Ike and I arrived at the hospital about 10 minutes since we had left the house, on the way we went through two turning red lights and almost ran over a dog, but we didn't seem to care about all that, all we wanted was to get the fastest to the hospital.
We run up to the desk and asked for Taylor's room. He was in surgery we were told by a fatish woman in a white suit which reminded me of how much I hated hospitals. We walked to the waiting room without saying a word to each other, we were too afraid to speak, all we wanted to see was if Tay was alright. We entered the room, and spotted Mr and Mrs Hanson with Zac sitting there. By the look of Diana's red from crying eyes I could tell that things weren't so good. Ike went up to his mother and put his arms around her.
"Don't worry, mum, everything's going to be fine, Tay's a tough guy, he'll be alright", Ike tried to calm his mother down.
I sat down beside Zac and closed my eyes. This couldn't be happening, I thought. I felt myself panic and tears rose in my eyes. I quickly wiped my tears up, I had to be strong, especially if front of Diana, this must be really hard on her. The thought of losing her child must be unbearable. I tried hard to keep from crying, but the tears just rolled down my cheeks uncontrollably. Zac turned and looked at me.
"It's okay", he whispered to me. "Maybe you shouldn't have come, this must be very hard on you too, I know how you feel about Taylor, we all love him".
"No, I'm alright, really, just being a bit over emotional", I said trying to hide my fear that was choking me. All the time, I kept thinking 'what if something goes wrong? What if he doesn't make it?', fresh tears rolled down my face.
"Sure he'll be alright, I mean, he's got to! He can't let us down now, not when we are getting ready to record our second album", Zac joked, trying to make me feel better and to convince himself that everything was going to be okay.
"Where are the kids?", I asked only just noticing that they were missing.
"We left them at our aunt's place. Mum, didn't think that this was a suitable place for them", Zac turned and looked at his father and Ike who were trying to calm Diana down.
"What happened?", I finally asked.
"I'm not quite sure, but he was over with his friend Brian, and they were just getting ready to come back over".
"Yeah, I know, I was supposed to meet Taylor around 5:00pm, but I turned up a bit earlier and Ike told me that he had gone up to Brian's and was due back soon", I said.
"Well, it looks like they decided to borrow Brian's dad's car, and they got hit by another car, coming around a corner coming a bit too fast for them to see", Zac showed me how it happened with his hands.
"And Brian? Is he alright?"
"He hit his head, but not too badly, got about 4 stitches in, but he's free to go home, his parents were here not too long ago".
"How badly is Taylor hurt? He's in surgery right?", I asked feeling my lips tremble at the sound of those words.
"I'm not very sure, the doctor spoke with all these medical terms, and I didn't get half of it. Mum and dad say it's nothing, but I don't believe it, I'm old enough to see that something's very wrong, and if everything was okay, then how come not even dad can calm mum down?", Zac turned to take another look at his parents.
I was beginning to get a bit desperate by now. My hands were shaking and my mouth was dry. All I could think of was Taylor with blood all over his angelic face. I put my face in my hands and let fresh tears come rolling out of my eyes.
A couple of hours later after the surgery had finished, and Taylor's condition had been stabilized we were allowed in the room to see him. They told us that Taylor was in a coma and so we wouldn't be able to speak to him, and they were only letting family in the room. But Taylor's parents knew that I was just as worried as them, and since I had waited around for so long, they claimed that I was a cousin, and so I too was allowed in.
Seeing Taylor there was one of the hardest things I'd ever done up till then. He was lying there looking dead, with tubes coming out of him. Only in movies had I seen a machine pump air into a person, and I didn't think much of it, but now it seemed to me like some god who was keeping my Taylor alive. We all took a couple of minutes with Taylor since we weren't allowed in for very long and the room was not very big. I watched as Tay's parents held his hands and whispered to him that everything was going to be alright, I felt so sorry for Diana who had to watch her child lying there with tubes coming out of him, and a machine pumping air into his lungs.
After a bit it was my turn to say a few words to Taylor. I sat next to him and not knowing what to do at first I just sat there and looked at him. He seemed so helpless. I yearned to hear his voice once again, I wished he would just open his eyes so I could see their beautiful blue depths. I took his hand in mine and held it tight. I felt silly talking to him, but I had too.
"Tay, don't leave us, please... we need you.... I love you Taylor...", I managed to whisper to him. I somehow hoped that he would answer back, and tell me that he was going to be alright, but all he did was lay there motionless, with only the sound of the air machine to be heard.
"Sida, it's time for us to leave", Isaac said and touched my shoulder.
"What?... Oh, yes, sorry", I said not realizing that my time with Tay was up. By then my eyes were steaming with tears again. I let go of his hand and kissed him softly on the cheek. I then joined the rest and while Zac and his parents went home in their car, Isaac drove me home in his. Neither of us said a word on the way back, we just sat there deep in thoughts.
I was alone in my house once again. My parents were out for the evening, and I had had a couple of phone calls from friends asking me to go out with them, but I had refused. I didn't feel like doing anything.
As I was lying on the couch in front of the TV and watching a movie that seemed pretty pathetic, but I had nothing better to do, the phone rang. I moaned and got up to answer it, I wished it wasn't another friend asking me out, coz I was sick of explaining that I didn't feel like going out on a Saturday night. I picked up the phone.
"Hello?"
"Sida, hi", Isaac's voice was distant and melancholic.
"Hi Ike, how are you? I've been trying to call you all yesterday but you were away all day, how's Tay? Getting better I hope", I tried to sound cheerful, but something in Ike's tone was alarming.
"Tay, well, he... um...", Ike's voice broke and I could hear that he was crying.
"Ike? What is it? What's wrong?", my voice was shaking and I could feel tears ready to rise in my eyes. Something was terribly wrong.
"Uhh... Tay isn't going to get better Sida", Ike took a deep breath and went on, "he died yesterday morning, the uhh... doctors tried their best they said, but he was hit pretty bad, there was nothing they could do, a vein in his head burst some time yesterday morning and it was only a matter of time from then on..."
I couldn't believe what I had just heard. I sat there with tears steaming down my cheeks not wanting to take in what Ike had just told me.
"Sida, are you alright?", Ike asked feeling awful that he was the one who had to tell me the news.
"Uh... yeah... I'll be alright, thanx Ike for telling me, I think I better go now", I said sobbing.
"Look Sida, this is hard for us all, damn! I loved him so much, he's not only my brother but my best friend too... Anyway, his funeral is tomorrow morning, I'll pick you up at 8:00am if you would like to come".
"Of course I'll come, and I'm so sorry, I know how much you all must be going through, I love him so much too", I said and we said goodnight to each other.
After that I just curled myself up in bed and cried myself to sleep, the boy who I loved more than I had loved anyone was no longer with me. I could take being away from him for a couple of months while he was away touring or recording, but this was just too much for me... I felt like I had no reason to live for. If he had left me for someone else, I could have taken that too, but to die? That was too overwhelming for me, I couldn't live without seeing his smile again, or looking into those deep blue eyes of his, without feeling his touch and the flavor of his kiss... I knew what I would do, tomorrow, after the funeral, I would soon join Taylor...
"Honey, Isaac is here", my mother called out to me.
"Coming", I moaned and kissed my mother goodbye. Isaac had come to pick me up and I could see his eyes were red from crying, but I didn't say anything coz he would have been too embarrassed to admit it. He was wearing a black suit which looked quite good on him, but again I didn't comment, I knew that the best was for me to keep my mouth shut. I too was dressed in black. I had worn my long black skirt and my mother's black cardigan on top and I had tied my hair up in a tight ponytail.
We arrived at the funeral minutes later and joined everyone who was gathered there to say their last farewells to Taylor. I felt like a complete stranger in the mass of people there. I knew no one apart from Tay's family, and I could feel everyone's eyes on me as I stood beside Isaac and Zac.
The whole ceremony went by without me even realizing it. I didn't hear what the priest was saying. All I could hear were the people crying around me and I could taste my own tears without me even realizing that I was crying. I just sat there in a daze, memories of me and Taylor running through my mind. Soon it was over and we all placed our flowers on Taylor's grave and slowly left. Isaac had to practically take me by the hand and lead me back to the car, coz I didn't seem to be in touch with the world around.
"Sida, maybe you shouldn't have come...", Isaac said to me.
"No, I'm glad I came", I said and leaned back into the seat next to Isaac who was driving me home.
I could hear my parents downstairs talking about work again. I didn't really care that they were home. I had promised Taylor that I would join him, and I was really going to. I reached out and opened my desk draw, pulling out the box with my sleeping pills. I had often thought of taking the lot, but I was always only joking. This time though I wasn't. I opened the lid and piled out half a dozen sleeping pills in my hand. Without thinking I put them in my mouth and washed them down with a glass of water which I had poured specially for the ocasion earlier on. I rolled over and looked at the ceiling. I begun to feel dizzy, and as I thought of Taylor, a vision of his face smiling down at me appeared in my mind. I smiled, I felt so warm inside, like everything was going to be alright now.
Just as my eyes begun to get heavier the door opened and my mother came in.
"Sida, I've been calling and calling you, I want you to help me with the house work please", she said to me and then spotted the box of pills in my hand.
"Sida, what have you done?", she screamed at me. But all I could hear was words that made no sence. I slightly opened my eyes and saw a blurry image of my mother coming towards me, shouting something which I couldn't make out.
Next thing I knew I was in a place with people dressed in white and green suits and with caps and masks on. They where putting tubes down my throat and it felt very uncomfortable but I was still numb and didn't feel much of it.
I awoke in a bed with my mother by my side after what seemed like a life time. I could hardly remeber what had happened and all I could think of was going home to my own bed and my own sheets.
"Sida, over here", a voice called to me from behind.
I turned around and smiled as I recognized the face who had just called me. "Hey", I said to my boyfriend Mark.
"Where are you off too?", Mark said walking towards me.
"Ahh, just going to buy milk and bread for my mum... boring huh? But what can I do, she's my mum and I don't like eating dinner without bread", I said kissing him.
It had been a year and a half since Taylor's death. The Hanson's had moved away, Mr Hanson had thought it better if they had moved on. However they would all drive out here every month to visit Taylor's grave and leave flowers for him. I often wrote letters to Zac and Isaac but rarely would I get a reply, probably coz they were so busy getting a new band started with their record company, and I guess they couldn't be bothered to write letters much. But I would see them every time they came over and I would often go with them to visit Taylor's grave. Sometimes I would go alone, and there I would often speak to Taylor, he still felt like part of me. But for a young girl like myself, falling in love again was inevitable.
I had met Mark a bit over a year after Taylor's death and we had been going out for almost 4 months now. He looked nothing like Taylor, he had dark brown hair, which came to about his chin, and light brown eyes, but he was so nice and sweet that I could feel a resemblance of Taylor in him. I could tell he was a bit jealous of me going to Tay's grave often, but he was very understanding and supporting. I still loved Taylor, I would always love him, but as time went by I loved him more as a friend and like a brother.
When I had so thoughtlessly taken the sleeping pills in my bedroom after Taylor's funeral, I had been so stupid. In a moment of despair, I had almost thrown my whole life away without even stopping to think. I had been so wrong, but it was only after the experience that I had realized it. If it hadn't been for my mother, I would have been dead now. I had thought that the pain inside of me would never stop and that life was worthless without Taylor in it, but I had been so wrong. Time had healed, and life was worth living for. And now, as I stood next to my boyfriend Mark, I felt inside me the same familiar feelings that I had once felt with Taylor.
