Lost Soul

>I dont need someone to look out for me.

>I can look out for myself.

>I dont need a "protector."

>I can protect myself along with others.

>I dont need someone looking over my shoulder, telling me what I do is wrong.

>I am in control of every situation.

>If you want to do something.

>Ill tell you what you can do.

>You can comfort me when I need to cry.

>You can calm me down when I am angry.

>You can listen to me talk when I need to vent.

>You can even give me advice if I ask for it.

>Theres a million things you can do.

>Theres a million things I need.

>But the one thing I dont need is someone telling me what to do.

>

>You tell me that drinking is a sin.

>You tell me that doing drugs is a sin.

>You tell me that lust is a sin.

>You tell me that sex is a sin.

>You tell me that being gay is a sin.

>But you tell me I should live a full life and be happy.

>What if drinking with my friends makes me happy?

>What if doing drugs makes me happy?

>What if lusting after someone makes me happy?

>What if having sex makes me happy?

>What if loving someone of the same sex makes me happy?

>What if these things fulfill me?

>Does that mean I shouldnt do these things?

>Does it mean I should stop having fun?

>Does it mean I should stop doing things that make me happy?

>If it doesent

>Im sorry I cant do that.

>Because then I wouldnt be true to myself.

>And that is the only sin I fear.

>

>If you tell me not to drink.

>I wont listen.

>If you tell me not to do drugs.

>I wont listen.

>If you tell me not to smoke.

>I wont listen.

>If you tell me not to have sex.

>I wont listen.

>I listen to myself.

>I do what I believe is right for me.

>I know what Im doing.

>Im more experience then you think.

>Ive been through more then you can imagine.

>I have a reason for everything I do.

>I know why I do them.

>You dont.

>So dont try and tell me what to do saying its for my own good.

>I wont listen.

>

>I finally told you.

>Now you know.

>How will you react?

>A smile takes over your face.

>You ask me to be with you.

>I say yes.

>We are both happy, in love.

>And everyone knows it.

>We show it well.

>I just know we have a connection that will bond us forever.

>

>Thee I awake.

>I havent really told you.

>But If I had I know how youd react.

>Youd do the same as you did in my dream.

>I know for a fact you would.

>So whats keeping me from telling you?

>I dont know.

>Maybe because I love you so much I dont want to hurt you.

>Maybe Im just scared.

>Maybe Ill never know why.

>

>

>You say you know who I am.

>But I dont even know who I am.

>I havent figured it out yet.

>Im trying. >Im not a good guy.

>Im not a bad guy.

>Im somewhere in the middle.

>And Im true to myself.

>Thats all I know.

>But you say you know who I am.

>Since you know me so well,

>Can you help me figure it out?

>Id really like to know.

>

>What I feel is more then lust.

>What I feel is more then love.

>What I feel cant be described.

>I dont know any words that can show my emotions.

>How can I show you how deep my love is?

>I cant.

>Its not the right time.

>When is the right time?

>Maybe never.

>Ive turned you down before.

>More then once.

>I didnt know that what I had felt was more then friendship.

>I didnt know that what I felt was greater then love.

>Should I tell you what I feel?

>I dont think I should.

>But you’ve told me how you feel.

>And I feel the same.

>Will I ever tell you?

>Who knows.probably not.

>Fear keeps me from telling you.

>Does that mean Im weak?

>Maybe.

>But I still wont tell.

>If only you knew how much I love you.

>But I try not to show it.

>So you wont ever know.

>We will always remain the best of friends.

>

>How can I show you my love?

>I don't know how.

>I have never tried

>I have never wanted to before.

>Can i show with the way I react?

>Can you see it in the way my face lights up when you walk in the room?

>Can you see it in the way my frown turns into a smile when you look at me?

>CAn you see it in the way my eyes light up when we touch?

>Can you see it in the way you bring me up when i am down?

>Can you hear it in my voice when we talk on the phone?

>I hope you can

>Because those are the only ways i know how to show my love.

>For i have never wanted to show my love to someone....

>

>until now

>

>

>You are my best friend

>You're like a sister to me.

>I know how you feel.

>I know what you want.

>I know you love me as more.

>I know how I feel.

>I know what I want.

>I know I love you as more.

>I know my heart

>And I know it has never loved liked this.

>I know it never will again.

>But because of my love for you

>I must push you away.

>I want to be true to my heart,

>but I cannot

>Because I don't want to hurt you.

>It's hurting me inside

>But I cannot show you

>I don't want you to know

>So I must push you away.

>I love you as a friend

>I love you as a sister.

>I love you as more....

>like a lover.

>I love you.

>But we can only be friends...

>nothing more.

>

>I may take what you give me for granted.

>And tell you that i don't care.

>And not show you the love that you show me.

>But the truth must be told.

>I am afraid of what I don't know

>I am afraid of what no one has ever felt for me.

>I am afraid of what I feel for you.

>I am afraid of what I don't think can last

>For perfect things cannot last forever.

>Or can they?

>I don't know.

>Do you?

>I am afraid of me being hurt.

>I am afraid I will push you away because I love you so much.

>I am afraid of a love I have never known.

>You are my love.

>I only wish i could show you.....

>

>Before you leave without knowing how much I love you.