No Pluses, Thoroughly Nonplused

The Offspring, "Ixnay On The Hombre"
(Columbia)

Can someone, anyone, any little SoCal skate punk or long-winded rock historian, explain to me why the Offspring are considered to be a punk-rock band? This is heavy metal--actually, it's not even heavy. There is nothing punk about sounding exactly like Paul Stanley (vocally and lyrically) while you intone "It feels like heaven is so far away" ("Gone Away"). There was something punk about anti-establishment anthems--like 9,000 years ago (see: "I Choose," "The Meaning of Life," "Change the World")--now they just sound like contrived lessons for the kiddies, almost paranoid. From Jello Biafra's textbook-censorship opening diatribe (10 points on the street-cred scale) through a maze of sound-a-likes and sound-like-shits, the Offspring have done what no band should ever do: They've made the same record again, only worse.

Those still clinging to that silly major-label conspiracy theory--wherein any band who signs into the so called "corporate machine" (aka any label not founded by someone once in the Dead Kennedys or Bad Religion) will inevitably fall prey to suited figures clouded in cigar smoke tugging the production strings--will be sorry to hear that the Epitaph exodus has proved a non-factor. They would have made a record this bad anywhere.

Taking sides in the Green Day vs. Offspring commercial-punk debate has become a necessity in this troubled day and age. Those on the somewhat punk ticket should choose the Gilman alums--at least they sound like the Buzzcocks. Those still lamenting glam's demise should choose the Offspring, for they are but hair revivalists in a paper-thin rebellious disguise.

By Greg Heller, from "BAM" magazine - January 24, 1997