Isaac He had gone back to his hotel after talking to Taryn, and had taken some time to regroup and collect his thoughts. He had wanted so much to take her in his arms and to just hold her forever, but he was so angry with her for what she had done he wasn’t sure that was ever going to happen again. Isaac couldn’t believe Taryn had just taken it upon herself to cut all three women—herself, Iris and Clara—out of his life. As much as he tried to justify what she had done, he couldn’t. Isaac had never been so hurt in his entire life. Isaac had finally decided he couldn’t stand being enclosed inside the hotel’s four walls anymore. He drove his rented Intrepid downtown and found a mall, where he wandered aimlessly into the infants department of a large department store. Isaac stood before a wall loaded with toys, books and blankets. He wanted to buy some of everything for Clara; he wanted her to be old enough to understand that it hadn’t been his choice to desert her. Yet at the same time, he was glad he hadn't missed any more of her short life than he had. Isaac picked up a baby book and gently opened the cover. He saw places meant for recording a baby’s birth and several other firsts that he knew had already taken place for Clara. Tears filled Isaac’s soft brown eyes. He swallowed hard and cleared his throat, telling himself firmly that what was done was done and there was nothing he could do about that. But he was going to do something about the present. Isaac closed the baby book and clutched it to his chest. He would just have Taryn fill it out up until now, and then he would take over. Isaac plucked a large, soft, pink plush bear from a shelf. He felt the anger in him rising as he realized that he didn’t know enough about little Clara to know what she liked. He was her father, and he should have known these things. Isaac shook the anger off. Little girls liked bears. He had enough little sisters to know that much. He perused the racks of tiny baby clothes and selected half a dozen outfits, deciding to purchase 9 months sizes so that Clara would be able to wear them for a little while. He added several other items to his armload: rattles, teething rings, blocks, more stuffed animals and squeaky toys. When he couldn’t hold anything else, he made his way to the cash register. The cashier, a stout, middle-aged woman with a kind face, looked amused. “Some little girl is making out like a bandit today,” she observed. Isaac smiled. “I’m going to see my daughter,” he said. Isaac shook his head slowly. “My daughter,” he repeated softly to himself. The cashier smiled and began removing the clothes from their hangers. “She’s lucky to have such a generous daddy,” she said. Isaac grinned widely. He was somebody’s “daddy.” It was all so surreal. Three hundred and four dollars and sixty-eight cents later, Isaac was leaving the department store. He stopped at another department store and picked up some new t-shirts for Iris, remembering that she had a penchant for Calvin Klein. He hadn’t seen her for a year, so he had to ask the clerk about what size a twiggy 10-year-old would probably be wearing. He felt the anger surging again, because he knew he should have been there for the past year. He should have known what size Iris was in. After he paid for Iris’ t-shirts, He stopped by a bath products store and purchased two sets of bath gel, lotion and powder for Iris in two different scents. He recalled that she liked that kind of thing … Taryn had been forever on her case for using it all up. Now Iris could have her own and use as much of it as she liked. After that he visited a sporting apparel store, remembering that Iris was a huge New York Knicks fan. He picked her up a cap, a pennant and a jersey, settling on Allan Houston’s number. He had almost won the NBA Finals for them the previous season, after all. Iris would know that. Laden with bags and packages, Isaac made his way out to his car and settled behind the wheel. He started the engine and pulled the business card Taryn had given him from his jeans pocket. The address she had given Isaac was in the nearby suburb of Rio Rancho. Isaac consulted a map and surmised that he was about 12 miles from Taryn’s house. He checked his watch. It was 5:47 p.m. Time to go.
marveled at how different the dry, desert air felt in comparison to the muggy, damp air in Tulsa.
