Hugh's Meaty Column
Apologies to my army of fans for not producing a match report for more than a season, due to technical problems (i.e. Sadfish' "The Scene" was crap and not worth producing a report for). - But now he's back on track and has begged me (on hands & knees) to do more match reports, - I thought - Why Not?
So here we are with a special. Two match reports in one ! You lucky people You !
Firstly Friday, and Wowee what a Good Friday it turned out to be. I was accompanied to the game by my entourage of Sadfish and Nick (the hunk) Gribben (He's single girls, and loaded)
Before the game I was convinced we'd be hammered into oblivion by the mighty Warriors, but as soon as I saw Flannel (Sorry Farrell) suffocating on a large piece of paper as he entered the stadium to the strains of "Bring on the Clowns", I knew it was all over. The paper incident (which incidentally shall never be forgotten) knocked the wind right out of Wigan's sails.
Everyone played their part in this famous victory, but I feel that the scoreline of 14-12 didn't do our boys justice. Some great tactics from Ellery, kicking to their short-arsed winger 'Billy Biz', and I particularly liked the one with the dummy runner from the 'play the ball', nice one Ellery - but please lose that sad hat.
Freddie the Ferret was my Man of the Match, with Mr Cunningham coming a close second, these guys never stop!! I was a little disappointed with Chris Smith's performance, but well chuffed with Gary Connolly's, he played a stormer (for us!!).
The day was so good, I've decided to re-name this particular Good Friday to Excellent Friday.
Then came Monday, my expectations were that Bratfoot would give us a close game due to their demolition of Leets on Thursday, and the fact that they'd had an extra day to recover compared to our heroes.
But alas, it was not to be. We stuffed 'em good n' proper. Another storming game from Freddie the Ferret, who is proving to be a big hit this season with all the fans (he does have a lovely smile though doesn't he), and a BIG HIT with Henry Paul whom he flattened with an absolute creamer of a tackle in the first half. Nick Gribben was so impressed with it - he was still mooching about in his pockets about half an hour later, (sweet dreams Nick).
After disappointing me on Friday, Chris Smith came up with a superb performance. Willing to run the ball at Bratfoot at every opportunity with un-ceasing enthusiasm, earning him the mantle of 'Psycho II'. Gratitude also to Anthony Sullivan, the boy Edmondson, and Mr Cunningham. Tommy Martyn also came in with a big game, getting back to his best and kicking all but one (I think) of the conversion opportunities presented to him.
All in all a fine performance against a lack-lustre Bratfoot, who's fans turned up in great numbers (albeit 90% of them being as ugly as a bulldog licking piss off a thistle - I think it's a Yorkshire thing!) it must have been a very long trip back to Bratfoot after a poor performance like that.
However, I feel that Bratfoot did beat us in one aspect of the game, - that of Cheerleaders, theirs were more professional, better dressed and dare I say it 'sexier' than ours. Well done Bratfoot, you may bring them again soon.
HUGH'S ARSE OF THE WEEK
I hope to make this a regular section of Hugh's column, as it was a couple of seasons ago when the infamous Danny Arnold used to win every week - even when he didn't play!
This week, the award must go to Neil Sexton, the Wish FM DJ with the annoying accent and high pitched voice. The man is a complete tit and obviously knows nothing about Saints or Rugby League in general. He's an embarrassment to the club, the players, and especially the fans. I feel myself cringing when he comes on the field prattling on about nothing in particular - he needs to be eliminated before it's too late. When I first clapped eyes on him last season, I fully expected Noel Edmonds (another pratt) to come running on the field with a 'Gotcha' for us the fans, but No! it's all genuine. Come back Neil Holding all is forgiven, and if Neil isn't available, - I wonder what Roy Haggerty is up to these days?
If you'd like to E~mail Hugh with suggestions or recipes please do so to Bastard@cableinet.co.uk
