Get away from that window, you could fall out and kill yourself.
That's kind of the point isn't it?
What are you talking about?
Exactly what you think I'm talking about. Don't play dumb with me, you know what's going on.
But why? You've so much going for you!
Like what? Tell me what's going good for me? Are you referring to the friends who left me alone when I needed them most. Or maybe to my family who supported me while it benefited them and then left me as soon as I was inconvenient. Or maybe all the two groups together who, while I was trying to find the remains of myself in the current shadow of my being, gave me false support which succeeded in nothing more than my further alienation. Now, that all sanity is completely out of my reach, maybe you're talking about how the wonderful people in my life have left me here, and have allowed me to sit on this window.
Okay, so maybe things weren't so great. But look at what you're thinking of doing. I know you; you're too scared of yourself and what you actions will produce to actually do this.
You're wrong.
Fine, but I won't let you do this.
I'll always find another way.
Didn't you always say you never wanted to hurt anyone?
Yeah.
That you would always live and love certain things and people?
That was then.
But then is not so far away from now.
I don't know what "things" you're talking about.
Your writing?
Silence.
Your baby?
What about him?
He loves you, he adores you.
I can't care for him. I'm not good enough for him. He's only 2 years old, he doesn't know. I don't want him to know. He shouldn't have to know that his mother is in shambles. Don't torture him like that, it's not fair.
He may be young, but he knows he has a mother. He loves you. He loves you so dearly. And if you get well then you can go be with him, and he can love you forever.
No, I want to leave this world.
Wouldn't you stay for him?
He won't want me like this.
How do you know?
I am a shadow of who I was. I'm hardly even a person. He deserves someone so much better than me.
Angela, I won't play this game with you. We've been playing it for too long.
I agree, Angela.
You need help.
That's what they were supposed to be giving me here.
But you're not working with it.
I am too.
No you're not. Let's not argue, that's childish. We're going to be 21 in a few hours.
We won't make it to then.
You can't jump.
Yes I can. All I have to do is close my eyes; think of a happy thought, and it's all over.
You'll kill us both.
So, then we can both rest.
I don't want to rest; I want more of life.
There's nothing left in life, there's no point to it. We loved everyone we knew so deeply. We gave those dearest to us every part of us, we even bore a child for them. We had Michael to please Mom, to please our sister, and to please Jakob. Originally we were one, and through all our love we've become two. That is what life has done to us, it wasn't worth it.
You said all you have to do is think of a happy thought?
Yep.
So think of a happy thought. One that will help you stay.
Like what?
Mom never could sing on key, and she sang for sister, not me. Dad walked out on us while he was on one of his "business trips." Alex cheated on me, and Nick thought I cheated on him.
Angela, you're such a pessimist.
I only see things as they are.
Angela please. Stay for me, stay for yourself. We can work this out. I can help you. Please, Angela.
You're so selfish. You don't care about me; you only care about yourself.
I care about the future; I care about us, since you sure don't seem to.
I want a new future. I want to start over again. And I can do it. All I have to do is jump.
That's not the way it works.
Sure it is.
Angela closed her eyes, leaned back her head and sighed. Her head was pounding. They had been arguing all day. She wanted to sleep more than anything. Her head slipped to the side, a welcoming sleep slipping over her. She shut her eyes tighter. Picturing her favorite memories...
She ran through the park, Jakob close behind. "I'll catch you my pretty!" He cackled. They were laughing and they were having so much fun. Then Jakob climbed up the tree; it was very high...
Angela opened her eyes, and she looked down. It was very high, just like the tree. Angela had never had a better time than when she was in Jakob. He was always so smart, and so sweet. He was the best thing to happen to her.
Jakob, won't you miss Jakob?
Yeah.
Jakob would miss you.
I know.
He'd be very sad without you.
He'll be able to deal with it.
Are you sure? Remember the time you got the fever? He by your side in the hospital every minute you were there. He never left your side, and he cried when you passed out, terrified that he'd lose you.
I remember that. He told me he didn't know what he'd do without me. He was the best person in the world.
Angela leaned back against the edge of the building. Tears slowly dripping from the corners of her eyes. Jakob. All she could think of was Jakob. Of all the people, the only one who was always there for her no matter what was her lover. Could she leave him? There was a war inside her head, and she ached all over. Surely no God would have wished such a thing upon any of his creations. She allowed herself to reminisce once more.
She was writing. Then she was trying to play the guitar. She had desperately been trying to teach herself so she could perform some of her songs. She had never been able to figure out the stupid instrument. But Jakob came to her and sat with her for hours. No matter how frustrated he got, he sat and he taught her how to play. And then, finally she could play. It was an incredible feeling...
Don't you want that feeling again?
That I could fly? That I could do anything?
Yeah.
Yes I want that feeling. I want to fly.
And Angela opened up her arms. "I can fly." She whispered. She closed her eyes, she saw Jakob and her sister, who was holding their child, smiling and laughing. She smiled and laughed.
"C'mon, let's jump!" Jakob grinned, standing above a deep-water pool, on the edge of a cliff. "This will be so much fun."
"Yeah, lots of fun." Angela mumbled. She smiled.
"Be careful, make sure you don't hurt yourself." Her sister was standing, watching everything.
"But the jump, that's what makes it thrilling." Jakob said.
"Thrilling." Angela repeated.
"Well thrilling things are dangerous, so don't get too thrilled." her sister laughed.
Jakob rolled his eyes, and grinned back. "That's kind of the point isn't it?"
"Make sure you get a running start." Angela could hear Jakob say.
"Okay." She whispered.
"You ready?" He asked.
"I'm ready." She whispered.
"Here we go!" Jakob called out.
They fell down towards the water, screaming with delight...
...then she opened her eyes.
Think how mom used to sing you to sleep. Of all the amazing places dad took us to see. Think of Alex, and Nick.
