Chapter 23
Chapter 23-
10 and a half weeks later. I had spent 10 and a half weeks moaning and groaning
about every little thing that I didn't like. And now tonight is the night. The big night.
Opening night, shall I say. Romeo and Juliet -aka- Duncan and Amanda. Uh. I can't do this. I
can't. Not with out him.. Taylor. I thought to myself. I need you Taylor! Please, come back.
Come back for me! I called to Taylor, secretly. In my mind I knew he couldn't hear me, but
deep inside my heart was telling me he could. And he wanted to be here with me.
"Duncan." I said with rudeness. "I'm not feeling very well. Why don't you
call Fiona and tell her she can take over? I'm not in the mood to do the play." I added. My
stomach churned with emptiness. I hadn't eaten much since that day I let Taylor go. My
face was ghost white, well to me anyway. And everyone told me I was losing alot of weight
and I should eat more. Some people were even whispering to each other, saying I am
bulimic. That would be the least of my problems! I laughed in my heart.
Duncan and Scott entwined one of their arms with mine.
"Amanda. Your know your going to do the play tonight. And I'm not letting
you quit now." Duncan said. We all stepped into the auditorium just as the last bell of the
school day rang. Mrs. Georgia smiled largely when we approached her. I pulled myself out
of Scott and Duncan's embrace and looked at her.
"Hi Mrs. Georgia." I said dully. Before Mrs. Georgia could speak Duncan
stepped forward.
"Can I speak with you alone Mrs. Georgia?" he asked.
"Yes. Of course." she said. I watched as Duncan and Mrs. Georgia walked
away.
"What is he doing?" I asked Scotty softly.
"I don't know." he said to me, a soft smile on his face. Not in the mood to
bicker I ignored him and took off in the direction of my dressing room. Our school had a
lot of money, so every one had a dressing room, and even food..and a telephone. But that
we could only make local calls., coz here in Va we didn't have to pay for local calls. Locking
my door I slowly picked up the phone with a shaky hand.
"Mom?" I questioned as Patricia picked up the phone.
"Yes honey?" she asked. I couldn't help but smile at the sound of sweetness
in her voice.
"Can you do me a real big favor? It's really important you do this for me!" I
said to her. She laughed.
"Honey! I'm doing you more-than-life-important favor by coming to your
play tonight!" she joked. "No, serious. What can I do baby?" Patricia asked me. I sighed
with relief.
"Beep Ta..Taylor, please?" The words fell out of my mouth shakily. I hadn't
mentioned his name since he left.
"Taylor? Are you sure?" she asked me. Mom knew not to push me on the
Taylor/Amanda subject. Everytime someone asked me about it, I'd tell them not to talk
about it, and I'd try my very best to fight back tears. Right now, my heart was in my
throat and my eyes were dry and itchy.
"Please?" I begged. Silence rang through her part of the line.
"Alright Amanda. If that's what you want." she paused. "What do I tell him
when he calls back?" I laughed.
"Mom, he won't call back." I shoved my heart back down into my chest.
Maybe alittle to hard, because now it felt like it was in my stomach.
"Oh honey. He'll call back..I know he will." she assured me.
"Um, give him this message." I paused for a moment. "I need him. Tell him
to call me here. 673-8248. Please mom, just tell him that. Please." Tears started to find
my eyes and I shoved them back. I hope this works. Mom smiled to herself.
"Alright honey. I'll see you in a little while!" she said, hanging up. For a few
minutes I listened to the silence that shot through the phone. Finally, I hung it up and
decided to change into wardrobe.
Isaac sat in the director's chair quietly. He and Taylor were waiting for the team
to come back and give them the okay for the video. A small beep broke the silence and
then the sound of Taylor's chair moving. Isaac's eyes fell onto Taylor's back pocket.
"I know. I know." Tay said, reaching for the beeper. He was confused on
who it could be. Taylor knew it wasn't Amanda. She hadn't spoken to him since he left. The
only time she beeped him was on his birthday. She left the message. 'Happy Sweet 16
Taylor. Best Friend..right? Amanda.'. That message broke his heart. He wanted so badly to
call her back, but his mind told him not too. So he listened.
Isaac smiled at Taylor weakly. "I didn't say anything." he paused. "Who is it?"
Taylor looked at the name and his mouth dropped. Instantly Taylor jumped off of his chair
and ran out of the room.
"Tell them I'll be back!" he called before leaving the recording studio. He
ran outside and into the tour bus. Diving onto his bunk Taylor reached for his phone. He
pressed speed dial 1, and listened to the ringing. His heart started to beat loudly and it
echoed in his ears. Why am I doing this? A voice inside Taylor asked. Tay shook his head and
was about to hang up, when someone picked up.
"Hello?" Patricia asked.
"Hi." Taylor said weakly. He let out a sigh that had been haunting him
forever. "Did you beep me?"
"Taylor!" Patricia said. "Yes, I did. For Amanda. She said it was important."
"Yeah?" he asked, half of his voice full of disbelief.
"I have a message for you. BUT, I'd rather she tell you. I have a phone
number where you can reach her." Patty said.
"Where is she?"
"At school. Today is opening night for Romeo and Juliet. Will you call her,
please?" she almost thought of begging. Patricia wanted more than for them to settle
everything. She couldn't stand to see Amanda like this.
"Alright. What's the number?" Taylor said, without thinking. Your not calling
her! You can't. So stop it! The voice screamed. Taylor squeezed his eyes shut and listened to
the rhythm of his heart beats. Patricia gave Taylor the number and they hung up.
I fixed my hair into a loose bun and clipped little daisies onto the strands that
hung around my face. The phone rang, just as I bit into an orange. Frantically chewing the
piece of fruit, I picked up the phone. "He didn't call did he?" I asked, thinking it was
Patricia.
"He didn't?" Taylor asked. My heart stopped. I swolloed the fruit and
chewed on my lip.
"Sorry." I whispered.
"I got your beep. Patricia told me you need to speak to me?" Taylor's words
flowed out naturally, as if we were still one. We are! We have to be!
"Oh." I paused. "Do you miss me?" the words shot out of my mouth.
Regaining consciences I spoke again. "Oh wait..uh." I fell over my words. Taylor was
stunned by my words. But deep inside he was asking the same question to me.
"Oh Amanda." he said.
"Tay, don't. I'm sorry. Let me speak..okay?" I jumped in. He nodded.
"Mmmhmm." was all he said in reply. Taylor's stomach churned and his body
started to shake. Oh Amanda. I miss you. Please..tell me. Tell me you do too! Tell me you miss
me, please! His heart cried.
"I haven't been able to eat, or sleep, or even study! My grades are down,
very down. I haven't touched more than a pound of food since you left. I feel sick to my
stomach at all times..and I can't do anything without wanting to be with you. I go to bed
early now, just to be with you, in my dreams." I paused. My words were speaking for
themselves. My mind was screaming not to continue, but I pushed that opinion away and let
my heart speak. "My play is tonight, and I don't want to go on. I don't want to do
anything..cause your not here Taylor. Ever since you left I haven't been able to get out of
bed, or read, or even want to go to school. I've been fighting myself the whole time. A
piece of me tells me not to do what I'm doing. But I can't help it. Oh..I..I can't. Taylor I
can't." I stopped. My voice cracked when I said his name, and tears were falling down my
face. Taylor sighed and I urned to know what he was thinking.
"Ohh god." Taylor moaned. "Oh, this hurts so much." I cringed, I couldn't
hear..I didn't want to hear what I thought he was going to say.
"Why does it Taylor? Why do I feel like this? Why?" I choked on my
words, and tears drowned my words too. I tilted my head back and let out a large stream
tears. I let them fall down may face. I couldn't stop them, even if I tried.
"I don't know. My family is worried about me. They've sent me to the
doctor three times in the past two weeks. I tell them I'm okay. But deep inside I'm not. I
can't stand up straight without feeling sick to my stomach. I wake up in pain, Mandie,..what
do we do?" he choked out his words too.
Tears fell down Taylor's face as he buried his face in his hands. He was crawled up
in the small corner of his bunk, tears falling down his face. He choked and gagged, and he
couldn't stop. I closed my eyes and sat down on the small chair in my room. I brought my
knees to my chest and let my tears soak dress.
"I'm scared. I'm a mess. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror
anymore. I feel small and incompetent now." I paused and felt dizzy. "I'm 15! I shouldn't
feel this way. Neither should you! Time is pulling us in different directions..and I need to
knew when we're going to meet again. Weeks, months, years..when? How long until I'm
holding my second half?" I said. The sides of my mouth became sweet and I dropped the
phone. "I'm gonna puke." I ran toward the bathroom and unloaded the empty contents of
my stomach.
Taylor listened into the phone.
"Amanda. Come back, are you okay? Please..where are you?" he asked
frantically into the phone. He heard me say 'I'm gonna puke'., and that scared him. About
10 minutes later I picked up the phone with shaky hands. My body shook and I felt cold,
but I was sweating intensively.
"Uh..I hate this. I hate myself for doing this to us." I apologized. I held
myself in a tight hug as I searched my heart for answer. Someone knocked on the door,
and I didn't move. They knocked three more times. Slowly, I stood up and opened the door.
Scott stood infront of me, Duncan at his side.
"What happened? Are you okay?" Duncan asked me. Taylor heard him and
choked.
"No. I can't do it. Duncan..please don't make me. I can't please." I begged.
"Amanda..I..I hate myself for putting you through such pain. But I'm
scared. What are we going to do about this?" Taylor said. I let those words soak into my
heart and I felt dizzy again.
"I'm not strong enough. I can't do anything. Please. Just don't make me do
this. I can't do the play. I can't live like this!" I cried, falling to my knees. Duncan sent
Scott to get help, and he fell by my side.
"Who is that? Amanda. What's wrong?" Duncan asked, pulling me toward
him. I pushed him away roughly.
"It's Taylor! Taylor! Duncan..it's Taylor." I screamed. "I can't. I can't." I
whispered falling against the wall. Taylor sobbed more, and stronger. I listened to him
whisper sweet words, and then I heard someone talking to him.
"Taylor! Are you alright?" Zac questioned. Taylor looked up, his eyes red
and wet. "What are you doing?" he asked with nervousness.
"Leave me alone..please Zac. Just go." Taylor begged. Zac ran out of the
bus, and back into the building.
"MOM! DAD!" he shrieked. "It's Taylor!" Zac said, pulling his parents
toward the door.
"What's wrong?" Mrs. Hanson asked. "Where is Tay?"
"In the bus. He's crying. Mom..what's wrong with him?" Zac asked. Mrs.
Hanson smiled, and kissed Zac's head.
"He's in love." she whispered before walking outside. "Taylor? Sweetie?"
she whispered when she stood infront of Taylor's bunk.
"Mom?" Tay questioned. I choked and frantically shook with confusion. My
heart felt as if it was about to squeeze itself to death.
"Baby, what's wrong?" Mrs. Hanson asked, reaching for Taylor. Tay dropped
the phone and fell into her arms. She held him tightly and kissed his head.
"I don't know Mom. It's hurts." he said into her skin.
"Honey. Your in love. Baby it's always going to hurt." Mrs. Hanson whispered
to him.
