Teaspoon stood outside the bunkhouse window, watching as his riders slept. While he was always concerned about each of them, one in particular held his interest tonight. His eyes scanned each in turn. Lou lay in her bunk on her stomach, one arm hanging over the edge. Kid lay on his side in the bunk below her. Cody lay on his back, snoring lightly while Jimmy and Noah were quiet and unmoving. His eyes moved back to the object of his concerns this night.

Buck tossed in his bunk silently, his sleep filled with some sort of dreams. At least he was sleeping. For close to two weeks after his best friend’s death, the young man had barely slept or eaten. That seemed to have changed this past week when he had returned from a run with a young widow woman and her newborn son in tow.

But while Buck’s physical and mental pain over Ike’s death may have finally begun to heal, Teaspoon had found out this very night that the boy’s spiritual healing had yet to begin. Teaspoon had encountered the boy in the barn, where he had been feeding the horses. Pausing to talk to the lad he had seen the marks as Buck’s arm stretched forward and the sleeve of his shirt had pulled back.

Teaspoon had insisted on looking at the cuts. He was shocked at how many Buck had inflicted on himself. Cutting was a practice many native tribes used as a means of mourning. Teaspoon was thankful that the Kiowa apparently did not practice the act of severing finger joints.

While Teaspoon had been checking the cuts, he had had a long chat with the boy.

"I thought you were feeling better Buck. Why’d you do this now?"

"I’m accepting Ike’s death Teaspoon. But I still feel like something is missing. So I went out on the prairie this morning and prayed."

"Did it help?" Teaspoon had asked as he examined the many cuts on the boy’s arms and chest. They were clean and well cared for. There should be little chance for infection. They had to be uncomfortable. But if they were, Buck didn’t let on.

"No, not really."

Teaspoon had sat next to the boy. The other riders had complained to him numerous times about Buck’s moodiness, and Teaspoon knew that several arguments had occurred. An idea had been forming in the back of his mind over the last couple of weeks, and perhaps this was the time to suggest it.

"Did you ever think that maybe you could use a little extra guidance right now? You spent some time at the mission. Maybe you could talk to a priest." This wasn’t what Teaspoon really felt he needed, but he was almost afraid to suggest what he really thought. But he was building to it.

"I never really accepted that religion Teaspoon. It wouldn’t help."

"Did you ever think about going back to the Kiowa?"

Buck’s face had darkened. Teaspoon had been afraid that the boy would misunderstand him if he made this suggestion.

"You sending me away Teaspoon?"

"No! Not at all Buck. You are a member of this strange little family and each and every one of us would miss you if you were to leave. What I was thinking of was more of a visit, see your brother, maybe have a talk with the elders. They might be able to help."

The two had sat silently while Buck seemed to think it over. Teaspoon’s hand went to the young man’s shoulder.

"It has been a long time since I’ve seen Red Bear." Buck finally said. "But will the others understand if I leave?"

"Son, I know how much Ike meant to you. And I know you hold your Kiowa beliefs close to your heart. You need to do what is going to make you feel better. The others will understand."

"They didn’t before." Buck referred to a time back in Sweetwater when Ike had been captured. Buck had been accused of taking sides with the Kiowa and against the riders.

"They will now. That was a long time ago."

"You’re already a rider short."

"We’ll manage. Besides, I think both Cody and Jimmy owe you a few rides."

"You won’t mind if I go?"

"Son, I love you as if you were my own. I’ll miss you while you’re gone. But everyone deserves a little vacation. Visit your brother. Try and find some peace. Then come back to us."

In truth, the others hadn’t understood, at first. Lou had discovered the marks on Buck’s arms much as Teaspoon had. The discovery led to a heated discussion about why people would do such a thing to themselves. None of the other riders understood the Kiowa, or any other Indian, religion.

Both Teaspoon and Buck tried to explain it. Jimmy called the act foolish and stupid, but eventually the riders accepted it, even if they didn’t understand. Another row occurred when Teaspoon announced that Buck would be leaving for a short while. But they settled down faster over that one, each realizing that maybe this was what Buck needed. Rachel made him promise to return.

Teaspoon stood now watching the young man, hoping he hadn’t made a mistake in suggesting he go.

On to Chapter One