After the tragedies she had experienced in her short life, she could only feel guilty about her own decisions in life. "Oh Kid" she murmured pressing her face against the cold glass. "How am I ever going to tell you about that night without breaking your heart After I tell you how am I ever going to make you feel my love again or even trust my words." She moved away from the chill of the glass "I’m too much of a coward to tell you face to face."

Her mind, as it had done often over the last months drifted back to the one fateful night last year when she had received a letter informing her of Kid’s death in battle. Jimmy had been helping her out on the farm and in their mutual grief they had spent the night together, both of them had been uncomfortable around the other ever since, almost ashamed of their actions, especially since Kid had arrived back safe and well two days later trying to beat the mistaken letter home. To her own mortification she had learned soon after of her impending motherhood, whose father she was not even sure of, but she didn’t know how to even begin to tell Kid of her duplicity. Her own guilt starting to drive a wedge between her and the husband she loved more than life itself.

Caressing her heavily pregnant belly she watched the gentle snowflakes of her first white Christmas here fall against the window wondering which one of them would hurt her the most when they finally decided to leave her.

They had bathed and fed the two McCloud children early and packed them off to bed in anticipation of a long night of reminiscing. Gathering her coat around her shoulders she opened the door and started to make her way across to the bunkhouse to the men and woman she was proud and privileged to call her friends.

Unbeknownst to Lou, her friends and husband watched her from the Bunkhouse window.

"The change in her has been amazing since you have all been her" Kid spoke almost wistfully as he watched his beautiful wife walk slowly towards the bunkhouse, pausing to gather handfuls of the thin powdery snow, a sad smile on her face.

"What do you mean Kid?" Rachel moved to stand beside Kid and watched the woman who could be her daughter.

"She thinks I don’t notice, that the night will only know that she lays awake at night, sometimes she cries, but I think its because she misses the old stuff. All I seem to be able to do is help her to get through one night a day." He tried to explain

"It’s only because she’s expecting Kid" Rachel spoke trying to comfort him

"No its not" he turned to his friends "I’m going to put a down payment on a farm in Tennessee. I’m going to take her as far from the bad memories she has here’ he turned and looked at his friends again.

"Don’t you think that you are burning bridges Kid" Buck spoke from the window opposite, also watching the young woman who meant so much to all of them. "I know that everytime that it rains or when the thunder rolls, I don’t have to wonder if I’m alone, my boss used to call it a night riders lament, but I know that if I never see any of you again even when there is no one around, all of you have been a friend to me."

The others all nodded in agreement with Buck’s quiet but heartfelt statement.

"This ain’t Tennessee Kid" Teaspoon uttered as he lowered himself into Emma’s old rocker. "But now the old man’s back in town and we’re not going to let her become a victim of the game, we’ll make her smile again. You’ll see"

They fell silent as Lou entered the room, a wide smile on her face as she looked into the expectant faces of her friends, her eyes meeting each person in the room, greeting them without words, but when she reached Jimmy she turned away, the red strokes of a deep crimson blush staining her cheeks.

"I want to hear all about what’s been going on in your lives" she spoke quickly "but first we need to have supper "she indicated the meal that was fit for a king laid out on the table.

"Don’t worry about it Lou, we ain’t goin down until the sun comes up, you’ll probably hear the same old story from each of us but we’ll just keep on rollin until we can’t tell any more." Cody spoke with a grin as he helped Lou to sit at the bunkhouse table.

They sat down to their sumptuous meal, passing by the traditional turkey dinner in favour of Buck’s beliefs.

"Look at you two" teaspoon spoke from the top of the table as he watched Rachel collect the plates up, Lou comfortably ensconced in her husbands arms.

"The girls are beautiful" he spoke referring to their twin daughters, Mary and Emma "Two of a kind working on a full house" he chuckled indicating Lou’s precious cargo, his mirth turning to sadness as they all watched Lou jump up from the table and run from the bunkhouse, her sob the only sound in the room.

All eyes in the room turned to Kid waiting to see him run after her the way he would have while they were still riding, but he stayed where he sat, his eyes filled with pain "See what I mean" he spoke "I’ll go and see if she’s okay soon. She usually just cries herself to sleep" he shook his head to clear the painful thoughts and looked up around the table.

"Who’s going first?" he spoke with a renewed but forced smile.

"I will" Buck spoke happy to try and lighten the sombre mood of their reunion, as Kid rose to go and see to Lou.

"As you know, I left here shortly after we lost Noah, I went back to my tribe, but I couldn’t stay there always standing outside the fire, never a part of them, I knew that someday we shall be free but I won’t be with them when it happens. I headed down across the River thinking that maybe I could find a life amongst people that didn’t look quite so different to me but the mexicans trusted me even less then the tribe. When I came back I drifted around for a while until I found work. In Lonesome dove, I not only found work I finally found a bit of acceptance, not counting you, but in anothers eyes I was human and not just a dirty injun. Cowboy Bill treated me like an equal I helped him to break his wild horses for the rodeo show he staged" he spoke

"What happened?" Teaspoon spoke knowing that Buck was once again living he life of a drifter

"Things were good there for a while, but I got tired of the way he treated the animals. It went against the grain to watch the way he treated the friendly beasts so I quit my job the night I called the old man out and no sense in ropin the wind sohere I am.

--oo0000oo--

Kid followed Lou into their bedroom apprehensively, her broken hearted sobbing nearly breaking his own heart, he had an idea what was troubling her but until she confided in him he had no idea how to even begin to help her.

"Lou honey, you’re going to make yourself and the baby sick is you keep this up"

"I can’t do this anymore Kid" she sobbed rolling into his embrace

"What’s wrong Lou?" he ambraced her, stroking her back as she sobbed against his chest before pulling out of his arms and walking across to the windows.

"I have something to tell you, but before I do I want you to know that if tommorrow never comes you will always be Mr right for me. I will never and have never loved another the way I love you. I will understand though that you have to do what you’ve gotta do.

"Whatever it is Lou, we can get over it" he pleaded with her

"Do you remember when you came home after the war?" she looked up and asked him quietly

"Yeah I couldn’t beat the letter home" he remembered the way both Jimmy and Lou’s faces had drained of colour when he rode up, he had been so overjoyed to see his wife that he had almost missed the loss of the easy camaraderie that Jimmy and Lou had always shared.

"What I did was shameless and I have no excuses except that I was lost in my grief and I barely even knew who I was. You’ve got to know that we thought you were dead" she folded her arms around her baby "We never meant for it to happen." she stammered trying to find a way to tell him without hurting him.

Realising now what was troubling Lou so badly Kid spoke "Lou I know about Jimmy you don’t have to explain"

"How?" she frowned knowing that Jimmy would never tell him

"I just knew Lou, it was as plain on your face as if you had spoken the words" he spoke softly "But you both thought I was dead, if that closeness helped to console you that’s okay. I know that I’ve got a good thing goin with you, I couldn’t see the point in giving you the cold shoulder while we were learning to live again." he kissed the top of her head

"How are you ever gonna know, what child is this?" she spoke voicing her other concern

"Lou the baby is mine, no ours, there is no question in my mind, he or she is the product of our love, when it comes kicking and screaming into this world both of its parents will love him or her deeply." he still saw the doubt in her eyes "Honey I have loved you since the first, the dance at our first town social sealed my fate, you move me more than you will ever realize. You are the fever that runs in my veins. If there is only one way that you could make me Mr Blue, I know one"

"What" Lou turned her watery eyes on him.

"If you tell me no when I ask you can we bury the hatchet and go back to the others" he smiled

"Unto you this night" she murmured "I can only say Take the Keys to my heart, because I am giving you the gift of my devotion, it will never stray again"

"Then" he spoke seriously knowing that Lou’s peace of mind depended on his answer "I accept them and keep them in the safest embrace of my heart" he released her and wiped his thumbs tenderly under her eyes collecting the fat tears that remained on her lashes "There are no fences around my heart for you, but it would be in pieces if you were to ever leave." He watched her bottom lip tremble but she looked up at him her smile all the acknowledgement he needed.

"C’mon it’s midnight Cinderella, and I don’t want you Walking after Midnight alone" he spoke.

"I’ll be down in a minute Kid" she smiled shooing him out the door, wanting just a moment alone to compose herself.

Kid kissed her deeply and then walked out of the room whistling the Cowboy Song as he moved down the stairs, she watched from the window as he moved across o the bunkhouse in the biting breeze that blew the snowflakes in his face.

"That old wind sure is cold" he murmured as he hung his jacket inside the door looking into his friends faces.

"She’s gonna make it, her emotions are at sixes and sevens because of the baby I think, but she’s every woman in the world to me and I will do anything to make her happy.’ He looked into Jimmy’s eyes knowing that he would have to absolve him from the pain he carried too. "Cowboys and Angels just shouldn’t mix I guess"

"What did I miss?" Lou spoke as she walked through the door, moving to sit beside Kid at the table.

"Teaspoon was about to tell us about their new life." Cody spoke

"Well boys and girl" he spoke settling as Rachel moved to perch on his knee, one arm around his neck "After the wedding we went to Ireland for our honeymoon. We had no idea what we wanted to do when we got back but we ended up in a little town called Bellau Wood its down on the beaches of Cheyenne. I tell you" he spoke a smile in his voice "They make Rock Creek look like a big city"

"When the stage comes in, nobody gets off in this town" Rachel interrupted.

"We called our restaurant Callin Baton Rouge, and we truly love it there, the house speciality is a dish of Rachel’s that she calls Dixie Chicken, but you would remember it when she used to cook it here. The only people who have a regular booking are the local chapter of the American Honky Tonk Bar Association, but we are happy there we’re thinking about opening a bar in the building next door – I want to call it the Cowboy Caddillac. What do you think?’ he cast his gaze around the riders

"Sounds good" Cody spoke

"You’re next" Jimmy spoke pointing at Cody

"Well you all know that I have friends in low places and I’m really just an uptown down home Good Old Boy"

"Is that what it’s called" Buck laughed

"Well I have won a part in a play called Alabama Clay, written by an anonymous benefactor to the theatre

"Where is it staged?" Lou asked softly, enjoying hearing about her friends new lives, now that she had confessed her guilt to Kid.

"In Chicago, but if it takes off and is one of the hits of the season we will bring it west" Cody grinned his chest puffing up in pride

"You are such a ham Billy" Rachel laughed as she reached across and tousled his hair.

The rest of the table turned to Jimmy, Lou and Kid.

"Just you three left now" Teaspoon spoke "Who wants to go first?"

"We will" Kid spoke softly tightening his embrace

"As you know soon after our wedding I went back to Virginia to fight in the war, I didn’t know that Lou was pregnant when I left, or anything about my beautiful daughters until I came back. That was a surprise too. I’m glad that Jimmy stayed here to help Lou out because she was sent a letter saying that I had been killed." He looked into the eyes of his best friend, eyes that held so much unnecessary guilt "thank you for looking after my girls for me"

Jimmy shrugged his shoulders, lowering his eyes

"No really Jimmy, I understand everything you did for Lou. She needed someone to help her and I am glad you were here for her. She’s every woman in the world for me but I know how hard things were for you and I just wanted you to know that I understand everything you did for her, thank you"

Jimmy looked into the crystal blue eyes that had seen so much, his best friends acceptance of his own lack of willpower and his enduring love of another man’s wife. They all saw the pain in his eyes and they all knew of the love he held for Lou and that he wished Kid no harm, but they all knew that he wished that somewhere other than the night and his dreams he could have her in his arms again. She had shown him a new way to fly and he knew that he would never experience anything like that one night that they had shared again. Even after he had taken his last look at her he would always wonder what’s she doing now.

The others confused by the unspoken emotions that had passed between the two friends.

"So what are you going to name the baby?" Rachel asked softly trying to alleviate the tension.

"Well I thought we’d try something with a ring to it, like Jimmy or Garth, but personally I like Jimmy" kid spoke reaffirming his trust in this man "But its Mary’s dream to have a baby sister called Hope" Lou finished for Kid "You should ask her tomorrow about when daddy came home and we celebrated Xmas, late, it was almost Easter!" she laughed "She told us that Santa looked a lot like daddy, but that’s another story" she chuckled as she rested her head against Kid’s shoulder completely at ease and content for the first time since his return.

Teaspoon looked at his family seated around him and started to sing his favourite Christmas carol Silent Night, one by one all the riders joined in as they continued on to Go tell it on the mountain and God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, all of them thankful for the lives they had been given all glad they could share at least a small part of it with the people they were with.