! Anyway, so then I continued softly-

For all the love we've made
Just one thing stays the same
The lamp gets dusty
The pipes get rusty
But I don't wanna wash my hands clean

You say you love me too
Then why won't you go through
With the nightly kisses
With the hits and misses
If you can make it on your own then

Go
If you wanna go
But stay
If you wanna know the way
Through the mess we've made
And lie in a bed you know or
Go

Well I heard your moving van
But I didn't take a stand
You can't leave with them
You can't live without them
I never thought I'd want to let you

Go
If you wanna go
But stay
If you wanna know the way
Through the mess we've made
And lie in a bed you know or
Go
Go
Or go

For all the love we've made
Just one thing stays the same
The lamp gets dusty
The pipes gets rusty
But I don't wanna wash my hands clean
You say you love me too
Then why won't you go through
With the nightly kisses
With the hits and misses
If you can make it on your own then
Go

I told her to think about what she wanted to do, then call me, or don't. If not, I'll assume we're over. She said okay, and then she hung up softly. Why did I get the worst feeling that okay was her goodbye?

Journal Entry 40