I looked down at the 2-month-old baby girl that lay in the crib. This wasn’t where I pictured myself at age 16. I pictured myself to be still in school, a cheerleader, parties, dances and exams; not a mom on the run and living in a small caravan at a trailer park in Muskogee, Oklahoma. Bitter thoughts of my daughter’s father entered my head, but I stayed angry with him for no more than a mere few seconds. I stared into my daughter’s sea blue eyes seeing her father, seeing both his and her Love. She managed a small giggle. I smiled slightly to myself and picked her up from her crib, cradling her in my arms. She had no name yet. I kissed the top of her head, small blonde hairs beginning to sprout. I didn’t have blonde hair, her father did. I sat down on the old wooden rocking chair and rocked back and forth softly singing a song. Stories. It was titled Stories. Her father had written it. At that moment, as if hitting me like a lightning bolt, I found my daughter the perfect name.
“Scarlet Hannah,” I whispered. I smiled to myself, happy at my choice. Hannah was my mother’s name. I called her Mama. Scarlet was my daughter’s father’s favorite color and for the color of his lips. I could still feel his lips pressed against mine. But I knew it was only a memory, and that’s how it would stay. As much as I enjoyed that feeling, there was some hatred for him inside my weak body. Hatred for hurting me, hatred for cowering away. I wanted to tell my daughter what a great man her father was, but the only thoughts of him that were entering my head were the bitter ones. But I still loved him none the less. No matter what he did, I still loved him. That wouldn’t change. Ever. I closed my eyes and reminisced about the times I spent with Scarlet’s father. I was set adrift on memory bliss…
Taylor and I were cruising around in his brand new red Mazda MX5. The day before was his 16th birthday and he had gotten a car.
“Kick ass car,” I said as I began scratching the black nail polish on my fingers. Taylor smiled but kept his eyes focused on the road. I couldn’t wait to get my car, but being only 14, soon to be 15, I had a long while to wait. We drove in silence to a place that I called ‘Heaven’s Gate’. I called it that because it was at a cliff overlooking the city of Tulsa. It was a magnificent view and one of my favorite places to go to. Taylor turned off the radio and put the top down. He turned in his seat to look at me.
“Belle, question?” he asked me.
“Shoot,” I said as I unbuckled my seatbelt and faced him. He ran his hand through his long golden hair.
“We’ve been best friends for a long time right?”
“Uh-huh,”
“Well…um…I was wondering if you wanna go out. Say, Friday night? 7pm?”
“Sure,” I said as I shrugged, not getting what Taylor really meant. He shook his head.
“Not as friends, like on a date,”
“What?”
“Will you go out with me? On a date,”
“Um…yeah…OK. Sure,” I stuttered. Taylor smiled. Our eyes were locked, his blue eyes gazing into my originally-hazel-now-violet eyes. Neither of us dared to look away. His hand reached out to my cheek as we moved closer together. Our faces just inches apart and our lips about to meet. We closed our eyes and let our lips touch in a sweet tender kiss. I was definitely at Heaven’s Gate with Taylor. I thought that this was the beginning of something that was eternal. Little did I know it was the start of my Life crumbling.
Friday night had come just in time. I was anxious, nervous and impatient. I wanted Taylor to come straight away.
“Calm down Isabelle!” Brad, my 17-yr-old brother, told me. I couldn’t calm down. I had only thought of Taylor as my friend…but now, after the kiss, that thought had changed. I wanted more. And so did he. I checked my appearance in the mirror one last time. I did not want to appear too ‘plastic’ nor did I want to look too plain. I had chosen black knee high tube skirt with a semi-high split on the left leg, a white tank top and black wedges. I exhaled and made the long trek down the stairs and to the lounge room where I sat where I sat on our big white couch trying to wait patiently for my date to arrive.
“So you’re finally going out with the boy?” Mama asked me as she sat next to me.
“Yeah,” I nodded my head and smiled.
“That’s nice. Taylor is a very nice boy,”
“Boy? Mama, he’s 16,”
“OK, Taylor is a very nice young man then. Happy?” she smiled. I giggled and nodded my head. I was actually beginning to fear Taylor. After all, he was almost 2 years older than I was. He was 16 and I was 14 and ½. The age gap frightened me a little bit. But I trusted him, he wouldn’t hurt me. I was wrong again. There was a knock at the door. Taylor. My heart skipped a beat. Mama tapped my knee and stood up urging me to follow. I failed to do so; instead, I stayed seated and focused on my hands in my lap. Mama pursed her lips and placed her hands on her hips.
“Isabelle Bethany Darling! You get up and march your behind to that door right now and open it for your date!” she boomed, yet a smile played on her lips. I stood up and followed the orders given to me by Major Mom. I slowly opened the large door and came face to face with Taylor.
“Hi,” I smiled.
“Hey,” Taylor said as he lightly brushed his lips against mine. It was completely unexpected. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Mama smiling. She was happy for me.
“Good evening Mrs. Darling,” Taylor greeted her politely. Mama smiled.
“Good evening Taylor. Please call me Hannah,” she replied, “So where are you 2 off to tonight?” Taylor looked at his watch.
“A movie. And off to a late dinner,”
“That’s nice. In that case the 2 of you should get going then,”
“OK, bye Mama,” I said as I kissed her cheek.
“Curfew Belle. 12:30,” she warned me.
“I’ll have her back by then,” Taylor said.
“I trust you. And all in one piece hopefully,” Mama chuckled. We said our good byes and left.
The movie was great and dinner was better. We had talked like we normally did. We drove up to Heaven’s Gate at about 10:30 that evening. Taylor put the top down and faced me. Just staring into his eyes sent me lost in his dream world, not wanting to return to reality.
“Isabelle,” he started as he opened the glove compartment and pulled out a small black rectangular velvet box. At 1st thought he was going to ask me to marry him, but that didn’t seem right. After all, we weren’t in Love and the box was too large to be that of a ring’s, “I so badly wanted to ask you out a long time ago. Since last year actually. But I never got the chance to, I was too scared of rejection. During that time, I had bought you a gift but I couldn’t find the right time to give it to you since we hadn’t gone out on a date yet. That’s why I want to give it to you now. I know how much you don’t like gold…so…” Taylor opened the box to reveal a platinum choker. It was pure platinum and had a small light blue stone, outlined in platinum itself, that hung down from the middle. It was beautiful. The blue stone reminded me of his eyes. Blue and enticing.
“Oh my god Taylor…it’s beautiful,” I gasped, still eyeing it in its box. Taylor smiled and placed it around my neck and fastened the clasp. To thank him, I kissed his lips. Taylor took no time in responding. His hands wrapped around my waist as I placed mine on his shoulders. Getting bored of just kissing, Taylor coaxed me to open my mouth by running his tongue on my lips. I opened my mouth without protest, letting our tongues meet and explore each other’s mouths like captives being set free. If it wasn’t for the need to breathe, we would have stayed kissing all night. But we were people, we needed to breathe. We slowly and hesitantly pulled away. Taylor brushed a few lose strands of my dark brown hair out of my face.
“You’re beautiful you know that?” he told me. I blushed and looked down.
“No I’m not,” I mumbled.
“Yes you are. And don’t argue with me,” I looked up at him and smiled. He was so sweet. Or at least that’s what I thought.
For the next month, I had spent as much time with Taylor as I could. If we weren’t physically together, we were on the phone. I needed Taylor to live, just like animals needed air to live.
“Belle?” Taylor asked me. We had been cuddling on the couch at Taylor’s house for the past half-hour watching Titanic. As much as I loved Leonardo DiCaprio, I did not think about him. Taylor was the only one on my mind.
“Hmm?” I mumbled as I looked up at his eyes.
“I love you,” Whoa. My 1st reaction was shock, but it had disappeared.
“I love you too,” I replied as we shared a kiss. As we parted Taylor stroked the side of my face.
“We’re the only 2 here,” he said quietly into my ear. I slowly nodded.
“Can I have you?” he whispered. All other thoughts were pushed out of my head as I concentrated on Taylor and Taylor alone. I nodded slowly as Taylor and I got off the couch and ascended to his bedroom via the long flight of stairs. As we entered his room in silence, Taylor locked the door. I sat on the bed and waited for Taylor to sit next to me. When he did, Taylor wasted no time in beginning.
Taylor kissed me with intense passion. I kissed him back with all the love for him that I had. His hand roamed up the back of my tank top, caressing my soft skin. I cupped his angelic face in my hands as our kisses grew deeper as we set our tongues free. Taylor’s free hand rested on my waist. His hand slowly withdrew from under my tank top leaving me just a little bit disappointed. But when he tugged on my shirt as if pleading me to take it off, I did not hesitate. Off went the black tank top. Taylor positioned himself so he was on the bed and kneeling. I did the same. His kisses left my lips and lingered on my neck and down my chest. When they reached the center of my breasts, he looked back up at me and smiled. I smiled in response and slowly kissed his forehead. He made his way back to my lips. He himself began unbuttoning the buttons on his shirt and soon it, just like my tank top, had been thrown away. He slowly pushed me down on the bed…
I looked at the tube I held in my hands. The water was blue. I was pregnant. It was undeniable now. Why were we so stupid? Why didn’t we use a condom? What would Mama say? What would Daddy say? Most of all…what would Taylor say? There was only one way to find out. I reached over to the phone by my bed and dialed Taylor’s number.
“Hello. Hanson residence, Jessica speaking,” Jessica answered. I became nervous. What would I say to Taylor? How would I tell him?
“Um…Jess? It’s Isabelle,” I managed to say.
“Oh hi Belle!” she said after a short pause.
“Um…uh…is Tay there?”
“Uh…yeah…I mean no,” What?
“What do you mean Jess? Is he there or not there?” I asked, irritated as to why she had said yes and then no. Jessica did not answer me. I sighed and gave up. I slammed the phone down in its cradle and quickly changed into jeans and a tee before leaving a note for Mama and Daddy saying that I would be gone. I made the long walk to Taylor’s house. When I reached his house I noticed a bright yellow sports car parked next to Taylor’s MX5.
“Ike’s girlfriend,” I thought aloud, knowing her car was the bright yellow one. I looked for Isaac’s car. Red Camero. It was nowhere to be found. I shrugged it off and walked to the front porch.
When I reached the front porch, I froze. I could see what was happening in the lounge room and I didn’t like it one bit. And I knew Isaac wouldn’t either. Taylor and Tricia, Isaac’s girlfriend, were making-out. How could he? After he told me he loved me! And after what we did when he told me that! It tore my heart in 2 to see what was happening. This just made the whole pregnancy situation even worse than it already was. I couldn’t stand to see him doing that. I turned on heel and ran as fast as I could home. My vision had become blurry for my eyes were welling up with tears.
I reached home, nobody was there. I ran straight to my room and fell face 1st onto my bed, sobbing heavily. It wasn’t fair. Nothing ever was. I had given Taylor my innocence and this is how he had repaid me. It wasn’t fair. I stopped crying and stood up. Ideas sprouted into my head. I opened my closet and began throwing all my clothes onto my bed. Then, I opened my suitcase and began shoving all my clothes into it, along with shoes and other things I would need. I ran to Brad’s room and found his ‘secret’ money bank. I guess it wasn’t so secret after all. I took out all $450 from the jar. Next, to Mama and Daddy’s room where I found at least $700. I ran back to my room and grabbed my piggy bank. I threw it on the floor and out fell about $20. I was never any good at saving money. I grabbed my wallet and put it in my pocket with my new found $1170. I intended on cleaning out my bank account that day. I placed my backpack on my bag and pulled my suitcase behind me. I walked down the stairs and out the door not bothering to turn back incase it would make me change my mind. I did not want that to happen. Tulsa had bad memories. I hailed a cab to the mall where I withdrew all $3580 in my bank account. I had $4750 in cold cash with me. I did not know where I was going, nor did I know what I was going to do. I was alone in the world. Alone and confused.
A month later I found myself living with Elena. An elderly woman who had taken pity on me. I loved Elena. She was my true friend. Elena loved me and treated me with respect. She knew my whole story, but did not force me to do anything I did not want to do. I also met her daughter Yvette. Yvette, aged 33, was a nurse at a local hospital. The 3 of us lived in a small caravan. It was tight, but cozy and warm. Mama and Daddy had put out a Missing Person’s ad, and when I saw their faces on TV I broke down into tears. This wasn’t their fault. It was Taylor’s. And Tricia’s. As much as I tried to hate him, I couldn’t. I had to love him for we had a creation. We had a child.
Approximately 9 months after I had runaway, I had given birth to a healthy baby girl. It was a house birth, no doctors involved, just Yvette and Elena. So that’s my story. My daughter doesn’t deserve to be brought up in a world like this. She deserves a better mother, not me. As much as I love her with all my heart, it isn’t the right thing to do-a child raise a child. I couldn’t. Yvette came into the room.
“Are you OK Belle? You look a little tired,” Yvette said as she crouched down in front of me. I shook my head.
“No. I’m fine Yvette. Thanks for asking. Is Elena taking her nap?” I asked. Maternal instinct kicking in, even though Elena was much older than I was.
“Yes she is. She conked out an hour ago,” Yvette chuckled.
“I found a name for my daughter,”
“Oh yeah?”
“Scarlet Hannah,”
“That’s a very pretty name,”
“A pretty name for a pretty baby,”
“You’ve got that right girl,” I smiled and handed Yvette Scarlet.
“Listen Yvette, I’m just going to go for a little walk with Scarlet. I need to get changed 1st,” I said as I stood up. I walked to the bathroom bringing a bunch of my clothes. I put on my jeans. Amazingly they fit me. And so did my sweater. I smiled slightly as I stepped out of the bathroom. I grabbed just enough money out of my money jar for the cab ride to my destination. Yvette handed me back my baby.
“Don’t be too long. And be careful. Who knows who could spot you,” Yvette warned.
“I will,” I replied as I kissed her cheek. I gently kissed Elena’s cheek as not to wake her up and whispered a barely audible ‘Thank you’ to her. I placed a pen and a small paper in my pocket before heading out. I put my sunglasses on so it would be harder for anybody to notice me. I hailed a cab.
“Where to girl?” the driver asked me. “78th Street, Tulsa,” I instructed him.
“OK sweet cakes,” he replied as he started the engine. I carefully took off the platinum choker from around my neck. After this whole time I had not taken it off. Not once. It had become a part of me. I placed it around Scarlet’s neck. She let out a small gurgle.
“Keep it forever sweetie. Don’t ever let anybody take it away from you,” I whispered to her. The cab ride was silent. I took the time to write something down on the paper I had brought with me. When we reached the familiar house, I paid the driver and stepped out of the taxi, still cradling Scarlet in my arms. I began to tremble. I hadn’t been back here for 9 months, I hadn’t been in all of Tulsa for 9 months. I spotted his red Mazda in the driveway. He was home. I looked back down at Scarlet as tears fell down my cheeks. I did not want to do this, but I had to.
“Honey, I’m with you always,” I whispered, “I love you,” I kissed her head and carefully lay her on the front porch. I placed the paper next to her. I sadly turned and walked away. Scarlet Hannah would have a better home with Taylor’s family than with me. I grabbed a pebble for the ground and threw it high up so it hit Taylor’s bedroom window. I sprinted for dear Life in hopes that he would not spot me. I ran and ran, headed for Heaven’s Gate.
When I reached Heaven’s Gate, I slowly walked to the edge of the cliff.
“I love you Taylor,” I whispered. This was the beginning of my end. I took a step forward…
“What the-‘” Taylor stopped dead in his tracks at the site of the baby wrapped in a small pink blanket on his porch. He took a step closer to the small baby and noticed there was a note on the floor addressed to him. He picked up the note as well as the baby and sat down on the porch steps.
Dear Taylor,
The baby, it’s our baby. Yours and mine. Our creation. You’re a father. Her name is Scarlet Hannah. Scarlet for your favorite color and Hannah for Mama. Please take good care of her. I trust you.
Love,
Isabelle
Taylor was surprised to say the least. He looked at the letter and then at the baby girl in his arms. He was a father? This was his baby? He held the small baby tighter as tears ran down his cheeks. He had missed Isabelle. Taylor noticed a familiar choker around Scarlet’s neck. It was the one he had given Isabelle. He smiled slightly.
“This is Helena Gustaffson for Channel 6 news reporting live from Hills End in Tulsa, Oklahoma where teenage runaway Isabelle Darling who has been missing for the past 9 months committed suicide last night. There were no witnesses,”
Taylor’s jaw dropped causing him to almost drop the sleeping Scarlet. It had been a day since he found Scarlet on his doorstep. He had instantly called the Darlings and they had thought it be best for Taylor to keep the baby. After all, he was the father.
“Isabelle had died on impact with the ground,”
A tear rolled down Taylor’s cheek as his gaze turned to Scarlet. He had just lost Isabelle. An idea hit him.
“You’re not Scarlet Hannah. You’re Isabelle,” Taylor whispered to his daughter, “Isabelle,” he repeated. His daughter was all he had left to remind him of Isabelle. He had lost Isabelle, he was not going to lose his daughter too, the only person who reminded him of Isabelle. He vowed that to himself.