On October 29, 1998 he was waiting for me to get off work, he said he wanted to go to the park and talk...to try and work out some problems we'd been having the previous few dayz. As it turned out, he had more than just talking on his mind though. What started out as a "calm discussion" turned into a nightmare for me......but I'm not gonna go into the details. To make a long story short, he shot himself while sitting in my car, and I was standing not far from it. I'm thankful I wasn't sittin' beside him...just the sound of the gunshot was enuff to send me over the edge. Never in my life did I think I'd experience anything like that. I don't know that I'll ever be able to forget...it will be forever etched in my memory. Brad was a fighter, but the trauma proved to be too much. He left this world on October 30, 1998, leaving a void never to be filled in my heart. He was laid to rest on November 2, 1998.
The really hard part for me is trying to figure out why??? That, and not to blame myself...as so many people do when someone they love cuts their life short this way. I know in my heart he loved me, but in his own way he was crying out for help and no one, including myself, heard his pleas. Now, all I have are the memories of times we spent together and of the things we shared. I'm glad we had that time, 'cus he was truly a special man. They say time heals the pain....I hope so, 'cus this is one pain I can live without.
Brad, you'll never know just how much you meant to me. Hindsight is always 20/20....and until my dying day, I'll regret not letting you know just HOW much I LOVE YOU!! Until we meet again........
Well, this is an update...the heart that was so full of love and laughter is still beating. Turns out Brad's organs have given others life, something I know he would have wanted. I only found this out today. (January 19, 1999) It's a comfort knowing a part of him lives on.....
It's been a year...today is October 29, 1999, and I wanted to add a little something to this page...again. I don't dwell on things, but a part of my psyche is that I have this uncanny knack for remembering dates and events. (Even a few I'd just as soon forget ever happened.) Last night was difficult for me, 'cus I kept thinking about what I was doing a year ago...the anguish I was feeling and the trauma the family was going through. But then, I also had a sense of peace in that Brad is somewhere better and I know he wouldn't want me to feel bad for him. I believe he knows that I'm okay now and that he'll always be a part of me. What I said before is true, I can honestly say time has helped heal the pain...and for that I'm grateful.
Well, it's August 6, 2001, your 30th birthday. As you're still in my thoughts I just wanted to remember you on your day. You're missed as much as always!
